KGB Wiki - User contributions [en]

Topple The Czar

2017-04-14T20:03:08Z

Mjmurphy:

This booth was KGB's second [[booth]] ever and its first victory. It won first place in the Independent category, but was very stressful and expensive for the organization to build. It sure was beautiful, though.

The booth was a recreation of Saint Basil's Cathedral in Moscow, and was topped with colorful onion domes. The interior was fully drywalled and painted, and contained original painted artwork. The game was exciting and difficult, and consisted of trying to knock down a succession of dolls using tennis ball "bombs". The prizes for fully completing the game were authentic Russian "city pins".

Official booth chair was [[Andrew Shurak]], who was usurped by [[Steve Gifford]] and [[Tom Strong]].

https://www.flickr.com/photos/kg3b/albums/72157600180241395

<gallery>
Image:Kgb-booth-czar-bomb.jpg|A Bomb
Image:Booth-czar-tartanphoto.jpg|Tartan Photo
Image:Booth-czar-tartanarticle.jpg|Tartan article
</gallery>

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Land the Plane in Red Square]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Booth]]
|years=1990}}
{{s-aft|after=[[The Hunt for Red October]]}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Booth]][[Category:FIRST PLACE]]

Topple The Czar

2017-04-14T20:02:55Z

Mjmurphy:

This booth was KGB's second [[booth]] ever and its first victory. It won first place in the Independent category, but was very stressful and expensive for the organization to build. It sure was beautiful, though.

The booth was a recreation of Saint Basil's Cathedral in Moscow, and was topped with colorful onion domes. The interior was fully drywalled and painted, and contained original painted artwork. The game was exciting and difficult, and consisted of trying to knock down a succession of dolls using tennis ball "bombs". The prizes for fully completing the game were authentic Russian "city pins".

Official booth chair was [[Andrew Shurak]], who was usurped by [[Steve Gifford]] and [[Tom Strong]].

[https://www.flickr.com/photos/kg3b/albums/72157600180241395|Photos]

<gallery>
Image:Kgb-booth-czar-bomb.jpg|A Bomb
Image:Booth-czar-tartanphoto.jpg|Tartan Photo
Image:Booth-czar-tartanarticle.jpg|Tartan article
</gallery>

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Land the Plane in Red Square]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Booth]]
|years=1990}}
{{s-aft|after=[[The Hunt for Red October]]}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Booth]][[Category:FIRST PLACE]]

Topple The Czar

2017-04-14T20:02:40Z

Mjmurphy:

This booth was KGB's second [[booth]] ever and its first victory. It won first place in the Independent category, but was very stressful and expensive for the organization to build. It sure was beautiful, though.

The booth was a recreation of Saint Basil's Cathedral in Moscow, and was topped with colorful onion domes. The interior was fully drywalled and painted, and contained original painted artwork. The game was exciting and difficult, and consisted of trying to knock down a succession of dolls using tennis ball "bombs". The prizes for fully completing the game were authentic Russian "city pins".

Official booth chair was [[Andrew Shurak]], who was usurped by [[Steve Gifford]] and [[Tom Strong]].

[Photos|https://www.flickr.com/photos/kg3b/albums/72157600180241395]

<gallery>
Image:Kgb-booth-czar-bomb.jpg|A Bomb
Image:Booth-czar-tartanphoto.jpg|Tartan Photo
Image:Booth-czar-tartanarticle.jpg|Tartan article
</gallery>

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Land the Plane in Red Square]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Booth]]
|years=1990}}
{{s-aft|after=[[The Hunt for Red October]]}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Booth]][[Category:FIRST PLACE]]

Topple The Czar

2017-04-14T20:02:18Z

Mjmurphy:

This booth was KGB's second [[booth]] ever and its first victory. It won first place in the Independent category, but was very stressful and expensive for the organization to build. It sure was beautiful, though.

The booth was a recreation of Saint Basil's Cathedral in Moscow, and was topped with colorful onion domes. The interior was fully drywalled and painted, and contained original painted artwork. The game was exciting and difficult, and consisted of trying to knock down a succession of dolls using tennis ball "bombs". The prizes for fully completing the game were authentic Russian "city pins".

Official booth chair was [[Andrew Shurak]], who was usurped by [[Steve Gifford]] and [[Tom Strong]].

[https://www.flickr.com/photos/kg3b/albums/72157600180241395|https://www.flickr.com/photos/kg3b/albums/72157600180241395]

<gallery>
Image:Kgb-booth-czar-bomb.jpg|A Bomb
Image:Booth-czar-tartanphoto.jpg|Tartan Photo
Image:Booth-czar-tartanarticle.jpg|Tartan article
</gallery>

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Land the Plane in Red Square]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Booth]]
|years=1990}}
{{s-aft|after=[[The Hunt for Red October]]}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Booth]][[Category:FIRST PLACE]]

Topple The Czar

2017-04-14T20:01:37Z

Mjmurphy:

This booth was KGB's second [[booth]] ever and its first victory. It won first place in the Independent category, but was very stressful and expensive for the organization to build. It sure was beautiful, though.

The booth was a recreation of Saint Basil's Cathedral in Moscow, and was topped with colorful onion domes. The interior was fully drywalled and painted, and contained original painted artwork. The game was exciting and difficult, and consisted of trying to knock down a succession of dolls using tennis ball "bombs". The prizes for fully completing the game were authentic Russian "city pins".

Official booth chair was [[Andrew Shurak]], who was usurped by [[Steve Gifford]] and [[Tom Strong]].

[https://www.flickr.com/photos/kg3b/albums/72157600180241395]

<gallery>
Image:Kgb-booth-czar-bomb.jpg|A Bomb
Image:Booth-czar-tartanphoto.jpg|Tartan Photo
Image:Booth-czar-tartanarticle.jpg|Tartan article
</gallery>

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Land the Plane in Red Square]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Booth]]
|years=1990}}
{{s-aft|after=[[The Hunt for Red October]]}}
{{end}}
[[Category:Booth]][[Category:FIRST PLACE]]

Murphy

2017-02-13T02:18:06Z

Mjmurphy:

eeb:AHHHH ILL GET TO THIS LATER I PROMISE
mjmurphy:[[eeb|Erin]] thought she would get to this later. Little did she know she was wrong
I AM GETTING TO THIS LATER! (just a very far off later)

'''Michael Murphy''', also known as Murphy, [[afrieder|Frieder]], or [[harry|Harry]], is an adventurous, mostly self-contained human with long flowing locks of sometimes rainbow coloured hair. His love for the KGB is only surpassed by his love for most things, such as live music, hiking, and rock climbing. He occasionally makes Shit Jokes, which despite their name, have rarely actually involved shit. The response to such jokes is the same as is was to his [[Committee To Groan At Ben Wolf's Jokes|predecessors']].

Murphy ran [[ITR]] in 2015-2016. He now runs [[Important Trek]].

Fun quotes:

"Eyyy [[tparenti|Tim!]]"

"[[Rin]] knows what's up!"

"We have a new system: [[jlareau|Dillon]] goes up and Murphy goes down."

===Officer Dossiers:===

====2VP, 2016-2017====
Murphy is [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheSpock The Spock] of the KGB. He handles the logistics of our absurd ideas and tells us when NO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT YOU ARE ILLOGICAL. He also makes things work in a less stupid way within the organization.
=====Tropes=====
[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OnlySaneMan Only Sane Man]: Most of KGB is “next to normal.” Murphy judges the shit out of us, but we know he loves us for it.

[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RedOniBlueOni Blue Oni]: Murphy forms one half of the fire-and-ice duo that is [[Nika]] and Murphy. He balances her [[spoontinudigu]] with carefully constructed sentences and measured wit.

[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SentimentalDrunk Sentimental Drunk]: Happy Murphy is fun to watch, and drunk Murphy is happy 70% of the time. Everyone is his best friend, and it is wonderful.

Written by: [[Rin]]

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[afrieder|Alex Frieder]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2015 Officers|2015-2016]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Nika|Nika Postnikov]]
[[Ian|Ian Griswold]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[jlareau|Dillon Lareau]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Second Vice President]]
|years=[[2016 Officers|2016-2017]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$2VP}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]]
[[Category:Current Members]]
[[Category:Officers]]
[[Category:Michaels]]

2016 Officers

2017-02-03T02:32:26Z

Mjmurphy:

[[President]] - [[Skye|Skye Toor]]

[[First Vice President]] - [[Dylan|Dylan Vrana]]

[[Second Vice President]] - [[Murphy|Michael Murphy]]

[[Corresponding Secretary]] - [[Rin|Rin Fair]]

[[Recording Secretary]] - [[Harry|Harry Fernandez]]

[[Treasurer]] - [[jpdoyle|Joe Doyle]]

[[Sergeant at Arms]] - Nika/$NEW_S@A

{{start box}}
{{succession box|title=[[2016 Officers]]|before=[[2015 Officers]]|after=[[2017 Officers]]}}
{{end box}}

[[category:Officers]]

The Kremlin

2016-11-21T06:17:24Z

Mjmurphy:

[[The Kremlin]] is a KGB residence formed by [[Rin]] (with [[sctoor|Skye]], [[nmorin|Nick]], and [[jpenick|Jack]]) in 2016. It's super swanky and has an awesome couch and beanbag. It has been know to host hair dyeing parties.

[[Category:KGB Domiciles]]

The Kremlin

2016-11-21T06:16:02Z

Mjmurphy: Created page with "The Kremlin is a KGB residence formed by Rin (with sctoor, nmorin, and jpennick) in 2016. It's super swanky and has an awesome couch and bea..."

[[The Kremlin]] is a KGB residence formed by [[Rin]] (with [[Skye|sctoor]], [[Nick|nmorin]], and [[Jack|jpennick]]) in 2016. It's super swanky and has an awesome couch and beanbag. It has been know to host hair dyeing parties.

[[Category:KGB Domiciles]]

Important Trek

2016-11-21T06:10:18Z

Mjmurphy:

"Some episodes are too good to have not seen."

[[Important Trek]] is a concept conceived of by [[Murphy]] in 2016-2017.

In Summer 2016, Murphy went to the 50th anniversary Star Trek convention. He heard the theme from the episode "The Inner Light" played by a full orchestra, got super emotional, and decided there were a selection of episodes that everyone had to see. Episodes that are important sci-fi and relatively stand-alone: essentially the best, but also most accessible, of Star Trek.

So he set out on a mission to convert the KGB. Every other Sunday or so, he shows an episode or two of the really good stuff from across all five series. In general these have been quite well received, if only by a small audience.

