KGB Wiki - User contributions [en]

Kmcarpen

2025-12-09T20:10:59Z

Bennerr: redacted last name

Kaylie (or sometimes Kale) is the creator of the [[Cats Are Stupid Committee]] and the [[Avatar Rewatch Committee]].
==Officer Dossiers:==

===S@A, 2022-2023===
Wait, what? That’s right! Kaylie is back once again and better than ever! Using her experience as 1VP, she has spent the summer training for any eventuality that might befall Exec, and is determined to end her time as a comrade with a bang. Hopefully not in a bang.

Likes: A job well done, her friends, her arms

Dislikes: Boredom

===1VP, 2021-2022===
Kaylie spent a gap year training in the art of persuasion, making her the perfect outreach operative. She continues to lure hapless students into GBM with promises of cat pictures and Friday events, only this time, there's a chance they'll be tricked into playing Outer Wilds too. Caution is advised.

Power: Friendship (confiscated from [[Spalsen|Sawyer]])

===1VP, 2020-2021===
Kaylie strikes fear into the hearts of ordinary passersby. Not because they will undoubtedly be recruited into the KGB, but because they will feel compelled to start loving her cats and spending money on fake jokes.

Weapon of Choice: Cats

===1VP, Spring 2020===
Kaylie has always been complimented on her eyesight, honed for scanning crowds for potential recruits. When Kaylie spots an unsuspecting face in the crowd, watch out. Next thing you know she’ll be showing them how to use a corner clamp while explaining that yes, buying a committee means actually buying a committee with real money.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Janny|Janny]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2019 Officers|2019-2020]] (Jan-Apr)
[[2020 Officers|2020-2021]]
[[2021 Officers|2021-2022]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[jbyrnes|Twain Byrnes]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[kdulla|Kushal Dulla]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2022 Officers|2022-2023]] (Apr-Dec)}}
{{s-aft|after=[[asueiro|Avalon Sueiro]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Cam

2025-12-09T20:10:21Z

Bennerr: redacted last name

Toting a wizard hat bought for him by the organization, '''Cameron James Wong''' served as KGB's first Technomancer for two years. In addition to dragging our website out of its grave kicking and screaming, Cam is known for having the fastest average Canvas response time of any 150 TA ever.

"I gave up on responding to student questions when Cam beat me to a question I saw right as it was posted, with an answer twice as detailed as I was gonna give."
-a sad-sounding 150 TA

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[dhreed|Dez Reed]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2018 Officers|2018-2019]] (Mar-Apr)}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Janny|Janny]]}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Mwmccoy

2025-12-09T20:08:16Z

Bennerr: redacted last name

==Officer Dossiers:==

===RecSec, 2019-2020===

Woody as an infant dreamed of becoming a typographer on his very own Royal Fleetwood Typewriter (First Released 1972). However, he was informed that this typewriter, and somehow, all typewriters have gone out of style. So, he switched to the computer. Typing, typing, typing. Watching videos of people type to increase his speed. Doing speed trials until he was classified as an octopus. Modding his vim to optimize more efficient typing. He will type, he will record, he will see all.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Janny|Janny]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Recording Secretary]]
|years=[[2019 Officers|2019-2020]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[spalsen|Sawyer Palsen]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Dhreed

2025-12-09T20:07:52Z

Bennerr: redacted last name

'''Dez Reed'''

==Officer Dossiers==
===President, 2020-2021===
Dez continues his reign as tyrant, by giving us the illusion of democracy in meetings he controls. He has crushed down the KGB government in exile and leads the rest of exec against any other rebels.

Weapon of Choice: [[Squeaky Gavel]]

===President, 2019-2020===
Dez previously acted as our 1VP, creating the bridge between the org and the outside world. Now that he has captured his desired targets, he has transitioned to President to oversee their little games during meetings and events. He is highly identifiable, highly competent, and highly knowledgeable about various obscure topics.

===1VP, 2018-2019===
Top Stat: Poof

Dez has a backpack full of math books and all the right opinions. You can find Dez easily, thanks to his high level of identifiability.

===RecSec, 2017-2018===
Dez loves three things: Table Top RPGs, art, and literally anything philosophy that isn't unrigorous and false. At every KGB meeting we all get together to make him write down every insipid detail of our undisciplined epistemological debates, which he dutifully deletes from the minutes, like Newton’s razor sheering down the unruly beard of sentimentality-formed moralism. Nobody gives a smoother shave.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Harry|Harry Fernandez]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Recording Secretary]]
|years=[[2017 Officers|2017-2018]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Janny|Janny]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Rin|Rin Fair]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2018 Officers|2018-2019]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Cam|Cameron Wong]] }}
{{s-bef|before=[[ian|Ian Griswold]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[President]]
|years=[[2018 Officers|2018-2019]] (Mar-Apr)
[[2019 Officers|2019-2020]]
[[2020 Officers|2020-2021]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[jamesbyr|James Byrne]]}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Janny

2025-12-09T20:07:02Z

Bennerr: redacted last name

'''Janny'''

==Officer Dossiers:==

===1VP, 2019-2020===
Janny spent most of last year intensely documenting and researching the KGB. She has now become a human machine: half Janny, half 2018-2019 minutes, designed to find unsuspecting civilians and ./recruit

===RecSec, 2018-2019===
Top Stat: Unexpected Dirty Jokes

Janny writes down all the awful things we say and files them away for the benefit of future generations. You can find Janny "studying."

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[dhreed|Dez Reed]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Recording Secretary]]
|years=[[2018 Officers|2018-2019]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[mwmccoy|Woody McCoy]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Cam|Cameron Wong]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2019 Officers|2019-2020]] (Apr-Dec)}}
{{s-aft|after=[[kmcarpen|Kaylie Carpenter]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Bylaws

2025-05-02T22:48:01Z

Bennerr: updating the bylaws to the current version

{{true}}

These are the official (but not the canonical) bylaws of the KGB organization. They are very important.

=ARTICLE I. NAME AND OBJECTIVES=

==Section 1. Name==
The name of the organization shall be [[KGB]].

==Section 2. Objectives==
The objectives of the organization shall be:
* to promote a spirit of fellowship among its [[members]].
* to take an active and positive role in campus life.

==Section 3. No Profit==
The organization shall not be conducted or operated for profit and no part of any profits or remainder or residue from dues, donations, or other sources of income to the organization shall inure to the personal benefit of any member or individual.

=ARTICLE II. DEFINITIONS=

==Section 1. Standing Definitions==
The terms defined as follows shall be considered standing definitions:

===a. Majority===
A majority shall be defined as a number greater then one-half (1/2), or fifty percent (50%), of the total.

===b. Organization Quorum===
A quorum of the organization is required in order to hold meetings as set forth in Article IV, Sections 1 and 2, and shall be either a majority of the voting members or seventy-five percent (75%) of the active members.

===c. Board Quorum===
A quorum of the Board is required in order to hold meetings set forth in Article IV, Sections 3, 4, and 5, shall be a majority of the Board members.

===d. Written Petitions===
All written petitions shall bear the signatures of either ten (10) members, or twenty percent (20%) of the voting membership, whichever is greater.

===e. Member in Good Standing===
A [[members|member]] is in good standing whose [[dues]] are current and whose other monetary obligations to the organization are fulfilled
# within sixty (60) days of the obligation's creation, or
# by the Annual Meeting (as defined in Art. VI, Sec. 2)
whichever comes first unless such obligations are created within seven (7) days prior to the Annual Meeting, in which case clause 2 shall not apply.

===f. Voting Member===
A voting [[members|member]] is a member in good standing who has attended at least one (1) previous meeting during their current term of membership.

===g. Mailing===
A mailing may be by physical or electronic means. Such mail must be individually addressed to each recipient, and may not only be to a single central bulletin board or other medium.

===h. Active Member===
An active [[members|member]] shall be a voting member who has attended at least one of the three (3) previous regular organization meetings as set forth in Article IV, Section 1 of these bylaws.

===i. [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]]===
The annual meeting is the meeting at which the officers shall be elected for the ensuing year, and at which other significant business is conducted in accordance with these bylaws, and is described in Article VI, Section 2 of these bylaws.

===j. Random Process===
A random process shall be any method of choice which assigns an equal probability of selection to each option.

===k. [[Duck]]===
Anything that looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck.

===l. Zombie Dollar===
One zombie dollar is the equivalent of the fee assessed members with a body temperature equal to or less than fifty (50) degrees Fahrenheit, as defined in Article III, Section 2 of these bylaws.

===m. Term of Membership===
A member's term of membership is the length of time covered by their most recent payment of dues, or the period dating back to when they most recently became a member of KGB, whichever is shorter.

===n. Fellowship Activity===
Fellowship activities are events officially organized by the officers of the organization. Only current Carnegie Mellon University students, current students of other Pittsburgh-based universities, and dues-paying members are guaranteed the ability to participate in these events, unless restricted by effects of Article IX of these bylaws. All other individuals must request permission from the organization’s officers to attend (at maximum) 3 events per academic semester (where if one officer dissents, permission must be decided by majority vote). For specific events or individuals, the organization’s officers may alter these restrictions via a majority vote.

