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Officer Reports:

Worked at Yale teaching HS students. It was RAD! Was at home for a bit and then did scav hunt. It was rad. Excited for science!

(hat break.)

Tim 1:
Is Tim. Apparently was here for scav hunt in disguise, probably mbritton; his conjoined twin who was never conjoined due to time travel and bad decisions. . Had a summer in Seattle with Microsoft and made bank. Was pulled over by a DEA agent at 1AM, because he was in a sports car with an Asian man with eye patch. It can be explained. Sort of. New people:
Asya, Japanese/art BXA, Istanbul, Sleeps
Akshai, ECE, San Diego, Eats pizza sometimes
Patrick, Chem E, NJ, Forgot his fact
Spenser, CS, Indianapolis, Did laundry yesterday
Ashan, Chem E/BME, CT, Is wearing glasses
Edward, CS, CA, Edward
Aaron, Math, Colorado, Uses the internet
Pete, ECE, Dallas, Will be sitting down in ~5 seconds
Greg, CS, Pittsburgh, Likes free food
Allison, CS, NJ, Good at breathing
Conrad, CS, CA, Could not think of a fact
Greg R, CS, CA, Wearing a black shirt with red on it
Anna, CS, MD, Has visited Pittsburgh
Stuart, CS, Middlebury VT, Does not wear hats
Brandon, CS, NY, Is now 2 cents richer
Will, ECE/CS, IA, Has one birthday per year
Dillon, ECE, CT, Attended class today
Victor, ECE, OH, Saw a cloud the other day
Estelle, Chinese, Philly-ish, Owns her hands
Zora, Linguistics, In orbit around Madison WI, Says stuff sometimes
Mike, Physics, Boston, Capable of thought
Grant, ???, ???, ???
Emma, Music tech, CA, Can do stuff with fingers
Emulia, CS, NJ, Has hair
Anita, Mech E, CA, Has a working brain

Tim 2:
Had summer. Started in Pittsburgh went to Yale. Worked with Adam whipping children. Was a rocking good time. Came back to Pittsburgh. Went almost half a week because he randomly ran into Eric in Maine.
WE HAVE AN EVENT! Potluck! In the park! Everyone is invited. Meet at 5:45 at black hairs in the UC. Then go to flagstaff hill. Be there at around 6. Freshmen don’t really need to bring food. We have a rain plan for Porter A18*.

Had a summer in CA it was super awesome with Mozilla and went home and then back and scav hunt. Which was awesome because many people wrote awesome limericks and haikus which you can SUBMIT TO PRAVDA.

Had a summer! Involved giving daily beatings to small to medium children, winning a Hunger Games style physics course, helping to rescue the sweetest demon-child, getting involved with rather dangerous people, helping those who dislike me, learned more about pokemon than I could ever want to know, assisting the Department of Defense with their policies with regard to public health, leveled up my skill with two handed weapons quite a bit, learned to fly, and more recently, told one lie about my summer during my officer report.

Had a summer spent most of it at Google in NYC doing security. Had a break in Vegas for defcon, like KGB but more weaponized where she learned to pick locks. Did more work and now is here. Dues will be due soon (end of Sept.) $10 for semester, $15 for a year. Dues pay for events, booth, and to general administrative stuff. You can still come to stuff if you do not pay dues. It also gives you a discount for tshirts.

Had a summer! After a brief stop in Chicago to bid farewell to friends and loved ones, began a ten week venture to the untamed West. Not California, no… the destination was far more dangerous and unexplored. Of the few who enter this land even fewer return. This… is the land of mountainous rainforests, the Mecca of vegans and musicians, the place were few Computer Science majors dare to tread: Portland. Though her main assignment was to integrate herself into the local environment in order to write iOS code for a local startup, her secondary mission was the study and classification of the seemingly infinite varieties of hipsters that make their home in this utopian wilderness--music hipsters, coffee hipsters, well-dressed hipsters, microbrewery owners, independent bookstore workers, and basically every other breed shown in the popular tv show Portlandia. Through her job she learned iOS programming and design and in her free time she went to festivals, learned to blues dance, bought souvenirs from street fairs, ate vegan food, and biked everywhere. She went to the largest independent bookstore in the nation (a gargantuan four story storefront that takes up a city block), ate donuts in the shape of voodoo dolls, and took a short trip to Mountain View to report her findings to her colleagues down there (well… report findings, bother incessantly…) and generally had a pretty good time. But don't worry, she has returned unscathed. And is not a hipster. Also, found this really awesome band, but you've probably never heard of it.

Committee reports:

Ad hoc pocket monsters – has beaten every exec with pocket monsters

Daniel john is full of himself – had a summer, and story about going to Wendy’s

Ad hoc Obscure music –piano concerto of silence is available on itunes

All McGinnis’s committees are impressed with Marlena’s posture

Eforney is pretty committee talks about eforney

Conspicuous crossover – how I met your mother Teresa

Physics troll committee, the game of quantum thrones committee, and the supersonic limbo committee describe their research as ZOOOMM

EEEEMMMMMUUUUU committee is the tallest emu

Burn down R7 reports failure

Ad hoc should I read the tartan committee reports a crime and incidents article describing underage drinking in Donner recently. Police seized and destroyed 2 bottles of vodka. 9 students were cited.