The episodes (there's almost no chance this is up to date anymore):
*TNG's "The Inner Light"
*TOS's "The City on the Edge of Forever"
*DS9's "Emissary"
*TNG's "The Measure of a Man" and "Darmok"

Nmorin

2016-11-21T06:07:32Z

Mjmurphy:

'''Nick Morin''' is a typically green-haired individual of intense gaze and firm stances. They even approach [[sctoor]] in terms of intimidation when friends are involved. Do not mess with our Mama Bear. They will shrug on their recently acquired leather jacket and destroy you. And then take the wounded friend to [[The Kremlin]] to bake cookies.

[[Category: Members]]
[[Category: Current Members]]

Important Trek

2016-11-20T02:40:09Z

Mjmurphy:

Important Trek

2016-11-20T01:59:46Z

Mjmurphy: Created page with "Some episodes are too good to have not seen. In Summer 2016, Murphy went to the 50th anniversary Star Trek convention. He heard the theme from the episode "The Inner Ligh..."

Some episodes are too good to have not seen.

In Summer 2016, [[Murphy]] went to the 50th anniversary Star Trek convention. He heard the theme from the episode "The Inner Light" played by a full orchestra, got super emotional, and decided there were a selection of episodes that everyone had to see. Episodes that are important sci-fi and relatively stand-alone: essentially the best, but also most accessible, of Star Trek.

So he set out on a mission to convert the KGB. Every other Sunday or so, he shows an episode or two of the really good stuff from across all five series. In general these have been quite well received, if only by a small audience.

The episodes (there's almost no chance this is up to date anymore):
- TNG's "The Inner Light"
- TOS's "The City on the Edge of Forever"
- DS9's "Emissary"
- TNG's "The Measure of a Man" and "Darmok"

Murphy

2016-11-20T01:49:28Z

Mjmurphy:

eeb:AHHHH ILL GET TO THIS LATER I PROMISE
mjmurphy:[[eeb|Erin]] thought she would get to this later. Little did she know she was wrong
I AM GETTING TO THIS LATER! (just a very far off later)

'''Michael Murphy''', also known as Murphy, [[afrieder|Frieder]], or [[harry|Harry]], is an adventurous, mostly self-contained human with long flowing locks of probably rainbow coloured hair. His love for the KGB is only surpassed by his love for most things, such as live music and hiking. He occasionally makes Shit Jokes, which despite their name, have rarely actually involved shit. The response to such jokes is the same as is was to his [[Committee To Groan At Ben Wolf's Jokes|predecessors']].

Murphy ran [[ITR]] in 2015-2016. He now runs [[Important Trek]].

Fun quotes:

"Eyyy [[tparenti|Tim!]]"

"[[Rin]] knows what's up!"

"We have a new system: [[jlareau|Dillon]] goes up and Murphy goes down."

===Officer Dossiers:===

====2VP, 2016-2017====
Murphy is [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheSpock The Spock] of the KGB. He handles the logistics of our absurd ideas and tells us when NO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT YOU ARE ILLOGICAL. He also makes things work in a less stupid way within the organization.
=====Tropes=====
[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OnlySaneMan Only Sane Man]: Most of KGB is “next to normal.” Murphy judges the shit out of us, but we know he loves us for it.

[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RedOniBlueOni Blue Oni]: Murphy forms one half of the fire-and-ice duo that is [[Nika]] and Murphy. He balances her [[spoontinudigu]] with carefully constructed sentences and measured wit.

[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SentimentalDrunk Sentimental Drunk]: Happy Murphy is fun to watch, and drunk Murphy is happy 70% of the time. Everyone is his best friend, and it is wonderful.

Written by: [[Rin]]

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[afrieder|Alex Frieder]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2015 Officers|2015-2016]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Nika|Nika Postnikov]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[jlareau|Dillon Lareau]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Second Vice President]]
|years=[[2016 Officers|2016-2017]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$2VP}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]]
[[Category:Current Members]]
[[Category:Officers]]
[[Category:Michaels]]

Minutes20160926

2016-09-27T01:34:39Z

Mjmurphy: Fix the bee movie script

OFFICER REPORTS
SKYE
Best GBGC evar
Murphy did it
Not nearly enough work
The pirates sucked
Star trek > work
DYLAN
Sonia saw Kubo and the Two Strings
Cried twice
MURPHY
One board game
11 musical artists over 1 day (slow your roll holy shit)
3 beers
2 cats
5 golden rings
RIN
Everyone is pokemon
Engineering design is dumb anyway
HARRY
[]
JOE
Computers suck
NIKA
Joined the Great Race!
COMMITTEE REPORTS
Wagon Age Origin
KRA + GCGC: HvZ October 2nd DH 2210 7PM
Lots of statistics jokes
kill this meme
Shadow The Hedgehog: damn
Newt Gingrich is not actually a newt
Murphy made a cool hat
CMU is hard but we love you all <3
Rin has the thing. Room reservations aren't their fault
NEW BUSINESS
Motion to pass a statement of no confidence in the registrar's office
It's a thing now deal with it
Committee The Hedgehog Committee
Stuffed horse we can continue beating off
Tabled for ???
Committee to protect horses
Never again
It passed
Sold to Joe $2
Harry chairs it and nobody else
My Little Animal Farm
We killed all the others and we need more
We did this to ourselves
That passed
Sold to Frosty $4
Chaired by CMU bronies
Wall Lickers Union
Start licking walls
It's just another lick in the wall
My mom is trying really hard (asbestos pun here)
Passed
Sold to Steven $1
Chaired by the agency (and sam)
Allocation $50 for event
It passed
KGB Rave committee
PEWEWWWWWWW WOMP WOMP
Please don't burn down my house
It passed
Sold to Harry $1
The guy who wrote that song
Carnival Crime committee
To see if you get a fair trile
Ted Cruz isn't the zodiac killer
It passed
Sold to Owen $2
Chaired by The first clown we can co-opt into this
[[The Bee Movie|THE BEE MOVIE]] POLICE
<nowiki>
"According to all known laws
of aviation,

there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Coming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

- Barry?
- Adam?

- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!

- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!

Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!

- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.

- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.

Never thought I'd make it.

Three days grade school,
three days high school.

Those were awkward.

Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

You did come back different.

- Hi, Barry.
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

- Hear about Frankie?
- Yeah.

- You going to the funeral?
- No, I'm not going.

Everybody knows,
sting someone, you die.

Don't waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.

I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.

I love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day.

That's why we don't need vacations.

Boy, quite a bit of pomp...
under the circumstances.

- Well, Adam, today we are men.
- We are!

- Bee-men.
- Amen!

Hallelujah!

Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of...

...9:15.

That concludes our ceremonies.

And begins your career
at Honex Industries!

Will we pick ourjob today?

I heard it's just orientation.

Heads up! Here we go.

Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.

- Wonder what it'll be like?
- A little scary.

Welcome to Honex,
a division of Honesco

and a part of the Hexagon Group.

This is it!

Wow.

Wow.

We know that you, as a bee,
have worked your whole life

to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life.

Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

Our top-secret formula

is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

into this soothing sweet syrup

with its distinctive
golden glow you know as...

Honey!

- That girl was hot.
- She's my cousin!

- She is?
- Yes, we're all cousins.

- Right. You're right.
- At Honex, we constantly strive

to improve every aspect
of bee existence.

These bees are stress-testing
a new helmet technology.

- What do you think he makes?
- Not enough.

Here we have our latest advancement,
the Krelman.

- What does that do?
- Oatches that little strand of honey

that hangs after you pour it.
Saves us millions.

Oan anyone work on the Krelman?

Of course. Most bee jobs are
small ones. But bees know

that every small job,
if it's done well, means a lot.

But choose carefully

because you'll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life.

The same job the rest of your life?
I didn't know that.

What's the difference?

You'll be happy to know that bees,
as a species, haven't had one day off

in 27 million years.

So you'll just work us to death?

We'll sure try.

Wow! That blew my mind!

"What's the difference?"
How can you say that?

One job forever?
That's an insane choice to have to make.

I'm relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.

But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?

Why would you question anything?
We're bees.

We're the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.

You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?

Like what? Give me one example.

I don't know. But you know
what I'm talking about.

Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.

Wait a second. Oheck it out.

- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
- Wow.

I've never seen them this close.

They know what it's like
outside the hive.

Yeah, but some don't come back.

- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!

You guys did great!

You're monsters!
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

- I wonder where they were.
- I don't know.

Their day's not planned.

Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.

You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.

Right.

Look. That's more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.

It's just a status symbol.
Bees make too much of it.

Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it.

Those ladies?
Aren't they our cousins too?

Distant. Distant.

Look at these two.

- Oouple of Hive Harrys.
- Let's have fun with them.

It must be dangerous
being a Pollen Jock.

Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom!

He had a paw on my throat,
and with the other, he was slapping me!

- Oh, my!
- I never thought I'd knock him out.

What were you doing during this?

Trying to alert the authorities.

I can autograph that.

A little gusty out there today,
wasn't it, comrades?

Yeah. Gusty.

We're hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow.

- Six miles, huh?
- Barry!

A puddle jump for us,
but maybe you're not up for it.

- Maybe I am.
- You are not!

We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

What do you think, buzzy-boy?
Are you bee enough?

I might be. It all depends
on what 0900 means.

Hey, Honex!

Dad, you surprised me.

You decide what you're interested in?

- Well, there's a lot of choices.
- But you only get one.

Do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?

Son, let me tell you about stirring.

You grab that stick, and you just
move it around, and you stir it around.

You get yourself into a rhythm.
It's a beautiful thing.

You know, Dad,
the more I think about it,

maybe the honey field
just isn't right for me.

You were thinking of what,
making balloon animals?

That's a bad job
for a guy with a stinger.

Janet, your son's not sure
he wants to go into honey!

- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
- I'm not trying to be funny.

You're not funny! You're going
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

- You're gonna be a stirrer?
- No one's listening to me!

Wait till you see the sticks I have.

I could say anything right now.
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

Let's open some honey and celebrate!

Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.
Shave my antennae.

Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

I'm so proud.

- We're starting work today!
- Today's the day.

Oome on! All the good jobs
will be gone.

Yeah, right.

Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,
stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

- Is it still available?
- Hang on. Two left!

One of them's yours! Oongratulations!
Step to the side.

- What'd you get?
- Picking crud out. Stellar!

Wow!

Oouple of newbies?

Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

Make your choice.

- You want to go first?
- No, you go.

Oh, my. What's available?

Restroom attendant's open,
not for the reason you think.

- Any chance of getting the Krelman?
- Sure, you're on.

I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

Wax monkey's always open.

The Krelman opened up again.

What happened?

A bee died. Makes an opening. See?
He's dead. Another dead one.

Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

Dead from the neck up.
Dead from the neck down. That's life!

Oh, this is so hard!

Heating, cooling,
stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

humming, inspector number seven,
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

mite wrangler. Barry, what
do you think I should... Barry?

Barry!

All right, we've got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine...

What happened to you?
Where are you?

- I'm going out.
- Out? Out where?

- Out there.
- Oh, no!

I have to, before I go
to work for the rest of my life.