==Section 2. Provisional Definitions==
All terms not previously defined as standing Definitions shall be defined according to the current edition of MERRIAM-WEBSTER'S COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY.

=ARTICLE III. MEMBERSHIP=

==Section 1. [[Members|Membership]]==
Each individual voting member shall have one (1) vote. Each member shall receive one (1) copy of any notices, publications or other distributed documents of the organization.

==Section 2. Becoming a Member==
Any current student of Carnegie Mellon University or of a neighboring university in the Pittsburgh area is eligible to become a member of the KGB providing they have paid dues to the Treasurer and whose body temperature is above fifty (50) degrees Fahrenheit shall be considered a member. However, the second requirement can be waived for the fee of six (6) dollars. Special approval may be sought by the individual seeking membership if they are not a current student at a Pittsburgh-based university. This appeal must be submitted to the Corresponding Secretary in writing, who will present it to the board at the next Regular Executive Board Meeting, where membership may be granted by a two thirds (2/3s) vote of the executive board. The KGB abides by the Carnegie Mellon Statement of Assurance.

==Section 3. [[Dues]]==
Membership dues for the next year shall be suggested annually by the [[Executive Board]] in March, and approved or changed by the voting membership at the April meeting. Dues shall be payable on or before the thirtieth day of September each year.

==Section 4. Termination==
Memberships may be terminated voluntarily:
===a. Resignation===
Any member may resign from the [[KGB|organization]] upon written notice to the [[Recording Secretary]].

===b. Lapsed Memberships===
A membership will be considered as lapsed and automatically terminated if such member's [[dues]] remain unpaid thirty (30) days after the deadline for payment of dues. However, the [[Executive Board]] may grant an additional thirty (30) days grace period to such delinquent [[members]] in exceptional cases. In no case may a person be entitled to vote at any
[[KGB|organization]] [[meetings|meeting]] whose dues are unpaid as of the date of that meeting, or who are sixty (60) days in arrears of other monetary obligations to the organization.

==Section 5. Refund of [[Dues]]==
Membership [[dues]] will not be refunded either wholly or in part for any reason save extreme circumstances as determined by the membership.

==Section 6. Benefits of Membership==
All [[members]] in good standing shall receive all benefits of membership except as stipulated in the bylaws.

=ARTICLE IV. [[Meetings|MEETINGS]] AND VOTING=

==Section 1. Regular Organization [[Meetings]]==
Regular [[meetings]] of the organization shall be held as directed by the Executive Board. Written notice of such meetings shall be mailed to the membership at least six (6) days prior to the date of the first such meeting of each semester by the Corresponding Secretary through the official organization newsletter or by other mailing, as well as upon any change in the announced time. Only current Carnegie Mellon University students, current students of other Pittsburgh-based universities, and dues-paying members are guaranteed the ability to participate in these meetings, unless restricted by effects of Article IX of these bylaws. All other individuals may request permission from the organization’s officers to attend (at maximum) 3 meetings per academic semester. For specific cases, the organization’s officers may alter these restrictions via a majority vote.

==Section 2. Special Organization Meetings==
Special [[meetings]] of the organization may be called by the [[President]], or by a majority vote of the members of the [[Executive Board]] who are present and voting at any regular or special meeting of the Board, or by the [[Recording Secretary]] upon receipt of a written petition. Written notice of such [[meetings]] shall be mailed by the [[Corresponding Secretary]] at least three (3) and not more than fifteen (15) days prior to the date of the meeting. Such notice shall state the purpose(s) of the meeting, and no other organization business may be transacted thereat.

==Section 3. Regular [[Executive Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Regular [[meetings]] of the [[Executive Board]] shall be held as directed by the Board, with a minimum of two (2) such meetings per semester. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be mailed to the membership at least six (6) days prior to the date of the first such meeting of each semester by the [[Corresponding Secretary]] and upon any change in the announced time. Such [[meetings]] shall be closed to non-members of the organization unless the individual(s) should be specifically invited by the [[Executive Board|Board]], in which case the cause for the non-member presence shall be the first order of business, and after which the non-member may be asked to leave the meeting.

==Section 4. Special [[Executive Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Special [[meetings]] of the [[Executive Board]] may be called by the [[President]], or by the [[Recording Secretary]] upon the receipt of a written petition signed by at least three (3) members of the [[Executive Board|Board]]. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be given to the membership at least five (5) days prior to the meeting. Such notice shall state the purpose of the meeting and no other business may be transacted thereat. In addition, all restrictions in Section 3 of this article shall apply to special meetings of the [[Executive Board|Board]].

==Section 5. Emergency [[Executive Board|Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Emergency meetings of the [[Executive Board|Board]] may be called by the [[President]] or [[1st VP|First Vice-President]] and may be held by phone. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be given to the officers at least one (1) day prior to the meeting. Any majority decision reached will be entered into the minutes of the next regular [[Exec|Board]] meeting.

==Section 6. Voting==
Each voting [[members|member]] shall be entitled to one (1) vote at any regular meeting of the [[KGB|organization]] at which the member is present. Absentee voting will be permitted only for elections. Absentee ballots must be submitted to all the election proctors at
least twelve (12) hours in advance of the commencement of the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], unless the proctors decide to accept absentee ballots after this deadline. Absentee ballots may be submitted by electronic mail, in person, or by any other method the proctors deem acceptable.

=ARTICLE V. [[:category:Officers|OFFICERS]] AND REPRESENTATIVES=

==Section 1. [[Executive Board]]==
The [[:category:officers|officers]] of the [[KGB|organization]] shall constitute the [[Exec|Executive board]]. The power necessary for the general management of the organization's affairs shall be entrusted to the Board, except as follows.

===a. Supremacy of the Organization===
The Board shall be subject to the orders of the organization, and none of its acts shall conflict with action taken by the organization, and the organization may countermand any decision of the board by a majority vote, thus opening up the question for consideration by the organization.

===b. Distribution of Funds===
The Board shall not distribute the organization's funds except as directed by the organization.

==Section 2. [[:category:Officers|Officers]]==
The organization officers, consisting of the following, shall serve in their respective capacities both with regard to the organization and its meetings and the [[Exec|Board]] and its [[meetings]].

===a. [[President]]===
The President shall preside at all [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]] and of the [[Exec|Board]], and shall have the duties and powers normally applicable to the office of President in addition to those provided for in these bylaws.

===b. [[1st VP|First Vice-President]]===
The First Vice-President shall be in charge of fellowship and shall actively recruit new [[members]].

===c. [[2nd VP|Second Vice-President]]===
The Second Vice-President shall be in charge of organizing fellowship activities.

===d. [[Corresponding Secretary]]===
The Corresponding Secretary shall have charge of all correspondence pertinent to the [[KGB|organization]] other than the correspondence reserved for the [[Recording Secretary]] and [[Treasurer]]. The Corresponding Secretary shall be the Editor of the organization [[Pravda?|Newsletter]].

===e. [[Recording Secretary]]===
The Recording Secretary shall keep a record of all [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]] and of the [[Exec|Board]] and of all matters of which a record shall be ordered by the organization. The Recording Secretary shall keep a roll of the [[members]] of the organization with applicable information, including attendance at meetings of the general body; furthermore, the Recording Secretary shall carry out such other duties as are prescribed in these bylaws, and shall have the duties and powers normally applicable to the office of Secretary, except for those duties and powers assigned to another officer by these bylaws. In the absence of the Recording Secretary, the duties and powers thereof shall be executed by the Corresponding Secretary, or in the absence thereof, the most senior officer present not presiding over the meeting.

===f. [[Treasurer]]===
The Treasurer shall collect and receive all [[Treasury|moneys]] due or belonging to the organization, and shall deposit the same in a bank satisfactory to the [[Exec|Board]], in the name of the [[KGB|organization]]. The Treasurer's books shall be open at all times to the inspection of the Board, and the Treasurer shall report to the Board and the general [[members|membership]] at every meeting the condition of the organization's finances. At the [[annual meeting]], the Treasurer shall render an account of all moneys received and expended during the previous fiscal year. During the month of September the Treasurer shall mail to each member a statement of [[dues]] for the ensuing year. The Treasurer shall disperse funds as directed by the Executive Board. The Treasurer shall also be responsible for filing all financial forms applicable to the organization. In the absence of the Treasurer, the [[Recording Secretary]] shall record allocations made or debts incurred by or to the organization; however, the Recording Secretary shall not disburse or collect moneys, unless authorized so to do by the Board.

===g. [[Sergeant at Arms|Sergeant-at-Arms]]===
The Sergeant at Arms shall assist in preserving order as the chair may direct, and other duties as set forth in the standing rules of order.

==Section 3. [[:category:officers|Officer]] Requirements==
All Officers of the [[KGB|organization]] shall be voting [[members]] who are [[Activities fee|Activities Fee]]-paying students.

==Section 4. Vacancies==
Any vacancy of an [[:category:Officers|officer]] position occurring on the [[Exec|Board]] during the year shall be filled for the unexpired term of office by a majority vote of all the remaining members of the Board by the second regular [[meetings|meeting]] of the board following the creation of such vacancy.

