From KGB Wiki
Broman had a weekend Running Jumping Climbing Trees, S'Mores, Mafia there were adventures with fire we almost burned some pizza boxes well, we actually did burn some pizza boxes, don't worry about it then a lot of work and not enough work happened at the same time apparently there's a goldman sachs info session at 6:00 so they might be hovering outside ALL HOUR (there might be random people outside)
Caroline had a weekend involved "helping" her sisters talk to other people and getting progressively more fancy Committee to Crossbreed Orgs reports success new people! Shashank, ECE (maybe CS?), from india (and new york), goes to CMU
JRAM had a weekend Went to KGB Argues About the Semantics of Vanilla And Then Eats Chocolate did the puzzlehunt on Saturday came in third! 10 hours of grading on Sunday, is about halfway done EVENT KGB Digs Its Own Grave Friday, 7:00, MM A14 Karaoke!
Marlena Had a weekend did lots of [redacted] with [redacted] and it was most excellently [redacted]
Zora had a weekend started with Running Jumping Climbing Trees, then s'mores, then Doctor Who then a day of hair dying and cookies and more Doctor Who and then WORK FOREVER
Dillon had a weekend Went to Running Jumping Climbing Trees argued about lots of things Did the Puzzlehunt! overall really fun then just did work ALL OF SUNDAY
Mike had a weekend same as other execs on Friday dyed margaret's hair on Saturday didn't get enough work done on Sunday
Guild of Calamitous Intent: declared war on the Evil Seafood League (and vice versa) point of information: does xander chair both? yes
ad hoc Interp Essay Commitee: what I learned in boating school is
Alcoholist Committee: went to Stacked, can now officially endorse the Bahama Mama
ad hoc 1984 Committee: But the Guild of Calamitious Intent has always been at war.
Committee to Teach You All Sign Language: happy fall everyone!
the full host of committees about dkirby: this time next week, he will either have a job or be looking for a job
ad hoc Illustrious Journalist Collective: A unicorn has been spotted in Frick Park. Local wildlife enthusiast and rare and used book collector Jeromy Heinz has reported sighting the magnificent beast when he was "Out in the park despos..discovering evi...den...ce of a unicorn!" He went on to say that any recently dug earth and ritual markings are due to the unicorn should not be touched or moved ever. Because unicorns are possessive. Of dirt. And ritual markings.
ad hoc Real Analysis is Hell Committee: there are 32 questions on the homework they only had 6 last year
ad hoc Too Long Stories: the new How I Met Your Mother premieres tonight
ad hoc Shit I Saw In The Tartan Committee: some legitimately scary shit
ad hoc There's An Outside? Committee: it's fall?
Untap of Places that Don't Exist Committee: some of the doors on Doherty Hall B level are harder to open they're sticky
ad hoc Reaver Prevention Committee: has some concern about the Tartan centerfold
50 Shades of Xander Committee: we had a fly problem at the Moon, xander was in charge of dealing with it they may have a spider "opportunity" now
KGB Goes Outside Committee: giant duck on Friday!
ad hoc Speak Of The Devil And He Shall Come Committee: success
ad hoc Illustrious Journalist Collective: Police have put out a missing persons report for Halbjorn Versk, owner of Unearthed Tomes, a used and rare book shop. A report was filed after the ship had been unexpectedly closed for three days, after which messages started appearing in blood written on the windows of the store saying "He took me into the woods. I am there still. It is too late for me but not for the rest of you. Find me. You do not have much time". In other news, people have been flocking to Frick Park to see the unicorn. Those that have returned were "underwhelmed" by the unicorn, and those have not have not been heard from.
Hold Hands With The Devil And He Shall Come Committee: too soon
misappropriated KGB Goes Outside Committee: dkirby went on a picnic, it was muddy
The Thing! The demise of Happyville is not Stuart's fault.