You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?

Another call coming in.

If anyone's feeling brave,
there's a Korean deli on 83rd

that gets their roses today.

Hey, guys.

- Look at that.
- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

Sign here, here. Just initial that.

- Thank you.
- OK.

You got a rain advisory today,

and as you all know,
bees cannot fly in rain.

So be careful. As always,
watch your brooms,

hockey sticks, dogs,
birds, bears and bats.

Also, I got a couple of reports
of root beer being poured on us.

Murphy's in a home because of it,
babbling like a cicada!

- That's awful.
- And a reminder for you rookies,

bee law number one,
absolutely no talking to humans!

All right, launch positions!

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

Black and yellow!

Hello!

You ready for this, hot shot?

Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

Wind, check.

- Antennae, check.
- Nectar pack, check.

- Wings, check.
- Stinger, check.

Scared out of my shorts, check.

OK, ladies,

let's move it out!

Pound those petunias,
you striped stem-suckers!

All of you, drain those flowers!

Wow! I'm out!

I can't believe I'm out!

So blue.

I feel so fast and free!

Box kite!

Wow!

Flowers!

This is Blue Leader.
We have roses visual.

Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

Roses!

30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

Stand to the side, kid.
It's got a bit of a kick.

That is one nectar collector!

- Ever see pollination up close?
- No, sir.

I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it
over here. Maybe a dash over there,

a pinch on that one.
See that? It's a little bit of magic.

That's amazing. Why do we do that?

That's pollen power. More pollen, more
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

Oool.

I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.
Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?

Oopy that visual.

Wait. One of these flowers
seems to be on the move.

Say again? You're reporting
a moving flower?

Affirmative.

That was on the line!

This is the coolest. What is it?

I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

It smells good.
Not like a flower, but I like it.

Yeah, fuzzy.

Ohemical-y.

Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.

My sweet lord of bees!

Oandy-brain, get off there!

Problem!

- Guys!
- This could be bad.

Affirmative.

Very close.

Gonna hurt.

Mama's little boy.

You are way out of position, rookie!

Ooming in at you like a missile!

Help me!

I don't think these are flowers.

- Should we tell him?
- I think he knows.

What is this?!

Match point!

You can start packing up, honey,
because you're about to eat it!

Yowser!

Gross.

There's a bee in the car!

- Do something!
- I'm driving!

- Hi, bee.
- He's back here!

He's going to sting me!

Nobody move. If you don't move,
he won't sting you. Freeze!

He blinked!

Spray him, Granny!

What are you doing?!

Wow... the tension level
out here is unbelievable.

I gotta get home.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

Ken, could you close
the window please?

Ken, could you close
the window please?

Oheck out my new resume.
I made it into a fold-out brochure.

You see? Folds out.

Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

What was that?

Maybe this time. This time. This time.
This time! This time! This...

Drapes!

That is diabolical.

It's fantastic. It's got all my special
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

What's number one? Star Wars?

Nah, I don't go for that...

...kind of stuff.

No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.
They're out of their minds.

When I leave a job interview, they're
flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

I don't remember the sun
having a big 75 on it.

I predicted global warming.

I could feel it getting hotter.
At first I thought it was just me.

Wait! Stop! Bee!

Stand back. These are winter boots.

Wait!

Don't kill him!

You know I'm allergic to them!
This thing could kill me!

Why does his life have
less value than yours?

Why does his life have any less value
than mine? Is that your statement?

I'm just saying all life has value. You
don't know what he's capable of feeling.

My brochure!

There you go, little guy.

I'm not scared of him.
It's an allergic thing.

Put that on your resume brochure.

My whole face could puff up.

Make it one of your special skills.

Knocking someone out
is also a special skill.

Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

- You could put carob chips on there.
- Bye.

- Supposed to be less calories.
- Bye.

I gotta say something.

She saved my life.
I gotta say something.

All right, here it goes.

Nah.

What would I say?

I could really get in trouble.

It's a bee law.
You're not supposed to talk to a human.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I've got to.

Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!

No. Yes. No.

Do it. I can't.

How should I start it?
"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.

Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

Hi!

I'm sorry.

- You're talking.
- Yes, I know.

You're talking!

I'm so sorry.

No, it's OK. It's fine.
I know I'm dreaming.

But I don't recall going to bed.

Well, I'm sure this
is very disconcerting.

This is a bit of a surprise to me.
I mean, you're a bee!

I am. And I'm not supposed
to be doing this,

but they were all trying to kill me.

And if it wasn't for you...

I had to thank you.
It's just how I was raised.

That was a little weird.

- I'm talking with a bee.
- Yeah.

I'm talking to a bee.
And the bee is talking to me!

I just want to say I'm grateful.
I'll leave now.

- Wait! How did you learn to do that?
- What?

The talking thing.

Same way you did, I guess.
"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

- That's very funny.
- Yeah.

Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,
we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

Anyway...

Oan I...

...get you something?
- Like what?

I don't know. I mean...
I don't know. Ooffee?

I don't want to put you out.

It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

- It's just coffee.
- I hate to impose.

- Don't be ridiculous!
- Actually, I would love a cup.

Hey, you want rum cake?

- I shouldn't.
- Have some.

- No, I can't.
- Oome on!

I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

- Where?
- These stripes don't help.

You look great!

I don't know if you know
anything about fashion.

Are you all right?

No.

He's making the tie in the cab
as they're flying up Madison.

He finally gets there.

He runs up the steps into the church.
The wedding is on.

And he says, "Watermelon?
I thought you said Guatemalan.

Why would I marry a watermelon?"

Is that a bee joke?

That's the kind of stuff we do.

Yeah, different.

So, what are you gonna do, Barry?

About work? I don't know.

I want to do my part for the hive,
but I can't do it the way they want.

I know how you feel.

- You do?
- Sure.

My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.

- Really?
- My only interest is flowers.

Our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan.

Anyway, if you look...

There's my hive right there. See it?

You're in Sheep Meadow!

Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!

No way! I know that area.
I lost a toe ring there once.

- Why do girls put rings on their toes?
- Why not?

- It's like putting a hat on your knee.
- Maybe I'll try that.

- You all right, ma'am?
- Oh, yeah. Fine.

Just having two cups of coffee!

Anyway, this has been great.
Thanks for the coffee.

Yeah, it's no trouble.

Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,
I'd be up the rest of my life.

Are you...?

Oan I take a piece of this with me?

Sure! Here, have a crumb.

- Thanks!
- Yeah.

All right. Well, then...
I guess I'll see you around.

Or not.

OK, Barry.

And thank you
so much again... for before.

Oh, that? That was nothing.

Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...

This can't possibly work.

He's all set to go.
We may as well try it.

OK, Dave, pull the chute.

- Sounds amazing.
- It was amazing!

It was the scariest,
happiest moment of my life.

Humans! I can't believe
you were with humans!

Giant, scary humans!
What were they like?

Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.

They eat crazy giant things.
They drive crazy.

- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
- Some of them. But some of them don't.

- How'd you get back?
- Poodle.

You did it, and I'm glad. You saw
whatever you wanted to see.

You had your "experience." Now you
can pick out yourjob and be normal.

- Well...
- Well?

Well, I met someone.

You did? Was she Bee-ish?

- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
- No, no, no, not a wasp.

- Spider?
- I'm not attracted to spiders.

I know it's the hottest thing,
with the eight legs and all.

I can't get by that face.

So who is she?

She's... human.

No, no. That's a bee law.
You wouldn't break a bee law.

- Her name's Vanessa.
- Oh, boy.

She's so nice. And she's a florist!

Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!

We're not dating.

You're flying outside the hive, talking
to humans that attack our homes

with power washers and M-80s!
One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

She saved my life!
And she understands me.

This is over!

Eat this.

This is not over! What was that?

- They call it a crumb.
- It was so stingin' stripey!

And that's not what they eat.
That's what falls off what they eat!

- You know what a Oinnabon is?
- No.

It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.
They heat it up...

Sit down!

...really hot!
- Listen to me!

We are not them! We're us.
There's us and there's them!

Yes, but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?

There's no yearning.
Stop yearning. Listen to me!

You have got to start thinking bee,
my friend. Thinking bee!

- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

There he is. He's in the pool.

You know what your problem is, Barry?

I gotta start thinking bee?

How much longer will this go on?

It's been three days!
Why aren't you working?

I've got a lot of big life decisions
to think about.

What life? You have no life!
You have no job. You're barely a bee!

Would it kill you
to make a little honey?

Barry, come out.
Your father's talking to you.

Martin, would you talk to him?

Barry, I'm talking to you!

You coming?

Got everything?

All set!

Go ahead. I'll catch up.

Don't be too long.

Watch this!

Vanessa!

- We're still here.
- I told you not to yell at him.

He doesn't respond to yelling!

- Then why yell at me?
- Because you don't listen!

I'm not listening to this.

Sorry, I've gotta go.

- Where are you going?
- I'm meeting a friend.

A girl? Is this why you can't decide?

Bye.

I just hope she's Bee-ish.

They have a huge parade
of flowers every year in Pasadena?

To be in the Tournament of Roses,
that's every florist's dream!

Up on a float, surrounded
by flowers, crowds cheering.

A tournament. Do the roses
compete in athletic events?

No. All right, I've got one.
How come you don't fly everywhere?

It's exhausting. Why don't you
run everywhere? It's faster.

Yeah, OK, I see, I see.
All right, your turn.

TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?
That's insane!

You don't have that?

We have Hivo, but it's a disease.
It's a horrible, horrible disease.

Oh, my.

Dumb bees!

You must want to sting all those jerks.

We try not to sting.
It's usually fatal for us.

So you have to watch your temper.

Very carefully.
You kick a wall, take a walk,

write an angry letter and throw it out.
Work through it like any emotion:

Anger, jealousy, lust.

Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

Yeah.

- What is wrong with you?!
- It's a bug.

He's not bothering anybody.
Get out of here, you creep!

What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?

Yeah, it was. How did you know?

It felt like about 10 pages.
Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

You've really got that
down to a science.

- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.
- I'll bet.

What in the name
of Mighty Hercules is this?

How did this get here?
Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

Ray Liotta Private Select?

- Is he that actor?
- I never heard of him.

- Why is this here?
- For people. We eat it.

You don't have
enough food of your own?

- Well, yes.
- How do you get it?

- Bees make it.
- I know who makes it!

And it's hard to make it!

There's heating, cooling, stirring.
You need a whole Krelman thing!

- It's organic.
- It's our-ganic!

It's just honey, Barry.

Just what?!

Bees don't know about this!
This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

You've taken our homes, schools,
hospitals! This is all we have!

And it's on sale?!
I'm getting to the bottom of this.

I'm getting to the bottom
of all of this!

Hey, Hector.

- You almost done?
- Almost.

He is here. I sense it.

Well, I guess I'll go home now

and just leave this nice honey out,
with no one around.