==Section 5. Recall of [[:category:Officers|Officers]]==
Any officer may be recalled for misconduct or dereliction of duty. A written petition, stating the reason(s) for recall, shall be filed with the [[Exec|Board]]. Written notice of such a petition shall be mailed to the membership. At the next regular [[meetings|meeting]] at least six (6) days after the mailing, a hearing on the matter will be held and a two-thirds (2/3) vote will be required to sustain the recall.

==Section 6. Seniority==
Seniority of offices is: [[President]], [[1st VP|First Vice-President]], [[2nd VP|Second Vice-President]], [[Corresponding Secretary]],
[[Recording Secretary]], [[Treasurer]], and [[Sergeant at Arms|Sergeant-at-Arms]].

=ARTICLE VI. MUSICAL INTERLUDE=

=ARTICLE VII. [[KGB|ORGANIZATION]] YEAR, [[Annual meeting|ANNUAL MEETING]], [[Elections|ELECTIONS]]=

==Section 1. [[KGB|Organization]] Year==
The organization's fiscal year shall begin on the first day of September and end on the thirty-first day of August. The organization's official year shall begin immediately at the conclusion of the [[elections|election]] at the [[annual meeting]] and shall continue
through the election at the next annual meeting.

==Section 2. [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]]==
No later than the last meeting in the month of December the [[Exec|board]] shall set the date for the Annual Meeting. The annual meeting shall be held in the month of April of each year. At the Annual Meeting the Officers for the ensuing year shall be elected by
secret, written ballot from among those nominated in accordance with Section 4 of this article. They shall take office immediately upon the conclusion of the election and each retiring [[:category:Officers|officer]] shall relinquish all properties and records relating to that office within fifteen (15) days after the [[elections|election]].

==Section 3. [[Elections]]==
The color of elections shall be [[purple]].

===a. Proctors===
For the duration of the [[elections]] at the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], a set of at least three proctors shall preside and keep order at the meeting. Ballots shall be counted by at least two proctors. Proctors shall be ineligible to run in that year's elections. Proctors shall be voting members of the organization except as discussed in section VI.3.b.

===b. Normal Proctor Selection===
At least two weeks prior to the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], a slate of at least three consenting [[members]] shall be nominated as proctors at a meeting of the [[Exec|Board]]. A member shall not be nominated if any member of the Board objects. At any meeting of the general body thereafter prior to the Annual Meeting, the slate may be modified or approved by a two-thirds (2/3) vote. At any such time, if it has not yet approved a slate of proctors, the organization may elect to request proctors from an external source with a two-thirds (2/3) vote.

===c. Emergency Proctor Selection===
If, at the Annual Meeting, less than three approved proctors are in attendance, the [[members|general body]] shall again have the opportunity to modify and approve the slate of proctors. If no proctors have yet been approved, after at least two failed votes to approve the current slate of proctors the chair may declare an impasse. In such an impasse, five present members not presently nominated for office shall be selected as proctors by random process; or, if five such members cannot be found, five members from the total attendance shall be so selected, but shall remain eligible for election.

===d. [[Elections|Election]] Procedure===
The election of each officer shall be concluded before the election of the next begins, and these elections shall be held in order of the chain of command. Write-in ballots or other invalid ballots shall be considered as abstentions. The system by which we will vote is “Instant-runoff voting” as detailed below:

1) Each general body member present at elections (or voting absentee) will receive a ballot with the names of all candidates running for a given officer position listed.

2) Members will rank candidates for each position. They may rank as many or as few candidates as they would like until they have no confidence in a candidate.

3) Positions will be decided by counting votes and eliminating the candidate with the fewest number of votes, until a single candidate remains. That candidate is the winner of that position.

4) In the event of a tie between the candidates receiving the fewest number of votes, the proctors will eliminate one candidate by random process.

5) Each time a candidate is eliminated as the result of 3) and/or 4), the votes for that candidate will be redistributed according to the next candidate ranked on each ballot, until no further candidates are ranked, at which point the ballot will be considered an abstention.

6) Officers elected to a position will be removed from the running for the following positions up for election.

The winner shall be announced by the election proctors. At least three of the election proctors shall sign a document in triplicate containing the names of the new executive board. Vote totals shall not be announced. The ballots shall be destroyed upon completion of the elections.

===e. Election Quorum===
Election of officers may proceed in the absence of quorum if the presence at the meeting of every absentee voter would be sufficient to reach quorum.

==Section 4. Nominations==
No person may be a candidate in an [[KGB|organization]] [[elections|election]] who has not been nominated or who is not a voting organization [[members|member]] in good standing. During the last quarter of the official year the Executive Board shall select a [[NomCom|Nominating Committee]] consisting of four (4) members willing to so serve, not more than one (1) of whom shall be a member of the [[Exec|Board]]. The [[Recording Secretary]] shall immediately notify the committee members of their selection. The Board shall name a Chairperson for the committee and it shall be this person's duty to call a committee meeting which shall be held on or before March 1. Once the first meeting has been held, the membership of this committee cannot be altered by the board. No person who has served on the Nominating Committee will be eligible to run in that year's elections.

===a. Duties of the Nominating Committee===
The committee shall encourage as many able members to nominate themselves for offices as possible. If any office has no nominations for candidates, or the nominations for an office are such that all candidates could be elected to a position earlier in the chain of command, one (1) week before nominations are closed, Nominating Committee shall nominate one (1) person to that position, such that at least one person who is nominated for the office cannot be elected to a position earlier in the chain of command, and after securing the consent of each person so nominated, shall on or before the fourth day before nominations are closed report their nominations to both the [[RecSec|Recording]] and [[CorSec|Corresponding]] Secretaries in writing. Nominating Committee is to do everything in its power to maintain the appearance of neutrality.

===b. Membership Notification of the Report of the Nominating Committee===
Upon receipt of the [[NomCom|Nominating Committee]]'s report, the [[Corresponding Secretary]] shall on or before the third day before nominations are closed notify each member in writing of the candidates so nominated.

===c. Ad hoc Nominations===
Additional nominations may be made at any meeting after the report of the nominating committee and before the [[annual meeting]] by any member in attendance provided that the person so nominated does not decline when his or her name is proposed, and provided further that if the proposed candidate is not in attendance at this meeting, the proposer shall present to the Recording Secretary a written statement of the candidate's willingness to be so nominated. A voting member may be nominated and run for more than one (1) office, but shall only be allowed to hold one (1) office.

===d. Membership Notification of the Final List of Nominees===
Upon finalization of the nominations and at least three days before the annual meeting, the [[Corresponding Secretary]] shall notify each member in writing of the list of candidates.

===e. Exclusion of Other Nominations===
Nominations cannot be made at the [[annual meeting]] or in any manner other than as provided for in this section.

=ARTICLE VIII - [[Committees|COMMITTEES]]=

==Section 1. Ordinary [[Committees]]==
The Board may each year appoint standing ordinary committees to advance the work of the organization. Special ordinary committees may also be appointed by the Board to aid it on particular projects. Such committees shall always be subject to the final authority of the Board.

==Section 2. Revision of Ordinary [[Committees]]==
Any ordinary committee appointment may be terminated by the Board upon written notice to the appointee, and the Board may appoint successors to those persons whose services have been terminated.

==Section 3. Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The organization may appoint extraordinary committees to advance the work of the organization. Each such committee has an owner, who must be a member in good standing of the organization. The owner appoints and replaces the chair of the committee as deemed
appropriate.

==Section 4. Ownership of Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The owner of an extraordinary committee is determined by auction, the proceeds of which are payable to the organization. In the event of a vacancy in ownership of an extraordinary committee, the organization may fill the vacancy by auction.

==Section 5. Voluntary Transfer of Ownership of Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The owner of an extraordinary committee may transfer the ownership of the committee to another member in good standing by notifying the Recording Secretary.

==Section 6. Records of [[Committees]]==
The [[Recording Secretary]] shall maintain a record of the membership of all ordinary committees and of the ownership of all
extraordinary committees.

=ARTICLE IX. REPRIMAND, PROBATION, SUSPENSION, AND EXPULSION=

==Section 1. Submitting a Complaint==
Any person affiliated with the organization
can be held accountable for any conduct deemed inappropriate or harmful to the
organization, its purposes, objectives, or affiliated people. Any person
affiliated with the organization may, at any time, issue a complaint against
any other person affiliated with the organization by contacting any member of
the Executive Board in any way, including but not limited to verbal or written
communication. The Executive Board may also issue a complaint about any person
affiliated with the organization.

# Complaints may be about actions or events that occurred in any context. This includes, but is not limited to, interactions online, in person, and at organization events.

==Section 2. Involvement of Officers==
If a complaint is issued against an
officer, that officer must withdraw themself from all Executive Board activity
related to that complaint. Any officer may also choose to withdraw themself
from such activity at any moment and for any other reason.

# If quorum of the Board cannot be obtained with the remaining officers the complaint and the process fall under Section 7.
# For the remainder of this article the Executive Board and officers refer to those who have not withdrawn themselves, except in deciding quorum of the Board.

