From KGB Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search

Officer Reports

dlstern: Provided with a large biohazard bag/cape. Bored with it now. Paper due next week, so just busy. When you make a joke with an assumed common knowledge, and punchline involves a forty-year old domineering boyfriend, it's awkward.

csjackso: last week of classes: surprisingly busy, don't want to do things, like HOT. Okay, since Akiva's not here. Have to write a GC over finals, sad. Said oh man. Event: nap time. Pillows, milk, cookies.

lea/dlstern: Marjory Carlson:staff at Qatar:Visiting Jess, Chris invited.

ddagradi: Had surgery, a painful weekend making archie projects, though not an archie. People should submit to Dom/Pravda.

edanaher: Had a weekend of Putnam, complexity theory, reading. Not enough work.

eleather: weekend was cool: As posted, Wednesday evening, testing CivE stuff. Down by Scaife. Large bridges outside, inside. Will dump course staff, claim 3 will work out of 6. One was supposed to float, but decided it wouldn't actually work. 10:00 AM Wednesday. Went to a movie about a fake Czech Hypermart. Watched a movie on the Zimbabwe freedom fighters: history teacher. People's father's abducted, children join war effort, gets raped, loves him, have child, they both get killed. [pennies, including a purple heart].

lea: not a weekend so much as Hell. One and a half hours not in this building. Lost big black coat. So a coat ten sizes too big is hers. Or Alan's.

chrisamaphone: lea in dlstern's jacket is possibly the cutest thing ever. Cold.


Pop occultism: The will to do, the soul to dare, is yours for the taking if you prepare - Burmashave. You have a potential, urge, and a ability for accomplishment. [Writes equations, is suffocated with a biohazard bag]. Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in. In bed. The important thing is to express yourself. The important thing is to never stop questioning. Suspect a mistranslation. Or else they're wrong. Teamwork makes the dreamwork. Dreamworks makes the steamworks. The steamworks makes over 95% of the water vapor in Oakland. There is a secret romance blooming. Go for it in spite of your hesitations. Marjory, we just met.

Ancient Egyptian Todd's committee: Todd cannot reveal location of birth, reports maybe.


Time travel: a friend is taking 15-111. Staff, so joined them. Tried to sign up. Already taken a class more advanced: 15-125. Sixteen years ago.

Storytelling: Shawn standing in. Found a story. A long time ago, an Arab alchemist discovered aqua-regia. Only substance known to dissolve gold. Combine nitric acid and hydrochloric acid: chloric rips gold off, nitric keeps it out. Physicist: Max von Laua won the prize for X-ray diffraction. James Frank won the Nobel prize for the Frank-Hertz experiment: Took Hertz's experiment, support Bohr model of the atom. Both in Denmark, medals in Denmark. Then WWII. Nazis invaded Denmark. De Hevesies: anything of Nazi hands is good: like Nobel prizes. So mixed up aqua-regia, put two Nobel prizes in the acid. It's a better fate than Nazis. Ended up with jar of gold chloride, nitride. Put unlabeled on a shelf. A few years later, good guys won. Hevesies returns, the jar is still there. Gave the jar to the chemists on the Nobel committee, precipitated the gold, recast the prizes, gave them back.

Committee to get hat guy a hat reports success.

Committee for hats that fit reports failure.

Assassination committee reports failure.

Greg Zearfoss memorial committee: Son of a bitch.

Weird dreams committee: life is one adventure game, if she doesn't find the key, the world will explode.

Ectoparasite committee: sturges suck.

Old Business

Em still doesn't have the pfennig. Luke might have tried to put it in the laundry machines. Biohazards are not her pfault. Probably includes dirty laundry.

New Business

Motion to create the committee on universal specifics. Purpose: some bullshit. Generally, it's a singularly poor idea. The worst idea ever heard, except for the others. If he at least doesn't disguise it, he shouldn't get a committee. It's usually an amazingly great idea to give KGB money. Purpose: To be the joke of general at the expense of the specific. Isn't that the purpose of the admissions office? Passes, $4 to Shawn, chair Alan.

Motion to create the committee to use ice cream as a melee weapon. Purpose: to hit people with ice cream. It's a waste of ice cream that could be in Akiva's stomach. Ice cream may be a better projectile weapon. Can Baskin Robbins and Ben and Jerry's as the armory. Sergeant at arms approves. Passes, $3 to Greg, chair self and current sargeant at arms.

Motion to create the committee to get edanaher drunk. Purpose is clear. Kind of sad. Shawn: Kelly thinks its a good idea, so could get senate funding. Committee to build more virgins approves. From dlstern's experience, trying to get edanaher drunk results in getting drunk. Can call him edrunkaher. Auction, $7 to dlstern, chair is self.

Motion to create the row of mats Stack of hats committee: purpose: for row of Matts to stack hats. Committee for the row of Matts approves. Implement a queue instead of a stack? The Matts may stack hats on cats. Probably will stack hats in flats after sophomore years. Passes, auction: $7 to row of Matts, chair self.

Motion to create the committee for Elise's hair: purpose to discuss new colors, sizes, and shape. It's been too long since a KGB member had plaid hair. Comment from committee for random art on campus: yay. Passes, $2 to Liz, chair self and Elise.

csjackso: Motion to make an allocation not to exceed $30 to pay for the event and also to kill the president. Good idea.

Actual Real Relevant Announcements Pertaining to the Business of KGB as an Organization

An event, take a nap, drink cookies, eat pillows, hit people, etc.

Another Rocky Horror show - the musical in Purnell. Put on by the seniors or juniors.

Dom: Sweet Jesus, submit to Pravda?


ESG: last meeting of the semester tonight; ESP.

Motion to adjourn and look for Carmen Sandiego.