You're busted, box boy!

I knew I heard something.
So you can talk!

I can talk.
And now you'll start talking!

Where you getting the sweet stuff?
Who's your supplier?

I don't understand.
I thought we were friends.

The last thing we want
to do is upset bees!

You're too late! It's ours now!

You, sir, have crossed
the wrong sword!

You, sir, will be lunch
for my iguana, Ignacio!

Where is the honey coming from?

Tell me where!

Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

Orazy person!

What horrible thing has happened here?

These faces, they never knew
what hit them. And now

they're on the road to nowhere!

Just keep still.

What? You're not dead?

Do I look dead? They will wipe anything
that moves. Where you headed?

To Honey Farms.
I am onto something huge here.

I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,
crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

I'm going to Tacoma.

- And you?
- He really is dead.

All right.

Uh-oh!

- What is that?!
- Oh, no!

- A wiper! Triple blade!
- Triple blade?

Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!

Why does everything have
to be so doggone clean?!

How much do you people need to see?!

Open your eyes!
Stick your head out the window!

From NPR News in Washington,
I'm Oarl Kasell.

But don't kill no more bugs!

- Bee!
- Moose blood guy!!

- You hear something?
- Like what?

Like tiny screaming.

Turn off the radio.

Whassup, bee boy?

Hey, Blood.

Just a row of honey jars,
as far as the eye could see.

Wow!

I assume wherever this truck goes
is where they're getting it.

I mean, that honey's ours.

- Bees hang tight.
- We're all jammed in.

It's a close community.

Not us, man. We on our own.
Every mosquito on his own.

- What if you get in trouble?
- You a mosquito, you in trouble.

Nobody likes us. They just smack.
See a mosquito, smack, smack!

At least you're out in the world.
You must meet girls.

Mosquito girls try to trade up,
get with a moth, dragonfly.

Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.

You got to be kidding me!

Mooseblood's about to leave
the building! So long, bee!

- Hey, guys!
- Mooseblood!

I knew I'd catch y'all down here.
Did you bring your crazy straw?

We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,
and it's pretty much pure profit.

What is this place?

A bee's got a brain
the size of a pinhead.

They are pinheads!

Pinhead.

- Oheck out the new smoker.
- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.

The Thomas 3000!

Smoker?

Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.
Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

A couple breaths of this
knocks them right out.

They make the honey,
and we make the money.

"They make the honey,
and we make the money"?

Oh, my!

What's going on? Are you OK?

Yeah. It doesn't last too long.

Do you know you're
in a fake hive with fake walls?

Our queen was moved here.
We had no choice.

This is your queen?
That's a man in women's clothes!

That's a drag queen!

What is this?

Oh, no!

There's hundreds of them!

Bee honey.

Our honey is being brazenly stolen
on a massive scale!

This is worse than anything bears
have done! I intend to do something.

Oh, Barry, stop.

Who told you humans are taking
our honey? That's a rumor.

Do these look like rumors?

That's a conspiracy theory.
These are obviously doctored photos.

How did you get mixed up in this?

He's been talking to humans.

- What?
- Talking to humans?!

He has a human girlfriend.
And they make out!

Make out? Barry!

We do not.

- You wish you could.
- Whose side are you on?

The bees!

I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.
Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

Barry, this is what you want
to do with your life?

I want to do it for all our lives.
Nobody works harder than bees!

Dad, I remember you
coming home so overworked

your hands were still stirring.
You couldn't stop.

I remember that.

What right do they have to our honey?

We live on two cups a year. They put it
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!

Even if it's true, what can one bee do?

Sting them where it really hurts.

In the face! The eye!

- That would hurt.
- No.

Up the nose? That's a killer.

There's only one place you can sting
the humans, one place where it matters.

Hive at Five, the hive's only
full-hour action news source.

No more bee beards!

With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.

Weather with Storm Stinger.

Sports with Buzz Larvi.

And Jeanette Ohung.

- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.
- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.

A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,

intends to sue the human race
for stealing our honey,

packaging it and profiting
from it illegally!

Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,

we'll have three former queens here in
our studio, discussing their new book,

Olassy Ladies,
out this week on Hexagon.

Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.

Did you ever think, "I'm a kid
from the hive. I can't do this"?

Bees have never been afraid
to change the world.

What about Bee Oolumbus?
Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?

Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.

We were thinking
of stickball or candy stores.

How old are you?

The bee community
is supporting you in this case,

which will be the trial
of the bee century.

You know, they have a Larry King
in the human world too.

It's a common name. Next week...

He looks like you and has a show
and suspenders and colored dots...

Next week...

Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the
guest even though you just heard 'em.

Bear Week next week!
They're scary, hairy and here live.

Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,
squinty eyes, very Jewish.

In tennis, you attack
at the point of weakness!

It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

Honey, her backhand's a joke!
I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

Quiet, please.
Actual work going on here.

- Is that that same bee?
- Yes, it is!

I'm helping him sue the human race.

- Hello.
- Hello, bee.

This is Ken.

Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size
ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.

Why does he talk again?

Listen, you better go
'cause we're really busy working.

But it's our yogurt night!

Bye-bye.

Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

You poor thing.
You two have been at this for hours!

Yes, and Adam here
has been a huge help.

- Frosting...
- How many sugars?

Just one. I try not
to use the competition.

So why are you helping me?

Bees have good qualities.

And it takes my mind off the shop.

Instead of flowers, people
are giving balloon bouquets now.

Those are great, if you're three.

And artificial flowers.

- Oh, those just get me psychotic!
- Yeah, me too.

Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

Bees must hate those fake things!

Nothing worse
than a daffodil that's had work done.

Maybe this could make up
for it a little bit.

- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.
- I guess.

You sure you want to go through with it?

Am I sure? When I'm done with
the humans, they won't be able

to say, "Honey, I'm home,"
without paying a royalty!

It's an incredible scene
here in downtown Manhattan,

where the world anxiously waits,
because for the first time in history,

we will hear for ourselves
if a honeybee can actually speak.

What have we gotten into here, Barry?

It's pretty big, isn't it?

I can't believe how many humans
don't work during the day.

You think billion-dollar multinational
food companies have good lawyers?

Everybody needs to stay
behind the barricade.

- What's the matter?
- I don't know, I just got a chill.

Well, if it isn't the bee team.

You boys work on this?

All rise! The Honorable
Judge Bumbleton presiding.

All right. Oase number 4475,

Superior Oourt of New York,
Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry

is now in session.

Mr. Montgomery, you're representing
the five food companies collectively?

A privilege.

Mr. Benson... you're representing
all the bees of the world?

I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,
we're ready to proceed.

Mr. Montgomery,
your opening statement, please.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

my grandmother was a simple woman.

Born on a farm, she believed
it was man's divine right

to benefit from the bounty
of nature God put before us.

If we lived in the topsy-turvy world
Mr. Benson imagines,

just think of what would it mean.

I would have to negotiate
with the silkworm

for the elastic in my britches!

Talking bee!

How do we know this isn't some sort of

holographic motion-picture-capture
Hollywood wizardry?

They could be using laser beams!

Robotics! Ventriloquism!
Oloning! For all we know,

he could be on steroids!

Mr. Benson?

Ladies and gentlemen,
there's no trickery here.

I'm just an ordinary bee.
Honey's pretty important to me.

It's important to all bees.
We invented it!

We make it. And we protect it
with our lives.

Unfortunately, there are
some people in this room

who think they can take it from us

'cause we're the little guys!
I'm hoping that, after this is all over,

you'll see how, by taking our honey,
you not only take everything we have

but everything we are!

I wish he'd dress like that
all the time. So nice!

Oall your first witness.

So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
of Honey Farms, big company you have.

I suppose so.

I see you also own
Honeyburton and Honron!

Yes, they provide beekeepers
for our farms.

Beekeeper. I find that
to be a very disturbing term.

I don't imagine you employ
any bee-free-ers, do you?

- No.
- I couldn't hear you.

- No.
- No.

Because you don't free bees.
You keep bees. Not only that,

it seems you thought a bear would be
an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

They're very lovable creatures.

Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.

You mean like this?

Bears kill bees!

How'd you like his head crashing
through your living room?!

Biting into your couch!
Spitting out your throw pillows!

OK, that's enough. Take him away.

So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.
Your name intrigues me.

- Where have I heard it before?
- I was with a band called The Police.

But you've never been
a police officer, have you?

No, I haven't.

No, you haven't. And so here
we have yet another example

of bee culture casually
stolen by a human

for nothing more than
a prance-about stage name.

Oh, please.

Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?

Because I'm feeling
a little stung, Sting.

Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!

That's not his real name?! You idiots!

Mr. Liotta, first,
belated congratulations on

your Emmy win for a guest spot
on ER in 2005.

Thank you. Thank you.

I see from your resume
that you're devilishly handsome

with a churning inner turmoil
that's ready to blow.

I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?

Not yet it isn't. But is this
what it's come to for you?

Exploiting tiny, helpless bees
so you don't

have to rehearse
your part and learn your lines, sir?

Watch it, Benson!
I could blow right now!

This isn't a goodfella.
This is a badfella!

Why doesn't someone just step on
this creep, and we can all go home?!

- Order in this court!
- You're all thinking it!

Order! Order, I say!

- Say it!
- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!

I think it was awfully nice
of that bear to pitch in like that.

I think the jury's on our side.

Are we doing everything right, legally?

I'm a florist.

Right. Well, here's to a great team.

To a great team!

Well, hello.

- Ken!
- Hello.

I didn't think you were coming.

No, I was just late.
I tried to call, but... the battery.

I didn't want all this to go to waste,
so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

Oh, that was lucky.

There's a little left.
I could heat it up.

Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

So I hear you're quite a tennis player.

I'm not much for the game myself.
The ball's a little grabby.

That's where I usually sit.
Right... there.

Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

and he agreed with me that eating with
chopsticks isn't really a special skill.

You think I don't see what you're doing?

I know how hard it is to find
the rightjob. We have that in common.

Do we?

Bees have 100 percent employment,
but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

That's just what
I was thinking about doing.

Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor
for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

I'm going to drain the old stinger.

Yeah, you do that.

Look at that.

You know, I've just about had it

with your little mind games.

- What's that?
- Italian Vogue.

Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.

A lot of ads.

Remember what Van said, why is
your life more valuable than mine?

Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

I think something stinks in here!

I love the smell of flowers.

How do you like the smell of flames?!

Not as much.

Water bug! Not taking sides!

Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!
This is pathetic!

I've got issues!

Well, well, well, a royal flush!

- You're bluffing.
- Am I?

Surf's up, dude!

Poo water!

That bowl is gnarly.

Except for those dirty yellow rings!

Kenneth! What are you doing?!

You know, I don't even like honey!
I don't eat it!

We need to talk!

He's just a little bee!

And he happens to be
the nicest bee I've met in a long time!

