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Officer Reports

       had a weekend
       ACTUALLY had a weekend-no booth and no KGB event. Instead, he went to a formal.
       He's FREE! Suck it JRAM.
       Google games. Won some neat things by being good at things Google doesn't care about
       Has a lot of work to do
       Had a weekend.
       It involved being purple.
       Had a weekend!
       Useless stuff auction was good! Bought a keyboard
       Google Games was good! 3 of the 5 top teams had a member of KGB exec on them
       EVENT! LDoC Picnic, 5:30, black chairs, going to Farpark
       OTHER EVENT! Mafia Night on reading day. Meet at black chairs at 5:00. Show up on time!
           RSVP by email! Make sure he gets it by end of LDoC Picnic.
           Bring real cash dollars because splitting checks on credit cards sucks.
       Had a weekend!
       Auctioned things for money and dollars and was mistaken for Ramona Flowers
       Saturday was the last aeronauts campaign :(
       Watched Three Musketeers afterwards, and it almost perfectly replicated the plot of the campaign.
       Sunday was a "work day": 5 hours were lost to climbing and driving around.
       Not a zombie!
       Had a weekend!
       The theme was "Productive but not productive enough"
       UPA, then actual job, then "work," then not doing work, then "doing work" (but the wrong work), then WORK.
       Had a weekend!
       We sold things at USA, which makes him happy as treasurer.
       Fourth at Google games! Not enough to get prizes....
       Sunday felt like Monday because WORK
       Had a weekend!
       Got the most useful thing at USA!
       Saturday was a black hole! Frisbee and pretending to do work.
       Built a mousetrap car

Committee Reports

   Committee to test rec sec would like remind our shiny new humanities major that most of the KGB is CS students. 
   Puzzlehunt committee. People who want to staff should go to PH 19C at 4:30 on Wednesday.
   Motion to create out of order committee. OUT OF ORDER
   The Pasta Tonight Committee is excited for mafia night
   The Ad Hoc Pasta GNIGT committee would like to say: “you empty-headed wipers of other people's bottoms, I wave my private parts at your aunties.”
   Storytelling committee
       So you know the thing that says “4.29.12 never forget” on R7's fridge?
       been so much more than a year...but so much less
       it was blissful and naive
       how do you honor a national tragedy?
           we're lying to ourselves when we say things are back to normal
       it was a day like any other...who would expect the tragedy
       college students gathered in roselawn and needed FOOD. FAST.
       sandwich shop in Illinois--Jimmy Johns
           got popular fast in Charleston and expanded to the WORLD
       Jimmy John's tugged on the College students' hearts
           passed around a laptop and entered their sandwiches
           but when did they want them delivered?
               but the dropdown menu, at 9:00PM on a Sunday, reported "closed"
       The college students felt deeply cheated for the first time.
       There is no reversing that day, nor bringing back the lost sandwiches.
       We mustn't let the experience hold us down.
       April 29th, 2012. Never forget.

Old Business

   The Thing! Getting zombied is not Xander's fault.