Misappropriated Margarita gets hurt a lot committee reports failure

Evil seafood league reports that in response to the many questions they have been receiving, seastar Charlie Chaplin is not evil, he just looks like Hitler with that mustache.

Ad hoc so many things! Committee reports so many freshman!

Time mafia: soon…

Time police : oh yeah?

McGinnis and Daniel John Kirby variety hour has nothing to report

Unfortunately named committee reports today had principals of real analysis with the professor with the Andrew ID ghayrap. If Andrew IDs were 8 characters instead of 7, there would be an e at the end, making the course “real anal with ghayrape”

Taxidermy committee reports it is hard to stuff a pet rock with cotton

Spoken song lyrics would have taken the week off, but is terrible instead.

The pfenning: Mckinnie has it. Or the spirit of it anyways. Allison wants it, if anyone dies it is not her fault.

New business:

Create the make Xander’s job a lot harder committee
Purpose is sound effects. Rude ones.
McGinnis: although the purpose is funnier, this committee is made redundant with existence of test the RecSec committee. HAS THAT EVER STOPPED US BEFORE
Caroline who knows the name of the volcano in Iceland.
Rntz whistles
There. You’re. To. – sacunnin
Ethan requests a report from the RecSec on the function of his job. I oblige.
Tim 1 spoke lies and slander.
Call to question.
Passes. $3 to Shelby. Alex will chair

Create the Protracted exploration of Pittsburgh committee
Purpose: Locate and photograph and document Pittsburgh protractors
This is an actual thing
Contact Maija if interested
Has found around 80, highest number is 356 on hot metal bridge.
That is taking an acute approach
Taking this to an extreme degree with 356
If you feel uneasy, don’t worry we are just watching you
There are hundreds of them across the city. Leave the campus and explore! Pittsburgh is awesome and there is more to it than classes!
Allison makes a pun about obtuse. Well done.
Passes. $6 to Maija. Anyone and everyone who is a protractor enthusiast.

Create the Booth in July committee
Report from buggy everyday: buggy happened every day during the summer and started again this weekend. You should do buggy every day.
Append “and build IKEA furniture” to purpose - friendly
Does this mean we always have to wear hardhats? - Yes
Ad hoc Boogie every day committee approves
Do we get cookies every day?
John Wilkes booth every day!
Passes. $4 to Kelly. All past and future booth chairs

Create the Thundercats Ho! Committee
Purpose: Report every meeting and make a pun
Report from JRAM: …
Report from Oren: …
Twright: Turns out the committee is toothless
Report from bswolf:…
Tvaughan: Something about paying the gills
Passes. $6 to eforney. She will chair

Create the Funk committee
Purpose: the funk
Play that funky music white boy
Does the community have a good base?
Spoken song lyrics committee is a wanker.
I’m Old Gregg!
Passes. $7 to Oren. He will chair, as well as Ethan, Clyde and Tim 1.

Create the So many things committee
To explain when there are many of the things
Do you have a lot of things?
Is stuff considered a thing? Yes.
Caroline: Capture the stuff with flags.
McGinnis: X all the things
Arsenij: I am the antithesis to this committee
How does this committee feel about shit?
Dan: Say this movie and one of those was enough to mess up everyone’s shit in Antarctica.
The threshold between some and many is where you deem it necessary.
Committee approves of the giving wall.
Physics major had a lecture on the difference between some and many.
Remaned the alot of things.
Misappropriated Grammar Nazi committee: change to a lot. Fails
Passes. $8 to pcd. ALL the people chair

Allocation not to exceed $50 for the event. It is a good idea.

Create the Pocket monsters. For real committee
Purpose: Pocket monsters every day
Change name pocket monsters for naturals. Fails.
“And dick jokes” is appended to purpose
Sacunnin trolls about pokemon. Using words I do not know.
Append to the purpose “and pun”
The whole thing was far fetched
Change name to Digimon committee. Fails.
His is missing no master balls
Change name to walk it. Fails for awkward silence.
Ethan: Is that a pocket monster in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Goggles are appeneded to the purpose.
Are you a boy or a girl?
This issue is very much black and white.
I am going to rapid dash to the question.
Passes. $21 to afalk. Everyone with pocket monsters will chair.

Real Relevant Announcements: We have an event! Potluck in the park 6pm at flagstaff hill or 5:45 at the black chairs. There will be a spreadsheet for food.

Puzzling committee – tomorrow at 8pm at PH A21 there is a meeting

In 1.5 weeks there will be the Underground Tour. Looking for storytellers. Meeting will be Monday next week at around 6:30

Dues are $15 for the year. $10/semester.

Bring your own serving utensils.

Find the bboards. Webmail -> folders -> assocs.kgb

We also have a facebook group.

Shmucks Who Like to Mouth Off:

ITR games! It is fun! With Daggers! Will be happening this Sunday at 10 PM at the Wean 4 couches. If you played ITR before come early to make daggers.

Chess club is meeting Fridays if there are more meetings.

Homestuck for CMU has facebook page

Nerf war club meets some weekends. Find it on facebook.

Buggy! Every day this week there will be tables for orgs.

KGB steam group.

Quizbowl on Wednesday.

Boardgames at Saturday in the UC

Computer club movie night.

KGB rpg bboard if you want to

Nerf assassins. Contact Daniel Kirby.

Learn to fight with a katana. Contact Xander.

Greek life? Lol. Ask Caroline.

Freshman is awesome but out of order.

We purple and GTFO