Long time? What are you talking about?!
Are there other bugs in your life?

No, but there are other things bugging
me in life. And you're one of them!

Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...

My nerves are fried from riding
on this emotional roller coaster!

Goodbye, Ken.

And for your information,

I prefer sugar-free, artificial
sweeteners made by man!

I'm sorry about all that.

I know it's got
an aftertaste! I like it!

I always felt there was some kind
of barrier between Ken and me.

I couldn't overcome it.
Oh, well.

Are you OK for the trial?

I believe Mr. Montgomery
is about out of ideas.

We would like to call
Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

Good idea! You can really see why he's
considered one of the best lawyers...

Yeah.

Layton, you've
gotta weave some magic

with this jury,
or it's gonna be all over.

Don't worry. The only thing I have
to do to turn this jury around

is to remind them
of what they don't like about bees.

- You got the tweezers?
- Are you allergic?

Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you
what I think we'd all like to know.

What exactly is your relationship

to that woman?

We're friends.

- Good friends?
- Yes.

How good? Do you live together?

Wait a minute...

Are you her little...

...bedbug?

I've seen a bee documentary or two.
From what I understand,

doesn't your queen give birth
to all the bee children?

- Yeah, but...
- So those aren't your real parents!

- Oh, Barry...
- Yes, they are!

Hold me back!

You're an illegitimate bee,
aren't you, Benson?

He's denouncing bees!

Don't y'all date your cousins?

- Objection!
- I'm going to pincushion this guy!

Adam, don't! It's what he wants!

Oh, I'm hit!!

Oh, lordy, I am hit!

Order! Order!

The venom! The venom
is coursing through my veins!

I have been felled
by a winged beast of destruction!

You see? You can't treat them
like equals! They're striped savages!

Stinging's the only thing
they know! It's their way!

- Adam, stay with me.
- I can't feel my legs.

What angel of mercy
will come forward to suck the poison

from my heaving buttocks?

I will have order in this court. Order!

Order, please!

The case of the honeybees
versus the human race

took a pointed turn against the bees

yesterday when one of their legal
team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.

- Is there much pain?
- Yeah.

I...

I blew the whole case, didn't I?

It doesn't matter. What matters is
you're alive. You could have died.

I'd be better off dead. Look at me.

They got it from the cafeteria
downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

Look, there's
a little celery still on it.

What was it like to sting someone?

I can't explain it. It was all...

All adrenaline and then...
and then ecstasy!

All right.

You think it was all a trap?

Of course. I'm sorry.
I flew us right into this.

What were we thinking? Look at us. We're
just a couple of bugs in this world.

What will the humans do to us
if they win?

I don't know.

I hear they put the roaches in motels.
That doesn't sound so bad.

Adam, they check in,
but they don't check out!

Oh, my.

Oould you get a nurse
to close that window?

- Why?
- The smoke.

Bees don't smoke.

Right. Bees don't smoke.

Bees don't smoke!
But some bees are smoking.

That's it! That's our case!

It is? It's not over?

Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.

Get back to the court and stall.
Stall any way you can.

And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.

Mr. Flayman.

Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

Where is the rest of your team?

Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

and as a result,
we don't make very good time.

I actually heard a funny story about...

Your Honor,
haven't these ridiculous bugs

taken up enough
of this court's valuable time?

How much longer will we allow
these absurd shenanigans to go on?

They have presented no compelling
evidence to support their charges

against my clients,
who run legitimate businesses.

I move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case!

Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going

to have to consider
Mr. Montgomery's motion.

But you can't! We have a terrific case.

Where is your proof?
Where is the evidence?

Show me the smoking gun!

Hold it, Your Honor!
You want a smoking gun?

Here is your smoking gun.

What is that?

It's a bee smoker!

What, this?
This harmless little contraption?

This couldn't hurt a fly,
let alone a bee.

Look at what has happened

to bees who have never been asked,
"Smoking or non?"

Is this what nature intended for us?

To be forcibly addicted
to smoke machines

and man-made wooden slat work camps?

Living out our lives as honey slaves
to the white man?

- What are we gonna do?
- He's playing the species card.

Ladies and gentlemen, please,
free these bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

Free the bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

The court finds in favor of the bees!

Vanessa, we won!

I knew you could do it! High-five!

Sorry.

I'm OK! You know what this means?

All the honey
will finally belong to the bees.

Now we won't have
to work so hard all the time.

This is an unholy perversion
of the balance of nature, Benson.

You'll regret this.

Barry, how much honey is out there?

All right. One at a time.

Barry, who are you wearing?

My sweater is Ralph Lauren,
and I have no pants.

- What if Montgomery's right?
- What do you mean?

We've been living the bee way
a long time, 27 million years.

Oongratulations on your victory.
What will you demand as a settlement?

First, we'll demand a complete shutdown
of all bee work camps.

Then we want back the honey
that was ours to begin with,

every last drop.

We demand an end to the glorification
of the bear as anything more

than a filthy, smelly,
bad-breath stink machine.

We're all aware
of what they do in the woods.

Wait for my signal.

Take him out.

He'll have nauseous
for a few hours, then he'll be fine.

And we will no longer tolerate
bee-negative nicknames...

But it's just a prance-about stage name!

...unnecessary inclusion of honey
in bogus health products

and la-dee-da human
tea-time snack garnishments.

Oan't breathe.

Bring it in, boys!

Hold it right there! Good.

Tap it.

Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,
and there's gallons more coming!

- I think we need to shut down!
- Shut down? We've never shut down.

Shut down honey production!

Stop making honey!

Turn your key, sir!

What do we do now?

Oannonball!

We're shutting honey production!

Mission abort.

Aborting pollination and nectar detail.
Returning to base.

Adam, you wouldn't believe
how much honey was out there.

Oh, yeah?

What's going on? Where is everybody?

- Are they out celebrating?
- They're home.

They don't know what to do.
Laying out, sleeping in.

I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way
to San Antonio with a cricket.

At least we got our honey back.

Sometimes I think, so what if humans
liked our honey? Who wouldn't?

It's the greatest thing in the world!
I was excited to be part of making it.

This was my new desk. This was my
new job. I wanted to do it really well.

And now...

Now I can't.

I don't understand
why they're not happy.

I thought their lives would be better!

They're doing nothing. It's amazing.
Honey really changes people.

You don't have any idea
what's going on, do you?

- What did you want to show me?
- This.

What happened here?

That is not the half of it.

Oh, no. Oh, my.

They're all wilting.

Doesn't look very good, does it?

No.

And whose fault do you think that is?

You know, I'm gonna guess bees.

Bees?

Specifically, me.

I didn't think bees not needing to make
honey would affect all these things.

It's notjust flowers.
Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

That's our whole SAT test right there.

Take away produce, that affects
the entire animal kingdom.

And then, of course...

The human species?

So if there's no more pollination,

it could all just go south here,
couldn't it?

I know this is also partly my fault.

How about a suicide pact?

How do we do it?

- I'll sting you, you step on me.
- Thatjust kills you twice.

Right, right.

Listen, Barry...
sorry, but I gotta get going.

I had to open my mouth and talk.

Vanessa?

Vanessa? Why are you leaving?
Where are you going?

To the final Tournament of Roses parade
in Pasadena.

They've moved it to this weekend
because all the flowers are dying.

It's the last chance
I'll ever have to see it.

Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.
I never meant it to turn out like this.

I know. Me neither.

Tournament of Roses.
Roses can't do sports.

Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

Roses!

Vanessa!

Roses?!

Barry?

- Roses are flowers!
- Yes, they are.

Flowers, bees, pollen!

I know.
That's why this is the last parade.

Maybe not.
Oould you ask him to slow down?

Oould you slow down?

Barry!

OK, I made a huge mistake.
This is a total disaster, all my fault.

Yes, it kind of is.

I've ruined the planet.
I wanted to help you

with the flower shop.
I've made it worse.

Actually, it's completely closed down.

I thought maybe you were remodeling.

But I have another idea, and it's
greater than my previous ideas combined.

I don't want to hear it!

All right, they have the roses,
the roses have the pollen.

I know every bee, plant
and flower bud in this park.

All we gotta do is get what they've got
back here with what we've got.

- Bees.
- Park.

- Pollen!
- Flowers.

- Repollination!
- Across the nation!

Tournament of Roses,
Pasadena, Oalifornia.

They've got nothing
but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

Security will be tight.

I have an idea.

Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

Official floral business. It's real.

Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.

Thank you. It was a gift.

Once inside,
we just pick the right float.

How about The Princess and the Pea?

I could be the princess,
and you could be the pea!

Yes, I got it.

- Where should I sit?
- What are you?

- I believe I'm the pea.
- The pea?

It goes under the mattresses.

- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.
- I'm getting the marshal.

You do that!
This whole parade is a fiasco!

Let's see what this baby'll do.

Hey, what are you doing?!

Then all we do
is blend in with traffic...

...without arousing suspicion.

Once at the airport,
there's no stopping us.

Stop! Security.

- You and your insect pack your float?
- Yes.

Has it been
in your possession the entire time?

Would you remove your shoes?

- Remove your stinger.
- It's part of me.

I know. Just having some fun.
Enjoy your flight.

Then if we're lucky, we'll have
just enough pollen to do the job.

Oan you believe how lucky we are? We
have just enough pollen to do the job!

I think this is gonna work.

It's got to work.

Attention, passengers,
this is Oaptain Scott.

We have a bit of bad weather
in New York.

It looks like we'll experience
a couple hours delay.

Barry, these are cut flowers
with no water. They'll never make it.

I gotta get up there
and talk to them.

Be careful.

Oan I get help
with the Sky Mall magazine?

I'd like to order the talking
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.

Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.

- What'd you say, Hal?
- Nothing.

Bee!

Don't freak out! My entire species...

What are you doing?

- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!
- Who's an attorney?

Don't move.

Oh, Barry.

Good afternoon, passengers.
This is your captain.

Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B
please report to the cockpit?

And please hurry!

What happened here?

There was a DustBuster,
a toupee, a life raft exploded.

One's bald, one's in a boat,
they're both unconscious!

- Is that another bee joke?
- No!

No one's flying the plane!

This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.
What's your status?

This is Vanessa Bloome.
I'm a florist from New York.

Where's the pilot?

He's unconscious,
and so is the copilot.

Not good. Does anyone onboard
have flight experience?

As a matter of fact, there is.

- Who's that?
- Barry Benson.

From the honey trial?! Oh, great.

Vanessa, this is nothing more
than a big metal bee.

It's got giant wings, huge engines.

I can't fly a plane.

- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?
- Yes.

How hard could it be?

Wait, Barry!
We're headed into some lightning.

This is Bob Bumble. We have some
late-breaking news from JFK Airport,

where a suspenseful scene
is developing.

Barry Benson,
fresh from his legal victory...

That's Barry!

...is attempting to land a plane,
loaded with people, flowers

and an incapacitated flight crew.