==Section 3. Starting the Procedure==
Within one (1) week after a complaint has
been issued, the Executive Board must do the following:

# The Board must offer to hold separate discussions with the accused party and the accuser in order to determine the severity of the situation. Either party may refuse this meeting.
## All meetings with any involved parties must take place with at least two (2) officers, one of whom must be the President or most senior officer not withdrawn as defined in Section 2.b. Each party may request to include a specific member of the Board at the meeting. Each person may also have a third party present at the meeting, subject to advance approval of the Board.
## Any meeting held with an accused party may be held in the presence of a representative of the Student Activities team within the Office of Student Leadership, Involvement and Civic Engagement (hereafter, “Student Activities”), at the discretion of the Executive Board.
# If the Executive Board believes that the complaint may require disciplinary action beyond a Reprimand (i.e., Probation, Suspension, or Expulsion), they must inform a representative from Student Activities of the situation. The Executive Board does not need to receive a response before issuing the disciplinary action.

The Executive Board may then choose to take one of the disciplinary actions
defined in Section 4.

==Section 4. Disciplinary Actions==
In response to a complaint, the Executive
Board may issue any of the following disciplinary actions against the accused
party. The Executive Board must approve such an action by majority vote, unless
specified otherwise. If disciplinary action is approved, the Board must send
written notice of such action to the accused party within 24 hours of the vote.

===a. Reprimand===
The Board may issue a reprimand to the accused party for
minor offenses. The reprimand will take the form of a written notice and a
verbal warning including, but not limited to, a warning of future
consequences should the accused party continue their behavior. The verbal
warning will be given during a meeting between the accused party and at
least one member of the Executive Board.

===b. Probation===
For moderate offenses that have the potential to escalate,
the Board may place the accused party on probation. The accused party may
still participate in the activities of the organization, but must adhere to
the conditions of a written agreement. The agreement:

# Will be written by the Executive Board in discussion with a representative from Student Activities, with input from the accused party.
# Will include a set of conditions (e.g., restricted actions and corresponding consequences) that the accused must adhere to.
# May restrict the accused party from attending some, but not all, organization activities.
# Will include the following information:
## If the Board determines that the conditions of the agreement are broken in any way, the Executive Board may immediately escalate the disciplinary action to Suspension or Expulsion.
## The Executive Board may end a Probation at any time at their discretion.
# Will be signed by the President and the accused party.

===c. Suspension===
For offenses of a more serious nature, the Board may forbid
the accused party from attending all organization activities, and, if
applicable, suspend the accused party’s membership privileges.

# Upon receiving a complaint, the Executive Board may issue a Temporary Suspension, which is a full ban from all organization activities, for up to one (1) week. The Executive Board does not have to meet the requirements in Section 3 to enact a Temporary Suspension. Temporary Suspensions may be enacted once per complaint and cannot be extended.
# Upon issuing a Suspension, the Board:
## Must specify its duration. If the Suspension extends beyond the next Annual Meeting, each new Executive Board must, during its first meeting, decide by majority vote to uphold or end the Suspension.
## May set objectives for the suspended party during the term of their Suspension. The Executive Board will define these objectives in discussion with the accused party and a representative from Student Activities. Completion of these objectives will end the suspension as specified in Section 4.c.3.
## Must provide written notice to the suspended party of the duration of the suspension, any objectives set for the suspension, and the procedures given in Sections 4.c.3, 4.c.4, and 4.c.5.
# The Executive Board may end a Suspension at any time by majority vote. If the Board determines that the suspended party has accomplished the objectives set forward in Section 4.c.2.B, the Board must immediately end the Suspension.
# A party whose Suspension has ended will be placed on probation. The Executive Board must meet to define the terms of the probation, as defined in Section 4.b.
# If a Suspension is violated, the Executive Board may modify the Suspension or immediately move to expel the suspended party.

===d. Expulsion===
For heinous offenses, the Board may move to expel the accused
party from the organization. To issue an expulsion:

# The Board must hold a meeting with a representative of Student Activities to discuss the motion to expel. All non-withdrawn officers must attend, and a written statement that the meeting was held must be signed by all present, including the representative of Student Activities.
# After this meeting is held, any non-withdrawn officers may recuse themselves from voting on the motion. If quorum of the Board cannot be btained with the remaining officers, the motion cannot proceed.
# The Board will then vote on the motion to expel. No officer may abstain. If there are two (2) or more “no” votes, the motion fails. Otherwise, it passes and the expulsion goes into effect.

The Executive Board must immediately provide written notice of the expulsion to the expelled party. Once the Board has informed the expelled party, it must not discuss the expulsion with the general body until twenty-four (24) hours have passed. Within one (1) week of the expulsion, the Board must send a mailing to the body stating that an expulsion has occurred. The Board must disclose the identity of the expelled party to any member who asks, but may choose not to announce it to the general body. The Board must present the written confirmation from Student Activities to any member, or to the expelled party, upon request.

==Section 5. Appeals of Probation or Suspension==
Any party against whom the
Executive Board has issued a Probation or Suspension may appeal the decision of
the Board within thirty (30) days of the Board issuing the disciplinary action.
The affected party must present their appeal to the Executive Board in writing.
Between 7 and 10 days after receiving the appeal, the Board must begin the
appeals process, as defined in Section 5.b or Section 5.c.

# With their appeal, the affected party must request either for the appeal to be mediated by Student Activities or voted on by the general body. The accuser, or any person who has been adversely affected by actions related to the complaint, may also make such a request. If not all such requests are in agreement, the appeal will be mediated by Student Activities.
# If the appeal is to be mediated by Student Activities, the affected party will meet, as defined in Section 3.a, with a representative from Student Activities and two (2) officers, to resolve the appeal.
# If the appeal is to be voted on by the general body, the Recording Secretary will mail notice of the appeal to the membership. The Board will then present the matter to the voting membership at the first Regular Meeting at least six (6) days after the mailing. An affirmative two-thirds (2/3) vote will be required to sustain the actions of the Board.
# Any given decision of the Board can only be appealed once.

==Section 6. Reinstatement after Expulsion==
Any person who has been expelled may
apply to have their expulsion be repealed.

# This application must be sent in writing to the Board. Within one week, the Board. Within one week, the Board will vote to approve the application. The application can only be approved by a unanimous vote. If the Board approves the application, the Recording Secretary will mail notice of the application to the membership within twenty-four (24) hours of the Board’s decision. If the Board rejects the application, they will send written notice of this decision to the applicant within twenty-four (24) hours.
# The Board will then present the matter to the voting membership at the first Regular Meeting at least six (6) days after the mailing.
# If the expelled party so desires, they may submit a written defense which a representative of the Executive Board will read to the general body during the discussion prior to the vote. This defense is not required for the vote to commence.
# An affirmative two-thirds (2/3) vote will be required to repeal the expulsion.

==Section 7. Extenuating Circumstances==
If the procedures in this Article are not
appropriate or have ceased to be sufficient for a given complaint, the
Executive Board will meet with a representative from Student Activities to
develop a process which is in line with the values and intentions of the
organization and these bylaws.

=ARTICLE X. PARLIAMENTARY AUTHORITY=

The rules contained in the current edition of [[Robert's Rules of Order|ROBERT'S RULES OF ORDER NEWLY REVISED]] shall govern the [[KGB|organization]] in all cases to which they are applicable and in which they are not inconsistent with these [[Bylaws]] and any special rules of order the [[KGB|organization]] may adopt.

=ARTICLE XI. AMENDMENTS=

==Section 1. Proposal of Amendments==
Amendments to these [[bylaws]] may be proposed by the [[Executive Board]] or by written petition addressed to the [[Recording Secretary]]. Amendments proposed by such petition shall be promptly considered by the [[Exec|Board]] and must be submitted to the [[members]] with the recommendations of the [[Exec|Board]] by the [[Recording Secretary]] for a [[voting|vote]] within thirty (30) days of the date when the petition was received by the [[Recording Secretary]].

==Section 2. Approval of Amendments==
These bylaws may be amended by a two-thirds (2/3) [[voting|vote]] at any regular or special [[meetings|meeting]] called for the purpose, provided the proposed amendments have been included in the notice of the meeting and mailed to each [[members|member]] at least six (6) days prior to the date of the meeting.

=ARTICLE XII. DONATIONS=

The [[KGB|organization]] may accept donations in the form of money, equipment or other property to be used for the exclusive benefit of the [[members|membership]], provided however, that all contributions and donations to the organization shall be subject to approval by the [[Exec|Board]].

=ARTICLE XIII. DISSOLUTION=

The organization may be dissolved at any time by the written consent of not less than two-thirds (2/3) of the [[voting]] [[members]] in good standing. In the event of the dissolution of the [[KGB|organization]], whether voluntary or involuntary or by operation of law, none of the property of the organization nor any proceeds thereof nor any assets of the [[KGB|organization]] shall be distributed to any [[members]] of the [[KGB|organization]]. After payment of the debts of the [[KGB|organization]], its property and assets shall be given to a similar organization or sold and the money donated to a charitable organization selected by the [[Executive Board]].

