KGB Wiki - User contributions [en]

Talk:Escape velocity

2006-12-22T20:35:40Z

Dlstern:

I have restored it to somewhat reflect why it exists in the first place, but will not delete it as I think it does have a semi-reasonable purpose if properly tended. [[User:Dlstern|Dlstern]] 15:35, 22 December 2006 (EST)

I'd delete this myself, but I lack the [http://wow.blupp.net/item.php?id=383470 Staff of the Admins]. [[User:Alan|Alan]] 19:08, 21 December 2006 (EST)

Escape velocity

2006-12-22T20:33:29Z

Dlstern:

The speed at which a [[KGB]] member can break free from [[Pittsburgh]]'s gravity and go somewhere else, becoming a vile [[Defector]]. Achieving this is harder than one might think.

Baker Hall

2006-12-15T06:13:06Z

Dlstern: chairing has been given its proper name

'''Baker Hall''' (September 28, 1937- ) was a gift from the goddess Athena to the citizens of Paris in honor of the discovery of [[truth]]. However, it got lost in the mail and somehow ended up on the [[Carnegie Mellon]] campus. It is home to a lot of H&SS classes and departments. One of its most notable features is the long, ramped hallways that flow into [[Porter Hall]] wchich are an excpetionally prime location for [[chairing]].

[[Category:Buildings]]

Natrat

2006-12-08T02:27:54Z

Dlstern:

Hehehe

Cross of their own inattention

2006-12-08T02:27:31Z

Dlstern:

#REDIRECT [[Natrat]]

Useless People Auction

2006-12-08T02:25:31Z

Dlstern: /* The History */

=The Event as it Stands Today=
Formerly known as the slave auction, the [[useless people auction]] is an annual [[:category:events|event]] at which [[KGB]] auctions off its [[members]]. Traditionally, [[members]] volunteer to auction six hours of their time to the buyer and can designate someone to outbid anyone they don't want to be bought by. [[KGB]] does not want to know what you do with your useless people.

Frequently, in addition to listing things they can do, useless people encourage people to increase bids by doing tricks, such as push-ups and headstands. In one memorable auction, two groups kept outbidding one another to purchase [[gwillen]]. One group would increase its bid in exchange for [[gwillen]] removing his shirt, and the other would increase its bid when he put it back on.

=The History=
The auction was orginally instantiated as a [[KGB]] [[:category:events|event]] in the days of [[sk4p|Yore]]. It was not repeated until the 2001/2002 academic year, where it proved to be a ludicrously successful means for separating [[KGB]] [[members]] from their money. For two years, the auction (under the name Slave Auction) garnered substantial funds for the [[KGB|organization]]'s [[Booth]].

In the 2003/2004 academic year, the event generated considerable controversy. A group of [[hippies|"concerned students"]] complained, composing an email to the [[KGB]]. They found the name to be racist, and much furor was generated. Part of the response stemmed from the accidental scheduling of the event for the same week as Martin Luther King Jr. Day, creating far more offense than was intended.

In recognition of the legitimate claim of offense due to the unfortunate timing, the [[KGB|organization]] decided to change the name of the event, over a vigorous and vociferous dissent (many members were unwilling to acquiesce to what they saw as an unreasonable demand). The name for the event that year was the [THIS SPACE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK] Auction.

During the event, the [[KGB|organization]] was treated to a silent protest during [[lmarsh]]'s provocative and lucrative auction. Subsequently, the [[Tartan]] published a Letter to the Editor complaining about the objectification and implicit discrimination inherent in such an event. The article contained numberous errors, and illicted a response from [[ykhodor]] in the following week's letters to the editor. The follow-up was accompanied by a retraction from the [[Tartan]].

Verily, all were pleased by this result. Except for those who were offended in the first place and except for the [[Tartan]], the editors of which were subsequently [[Pants of the Revolution|crucified]] on a [[cross of their own inattention]].

[[category:Events]]

Hegel

2006-11-20T09:05:03Z

Dlstern:

''I'm sorry that I wasn't at your party''

''I was busy deconstructing Hegel''

Hegel

2006-11-20T09:04:15Z

Dlstern:

''I'm sorry that I wasn't at your party
I was busy deconstructing Hegel''

User:Dlstern

2006-11-17T05:05:26Z

Dlstern:

I r der president!

I r not der commissioner of the National Basketball Association!

Talk:Translocation

2006-11-16T04:50:12Z

Dlstern:

this is also the million dollar hole, right? If so, that should be mentioned in the main article.

Random Art on Campus

2006-11-16T04:49:09Z

Dlstern:

Any of several pieces of "art" which inexplicaply pop up on CMU property. They include, but are not limited to:

* [[Walking to the Sky]]
* Kraus Campo
* [[Mao Yisheng]]
* The [[orange thing]] in front of [[Wean]]
* The ... "body" beads near DH.
* [[Translocation]]
* [[Hate Kills]]

The phrase is also used by KGB members to refer to mysterious things that KGB members have nothing to do with, such as giant penguins on the roof of Wean, or thrones in the middle of the cut.

