Body part of the week

Current Body Part of the Week

Week of June 19, 2011

The Beard

This glorious appendage was invented by Velociraptor Ninja Moses, because he was tired of having nothing to stroke* while he pondered how to be more of a badass. (Hint: he could not, it was just a mental exercise to keep his mind sharp) Worn by many today as a sign of awesomeness, the Beard has many uses including additional skills on the dance floor. That is right, if you have a beard, you get a +4 to dancing, concentration, and combat casting, as well as a +3 for all actions taken against Balrogs (or Balors) provided you yell "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" dramatically enough.

• Get your mind out of the gutter.

BPotW Archive

Week of April 24, 2011:

THE ROBOT ARM!!!!!!

The robot arm was invented in 1654 by Jesus. It was part of his blue period. It was pained red. Usually used to reach the queso when it is just too damn far away. It works even better when attached to puppies.

Week of May 8, 2011:

The Tusk

The tusk is a the most important body part to ivory collectors, who insist it is grown on very special trees in their back yards. No you can't see them. Because I said so. Also they are out of season. Now bugger off before I call the police. No, that is not a mound of elephant carcasses behind that fence. You know, what? Forget the police, I am getting my gun! Now scram!

Week of May 15, 2011:

The Soul

A part whose existence is the topic of some controversy, if you think you do not have one, I would be willing to buy it from you for $10. Seriously, if you are interested, just mention the words "borghal rantipole" during shmucks who like to mouth off and I will come by later to discuss business. Unless I am not there, in which case, just do it the week after.

Week of May 22, 2011:

The Plasmid

While, strictly speaking, not part of the body, its affects on it can be extreme, as shown in the scientific documentary Bioshock. A plasmid is a circular piece of DNA generally encoding a few genes. They tend to give superpowers, but not all of them are awesome. For example: shooting lightning, fire, ice, or bees out of your hands = awesome. Throwing gobs of glowing shit, no matter what the effects = not awesome. Telekinesis is always awesome.

An update on last week's body part:

Yesterday (May 21, 2011) was supposed to be the Rapture where all the "worthy" souls would go to heaven and all others would be left behind for the next five months (to take care of the pets, I presume) until they would inevitably die in the destruction of all things. It did not happen. I did read something interesting however. It was a dialogue between a fallen angel and an archangel who were discussing the actions of the fallen one who had just killed a man. "A necessary evil?" asks the archangel, "I see no evil in it," replied the fallen one, "It is the human soul that is sacred, not life." Kind of makes you wonder, does it not?

Week of May 29, 2011:

The Baby

Again, not really part of the body, except for a short time when some women feel like doing a nine month long whale impression. They are loud, demanding, and smelly, but not to be confused with CS students because babies can be really cute. Feel free to share any recipes you may have here.

Week of June 5, 2011:

The Trunk

This is a body part, which while mostly on pachyderms, many rappers seem to think is included in human physiology. This is true in only the rarest of cases, but even still it is not a garbage receptacle.

Week of June 12, 2011:

The Opposable Thumb

Probably the main reason dolphins have never gained supremacy over humankind, these bad boys let us do all kind of things like utilize tools, grasp objects firmly, play video games, give someone a thumbs up, hitchhike, twiddle said thumbs, open locks, open jars of pickles, make finger puppets, sew wounds shut, sew mouths shut, sow a field, sow discord in a political scene, use the space key while typing, "bite my thumb at them, which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it" in order to start a fight with the Montagues, snap your fingers, bur probably most importantly, make tea.