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Officer Reports


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Had a weekend. ITR games. Run away from threatening people. Run towards other people. Terrible *and* great.


KGB will move at 25MPH.

New Person: (missed name) Washington DC. CS. Terrible Liar.

Crazy Weekend. Naptime. Ton of anime and studying. Forgot to shave.


Event: Art! vs Science! Not encouraging people to get us LiNi to play with. A18*. Had a weekend. Event went until forever. ITR went until forever. Cooking that didn't.


Had a weekend. Rehearsal. All weekend. Calc teacher is crazy. Did a dance. Pravda for next week. Submit to it. SUBMIT TO PRAVDA. Pay your dues.


Herd Mentality. (fails). Email me if you paid your dues and are not on the list.


There *are* women in CS. Rickrolled people at the dance. Airports are a low level of hell.

ibuprofen is not a currency.


Weekend was unexpected but not unpleasant. In Melon Arena on Saturday, licking ice and tackling mascots.


Pop Occultism

(general relativity edition). Degree is only overdue from the earth's frame of reference.

A love relationship takes on an added dimention (date someone in GR and study together)

You and your wife are very happy today (Someone running really really fast could see the light rays from your future today... so it is true for them)

bide your time for success is near (If you and success are a long way apart, get success to run away from you really fast. Run at same speed. Observed very close)

Begin nothing until you have considered how it is to be finished. (Have to to go faster than to speed of light to seet the light rays from how it finishes before you see how it starts)

Well aimed spear is worth three. (GR explanation)

One of the first things to look for in a problem is its positive side. (GR explanation)


Completely insane! Doing it again this week! The Greg will be back! Evan too!

Time Travel

Back to 2002 to salute the president. lmarsh is here. Is old like Shawn.

Ben Wolfe Jokes

Dynamite business is booming

Storytelling Committee

Bombers coming over Canada. Build radar lines in Canada to warn us. Build a bunch in the US as radar towers have short range. Want towers to communicate. Get MIT to invent modems. Need computer to process stuff. ANFSQ7. Everything on the radar line pings. People freak out. Ask what the problem is: ITS THE MOON!

Who wants a cookie?

Out of order!

Misappropriated Political Porn/Ad Hoc Political Porn

Studio announces "Ralin Palin". Also pirates 2 came out next week.

Assassins Committee

About to get interesting...

Matts vs Chrises

3 Matts to 1 Chris

Row of Matts

More of a column

People's Glorious Advertising Committee

No thataway signs or meeting time posters

Matthew Glisson Memorial Self Injury Committee

More rigging

Old Business

Alan has the pfenning: Gwillen's Alcoholism is not his fault.

New Business

$50 allocated for the event.

Moved that the body moves into the committee as a whole to discuss weather or not KGB does booth this year! 10 minutes.


 What is Booth: A) Carnival. Show greater pittsburgh that we are cool people. Organizations build BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH. 18 foot by 7 foot box. Build, decorate, intertain small children. Fun to run. Fun to do. Takes a lot of work. Takes a LOT of work. Serious business.
 B) %50 would volunteer. %20 the %50 will really help. %50 of the %20 will want to kill the other %50 percent by the end. But everyone will be happy in the end. (didn't actually happen last year.
 C) Good way to get know people in the KGB.
 D) Paint and power tools (learn how!).
 Blitz? Can't reuse stuff. SO full-size booth is easier.
 Get stuff done early? hahahahaha!
 As a junior, sorry that missed booth as a freshmen. That being said, lots of stuff are due around the same time as booth. Keep it in mind.
 Must be an activities fees paying student in order to help build booth.
 Booth is a lot of fun. Very time intensive. Money intensive. Don't cram it all in at the end.
 Know what you are going to be taking next semester and the work load for those courses. Show personal responsibility and forethought.
 Costs a lot of money. There are other projects we could do with booth money if we wanted to.
 Argued that two years ago, didn't do much.
 Show off to KGB alumni.
 Were really big last year. Plan on being smaller if we do booth.
 Some alternate ideas on the wiki.
 Do stuff early.
 out of time. extend one minute.
 Cage is in better shape, makes it easier this year.
 Advantage to doing something awesome not at carnival: Don't compete for attention. Advantage to doing booth at carnival: Do it well, get attention.

Motion to create the Kernel Relativity Committee

 Combine General Relativity, 410 and Bad Military Puns.
 Pigeon Holing Approves
 How fast did the relativistic chicken cross the road?
 Rocks are stupid, throw boys at them.
 Light cones? Thread Safe? Discuss.
 Suicide waiting to happen.
 Hamster Lazer Disco Clock approves.
 Turn in Kernel 7 different times in the next two week.
 Assassination: Has potential.
 Ornithopter: Ever get off the ground?
 Who is this General Relativity fellow?
 In favor: Travel faster than the speed of light.
 Opposed: Scream about your Kernel.
 Abstain: Porno Squid.
 Passes: $6 to Ben Wolf. Ben Wolf and everyone who travels faster than the speed of light to chair.

Motion to create the Bucket o' Chain Committee

 (Bucket o' Chain in our kage)
 Chain the Chain of Command
 Chains is good
 Chain of Buckets Committee Approves
 Purpose: raise awareness about the bucket of chain.
 Link to the past 
 Miss appropriate kinky: no reason. 
 Purpose of the committee to award awareness -- report success before being crated.
 possess bucket of chair. draw a heart, don't get hit.
 In favor: Bid $4! (sold to everyone. muahaha)
 Opposed: Said you have one last piece of discussion.
 Abstain: Complain about how neither of those were related to committee at all.
 Passes: $15 Krieger. Anyone who can lift the bucket to chair.

Motion to create the Bucket of Linked List Committee

 Fails for the lack of a second

Motion to create the NTR games committee

 Fails for the lack of a second. (Shawn's fail had more lack of second)

Motion to create the "i heard you but I still don't think its funny" committee

 Understand purpose, still don't think its funny.
 Official twitter committee?
 Much needed.
 In Favor: Don't think its funny.
 Opposed: Make a your mom joke.
 Abstain: Make a sad face at conner.
 $35 to labbott and company: Everyone who didn't think it was funny to chair.

Motion to create the "what the hell was I thinking committee"

 Dom walked in right when committee was proposed.
 Ben wolf, quoting Jared, after calling on Ben Wolf "What the hell was I thinking?"
 In favor: What was I thinking?
 opposed: What were you thinking?
 Abstain: What was Andrew Carnegie thinking?
 $10 to Shawn. Shawn to chair.

Approved use of $20 from the fund for the underground tour. (and forgave Liz and Carolyn).


 PAY YOUR DUES. Serious business SOON.
 Want to be a booth chair? Email exec.


 ESG: Meeting tonight. Wean 5316. COUNT OF SAINT JERMAINE.
 What if you are too young to use power tools?
 Greatest part of the super fun is super fun?
 Shawn met one of his favorite authors. Author liked his slides and wanted them.