SCP Committee: a) document and contain things found by the Illustrious Journalist Collective, b) kill said journalists so the truth does not come out append copy docs from computer FAILS Oren made a self-referencial joke The Guild of Calamitous Intent and the Evil Seafood League both approve, then both disapprove to disagree with each other, and then flip flop a bit and then there was a war they're at a standstill now, but 6 people are dead Everyone's a Linguist Committee: success to quote Fox Mulder: Getting spooky? to quote any other fox: CHA CH CHA CH CHA CHA CHA to quote Fox News: water is bad to quote Foxtrot: physics joke PASSED $3 to Marlena, she and anyone else who wants to be part of the governmental collective will chair
Illustrious Journalist Collective: put eyes and ears where eyes and ears have never been and never will be again they make no mention of balls ad hoc Stealing eforney's Joke Committee: the trombone is connected to the, mouth bone Marlena has an extra toe (of course, it's not with her) ad hoc Musical Horror Movie Mashup Committee: the hills have eyes to the sounds of music the voices! they're now listening to you don't look at eforney in that tone of voice broman thought "tone of voice" was one word for YEARS when he was little are these strictly human eyes and ears? the Collective is an equal opportunity employer ad hoc Shit I Read in the Tartan Committee: Spank: 50 Shades of Parody change all instances of "eyes" to "eyes of corn" dilatory change "illustrious" to "illustrated" FAILS add "noses" to "eyes and ears" in purpose FAILS Overly Friendly Committee: massive failure have you ever really looked at unfathomable horrors? like, really looked? $5 to Xander, he will chair
KGB Corrects Exec Committee: NOPE
Barbarian Committee: to be immune to anything that committee [points to Xander] reports is this committee happy? it's still alive, so it doesn't really know motion to entomb Xander in his very own committee when he dies motion for committee to take a level in rogue WHAT IS THIS COMMITTEE YOU SPEAK OF? WHO IS THIS PRESIDENT OF WHOM YOU SPEAK? motion to more clearly define that restated purpose with illust committee purpose changed to "immune to anything this committee reports" PASSES append "exept for vampires" to the purpose PASSES redact "this committee" from purpose PASSES so whenever "this committee" comes up on your monitor, take a black highlighter and cross it out a sharpie will also do just fine $5 to afrieder, anyone who doesn't want to listen to [REDACTED] will also chair The new purpose is: "to be immune to anything [REDACTED] reports except for vampires"
Innovative Technologies Committee: to bring new and interesting technology to reasonable communist consumers like you will this support synergy and the use of the cloud? only if the cloud's on fire replace "the cloud" in minutes with "my butt" out of order Fistbump R&D Committee: approves Barbarian Committee: huh? this week, the committee intends to introduce jet fueled glasses: so we can all be Superman will this committee be able to produce black highlighters? you cannot get them on Amazon replace all reason with glory (in general) out of order our superficial design flaws outweigh the fundamental ones how many of the products rely on tech that gains energy from severed dog heads? [REDACTED] white highlighters? info available in redacted folder motion for the committee to give free samples to all the people who vote in favor yes our product puts the "car" in carcinogen SCP Committee: if it starts blowing or talking, give us a call $8 to Mike, Dillon will chair
Committee for Free Samples: make sure that the above committee will fulfill the specifications will serve Uranium brewed coffee in the next room in a few hours free skittles? for everyone That's What You Meant To Say Committee: success that committee doesn't exist Time Mafia: supports to get samples a free trial from our justice system ad hoc New Committe: oh wait no you are free to have these samples... for a small price change name to "Open Source Samples Committee" PASSES change name to "Open Source As A Bird Committee" FAILS supersonic limbo: pew pew pew pew pew $3 to afrieder, anyone who likes open source stuff will chair
allocation to not exceed $50 for the event! PASSES
Committee to Table the Chair: to bed the sofa and other furniture jokes does anyone want a wardrobe? does anyone want a witch? does anyone want to give dan a couch? caroline would like a lion to go with her wardrobe and witch change the name to "craigslist/furniture committee" FAILS how do you feel about futons? fubulous the Perks of Being a Twerkflower Committee: success (that's not a committeee) $2 to Drew, people who have excess furniture will chair
Committee Against Humanity: add commentary to anything in the form of Cards Against Humanity cards Glen Beck being harried by buzzards the school trip was ruined once again by crystal meth Marlena would say that this is the beginning of a slipery slope, but by making this committee we've already hit rock bottom old people smell I drink to forget drinking alone Alcoholist Committee: you should join us! Harry Potter and the Chamber of Kittens! Harry Potter and the Chamber of Harry Potter Erotica Innovative Technologies Committee: working on a card that fills in the fist thing that comes to your head Harry Potter and the Chamber of Bitches Harry Potter and the Chamber of Police Brutality Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secretions Harry Potter and the Chamber of Oh God Oh God A Mind Reading Card Oh No Harry Potter and the Chamber of Dead Horses Harry Potter and the Chamber of Bronies $6 to eforney, she will chair and so will anyone else
Alexander Orenstein Memorial Committee: it's never too early to get a start on this change purpose to "soon" PASSES is Xander a) working on dangerous stuff and b) planning to release it soon? isn't that vacuously true? change "Alexander" to "Xander" FAILS replace "Xander Orenstein" with "Xorer Anderstein" FAILS replace "Alexander" with "Ail Xander" FAILS motion to quantify committee over all Alexanders nope change all "Alexander" to "Xander" PASSES motion to change name to xander s orenstein PASSES misappropriated Precedent Committee: success $4 to Drew, everyone except Xander will chair
Sitcommittee: provide laughtracks for the KGB change the name to "Romcommittee" dilatory point of info: it's no longer the 1980s, guys motion to make this meeting a very special episode PASSES Motion to make this meeting the Christmas special FAILS applause we all learned a valuable lesson today about friendship, caring, and not selling meth to school children motion to have a heartwarming moment PASSES motion to finally introduce the mother ...eh $4 to Stuart, he will chair
EVENT KGB Digs Its Own Grave karaoke! MM A14, 7:00, Friday
pay dues! pay Dillon, then talk to Zora
BOOTH! we'll vote next week theme announcement for all of carnival next week before monday's meeting you can submit ideas for our own theme we'll get something up on Friday real serious business! you have to have paid your dues to vote you can discuss without voting though it's a rollcall vote
if you haven't paid for committees, PAY
ITR 10:00 Saturday night at the Wean 4 couches
2 members have started buggy not at Ethan's org go to Apex meetings!
12-2 free food in Wiegand chili cookoff
does anyone want a wardrobe?
do you enjoy Star Trek? did the recent movies not feel late 80s early 90s enough? borg night on Saturday
The Illustrious Journalist Collective has an electronic version coming to a Facebook group near you
follow Christian after the meeting for a lot of spaghetti
puzzlehunt signup teams of up to four mazeoftwistypassages.com
purple and gtfo