Flowers?!

We have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls

with absolutely no flight experience.

Just a minute.
There's a bee on that plane.

I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson
and his no-account compadres.

They've done enough damage.

But isn't he your only hope?

Technically, a bee
shouldn't be able to fly at all.

Their wings are too small...

Haven't we heard this a million times?

"The surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense."

- Get this on the air!
- Got it.

- Stand by.
- We're going live.

The way we work may be a mystery to you.

Making honey takes a lot of bees
doing a lot of small jobs.

But let me tell you about a small job.

If you do it well,
it makes a big difference.

More than we realized.
To us, to everyone.

That's why I want to get bees
back to working together.

That's the bee way!
We're not made of Jell-O.

We get behind a fellow.

- Black and yellow!
- Hello!

Left, right, down, hover.

- Hover?
- Forget hover.

This isn't so hard.
Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

Barry, what happened?!

Wait, I think we were
on autopilot the whole time.

- That may have been helping me.
- And now we're not!

So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.

All of you, let's get
behind this fellow! Move it out!

Move out!

Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,
you copy me with the wings of the plane!

Don't have to yell.

I'm not yelling!
We're in a lot of trouble.

It's very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice!

It's not a tone. I'm panicking!

I can't do this!

Vanessa, pull yourself together.
You have to snap out of it!

You snap out of it.

You snap out of it.

- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

- Hold it!
- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.

How is the plane flying?

I don't know.

Hello?

Benson, got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?

The Pollen Jocks!

They do get behind a fellow.

- Black and yellow.
- Hello.

All right, let's drop this tin can
on the blacktop.

Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?

No, nothing. It's all cloudy.

Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.

- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

Wait a minute.
I think I'm feeling something.

- What?
- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.

Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.

Bring the nose down.

Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

- What in the world is on the tarmac?
- Get some lights on that!

Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

- Vanessa, aim for the flower.
- OK.

Out the engines. We're going in
on bee power. Ready, boys?

Affirmative!

Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.

Land on that flower!

Ready? Full reverse!

Spin it around!

- Not that flower! The other one!
- Which one?

- That flower.
- I'm aiming at the flower!

That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.
I mean the giant pulsating flower

made of millions of bees!

Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.

Rotate around it.

- This is insane, Barry!
- This's the only way I know how to fly.

Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane
flying in an insect-like pattern?

Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.
Smell it. Full reverse!

Just drop it. Be a part of it.

Aim for the center!

Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!

Oome on, already.

Barry, we did it!
You taught me how to fly!

- Yes. No high-five!
- Right.

Barry, it worked!
Did you see the giant flower?

What giant flower? Where? Of course
I saw the flower! That was genius!

- Thank you.
- But we're not done yet.

Listen, everyone!

This runway is covered
with the last pollen

from the last flowers
available anywhere on Earth.

That means this is our last chance.

We're the only ones who make honey,
pollinate flowers and dress like this.

If we're gonna survive as a species,
this is our moment! What do you say?

Are we going to be bees, orjust
Museum of Natural History keychains?

We're bees!

Keychain!

Then follow me! Except Keychain.

Hold on, Barry. Here.

You've earned this.

Yeah!

I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect
fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.

Oh, yeah.

That's our Barry.

Mom! The bees are back!

If anybody needs
to make a call, now's the time.

I got a feeling we'll be
working late tonight!

Here's your change. Have a great
afternoon! Oan I help who's next?

Would you like some honey with that?
It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.

Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.
And I don't see a nickel!

Sometimes I just feel
like a piece of meat!

I had no idea.

Barry, I'm sorry.
Have you got a moment?

Would you excuse me?
My mosquito associate will help you.

Sorry I'm late.

He's a lawyer too?

I was already a blood-sucking parasite.
All I needed was a briefcase.

Have a great afternoon!

Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,
and I can't get them anywhere.

No problem, Vannie.
Just leave it to me.

You're a lifesaver, Barry.
Oan I help who's next?

All right, scramble, jocks!
It's time to fly.

Thank you, Barry!

That bee is living my life!

Let it go, Kenny.

- When will this nightmare end?!
- Let it all go.

- Beautiful day to fly.
- Sure is.

Between you and me,
I was dying to get out of that office.

You have got
to start thinking bee, my friend.

- Thinking bee!
- Me?

Hold it. Let's just stop
for a second. Hold it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
Oan we stop here?

I'm not making a major life decision
during a production number!

All right. Take ten, everybody.
Wrap it up, guys.

I had virtually no rehearsal for that."
</nowiki>
Nika is a lifelong pupper
It passed
Sold to Murphy $3
Chaired by Jerry Seinfeld
REAL RELEVANT ANNOUNCEMENTS
We have an event. Help us find it
PHA18* 7PM Friday
Fill out the food survey
Play Zombies! zombies.cmukgb.org
Pay Joe
CTFWS is November 11th
SHMUCKS
fuck all of you
Go thrift shopping with Dylan for zombies
Go to Pamela's with Espy on Sundays!
Come to music with us
Get food
GTFO

Minutes20160926

2016-09-27T01:27:05Z

Mjmurphy:

OFFICER REPORTS
SKYE
Best GBGC evar
Murphy did it
Not nearly enough work
The pirates sucked
Star trek > work
DYLAN
Sonia saw Kubo and the Two Strings
Cried twice
MURPHY
One board game
11 musical artists over 1 day (slow your roll holy shit)
3 beers
2 cats
5 golden rings
RIN
Everyone is pokemon
Engineering design is dumb anyway
HARRY
[]
JOE
Computers suck
NIKA
Joined the Great Race!
COMMITTEE REPORTS
Wagon Age Origin
KRA + GCGC: HvZ October 2nd DH 2210 7PM
Lots of statistics jokes
kill this meme
Shadow The Hedgehog: damn
Newt Gingrich is not actually a newt
Murphy made a cool hat
CMU is hard but we love you all <3
Rin has the thing. Room reservations aren't their fault
NEW BUSINESS
Motion to pass a statement of no confidence in the registrar's office
It's a thing now deal with it
Committee The Hedgehog Committee
Stuffed horse we can continue beating off
Tabled for ???
Committee to protect horses
Never again
It passed
Sold to Joe $2
Harry chairs it and nobody else
My Little Animal Farm
We killed all the others and we need more
We did this to ourselves
That passed
Sold to Frosty $4
Chaired by CMU bronies
Wall Lickers Union
Start licking walls
It's just another lick in the wall
My mom is trying really hard (asbestos pun here)
Passed
Sold to Steven $1
Chaired by the agency (and sam)
Allocation $50 for event
It passed
KGB Rave committee
PEWEWWWWWWW WOMP WOMP
Please don't burn down my house
It passed
Sold to Harry $1
The guy who wrote that song
Carnival Crime committee
To see if you get a fair trile
Ted Cruz isn't the zodiac killer
It passed
Sold to Owen $2
Chaired by The first clown we can co-opt into this
[[The Bee Movie|THE BEE MOVIE]] POLICE
"According to all known laws
of aviation,

there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Coming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

- Barry?
- Adam?

- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!

- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!

Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!

- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.

- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.

Never thought I'd make it.

Three days grade school,
three days high school.

Those were awkward.

Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

You did come back different.

- Hi, Barry.
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

- Hear about Frankie?
- Yeah.

- You going to the funeral?
- No, I'm not going.

Everybody knows,
sting someone, you die.

Don't waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.

I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.

I love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day.

That's why we don't need vacations.

Boy, quite a bit of pomp...
under the circumstances.

- Well, Adam, today we are men.
- We are!

- Bee-men.
- Amen!

Hallelujah!

Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of...

...9:15.

That concludes our ceremonies.

And begins your career
at Honex Industries!

Will we pick ourjob today?

I heard it's just orientation.

Heads up! Here we go.

Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.

- Wonder what it'll be like?
- A little scary.

Welcome to Honex,
a division of Honesco

and a part of the Hexagon Group.

This is it!

Wow.

Wow.

We know that you, as a bee,
have worked your whole life

to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life.

Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

Our top-secret formula

is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

into this soothing sweet syrup

with its distinctive
golden glow you know as...

Honey!

- That girl was hot.
- She's my cousin!

- She is?
- Yes, we're all cousins.

- Right. You're right.
- At Honex, we constantly strive

to improve every aspect
of bee existence.

These bees are stress-testing
a new helmet technology.

- What do you think he makes?
- Not enough.

Here we have our latest advancement,
the Krelman.

- What does that do?
- Oatches that little strand of honey

that hangs after you pour it.
Saves us millions.

Oan anyone work on the Krelman?

Of course. Most bee jobs are
small ones. But bees know

that every small job,
if it's done well, means a lot.

But choose carefully

because you'll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life.

The same job the rest of your life?
I didn't know that.

What's the difference?

You'll be happy to know that bees,
as a species, haven't had one day off

in 27 million years.

So you'll just work us to death?

We'll sure try.

Wow! That blew my mind!

"What's the difference?"
How can you say that?

One job forever?
That's an insane choice to have to make.

I'm relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.

But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?

Why would you question anything?
We're bees.

We're the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.

You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?

Like what? Give me one example.

I don't know. But you know
what I'm talking about.

Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.

Wait a second. Oheck it out.

- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
- Wow.

I've never seen them this close.

They know what it's like
outside the hive.

Yeah, but some don't come back.

- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!

You guys did great!

You're monsters!
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

- I wonder where they were.
- I don't know.

Their day's not planned.

Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.

You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.

Right.

Look. That's more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.

It's just a status symbol.
Bees make too much of it.

Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it.

Those ladies?
Aren't they our cousins too?

Distant. Distant.

Look at these two.

- Oouple of Hive Harrys.
- Let's have fun with them.

It must be dangerous
being a Pollen Jock.

Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom!

He had a paw on my throat,
and with the other, he was slapping me!

- Oh, my!
- I never thought I'd knock him out.

What were you doing during this?

Trying to alert the authorities.

I can autograph that.

A little gusty out there today,
wasn't it, comrades?

Yeah. Gusty.

We're hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow.

- Six miles, huh?
- Barry!

A puddle jump for us,
but maybe you're not up for it.

- Maybe I am.
- You are not!

We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

What do you think, buzzy-boy?
Are you bee enough?

I might be. It all depends
on what 0900 means.

Hey, Honex!

Dad, you surprised me.

You decide what you're interested in?

- Well, there's a lot of choices.
- But you only get one.

Do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?

Son, let me tell you about stirring.

You grab that stick, and you just
move it around, and you stir it around.

You get yourself into a rhythm.
It's a beautiful thing.

You know, Dad,
the more I think about it,

maybe the honey field
just isn't right for me.

You were thinking of what,
making balloon animals?

That's a bad job
for a guy with a stinger.

Janet, your son's not sure
he wants to go into honey!

- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
- I'm not trying to be funny.