=ARTICLE XIV. SUGGESTED ORDER OF BUSINESS=

==Section 1. [[KGB|Organization]] [[meetings]]==
At [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]], the order of business, so far as the character and nature of the meeting may permit, shall be as follows:

# Reading and correction of the [[minutes]] of the last regular [[KGB|organization]] [[meetings|meeting]] and any special [[meetings]] or [[Exec|Board]] meetings held in the interim
# Reports of [[officers]]
# Reports of [[committees]]
# [[Old business]]
# New business
# [[Elections]] (at [[annual meeting]])
# Actual Real Relevant Announcements Pertaining to the Business of KGB as an Organization.
# [[Schmucks|Open floor]]

==Section 2. [[Exec|Board]] [[meetings]]==
At [[meetings]] of the [[Exec|Board]], the order of business, unless otherwise directed by majority [[voting|vote]] of those present, shall be as follows:

# Reading and correction of the [[minutes]] of the last regular [[Exec|Board]] [[meetings|meeting]] and any special [[meetings]] or [[KGB|organization]] [[meetings]] held in the interim
# Reports of [[officers]]
# Reports of [[committees]]
# [[Old business]]
# New business

Main Page

2025-02-06T19:41:11Z

Bennerr: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42uXHJnw-FI

<big>'''Welcome to the KGB wiki. We are awesome.'''</big>

This is the main page. From here, you can teleport via magic internets to:

* [[What We Do]]
* [[Members]]
* [[History]]
* [[Information]]
* [[:category:Inside jokes|Inside Jokes]]

==Of "Current" Interest==

* [[Current officers]]
* [[Capture the Flag with Stuff]]
* [[Booth]]
* [[Readme]]

==Meta==

* [[I wanna edit this wiki]]

===Meta Meta===

* [[I wanna edit this "I wanna edit this wiki"]]

====Meta Meta Meta====

* [[I wanna edit this "I wanna edit this 'I wanna edit this wiki'"]]

Magic hand

2025-02-06T16:09:18Z

Bennerr: mage hand

The Magic Hand is one of a pair of plastic mannequin hands bought by [[Rtosh]] for the express purpose of throwing them at [[Djyin|the president]]. It is important to note that only the right hand is magical.

The Spellbook

2025-02-06T16:03:22Z

Bennerr: made the spellbook officially memorialized on the wiki. oh god i'll have to update this so much help

In 2024, High Wizard [[Ngaynor]] implemented a magic system within GBMs. Below is the official, up to date(ish) text of the KGB Spellbook:

==Preface==
Herein lies the ancient magical secrets that may be used for great effect during the gatherings of those known as “KGB.” This knowledge carries with it a grave deal of responsibility. The power one may possess from this text can cause great benefit or detriment to those nearby.

==Conditions==
In order to cast the spells detailed herein, one must achieve the state of being “magical.” One may do so by fulfilling one of the following conditions:
:One is magical if they currently have bronchitis.
:One is magical if they have uranium on their person.
:One is magical for one minute after their motion is passed.
:One is magical for one minute after receiving a high five from the [[magic hand]]

A motion can also become magical by fulfilling one of the following conditions:
:A motion is magical if it receives no votes for any category. This motion is then tabled for one week.
:A motion is magical if it receives unanimous approval from the general body present at the meeting besides the chair

==Spells==
Upon becoming magical, one may then cast one of the following spells. This must be done after being called upon by the chair. In order to cast a spell, one must say “I cast ____,” where the blank space must be filled with the name of the spell. If the spell is to affect another person, one must say “I cast ____ on ____” where the first blank must be filled with the name of the spell, and the second is to be filled with the name that the spell is to affect.

===Short Term Friendship===
Once cast, every person at the gathering must be really nice to you, and you are no longer lonely.

===Friend Destroyer===
Once cast upon someone who has cast Short Term Friendship, their friendships are thereon broken.

===Animal Companion===
Once cast, the chair must share an animal fact.

===Summon Squid Companion===
Once cast, the chair must share a fact about Splatoon.

===Super Salute===
Once cast upon a person, the general body must solute the target, after which the target loses 5 hit points.

===Neptune's Curse===
Once cast, the general body must speak as if they are underwater for 30 seconds. This spell may be ended early if a person was to fake their death through drowning.

===Pronoun Swap===
Once cast upon a person, the spellcaster and the target must swap pronouns.

===Invoke Mob Justice===
Once cast, the general body shall move into a vote. If the vote is successful, [[Djyin|Daniel Yin]] is then reduced to 0 hit points.

===Restore Tyrant===
Once cast, Daniel Yin returns to 100 hit points and is no longer dead.

===Laptop Destroyer===
Once cast upon a person, they must close their laptop for at least 5 seconds - the target may refuse if the laptop is currently working a critical process. If the target does not currently have a laptop out, they must either take their laptop out, open it, then close it, or close someone else’s laptop with that person’s consent

===Mage Hand===
Once cast, whoever currently has the magic hand must give it to you.

User talk:Bennerr

2025-02-06T15:42:37Z

Bennerr: only took 3 months

This is my talk page bc i can make one of those fuckers. I am [Falsehood Removed] and the [Falsehood Removed] member of kgb ever. If this isn't true, feel free to edit my talk page. You won't though bc no one will know it exists*. This is my legacy now. Hell yeah.

EDIT: after some brief research I have come to the conclusion that I am the tenth person to make a user talk page on the kgb wiki. That's good enough for me :)

<nowiki>*</nowiki> Someone, in fact, did learn that this page exists.
:<nowiki>>:(</nowiki> - bennerr

<table id="resulttable" class="userbox" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">
<tr>
<td id="resultid" class="id" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(221, 221, 221); line-height: 3.5em;">‎HELP‎ </td>
<td id="resultinfo" class="info" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(238, 238, 238); line-height: 1.2em;">‎ how do uou make userboxes‎ ‎ </td>
</tr>
</table>

<table id="resulttable" class="userbox" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">
<tr>
<td id="resultid" class="id" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(221, 221, 221); line-height: 3.5em;">‎[[File:175px-Rainbow trout transparent.png]]‎ </td>
<td id="resultinfo" class="info" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(238, 238, 238); line-height: 1.2em;">‎ pls someone make a template for this im just an english major‎ ‎ </td>
</tr>
</table>

[[User:Kevinson|Kevinson]] ([[User talk:Kevinson|talk]]) writes:

My dearest Benner,

I write to you now in a time of great need. The passage of time has been unkind, and I require your assistance in the perpetual war we wage upon chaos and disorder. More specifically, I humbly request that you update the pages of Treasurers [[noahking|Noah]], and [[rtosh|Ryan]], such that their pages include an officer position box with accurate tenures, plus the biographies that CorSec [[ngaynor|Nathan]] has written for them. If you require a template, Treasurer [[skroneme|Theo's]] page should provide an apt example. I would do it myself, but I am bedridden with illness (lazy), and also I just want someone else to go through the motions of updating officers on the wiki.

Your humble servant,

kevinson - 13:15, 2024-11-19
::It shall be done. - [[Bennerr]], 13:22, 2024-11-19
::::It has been done. - [[Bennerr]], 10:42, 2025-2-6

Noahking

2025-02-06T15:40:44Z

Bennerr: i forgot to add something :(

'''Noah King''' is a person who hasn't updated their bio.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===Treasurer, 2024===
Although Noah's time as treasurer was short, he will be forever remembered both in our hearts and the records of the KGB Wiki.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[skroneme|Theo Kronemer]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[rtosh|Ryan Tosh]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Noahking

2025-02-06T15:39:52Z

Bennerr: Kevin I finally did it yaaaaaaay

'''Noah King''' is a person who hasn't updated their bio.

===Treasurer, 2024===
Although Noah's time as treasurer was short, he will be forever remembered both in our hearts and the records of the KGB Wiki.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[skroneme|Theo Kronemer]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[rtosh|Ryan Tosh]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Bowl Food

2025-02-04T20:48:46Z

Bennerr: Explanation

'''Bowl Food''' is a field of active research on what foods qualify as '''Bowl Food'''.

Bowl Food should never be mentioned, thought about, or eaten, lest ye be taken by the depths.

Several theories of bowl-food-ness have been proposed, several of which do not include bowls. Discussions of bowl food inevitably spawn further highly productive conversations, including "is açaí poke" and "what is the difference between noodles and soup and soup noodles and noodle soup" (which is important as soup cannot be bowl food{{Citation needed}} ).

[[Djyin]] is not allowed to provide comment to the [[Bowl Food Research Committee]] despite extensive knowledge of what constitutes bowl food. This is because his opinions on what is bowl food are bizarre, insane, and borderline criminal.

User talk:Kevinson

2025-01-28T00:34:51Z

Bennerr: WHACK!!!!!!!!

‎[[File:175px-Rainbow trout transparent.png]]‎

<span style="color:red">'''''WHACK!!!!'''''</span>

User talk:Bennerr

2024-11-19T18:22:51Z

Bennerr: will add to my to-do list

This is my talk page bc i can make one of those fuckers. I am [Falsehood Removed] and the [Falsehood Removed] member of kgb ever. If this isn't true, feel free to edit my talk page. You won't though bc no one will know it exists*. This is my legacy now. Hell yeah.