[[Category:Campus features]]

User:Csjackso

2006-11-15T02:53:49Z

Dlstern:

E-mail: csjackso@andrew.cmu.edu

Officer Dossiers:

2nd VP, Poophead, 2006-2007:

Criminally Sane Jackson is, in fact, not at all criminally sane. Sometimes a name just sticks, y'know? An interesting fact of note is that this picture is actually of his evil twin who plots his demise at every turn. The most obvious way to spot the fake Chris Jackson is, of course, the goatee. More subtle differences include the evil twin's constant need to nefariously cackle as his evil machinations are set in motion, and an insatiable craving for the letter 5. Great care should be taken when approaching any Chris Jackson.

Goggles and gloves recommended. Geiger counter optional, but also strongly advised.

Written By: [[User:Ddagradi]]

CorSec, 2005-2006:

Born in 3006, Chris Jackson belongs to KGB's top-secret time squad, sent back into the early days of the USSR to assassinate Trotsky with a giant duffle bag of useless trinkets. Alas, Trotsky slipped from his grasp initially, but, using the alias Frank Jackson, Chris was able to finally defeat his nemesis with an icepick. A delayed action icepick. To the brain. Other nemeses not-so-promptly-but-eventually dispatched: Rasputin, Julius Caesar, Woodrow Wilson.

Current Temporal Coordinates: November 5th, 1605. Target: Parliament

Written By: [[User:Csjackso]]

General body members

2006-11-13T15:53:41Z

Dlstern:

These are our fine KGB members.

* [[aballard]]
* [[aij]]
* [[aleffert]]
* [[areese]]
* [[astromme]]
* [[cgwright]]
* [[cmartens]]
* [[cpride]]
* [[csawyer]]
* [[csjackso]]
* [[ddagradi]]
* [[djreed]]
* [[djurado]]
* [[dlstern]]
* [[dpalexan]]
* [[dpardo]]
* [[edanaher]]
* [[ehohenst]]
* [[eleather]]
* [[ghannema]]
* [[greg4]]
* [[groenberg]]
* [[gwillen]]
* [[gzearfos]]
* [[jcdavis]]
* [[jciscon]]
* [[jdkaufma]]
* [[jgg]]
* [[jsp16]]
* [[krivard]]
* [[ksubrama]]
* [[labbott]]
* [[lea]]
* [[leet]]
* [[maument]]
* [[mmorrill]]
* [[mspindle]]
* [[mstephen]]
* [[mvarshav]]
* [[pdesider]]
* [[pm39]]
* [[pmellott]]
* [[pwasserm]]
* [[pwg]]
* [[rbiggs]]
* [[rhalstea]]
* [[rlane]]
* [[rmacclou]]
* [[rszewczy]]
* [[shawn]]
* [[tcrow]]
* [[tlw]]
* [[tpburns]]
* [[vkaplan]]

College of Fine Arts

2006-11-13T15:53:06Z

Dlstern:

The '''College of Fine Arts''', usually '''CFA''', is a large and impressive [[Beaux-Arts]] building on the [[Carnegie Mellon University]] campus. Its cornerstone gives the date of its construction as MCMXII, but in the absence of any actual numbers on the stone the date of CFA's construction must remain a mystery. Similarly, the large inscriptions on the west side of the building describe its five departments as Drama, Painting, Scvlptvre, Architechtvre, and Mvsic, but, as only two of those are words, what actual is studied there is somewhat indiscernible.

The abbreviation CFA is often asserted to stand for "Can't Fucking Spell", in reference to the misspellings and infelicities that litter the building's large and majestic murals, the general inability of harried and unfocused music majors to assemble the letters of the English language in their proper order, and the fact that, due to obscure long-term repercussions of the [[Hawley-Smoot Tariff]], it actually ''does'' stand for "Can't Fucking Spell".

The CFA building was recently one of the filming locations for the short film [[The Icon of St. Cyril]], starring [[Elise Walton]]. It also is home to the Kresge Theater and its interesting, if not famous, [[tension grid]].

Kage

2006-11-10T09:42:43Z

Dlstern: Added info about our newer new Kage in New House

The [[KGB]] Kage is the place where we keep all of our [[hopes]] and [[dreams]]. It is our storage site and primary building location for [[Booth]].

The first Kage was located in the B sub-basement of [[Margaret Morrison]]. It was originally a simple, empty cage, unoccupied and unhappy. Then daring young [[KGB]] members came upon it, placed a luck upon its sacred door, and waited. When, after a year, they found the lock still thereupon, they christened the Kage and moved in.