New Business

   Best state in the union committee: Illinois is the best state b/c jimmy johns
       Name change to best date
       all instances of Illinois changed to April 25 DENIED
           it was a reference to Miss Congeniality
       Change best to cheapest in title FAILED
       April 28 2012 appended to purpose
       Change all instances of April to bug mars DENIED
       Change April to Maypril DENIED
       question called
       PASSES. $2 to Thomas. Disbanded
   The Soup Committee: Welcome to the 45th annual Loup de Soup. We have just returned to the tomato circuit and we are beginning the spilt pea....alsdkjgaalksdg
       Bubbles: this committee could only get more Oren if there was a bunch of Star Trek shit
       motion to change the accent to German
           only if appended (so, the purpose is now repeated twice in different accents) DONE
       change all instances of soup to soup or salad DENIED
       append to purpose the same thing again in an eastern European accent
       committee to test rec sec reports early success
       PASSES. $4 to Peter. Diana will chair.
   Out of Order committee fails for lack of a second
   The Shit I Lied About in the Tartan Committee: The Tartan is moving to Alaska
       Ethan: given takeover of PHI: everyone is required to take alcohol-based course every semester
           Xander: so like ochem 2?
       ABSTAINED. $3 to Drew. JRAM chairs.
   The Oren and Absurdity hour: HOAC weeeeeeeeee
       A live barracuda has been appended.
       purpose changed to “I bet you were expecting something outlandish here”
       PASSES. $2 to Oren. Sir Thomas Edison and Oren will chair
   The But It's Intuitive Committee: push well designed products on unwilling people
       Paywall prepended
       motion to torrent it instead
           you wouldn't download an iPhone, would you?
           Xander has been banned for 45 hours from CMU servers
       Change name and purpose to But It's In Two Pieces: to cause havoc
           Name Changed to It's Not In Two Pieces. Yet.
       PASSES $3 to Marlena. Thomas chairs.
   Marlena and Oren Committee: they'll each choose half of purpose
       Name changed to the Oren and Marlena variety hour
       Name changed to Mandarin Orange Committee
       Marlena changes every other word of the purpose to “This. Is. Not. A. Drill.”
           Oren changes every other, other word to “AOOOUUHH”
       Purpose changed to the entire text of The Raven 
       Phone case will go to the winner of the auction! Someone threw it at Marlena.
       all instances of quoth changed to said
       replaced all instances of Nevermore with Fuck You 
       replace all instances Lenore with Bug Mars: DENIED
       replace every instance of a letter with prime index to bug mars: DENIED
       replaced all instances of the word raven to “writing desk”
       question called
       PASSES. $3 to Broman. Whoever owns the phone case will chair.
   Victor Sage Speed Dial Committee: to ease calling of question
       question called
       PASSES. $2 to Drew. Every one in room chairs. Drew gets the Phone case
   Motion to make allocation for $100 for this week's event.
       It needs to be more because burgers
   We aren't funding your doomsday plans, Xander.
   Motion to make allocation not to exceed $10 to buy Stephen dinner
       IT'S A BAD IDEA
       replace all instances of Stephen with the Raven: failed
       Thomas: After ALL Stephen has given us…his blood, his sweat, his semen…doesn't he deserve dinner?
           Thomas is clearly using the royal “we.”
       The Napoleon J Bonaparte committee approves.
       question called
   motion to, over the next few weeks, have each person who voted for the KGB to buy Stephen dinner actually buy him dinner
   Acclamotion Committee: you gotta swing your hips now...
       acclamotion replaced with locomotion
       motion to remain in motion unless force acts upon it
       crazy train appended to purpose
       grand funk railroad (both band and railroad) appended to purpose
       append Thomas the Tank Engine theme song: FAILED
       Thomas the Tank Engine theme song mashup with BMX appended to purpose
       ~Arthur theme song interlude~
       question called
       PASSES $2 to Thomas. Emily, Adam, Thomas, Al chair.
   something committee: general purpose of KGB
       change purpose to installing windows, computer waste in general
       purpose to It's only five twenty!
       Append to purpose it's five o clock... somewhere
       McGinnis filibusters. Thanks. You made my job easy.
       Question called due to hunger.
   Unnecessary and Uncomfortable Stream of Racial Slurs Committee
   Alcoholist Committee: alcohology
       Champers (?) appended
       dkirby objects, committee is redundant with Pitt's existance
       alcohology changed to alcoholomy
       motion to obey law of equivalent exchange
       alcohology grad students will suffer drinking problems later in life...but not because of alcohology, because of grad school
       question called
       PASSES $15 to Drew. Drew and anyone who wants to will Chair


   EVENTS! LDoC picnic! Black chairs at 5:30, Farpark at 6:00. NOT FLAGSTAFF.
       Mafia Night! Meet at black chairs at 5:00, RSVP to JRAM


   Nerf war Saturday, 9:15 PM. Wean 7500 (the usual spot). Don't need your own Nerf guns.
   Puzzlehunt staff! 9:30 AM PH A19C. Please show up so they don't panic!

Purple and GTFO