EDIT: after some brief research I have come to the conclusion that I am the tenth person to make a user talk page on the kgb wiki. That's good enough for me :)

<nowiki>*</nowiki> Someone, in fact, did learn that this page exists.
:<nowiki>>:(</nowiki> - bennerr

<table id="resulttable" class="userbox" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">
<tr>
<td id="resultid" class="id" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(221, 221, 221); line-height: 3.5em;">‎HELP‎ </td>
<td id="resultinfo" class="info" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(238, 238, 238); line-height: 1.2em;">‎ how do uou make userboxes‎ ‎ </td>
</tr>
</table>

<table id="resulttable" class="userbox" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">
<tr>
<td id="resultid" class="id" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(221, 221, 221); line-height: 3.5em;">‎[insert trout here]‎ </td>
<td id="resultinfo" class="info" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(238, 238, 238); line-height: 1.2em;">‎ pls someone make a template for this im just an english major‎ ‎ </td>
</tr>
</table>

[[User:Kevinson|Kevinson]] ([[User talk:Kevinson|talk]]) writes:

My dearest Benner,

I write to you now in a time of great need. The passage of time has been unkind, and I require your assistance in the perpetual war we wage upon chaos and disorder. More specifically, I humbly request that you update the pages of Treasurers [[noahking|Noah]], and [[rtosh|Ryan]], such that their pages include an officer position box with accurate tenures, plus the biographies that CorSec [[ngaynor|Nathan]] has written for them. If you require a template, Treasurer [[skroneme|Theo's]] page should provide an apt example. I would do it myself, but I am bedridden with illness (lazy), and also I just want someone else to go through the motions of updating officers on the wiki.

Your humble servant,

kevinson - 13:15, 2024-11-19
::It shall be done. - [[Bennerr]], 13:22, 2024-11-19

Kevin Recruitment Committee

2024-11-19T04:52:19Z

Bennerr: Kevins will now be forever memorialized in the wiki

The '''Kevin Recruitment Committee''' seeks to increase the number of GBM attendees who are named Kevin. The tactics used most often are guerrilla recruitment and forced name changes, however members occasionally decide to simply remove all non-Kevins from meetings. Each new Kevin is integrated into the Kevin Voting Bloc, which attempts to pass standing rules beneficial to Kevins.

[[Category:Committees]]

Speedrunning Committee

2024-11-18T18:35:55Z

Bennerr: fixed error w/ how links are shown

The '''Speedrunning Committee''' is dedicated to uncovering the most innovative and underappreciated speedrunning categories on Speedrun.com. The committee is chaired by the KGB member who wins a world record in any such speedrunning categories. Currently, that person does not exist :(

Below are examples of different categories highlighted by the Speedrunning Committee:

'''Portal 2:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/portal_2_category_extensions?h=MW2_No_Target_wp2_in_background-The_Pit&x=q25g7g8d-9l71v4pl.jqzygx8l MW2 No Target w/p2 in background%]]<br />
'''Metal Gear Solid:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/mgs1ce?h=Any-guitar-hero-controller&x=xd1j7z8d-jlzrdz78.q65963jl Guitar Hero Controller]]<br />
'''Cooking Mama 2:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/cmce?h=Cooking_Mama_2_-_Burn_a_Pie_IRL-Prepackaged&x=w203lxj2-wl30grvl.814gj5j1 Burn a Pie IRL]]<br />
'''Just Dance:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/just_dance_category_extensions?h=All_Songs_Blindfolded-jd2024&x=zd3rv68d-e8mqgrvn.qyzn5yd1 All Songs Blindfolded]]<br />
'''Dark Souls 2:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/darksouls2_category_extensions?h=stairless&x=jdzxxv32 Stairless]]<br />
'''Henry Stickmin:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/hsce?h=Walkthough&x=jdzwnvgd Walkthrough%]]<br />
'''Scooby-Doo! Night of 100 Frights:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/n100fmemes?h=Dancepad&x=xk9lqmxk Dancepad]]<br />
'''Undertale:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/undertalecategoryextensions?h=GDQ-neutral&x=5dwpmrnk-gnxz448v.21g9ewmq GDQ%]]<br />
'''Dishonored:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/dishonoredce?h=Australia&x=ndx956od Australia%]]

[[Category:Committees]]

Speedrunning Committee

2024-11-18T18:34:29Z

Bennerr: Speedrunning Comittee page created

The '''Speedrunning Committee''' is dedicated to uncovering the most innovative and underappreciated speedrunning categories on Speedrun.com. The committee is chaired by the KGB member who wins a world record in any such speedrunning categories. Currently, that person does not exist :(

Below are examples of different categories highlighted by the Speedrunning Committee:

'''Portal 2:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/portal_2_category_extensions?h=MW2_No_Target_wp2_in_background-The_Pit&x=q25g7g8d-9l71v4pl.jqzygx8l | MW2 No Target w/p2 in background%]]<br />
'''Metal Gear Solid:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/mgs1ce?h=Any-guitar-hero-controller&x=xd1j7z8d-jlzrdz78.q65963jl | Guitar Hero Controller]]<br />
'''Cooking Mama 2:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/cmce?h=Cooking_Mama_2_-_Burn_a_Pie_IRL-Prepackaged&x=w203lxj2-wl30grvl.814gj5j1 | Burn a Pie IRL]]<br />
'''Just Dance:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/just_dance_category_extensions?h=All_Songs_Blindfolded-jd2024&x=zd3rv68d-e8mqgrvn.qyzn5yd1 | All Songs Blindfolded]]<br />
'''Dark Souls 2:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/darksouls2_category_extensions?h=stairless&x=jdzxxv32 | Stairless]]<br />
'''Henry Stickmin:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/hsce?h=Walkthough&x=jdzwnvgd | Walkthrough%]]<br />
'''Scooby-Doo! Night of 100 Frights:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/n100fmemes?h=Dancepad&x=xk9lqmxk | Dancepad]]
'''Undertale:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/undertalecategoryextensions?h=GDQ-neutral&x=5dwpmrnk-gnxz448v.21g9ewmq | GDQ%]]<br />
'''Dishonored:''' [[https://www.speedrun.com/dishonoredce?h=Australia&x=ndx956od | Australia%]]

[[Category:Committees]]

The Lingering Curse Committee

2024-11-15T20:22:40Z

Bennerr: Created a committee page for the Lingering Curse Committee

'''The Lingering Curse Committee''', officially named "Motion to create the lingering curse committee should be charitably given to a victim, suggestion: this committee’s head can bequeath it to another person against their will, and that person suffers the adverse effects of having to run this committee as to be decided by the buyer Committee", is a committee dedicated to giving different KGB members the "Lingering Curse" at each GBM. The holder of the curse then becomes the new head of the committee, and then decides on a new target at the next meeting. Though the KGB is not entirely sure on what the Lingering Curse is, it has incapacitated every officer who has had it and made them unable to make the weekly Exec meeting. Thus it can be safe to assume that not only is the Lingering Curse real, it is also, in fact, a bio-weapon.

[[Category:Committees]]

Bennerr

2024-11-15T20:05:36Z

Bennerr: capitalization :/

'''Benner''' is a perpetual inhabitant of the Wean 5202 computer lab. Within the computer lab she is often found photoshopping images for README and posters for very serious issues that she posts around campus. She also enjoys perusing Wikipedia and being really bad at video games. Benner is currently majoring in Literature and Culture and Russian Studies, with an additional minor in Game Design. She swears that the Russian Studies major is unrelated to her position in the KGB, however some shadowy overheard phone calls to the Russian embassy suggest possible defection.

Do not ask Benner why she decided to come to CMU to get an English degree. She does not know.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===ONEVeep, 2024-2025===
Benner was elected to 1VP her sophomore year, and spends much of her time imagining how she would take power if a terrible accident were to befall the President. Rumor has it that she carries a Nerf gun on her at all times, ensuring she is able to seize control of the KGB at a moment's notice. Benner uses her photoshop skills to post stories for the KGB's Instagram(provided she remembers to do so). She has absolutely never posted a KGB story to her personal Instagram account. Never. Ever.

===Sergeant at Arms, 2023-2024===
Benner rose up into the ranks of KGB leadership as a freshman in 2024 after former 2VP Howie "stepped down" from leadership "willingly" due to "scheduling conflicts". Thankfully, Benner was strangely prepared to fill the empty position caused by the exec shakeup. Benner spent most of her time trapped in the prison of the Wean computer labs, damned to spend the rest of her days fucking around on photoshop at midnight lest the soul of Andrew Carnegie drag her down to hell(force her to walk through Doherty to get to her dorm room).

As the only English major in all of Carnegie Mellon, Benner was kidnapped at gunpoint by Eshaan and Kevin to write for README when it was resurrected in 2024. She says she only contributes to continue the USSR's long and illustrious tradition of propaganda, however the missing printing funds say otherwise.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[djyin|Daniel Yin]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2023 Officers|2023-2024]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[asueiro|Avalon Sueiro]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$1VP}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Bennerr

2024-11-15T20:04:38Z

Bennerr: Update w/ info on self

'''Benner''' is a perpetual inhabitant of the Wean 5202 computer lab. Within the computer lab she is often found photoshopping images for README and posters for very serious issues that she posts around campus. She also enjoys perusing Wikipedia and being really bad at video games. Benner is currently majoring in Literature and Culture and Russian Studies, with an additional minor in Game Design. She swears that the Russian Studies major is unrelated to her position in the KGB, however some shadowy overheard phone calls to the Russian Embassy suggest possible defection.