In the year 2003, the [[College of Fine Arts]], which controls [[Margaret Morrison]], lost its Design cluster to the children's school. As a result, they started to turn their attention to the lower basements, where the Kage, as well as other student organizations kept their stuff. The intrepid, fearless [[President]] of the [[KGB]] that year organized the other student leaders who controlled space in the basements of [[Margaret Morrison]] to resist the encroachment of [[CFA]], and was successful. However, as soon as that [[President]]'s tenure came to an end, and the negligent leadership of the following year took power, [[CFA]] swooped in and destroyed everything on the B sub-basement, including that glorious Kage.

The Kage was then located in the C sub-basement, and it was a very nice Kage, with lots of headroom. The Kage had a sign above the door which, during booth season said, "Welcome!" During other seasons, the sign said, "Fuck off!" The Kage contains many wonders, but is now in a different place.

In 2006, they finally got us to leave [[Margaret Morrison]], by giving us a room right under [[New House]]. There's much less headroom, but you can't beat the commute to [[Midway]].

The Kage is entrusted to the keeping of the [[Sargeant at Arms]]. Any [[stuff]] that is collected for [[KGB]] should be given to the [[Sargeant at Arms]] for storage until such time as the revolution finds a use for it.

Purple

2006-11-09T13:44:55Z

Dlstern:

According to Article VI, Section 3 of the [[Bylaws]], the color of [[elections]] shall be purple.

It is also said that a motion to purple is always in order during a KGB meeting.

[[category:Inside jokes]]

Talk:Meetings

2006-11-07T06:44:22Z

Dlstern:

We don't meet in 303 anymore, what the hell is the number of the room we do meet in?

General body members

2006-11-07T06:35:57Z

Dlstern:

These are our fine non-officerial KGB members

Buy more tangerines

2006-11-07T06:34:15Z

Dlstern: formatting

Originally featured as the last line of an early rambling promotional [[KGB]] flier, "Why aren't you buying more tangerines?" has become an organizational catchphrase.

==The flier text==

Boogie until you puke, no wait, come to KGB Mondays at 4:30 PM in Breed Hall (Margaret Morrison 103). [footnote: nowadays it's every Monday at 4:30 PM in Margaret Morrison A14.] We love you. You'll love us. Give us money. You can be a member of the most gratuitously silly campus organization in existence. KGB is like Orange Juice. It's like everything you've ever known that's good for you. So, run and tell your mother that you'll be busy on Monday evening because you're going to join the KGB. No, we don't hate Boris Yeltsin, honest, really. Bring as many friends as you have. Bring as much food as you have. Bring as much money as you have. Bring all of your clothing and as much canned yams as you can buy on short notice. No shoes, no shirt, no service. The other day, Mike Murphy said to me, "Hey, you know I might join the KGB." I didn't believe him, and you probably shouldn't believe me. Rampant consumerism is destroying the American work ethic, but you can still join the KGB. Polyester leisure suits are still out of style, but everyone cool is still a member of KGB. KGB, KGB, KGB. Why aren't you out buying more TANGERINES?!!?!?!??!

[[category:Inside jokes]]

Buy more tangerines

2006-11-07T06:32:33Z

Dlstern: added full flier text

Originally featured as the last line of an early rambling promotional [[KGB]] flier, "Why aren't you buying more tangerines?" has become an organizational catchphrase.

The text of this flier was as follows:

Boogie until you puke, no wait, come to KGB Mondays at 4:30 PM in Breed Hall (Margaret Morrison 103). [footnote: nowadays it's every Monday at 4:30 PM in Margaret Morrison A14.] We love you. You'll love us. Give us money. You can be a member of the most gratuitously silly campus organization in existence. KGB is like Orange Juice. It's like everything you've ever known that's good for you. So, run and tell your mother that you'll be busy on Monday evening because you're going to join the KGB. No, we don't hate Boris Yeltsin, honest, really. Bring as many friends as you have. Bring as much food as you have. Bring as much money as you have. Bring all of your clothing and as much canned yams as you can buy on short notice. No shoes, no shirt, no service. The other day, Mike Murphy said to me, ``Hey, you know I might join the KGB.'' I didn't believe him, and you probably shouldn't believe me. Rampant consumerism is destroying the American work ethic, but you can still join the KGB. Polyester leisure suits are still out of style, but everyone cool is still a member of KGB. KGB, KGB, KGB. Why aren't you out buying more TANGERINES?!!?!?!??!

[[category:Inside jokes]]

User:Creidieki

2006-10-22T01:46:10Z

Dlstern: capitalization

Creideiki is a 50 foot tall beast of a man, who strides through the internets with his blue ox Babe, editing Wikis.

User:Creidieki

2006-10-22T01:45:53Z

Dlstern:

Creideiki is a 50 foot tall beast of a man, who strides through the internets with his blue ox babe, editing Wikis.

User:Dlstern

2006-10-20T04:17:18Z

Dlstern:

I r der president!