KGB Wiki - User contributions [en]

Committee to Hijack Protests and Campus Tours

2008-05-07T19:55:46Z

Glisson: /* Campus Tours */

==The Formation==

This [[committees|committee]] was formed in the Spring of 2003. In this semester there were many protests and rallies in opposition to America's actions in the middle east. Very active in the peace rallies was none other than [[KGB]]'s [[Agent M]], hero of the [[Members|People]] and then [[1st VP]]. [[Agent M]] was leading a massive march through Oakland when he came across an enthusiastic, junior member of the [[KGB|organization]], who was then the Corresponding Secretary. This brash fellow thought the idea of a protest delightful, and joined in whole-heartedly. Though he protested very loudly, he did not seem to be protesting quite the same things as the others present. In time, the march devolved into a spaghetti party at some guy's house.

The committee was formed at the [[Meetings|General Body meeting]] the next day. Fearing that all of his efforts toward peace would be subverted, [[Agent M]] challenged the committee's chairman to prove that he was as apolitical as he claimed, and to do so by exerting his efforts toward the next pro-war rally to occur.

Conveniently, there was one scheduled mere days later.

==The College Republicans==

The chairman called the committee together and brainstormed. Together they created a list of slogans to use on signs at the protest. The chairman made a quick trip to the art store, a quick trip to the [[Kage]], and they were good to go. The signs read as follows:

* Free Kevin Mitnick (Kevin Mitnick had, in fact, been released some weeks prior, and was speaking at [[CMU]] that very evening.)
* Colon Cancer: The Hidden Killer
* Wait! Eye of a Mayo Sandwich
* I Like My Wars Like I Like My Coffee... COVERED IN BEES!
* ICH MAG DIE SCHÖNEN GELBEN BLUMEN (Everything sounds scarier in German. This translates to "I like the pretty, yellow flowers.")
* You Have a Secret Admirer (This was meant to evoke fortune cookies. Under the main text, in a smaller font, read the words "In Bed.")

The [[KGB]] arrived at the flagpole in the [[Cut]] the next day. There were about a dozen of them. There were a dozen College Republicans. The media was there in force. They milled around for a while and were heavily interviewed. ([http://www.post-gazette.com/localnews/20030319prowarreg3p3.asp News coverage.]) Finally, they marched in a circle around the flagpole, singing "The Ants Go Marching," and marched off into the (proverbial) sunset.

==Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church==

The next major action of the committee came some months later. After the death of Mr. Rogers, may he rest peacefully in the Land of Makebelieve, Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church set out to show the world how terrible of a person Mr. Rogers (may his cardigans remain pristine and serve as a reminder to us for all eternity) was. For you see, Mr. Rogers (may his neighborhood prosper and suffer little crime for all perpetuity) was a minister in a church that was openly supportive of homosexuals, and never took the opportunity to use his statuts as a national celebrity to openly denounce them.

The [[KGB]] was within walking distance of one of the protest sites, and so they marched once again into the fray. This time they had the following signs:

* Shave the Whales
* God Hates Bags
* I support drilling
* Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
* Post further ideas to the bboard.
* Ambiguity: For a sooner tomorrow
* No test material on this sign.
* Deine Mutti hat mein Schild GEGESSEN (German again. This time is says, "Yo mama ate my sign.")

Upon their arrival, some counter protesters on the scene were heard to exclaim, "The surrealists are here!" Loyal [[Members|Comrades]] marched with their signs while the chairman hopped around screaming pertinent slogans such as, "Don't tread on me!" and "Free government for the colonies!"

Even the previously doubtful [[Agent M]] was in attendance, all tarted up. He was flirting pretty heavily with one of Fred Phelps's granddaughters.

==Campus Tours==

The committee never actually hijacked any campus tours. Chalk it up to apathy.

However, years later KGB members (unrelated to this committee) did in fact steal a small girl (who may or may not have been a plant) from a 2007 campus tour. This was caught on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL3QRz7CUR0

During another kidnapping, the kidnappers dropped out of trees onto their victim.

[[category:Committees]]
[[category:Stories]]

Committee to Hijack Protests and Campus Tours

2008-05-07T19:55:14Z

Glisson:

==The Formation==

This [[committees|committee]] was formed in the Spring of 2003. In this semester there were many protests and rallies in opposition to America's actions in the middle east. Very active in the peace rallies was none other than [[KGB]]'s [[Agent M]], hero of the [[Members|People]] and then [[1st VP]]. [[Agent M]] was leading a massive march through Oakland when he came across an enthusiastic, junior member of the [[KGB|organization]], who was then the Corresponding Secretary. This brash fellow thought the idea of a protest delightful, and joined in whole-heartedly. Though he protested very loudly, he did not seem to be protesting quite the same things as the others present. In time, the march devolved into a spaghetti party at some guy's house.

The committee was formed at the [[Meetings|General Body meeting]] the next day. Fearing that all of his efforts toward peace would be subverted, [[Agent M]] challenged the committee's chairman to prove that he was as apolitical as he claimed, and to do so by exerting his efforts toward the next pro-war rally to occur.

Conveniently, there was one scheduled mere days later.

==The College Republicans==

The chairman called the committee together and brainstormed. Together they created a list of slogans to use on signs at the protest. The chairman made a quick trip to the art store, a quick trip to the [[Kage]], and they were good to go. The signs read as follows:

* Free Kevin Mitnick (Kevin Mitnick had, in fact, been released some weeks prior, and was speaking at [[CMU]] that very evening.)
* Colon Cancer: The Hidden Killer
* Wait! Eye of a Mayo Sandwich
* I Like My Wars Like I Like My Coffee... COVERED IN BEES!
* ICH MAG DIE SCHÖNEN GELBEN BLUMEN (Everything sounds scarier in German. This translates to "I like the pretty, yellow flowers.")
* You Have a Secret Admirer (This was meant to evoke fortune cookies. Under the main text, in a smaller font, read the words "In Bed.")