Do not ask Benner why she decided to come to CMU to get an English degree. She does not know.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===ONEVeep, 2024-2025===
Benner was elected to 1VP her sophomore year, and spends much of her time imagining how she would take power if a terrible accident were to befall the President. Rumor has it that she carries a Nerf gun on her at all times, ensuring she is able to seize control of the KGB at a moment's notice. Benner uses her photoshop skills to post stories for the KGB's Instagram(provided she remembers to do so). She has absolutely never posted a KGB story to her personal Instagram account. Never. Ever.

===Sergeant at Arms, 2023-2024===
Benner rose up into the ranks of KGB leadership as a freshman in 2024 after former 2VP Howie "stepped down" from leadership "willingly" due to "scheduling conflicts". Thankfully, Benner was strangely prepared to fill the empty position caused by the exec shakeup. Benner spent most of her time trapped in the prison of the Wean computer labs, damned to spend the rest of her days fucking around on photoshop at midnight lest the soul of Andrew Carnegie drag her down to hell(force her to walk through Doherty to get to her dorm room).

As the only English major in all of Carnegie Mellon, Benner was kidnapped at gunpoint by Eshaan and Kevin to write for README when it was resurrected in 2024. She says she only contributes to continue the USSR's long and illustrious tradition of propaganda, however the missing printing funds say otherwise.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[djyin|Daniel Yin]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2023 Officers|2023-2024]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[asueiro|Avalon Sueiro]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$1VP}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Wikipedia Committee

2024-11-15T19:59:27Z

Bennerr: Added to Committees category

The Wikipedia Committee is dedicated to unearthing the deepest secrets of Wikipedia. Research and reports are done by [[Bennerr]], the committee chair and only person who enjoys spending hours scrolling through editor forums for hours on end. If you enjoy Wikipedia you should add an article you would like to see reported on to her [[User talk:Bennerr|talk page]] to prove your dedication to the art of the wiki.

{{trout}}

[[Category:Committees]]

Wikipedia Committee

2024-11-15T19:56:13Z

Bennerr: link added

Dayton, Ohio Committee

2024-10-08T21:04:53Z

Bennerr: i am from ohio

Purpose: to date an Ohio

People from Ohio include: [[cbuckey]], [[ghannema]], [[zsparks]], [[jcolmar]], [[cjanke]], [[eforney]], [[bennerr]]

[[Category:Committees]]

Template:Trout

2024-10-08T17:27:30Z

Bennerr: reminder to self to look at image uploads and see what is up

This template will be completed when [[Bennerr]] figures out how to upload images properly.

Wikipedia Committee

2024-10-08T17:23:51Z

Bennerr: WHACK!

The Wikipedia Committee is dedicated to unearthing the deepest secrets of Wikipedia. Research and reports are done by [[Bennerr]], the committee chair and only person who enjoys spending hours scrolling through editor forums for hours on end. If you enjoy Wikipedia you should add an article you would like to see reported on to her talk page to prove your dedication to the art of the wiki.

{{trout}}

Wikipedia Committee

2024-10-08T17:21:30Z

Bennerr: I Love Wikipedia

The Wikipedia Committee is dedicated to unearthing the deepest secrets of Wikipedia. Research and reports are done by [[Bennerr]], the committee chair and only person who enjoys spending hours scrolling through editor forums for hours on end. If you enjoy Wikipedia you should add an article you would like to see reported on to her talk page to prove your dedication to the art of the wiki.

User talk:Bennerr

2024-10-08T16:55:23Z

Bennerr: hi kevin

User talk:Bennerr

2024-10-08T00:18:27Z

Bennerr: deleted now that i have made a userbox

This is my talk page bc i can make one of those fuckers. I am awesome and the coolest member of kgb ever. If this isn't true, feel free to edit my talk page. You won't though bc no one will know it exists. This is my legacy now. Hell yeah.

EDIT: after some brief research I have come to the conclusion that I am the tenth person to make a user talk page on the kgb wiki. That's good enough for me :)

<table id="resulttable" class="userbox" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">
<tr>
<td id="resultid" class="id" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(221, 221, 221); line-height: 3.5em;">‎HELP‎ </td>
<td id="resultinfo" class="info" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(238, 238, 238); line-height: 1.2em;">‎ how do uou make userboxes‎ ‎ </td>
</tr>
</table>

<table id="resulttable" class="userbox" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">
<tr>
<td id="resultid" class="id" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(221, 221, 221); line-height: 3.5em;">‎[insert trout here]‎ </td>
<td id="resultinfo" class="info" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(238, 238, 238); line-height: 1.2em;">‎ pls someone make a template for this im just an english major‎ ‎ </td>
</tr>
</table>

User talk:Bennerr

2024-10-08T00:17:33Z

Bennerr: userboxes

This is my talk page bc i can make one of those fuckers. I am awesome and the coolest member of kgb ever. If this isn't true, feel free to edit my talk page. You won't though bc no one will know it exists. This is my legacy now. Hell yeah.

EDIT: after some brief research I have come to the conclusion that I am the tenth person to make a user talk page on the kgb wiki. That's good enough for me :)

pls let me make userboxes on this thing

<table id="resulttable" class="userbox" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">
<tr>
<td id="resultid" class="id" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(221, 221, 221); line-height: 3.5em;">‎HELP‎ </td>
<td id="resultinfo" class="info" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(238, 238, 238); line-height: 1.2em;">‎ how do uou make userboxes‎ ‎ </td>
</tr>
</table>

<table id="resulttable" class="userbox" style="border-collapse: collapse; border-color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">
<tr>
<td id="resultid" class="id" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(221, 221, 221); line-height: 3.5em;">‎[insert trout here]‎ </td>
<td id="resultinfo" class="info" style="border: 1px solid rgb(153, 153, 153); color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background: rgb(238, 238, 238); line-height: 1.2em;">‎ pls someone make a template for this im just an english major‎ ‎ </td>
</tr>
</table>

User talk:Bennerr

2024-10-08T00:02:10Z

Bennerr: edit

User talk:Bennerr

2024-10-07T23:56:23Z

Bennerr: bennerr is talking

Bennerr

2024-09-09T17:09:03Z

Bennerr: im rlly bad at formatting this oopsie

'''Benner''' is a perpetual inhabitant of the Wean 5202 computer lab. Within the computer lab she is often found photoshopping images for README and posters for very serious issues that she posts around campus. She also enjoys perusing Wikipedia and being really bad at video games.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===ONEVeep, 2024-2025===
Benner was elected to 1VP her sophomore year, and spends much of her time imagining how she would take power if a terrible accident were to befall the President. Rumor has it that she carries a Nerf gun on her at all times, ensuring she is able to seize control of the KGB at a moment's notice. Benner uses her photoshop skills to post stories for the KGB's Instagram(provided she remembers to do so). She has absolutely never posted a KGB story to her personal Instagram account. Never. Ever.

===Sergeant at Arms, 2023-2024===
Benner rose up into the ranks of KGB leadership as a freshman in 2024 after former 2VP Howie "stepped down" from leadership "willingly" due to "scheduling conflicts". Thankfully, Benner was strangely prepared to fill the empty position caused by the exec shakeup. Benner spent most of her time trapped in the prison of the Wean computer labs, damned to spend the rest of her days fucking around on photoshop at midnight lest the soul of Andrew Carnegie drag her down to hell(force her to walk through Doherty to get to her dorm room).

As the only English major in all of Carnegie Mellon, Benner was kidnapped at gunpoint by Eshaan and Kevin to write for README when it was resurrected in 2024. She says she only contributes to continue the USSR's long and illustrious tradition of propaganda, however the missing printing funds say otherwise.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[djyin|Daniel Yin]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2023 Officers|2023-2024]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[asueiro|Avalon Sueiro]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$1VP}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Bennerr

2024-09-09T17:07:33Z

Bennerr: /* 1VP, 2024-2025 */

'''Benner''' is a perpetual inhabitant of the Wean 5202 computer lab. Within the computer lab she is often found photoshopping images for README and posters for very serious issues that she posts around campus. She also enjoys perusing Wikipedia and being really bad at video games.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===Sergeant at Arms, 2023-2024===
Benner rose up into the ranks of KGB leadership as a freshman in 2024 after former 2VP Howie "stepped down" from leadership "willingly" due to "scheduling conflicts". Thankfully, Benner was strangely prepared to fill the empty position caused by the exec shakeup. Benner spent most of her time trapped in the prison of the Wean computer labs, damned to spend the rest of her days fucking around on photoshop at midnight lest the soul of Andrew Carnegie drag her down to hell(force her to walk through Doherty to get to her dorm room).