You're not funny! You're going
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

- You're gonna be a stirrer?
- No one's listening to me!

Wait till you see the sticks I have.

I could say anything right now.
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

Let's open some honey and celebrate!

Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.
Shave my antennae.

Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

I'm so proud.

- We're starting work today!
- Today's the day.

Oome on! All the good jobs
will be gone.

Yeah, right.

Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,
stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

- Is it still available?
- Hang on. Two left!

One of them's yours! Oongratulations!
Step to the side.

- What'd you get?
- Picking crud out. Stellar!

Wow!

Oouple of newbies?

Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

Make your choice.

- You want to go first?
- No, you go.

Oh, my. What's available?

Restroom attendant's open,
not for the reason you think.

- Any chance of getting the Krelman?
- Sure, you're on.

I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

Wax monkey's always open.

The Krelman opened up again.

What happened?

A bee died. Makes an opening. See?
He's dead. Another dead one.

Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

Dead from the neck up.
Dead from the neck down. That's life!

Oh, this is so hard!

Heating, cooling,
stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

humming, inspector number seven,
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

mite wrangler. Barry, what
do you think I should... Barry?

Barry!

All right, we've got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine...

What happened to you?
Where are you?

- I'm going out.
- Out? Out where?

- Out there.
- Oh, no!

I have to, before I go
to work for the rest of my life.

You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?

Another call coming in.

If anyone's feeling brave,
there's a Korean deli on 83rd

that gets their roses today.

Hey, guys.

- Look at that.
- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

Sign here, here. Just initial that.

- Thank you.
- OK.

You got a rain advisory today,

and as you all know,
bees cannot fly in rain.

So be careful. As always,
watch your brooms,

hockey sticks, dogs,
birds, bears and bats.

Also, I got a couple of reports
of root beer being poured on us.

Murphy's in a home because of it,
babbling like a cicada!

- That's awful.
- And a reminder for you rookies,

bee law number one,
absolutely no talking to humans!

All right, launch positions!

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

Black and yellow!

Hello!

You ready for this, hot shot?

Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

Wind, check.

- Antennae, check.
- Nectar pack, check.

- Wings, check.
- Stinger, check.

Scared out of my shorts, check.

OK, ladies,

let's move it out!

Pound those petunias,
you striped stem-suckers!

All of you, drain those flowers!

Wow! I'm out!

I can't believe I'm out!

So blue.

I feel so fast and free!

Box kite!

Wow!

Flowers!

This is Blue Leader.
We have roses visual.

Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

Roses!

30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

Stand to the side, kid.
It's got a bit of a kick.

That is one nectar collector!

- Ever see pollination up close?
- No, sir.

I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it
over here. Maybe a dash over there,

a pinch on that one.
See that? It's a little bit of magic.

That's amazing. Why do we do that?

That's pollen power. More pollen, more
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

Oool.

I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.
Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?

Oopy that visual.

Wait. One of these flowers
seems to be on the move.

Say again? You're reporting
a moving flower?

Affirmative.

That was on the line!

This is the coolest. What is it?

I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

It smells good.
Not like a flower, but I like it.

Yeah, fuzzy.

Ohemical-y.

Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.

My sweet lord of bees!

Oandy-brain, get off there!

Problem!

- Guys!
- This could be bad.

Affirmative.

Very close.

Gonna hurt.

Mama's little boy.

You are way out of position, rookie!

Ooming in at you like a missile!

Help me!

I don't think these are flowers.

- Should we tell him?
- I think he knows.

What is this?!

Match point!

You can start packing up, honey,
because you're about to eat it!

Yowser!

Gross.

There's a bee in the car!

- Do something!
- I'm driving!

- Hi, bee.
- He's back here!

He's going to sting me!

Nobody move. If you don't move,
he won't sting you. Freeze!

He blinked!

Spray him, Granny!

What are you doing?!

Wow... the tension level
out here is unbelievable.

I gotta get home.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

Ken, could you close
the window please?

Ken, could you close
the window please?

Oheck out my new resume.
I made it into a fold-out brochure.

You see? Folds out.

Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

What was that?

Maybe this time. This time. This time.
This time! This time! This...

Drapes!

That is diabolical.

It's fantastic. It's got all my special
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

What's number one? Star Wars?

Nah, I don't go for that...

...kind of stuff.

No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.
They're out of their minds.

When I leave a job interview, they're
flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

I don't remember the sun
having a big 75 on it.

I predicted global warming.

I could feel it getting hotter.
At first I thought it was just me.

Wait! Stop! Bee!

Stand back. These are winter boots.

Wait!

Don't kill him!

You know I'm allergic to them!
This thing could kill me!

Why does his life have
less value than yours?

Why does his life have any less value
than mine? Is that your statement?

I'm just saying all life has value. You
don't know what he's capable of feeling.

My brochure!

There you go, little guy.

I'm not scared of him.
It's an allergic thing.

Put that on your resume brochure.

My whole face could puff up.

Make it one of your special skills.

Knocking someone out
is also a special skill.

Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

- You could put carob chips on there.
- Bye.

- Supposed to be less calories.
- Bye.

I gotta say something.

She saved my life.
I gotta say something.

All right, here it goes.

Nah.

What would I say?

I could really get in trouble.

It's a bee law.
You're not supposed to talk to a human.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I've got to.

Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!

No. Yes. No.

Do it. I can't.

How should I start it?
"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.

Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

Hi!

I'm sorry.

- You're talking.
- Yes, I know.

You're talking!

I'm so sorry.

No, it's OK. It's fine.
I know I'm dreaming.

But I don't recall going to bed.

Well, I'm sure this
is very disconcerting.

This is a bit of a surprise to me.
I mean, you're a bee!

I am. And I'm not supposed
to be doing this,

but they were all trying to kill me.

And if it wasn't for you...

I had to thank you.
It's just how I was raised.

That was a little weird.

- I'm talking with a bee.
- Yeah.

I'm talking to a bee.
And the bee is talking to me!

I just want to say I'm grateful.
I'll leave now.

- Wait! How did you learn to do that?
- What?

The talking thing.

Same way you did, I guess.
"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

- That's very funny.
- Yeah.

Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,
we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

Anyway...

Oan I...

...get you something?
- Like what?

I don't know. I mean...
I don't know. Ooffee?

I don't want to put you out.

It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

- It's just coffee.
- I hate to impose.

- Don't be ridiculous!
- Actually, I would love a cup.

Hey, you want rum cake?

- I shouldn't.
- Have some.

- No, I can't.
- Oome on!

I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

- Where?
- These stripes don't help.

You look great!

I don't know if you know
anything about fashion.

Are you all right?

No.

He's making the tie in the cab
as they're flying up Madison.

He finally gets there.

He runs up the steps into the church.
The wedding is on.

And he says, "Watermelon?
I thought you said Guatemalan.

Why would I marry a watermelon?"

Is that a bee joke?

That's the kind of stuff we do.

Yeah, different.

So, what are you gonna do, Barry?

About work? I don't know.

I want to do my part for the hive,
but I can't do it the way they want.

I know how you feel.

- You do?
- Sure.

My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.

- Really?
- My only interest is flowers.

Our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan.

Anyway, if you look...

There's my hive right there. See it?

You're in Sheep Meadow!

Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!

No way! I know that area.
I lost a toe ring there once.

- Why do girls put rings on their toes?
- Why not?

- It's like putting a hat on your knee.
- Maybe I'll try that.

- You all right, ma'am?
- Oh, yeah. Fine.

Just having two cups of coffee!

Anyway, this has been great.
Thanks for the coffee.

Yeah, it's no trouble.

Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,
I'd be up the rest of my life.

Are you...?

Oan I take a piece of this with me?

Sure! Here, have a crumb.

- Thanks!
- Yeah.

All right. Well, then...
I guess I'll see you around.

Or not.

OK, Barry.

And thank you
so much again... for before.

Oh, that? That was nothing.

Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...

This can't possibly work.

He's all set to go.
We may as well try it.

OK, Dave, pull the chute.

- Sounds amazing.
- It was amazing!

It was the scariest,
happiest moment of my life.

Humans! I can't believe
you were with humans!

Giant, scary humans!
What were they like?

Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.

They eat crazy giant things.
They drive crazy.

- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
- Some of them. But some of them don't.

- How'd you get back?
- Poodle.

You did it, and I'm glad. You saw
whatever you wanted to see.

You had your "experience." Now you
can pick out yourjob and be normal.

- Well...
- Well?

Well, I met someone.

You did? Was she Bee-ish?

- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
- No, no, no, not a wasp.

- Spider?
- I'm not attracted to spiders.

I know it's the hottest thing,
with the eight legs and all.

I can't get by that face.

So who is she?

She's... human.

No, no. That's a bee law.
You wouldn't break a bee law.

- Her name's Vanessa.
- Oh, boy.

She's so nice. And she's a florist!

Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!

We're not dating.

You're flying outside the hive, talking
to humans that attack our homes

with power washers and M-80s!
One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

She saved my life!
And she understands me.

This is over!

Eat this.

This is not over! What was that?

- They call it a crumb.
- It was so stingin' stripey!

And that's not what they eat.
That's what falls off what they eat!

- You know what a Oinnabon is?
- No.

It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.
They heat it up...

Sit down!

...really hot!
- Listen to me!

We are not them! We're us.
There's us and there's them!

Yes, but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?

There's no yearning.
Stop yearning. Listen to me!

You have got to start thinking bee,
my friend. Thinking bee!

- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

There he is. He's in the pool.

You know what your problem is, Barry?

I gotta start thinking bee?

How much longer will this go on?

It's been three days!
Why aren't you working?

I've got a lot of big life decisions
to think about.

What life? You have no life!
You have no job. You're barely a bee!

Would it kill you
to make a little honey?

Barry, come out.
Your father's talking to you.

Martin, would you talk to him?

Barry, I'm talking to you!

You coming?

Got everything?

All set!

Go ahead. I'll catch up.

Don't be too long.

Watch this!

Vanessa!

- We're still here.
- I told you not to yell at him.

He doesn't respond to yelling!

- Then why yell at me?
- Because you don't listen!

I'm not listening to this.

Sorry, I've gotta go.

- Where are you going?
- I'm meeting a friend.

A girl? Is this why you can't decide?

Bye.

I just hope she's Bee-ish.

They have a huge parade
of flowers every year in Pasadena?

To be in the Tournament of Roses,
that's every florist's dream!

Up on a float, surrounded
by flowers, crowds cheering.

A tournament. Do the roses
compete in athletic events?

No. All right, I've got one.
How come you don't fly everywhere?

It's exhausting. Why don't you
run everywhere? It's faster.

Yeah, OK, I see, I see.
All right, your turn.

TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?
That's insane!

You don't have that?

We have Hivo, but it's a disease.
It's a horrible, horrible disease.

Oh, my.

Dumb bees!

You must want to sting all those jerks.