The [[KGB]] arrived at the flagpole in the [[Cut]] the next day. There were about a dozen of them. There were a dozen College Republicans. The media was there in force. They milled around for a while and were heavily interviewed. ([http://www.post-gazette.com/localnews/20030319prowarreg3p3.asp News coverage.]) Finally, they marched in a circle around the flagpole, singing "The Ants Go Marching," and marched off into the (proverbial) sunset.

==Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church==

The next major action of the committee came some months later. After the death of Mr. Rogers, may he rest peacefully in the Land of Makebelieve, Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church set out to show the world how terrible of a person Mr. Rogers (may his cardigans remain pristine and serve as a reminder to us for all eternity) was. For you see, Mr. Rogers (may his neighborhood prosper and suffer little crime for all perpetuity) was a minister in a church that was openly supportive of homosexuals, and never took the opportunity to use his statuts as a national celebrity to openly denounce them.

The [[KGB]] was within walking distance of one of the protest sites, and so they marched once again into the fray. This time they had the following signs:

* Shave the Whales
* God Hates Bags
* I support drilling
* Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
* Post further ideas to the bboard.
* Ambiguity: For a sooner tomorrow
* No test material on this sign.
* Deine Mutti hat mein Schild GEGESSEN (German again. This time is says, "Yo mama ate my sign.")

Upon their arrival, some counter protesters on the scene were heard to exclaim, "The surrealists are here!" Loyal [[Members|Comrades]] marched with their signs while the chairman hopped around screaming pertinent slogans such as, "Don't tread on me!" and "Free government for the colonies!"

Even the previously doubtful [[Agent M]] was in attendance, all tarted up. He was flirting pretty heavily with one of Fred Phelps's granddaughters.

==Campus Tours==

The committee never actually hijacked any campus tours. Chalk it up to apathy.

However, years later KGB members (unrelated to this committee) did in fact steal a small girl (who may or may not have been a plant) from a 2007 campus tour to the great confusion of all. This was caught on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL3QRz7CUR0

During another kidnapping, the kidnappers dropped out of trees onto their victim.

[[category:Committees]]
[[category:Stories]]

Architect's Leap

2008-05-07T19:33:39Z

Glisson:

This stairwell in [[Wean]] goes from the third floor to the eighth, with a substantial amount of space open in the middle of the spiral. The length and unobscured nature of the drop have led to the appellation "Architect's Leap". The stairwell is marked by a poem that describes its function:

If you're feeling like a jerk
'cause your project just won't work
Go ahead and take the leap
Then finally you'll get some sleep
Burma Shave

In reality however, the number of inanimate objects that make the leap dwarfs the number of those animate. The battered wreckage of any of a number of objects can be found at the bottom of the leap, with interesting examples including VAXen, an ice sculpture, paint, several gross of "superballs", an poorly functioning copy machine, and a garbage can full of sawdust.

It used to be that an large, unfettered tank of liquid nitrogen was helpfully placed in the 3400 corridor, right by the doorway of the bottom of the leap. (See [[Fruit of the Month Club]].)

[[Category:Campus features]]

Sea foam green

2008-05-07T19:32:07Z

Glisson:

'''Sea foam green''' is the enduring legacy of [[Ed|Ed Ryan's]] reign as [[booth chair]]. Long after [[caulk]] fades into time immemorial and [[Committee for In the Future, Everyone Will Have His or Her Own Jcreed|personal jcreeds]] are just a glimmer in [[Tom Strong|Tom Strong's]] eye, [[KGB|KGB's]] reserves of sea foam green [[paint]] will remain plentiful as ever. Once used to paint [[the Winter Palace]], the quantities of the substance purchased were so plentiful that no matter the valiant efforts of KGB [[comrade|comrades]], no one is able to consume the last of it.

A little-known fact relating to the [[KGB]]'s sea foam green [[paint]] is that there are actually two slightly different shades stored in the [[Kage]]. There is a very good [[reason]] for this.

== Applications ==
* Painting [[The Fence|the fence]]
* Painting your [[booth]]
* Painting [[ASA]]'s booth
* Painting [[NASA Wood|NASA's wood]]
* Ensconcing the [[Treasurer]]
* Suffering

== Storage ==
KGB's sea foam green supply is housed in the [[Kage]].

== Safety ==
Sea foam green may cause nausea, vomiting, fatigue, surjection, and pain. [[girls|Women]] and [[boys|men]] should not handle or make eye contact with sea foam green. If symptoms persist contact your doctor immediately.

== Update ==

As amazing and even impossible as it may sound, all of KGB's known sea foam green was finally used up when painting the fence for the second semester game of CTFWS in the 2007-2008 school year. There are rumors of certain KGB defectors wanting to sneak into the Cage to place more Sea foam green paint there, let it be known the punishment for this is death.

== See also ==
* [[Battleship gray]]
* [[Booth]]
* [[Communists from the future]]

[[Category:Lore]]

NASA Wood

2008-05-07T19:27:46Z

Glisson:

Once upon a time, KGB procured some wood from NASA for its booth.

The fact that a great deal of ASA's wood disappeared around the same time is proof that they too should have contacted NASA about getting more reliable wood.

[[Category:Lore]]