As the only English major in all of Carnegie Mellon, Benner was kidnapped at gunpoint by Eshaan and Kevin to write for README when it was resurrected in 2024. She says she only contributes to continue the USSR's long and illustrious tradition of propaganda, however the missing printing funds say otherwise.

===ONEVeep, 2024-2025===
Benner was elected to 1VP her sophomore year, and spends much of her time imagining how she would take power if a terrible accident were to befall the President. Rumor has it that she carries a Nerf gun on her at all times, ensuring she is able to seize control of the KGB at a moment's notice. Benner uses her photoshop skills to post stories for the KGB's Instagram(provided she remembers to do so). She has absolutely never posted a KGB story to her personal Instagram account. Never. Ever.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[djyin|Daniel Yin]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2023 Officers|2023-2024]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[asueiro|Avalon Sueiro]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$1VP}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Bennerr

2024-09-09T17:04:51Z

Bennerr: bennerr was here

'''Benner''' is a perpetual inhabitant of the Wean 5202 computer lab. Within the computer lab she is often found photoshopping images for README and posters for very serious issues that she posts around campus. She also enjoys perusing Wikipedia and being really bad at video games.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===Sergeant at Arms, 2023-2024===
Benner rose up into the ranks of KGB leadership as a freshman in 2024 after former 2VP Howie "stepped down" from leadership "willingly" due to "scheduling conflicts". Thankfully, Benner was strangely prepared to fill the empty position caused by the exec shakeup. Benner spent most of her time trapped in the prison of the Wean computer labs, damned to spend the rest of her days fucking around on photoshop at midnight lest the soul of Andrew Carnegie drag her down to hell(force her to walk through Doherty to get to her dorm room).

As the only English major in all of Carnegie Mellon, Benner was kidnapped at gunpoint by Eshaan and Kevin to write for README when it was resurrected in 2024. She says she only contributes to continue the USSR's long and illustrious tradition of propaganda, however the missing printing funds say otherwise.

===1VP, 2024-2025===
Benner was elected to 1VP her sophomore year, and spends much of her time imagining how she would take power if a terrible accident were to befall the President. Rumor has it that she carries a Nerf gun on her at all times, ensuring she is able to seize control of the KGB at a moment's notice. Benner uses her photoshop skills to post stories for the KGB's Instagram(provided she remembers to do so). She has absolutely never posted a KGB story to her personal Instagram account. Never. Ever.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[djyin|Daniel Yin]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2023 Officers|2023-2024]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[asueiro|Avalon Sueiro]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$1VP}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Bennerr

2024-09-09T16:53:40Z

Bennerr: formatting

==Officer Dossiers:==

===Sergeant at Arms, 2023-2024===
'''Benner''' rose up into the ranks of KGB leadership as a freshman in 2024 after former 2VP Howie "stepped down" from leadership "willingly" due to "scheduling conflicts". Thankfully, Benner was strangely prepared to fill the empty position caused by the exec shakeup. Benner spent most of her time trapped in the prison of the Wean computer labs, damned to spend the rest of her days fucking around on photoshop at midnight lest the soul of Andrew Carnegie drag her down to hell(force her to walk through Doherty to get to her dorm room).

As the only English major in all of Carnegie Mellon, Benner was kidnapped at gunpoint by Eshaan and Kevin to write for README when it was resurrected in 2024. She says she only contributes to continue the USSR's long and illustrious tradition of propaganda, however the missing printing funds say otherwise.

===1VP, 2024-2025===
Benner was elected to 1VP her sophomore year, and spends much of her time imagining how she would take power if a terrible accident were to befall the President. Rumor has it that she carries a Nerf gun on her at all times, ensuring she is able to seize control of the KGB at a moment's notice. Benner uses her photoshop skills to post stories for the KGB's Instagram(provided she remembers to do so). She has absolutely never posted a KGB story to her personal Instagram account. Never. Ever.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[djyin|Daniel Yin]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2023 Officers|2023-2024]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[asueiro|Avalon Sueiro]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$1VP}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Bennerr

2024-09-09T16:51:25Z

Bennerr: update to include 1VP stuff

'''Benner''' rose up into the ranks of KGB leadership as a freshman in 2024 after former 2VP Howie "stepped down" from leadership "willingly" due to "scheduling conflicts". Thankfully, Benner was strangely prepared to fill the empty position caused by the exec shakeup. Benner spent most of her time trapped in the prison of the Wean computer labs, damned to spend the rest of her days fucking around on photoshop at midnight lest the soul of Andrew Carnegie drag her down to hell(force her to walk through Doherty to get to her dorm room).

As the only English major in all of Carnegie Mellon, Benner was kidnapped at gunpoint by Eshaan and Kevin to write for README when it was resurrected in 2024. She says she only contributes to continue the USSR's long and illustrious tradition of propaganda, however the missing printing funds say otherwise.

Benner was elected to 1VP her sophomore year, and spends much of her time imagining how she would take power if a terrible accident were to befall the President. Rumor has it that she carries a Nerf gun on her at all times, ensuring she is able to seize control of the KGB at a moment's notice. Benner uses her photoshop skills to post stories for the KGB's Instagram(provided she remembers to do so). She has absolutely never posted a KGB story to her personal Instagram account. Never. Ever.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[djyin|Daniel Yin]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2023 Officers|2023-2024]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[asueiro|Avalon Sueiro]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$1VP}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Cluster

2024-03-01T04:35:53Z

Bennerr: rip cluster

The [[CMU]] campus has number computer ''clusters''. These are available to any [[CMU]] student to use.

Of particular note are the [[Wean]] clusters. These clusters were very popular among [[KGB]] [[members]], and were frequently the site of impromptu [[:category:events|events]] and goings on. They have since been replaced by clu*.

Around the 1991 time frame, there was a small cluster on the first floor of the Mudge dorm that generally had a free machine even when the other clusters filled up. By 2007 it appears to have been replaced by exercise equipment.

"Cluster" may be a misspelling of "clu*," also known as <s>the Wean 5207 Linux Cluster</s> the Gates 3000 Cluster.

Gates 3000, also called 3k, is the main room currently referred to as "cluster" by KGB members. It has beanbags, Macs that don't work and <s>walls</s> whiteboards.

In 2023 sworn enemies of the KGB conspired to have card access added to Gates 3000. One day KGB will have its revenge.

[[category:Campus features]]
[[Category:KGB Domiciles]]

Readme

2024-03-01T04:25:22Z

Bennerr: pay me Eshaan

[[readme]] is a satirical newsletter on campus. It's a lot better than [[The Tartan]] and almost as awesome as [[Pravda?]].

They have a [https://www.cmureadme.com/ website]!

[[eforney]] was the Editor-in-Chef the same [[2011 Officers|year]] she served as [[President]] of the [[KGB]].

[[rbullen rkuhn|Rachel]] (BUT WHICH ONE???), [[ikrislov|Ivy]], and [[Vis]] took up leadership with two other non-KGB members, thus continuing the total encompassing of readme in KGB.

Other KGB/readme members: [[anbrown]], [[memcginn]], [[fwatson]], occasionally [[Bubbles]], occasionally [[tbroman]].

Update: The fact that [[eforney]] has not spontaneously combusted due to being on the boards of everything forever is yet another thing that has stumped the [[:Category:Physicists|Physicists]]. I am not saying that their field is becoming more and more lame because it has not yet gotten a person on mars or invented a TARDIS, but actually, yes I am.

Well, obviously I'm a Time Lady --[[User:Eforney|eforney]] 14:00, 16 January 2013 (EST)

[[Rin]] was the Editor-in-Chef the same [[2016 Officers|year]] she served as [[CorSec]]. Around this time, Dylan Vrana, Skye Toor, Mark Saporta, Cameron Wong, (Fable?), Nick Rauen, and other KGB affiliates were common writers.

After languishing a few years in discontinuation, readme was brought back in 2024 thanks to a concerted effort from then president [[kevinson|Kevin Song]] and slightly concerning member [[User:evj|Eshaan]]. The two took over readme from the Activities Board and printed the first issue of New readme (sponsored by New Coke), on Feb 1st 2024. Consistent backlash from Mothers Against Drunk Driving may cause readme to go under once more, but as of now, the paper continues to cause misfortune.

[[bennerr|Benner]] repeatedly argues that she only joined because she was promised 5 bushels of corn an issue, however some unfortunate blackmail regarding thousands of marbles being released down the Baker/Porter hallway has kept her in line for now.

Bennerr

2024-03-01T04:15:32Z

Bennerr: just like me fr

'''Benner''' rose up into the ranks of KGB leadership after former 2VP Howie "stepped down" from leadership "willingly" due to "scheduling conflicts". Thankfully, Benner was strangely prepared to fill the empty position caused by the exec shakeup. Benner spends most of her time trapped in the prison of the Wean computer labs, damned to spend the rest of her days fucking around on photoshop at midnight lest the soul of Andrew Carnegie drag her down to hell(force her to walk through Doherty to get to her dorm room).

As the only English major in all of Carnegie Mellon, Benner was kidnapped at gunpoint by Eshaan and Kevin to write for README when it was resurrected in 2024. She says she only contributes to continue the USSR's long and illustrious tradition of propaganda, however the missing printing funds say otherwise.