We try not to sting.
It's usually fatal for us.

So you have to watch your temper.

Very carefully.
You kick a wall, take a walk,

write an angry letter and throw it out.
Work through it like any emotion:

Anger, jealousy, lust.

Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

Yeah.

- What is wrong with you?!
- It's a bug.

He's not bothering anybody.
Get out of here, you creep!

What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?

Yeah, it was. How did you know?

It felt like about 10 pages.
Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

You've really got that
down to a science.

- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.
- I'll bet.

What in the name
of Mighty Hercules is this?

How did this get here?
Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

Ray Liotta Private Select?

- Is he that actor?
- I never heard of him.

- Why is this here?
- For people. We eat it.

You don't have
enough food of your own?

- Well, yes.
- How do you get it?

- Bees make it.
- I know who makes it!

And it's hard to make it!

There's heating, cooling, stirring.
You need a whole Krelman thing!

- It's organic.
- It's our-ganic!

It's just honey, Barry.

Just what?!

Bees don't know about this!
This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

You've taken our homes, schools,
hospitals! This is all we have!

And it's on sale?!
I'm getting to the bottom of this.

I'm getting to the bottom
of all of this!

Hey, Hector.

- You almost done?
- Almost.

He is here. I sense it.

Well, I guess I'll go home now

and just leave this nice honey out,
with no one around.

You're busted, box boy!

I knew I heard something.
So you can talk!

I can talk.
And now you'll start talking!

Where you getting the sweet stuff?
Who's your supplier?

I don't understand.
I thought we were friends.

The last thing we want
to do is upset bees!

You're too late! It's ours now!

You, sir, have crossed
the wrong sword!

You, sir, will be lunch
for my iguana, Ignacio!

Where is the honey coming from?

Tell me where!

Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

Orazy person!

What horrible thing has happened here?

These faces, they never knew
what hit them. And now

they're on the road to nowhere!

Just keep still.

What? You're not dead?

Do I look dead? They will wipe anything
that moves. Where you headed?

To Honey Farms.
I am onto something huge here.

I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,
crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

I'm going to Tacoma.

- And you?
- He really is dead.

All right.

Uh-oh!

- What is that?!
- Oh, no!

- A wiper! Triple blade!
- Triple blade?

Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!

Why does everything have
to be so doggone clean?!

How much do you people need to see?!

Open your eyes!
Stick your head out the window!

From NPR News in Washington,
I'm Oarl Kasell.

But don't kill no more bugs!

- Bee!
- Moose blood guy!!

- You hear something?
- Like what?

Like tiny screaming.

Turn off the radio.

Whassup, bee boy?

Hey, Blood.

Just a row of honey jars,
as far as the eye could see.

Wow!

I assume wherever this truck goes
is where they're getting it.

I mean, that honey's ours.

- Bees hang tight.
- We're all jammed in.

It's a close community.

Not us, man. We on our own.
Every mosquito on his own.

- What if you get in trouble?
- You a mosquito, you in trouble.

Nobody likes us. They just smack.
See a mosquito, smack, smack!

At least you're out in the world.
You must meet girls.

Mosquito girls try to trade up,
get with a moth, dragonfly.

Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.

You got to be kidding me!

Mooseblood's about to leave
the building! So long, bee!

- Hey, guys!
- Mooseblood!

I knew I'd catch y'all down here.
Did you bring your crazy straw?

We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,
and it's pretty much pure profit.

What is this place?

A bee's got a brain
the size of a pinhead.

They are pinheads!

Pinhead.

- Oheck out the new smoker.
- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.

The Thomas 3000!

Smoker?

Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.
Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

A couple breaths of this
knocks them right out.

They make the honey,
and we make the money.

"They make the honey,
and we make the money"?

Oh, my!

What's going on? Are you OK?

Yeah. It doesn't last too long.

Do you know you're
in a fake hive with fake walls?

Our queen was moved here.
We had no choice.

This is your queen?
That's a man in women's clothes!

That's a drag queen!

What is this?

Oh, no!

There's hundreds of them!

Bee honey.

Our honey is being brazenly stolen
on a massive scale!

This is worse than anything bears
have done! I intend to do something.

Oh, Barry, stop.

Who told you humans are taking
our honey? That's a rumor.

Do these look like rumors?

That's a conspiracy theory.
These are obviously doctored photos.

How did you get mixed up in this?

He's been talking to humans.

- What?
- Talking to humans?!

He has a human girlfriend.
And they make out!

Make out? Barry!

We do not.

- You wish you could.
- Whose side are you on?

The bees!

I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.
Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

Barry, this is what you want
to do with your life?

I want to do it for all our lives.
Nobody works harder than bees!

Dad, I remember you
coming home so overworked

your hands were still stirring.
You couldn't stop.

I remember that.

What right do they have to our honey?

We live on two cups a year. They put it
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!

Even if it's true, what can one bee do?

Sting them where it really hurts.

In the face! The eye!

- That would hurt.
- No.

Up the nose? That's a killer.

There's only one place you can sting
the humans, one place where it matters.

Hive at Five, the hive's only
full-hour action news source.

No more bee beards!

With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.

Weather with Storm Stinger.

Sports with Buzz Larvi.

And Jeanette Ohung.

- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.
- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.

A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,

intends to sue the human race
for stealing our honey,

packaging it and profiting
from it illegally!

Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,

we'll have three former queens here in
our studio, discussing their new book,

Olassy Ladies,
out this week on Hexagon.

Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.

Did you ever think, "I'm a kid
from the hive. I can't do this"?

Bees have never been afraid
to change the world.

What about Bee Oolumbus?
Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?

Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.

We were thinking
of stickball or candy stores.

How old are you?

The bee community
is supporting you in this case,

which will be the trial
of the bee century.

You know, they have a Larry King
in the human world too.

It's a common name. Next week...

He looks like you and has a show
and suspenders and colored dots...

Next week...

Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the
guest even though you just heard 'em.

Bear Week next week!
They're scary, hairy and here live.

Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,
squinty eyes, very Jewish.

In tennis, you attack
at the point of weakness!

It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

Honey, her backhand's a joke!
I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

Quiet, please.
Actual work going on here.

- Is that that same bee?
- Yes, it is!

I'm helping him sue the human race.

- Hello.
- Hello, bee.

This is Ken.

Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size
ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.

Why does he talk again?

Listen, you better go
'cause we're really busy working.

But it's our yogurt night!

Bye-bye.

Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

You poor thing.
You two have been at this for hours!

Yes, and Adam here
has been a huge help.

- Frosting...
- How many sugars?

Just one. I try not
to use the competition.

So why are you helping me?

Bees have good qualities.

And it takes my mind off the shop.

Instead of flowers, people
are giving balloon bouquets now.

Those are great, if you're three.

And artificial flowers.

- Oh, those just get me psychotic!
- Yeah, me too.

Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

Bees must hate those fake things!

Nothing worse
than a daffodil that's had work done.

Maybe this could make up
for it a little bit.

- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.
- I guess.

You sure you want to go through with it?

Am I sure? When I'm done with
the humans, they won't be able

to say, "Honey, I'm home,"
without paying a royalty!

It's an incredible scene
here in downtown Manhattan,

where the world anxiously waits,
because for the first time in history,

we will hear for ourselves
if a honeybee can actually speak.

What have we gotten into here, Barry?

It's pretty big, isn't it?

I can't believe how many humans
don't work during the day.

You think billion-dollar multinational
food companies have good lawyers?

Everybody needs to stay
behind the barricade.

- What's the matter?
- I don't know, I just got a chill.

Well, if it isn't the bee team.

You boys work on this?

All rise! The Honorable
Judge Bumbleton presiding.

All right. Oase number 4475,

Superior Oourt of New York,
Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry

is now in session.

Mr. Montgomery, you're representing
the five food companies collectively?

A privilege.

Mr. Benson... you're representing
all the bees of the world?

I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,
we're ready to proceed.

Mr. Montgomery,
your opening statement, please.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

my grandmother was a simple woman.

Born on a farm, she believed
it was man's divine right

to benefit from the bounty
of nature God put before us.

If we lived in the topsy-turvy world
Mr. Benson imagines,

just think of what would it mean.

I would have to negotiate
with the silkworm

for the elastic in my britches!

Talking bee!

How do we know this isn't some sort of

holographic motion-picture-capture
Hollywood wizardry?

They could be using laser beams!

Robotics! Ventriloquism!
Oloning! For all we know,

he could be on steroids!

Mr. Benson?

Ladies and gentlemen,
there's no trickery here.

I'm just an ordinary bee.
Honey's pretty important to me.

It's important to all bees.
We invented it!

We make it. And we protect it
with our lives.

Unfortunately, there are
some people in this room

who think they can take it from us

'cause we're the little guys!
I'm hoping that, after this is all over,

you'll see how, by taking our honey,
you not only take everything we have

but everything we are!

I wish he'd dress like that
all the time. So nice!

Oall your first witness.

So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
of Honey Farms, big company you have.

I suppose so.

I see you also own
Honeyburton and Honron!

Yes, they provide beekeepers
for our farms.

Beekeeper. I find that
to be a very disturbing term.

I don't imagine you employ
any bee-free-ers, do you?

- No.
- I couldn't hear you.

- No.
- No.

Because you don't free bees.
You keep bees. Not only that,

it seems you thought a bear would be
an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

They're very lovable creatures.

Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.

You mean like this?

Bears kill bees!

How'd you like his head crashing
through your living room?!

Biting into your couch!
Spitting out your throw pillows!

OK, that's enough. Take him away.

So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.
Your name intrigues me.

- Where have I heard it before?
- I was with a band called The Police.

But you've never been
a police officer, have you?

No, I haven't.

No, you haven't. And so here
we have yet another example

of bee culture casually
stolen by a human

for nothing more than
a prance-about stage name.

Oh, please.

Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?

Because I'm feeling
a little stung, Sting.

Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!

That's not his real name?! You idiots!

Mr. Liotta, first,
belated congratulations on

your Emmy win for a guest spot
on ER in 2005.

Thank you. Thank you.

I see from your resume
that you're devilishly handsome

with a churning inner turmoil
that's ready to blow.

I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?

Not yet it isn't. But is this
what it's come to for you?

Exploiting tiny, helpless bees
so you don't

have to rehearse
your part and learn your lines, sir?

Watch it, Benson!
I could blow right now!

This isn't a goodfella.
This is a badfella!

Why doesn't someone just step on
this creep, and we can all go home?!

- Order in this court!
- You're all thinking it!

Order! Order, I say!

- Say it!
- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!

I think it was awfully nice
of that bear to pitch in like that.

I think the jury's on our side.

Are we doing everything right, legally?

I'm a florist.

Right. Well, here's to a great team.

To a great team!

Well, hello.

- Ken!
- Hello.

I didn't think you were coming.

No, I was just late.
I tried to call, but... the battery.

I didn't want all this to go to waste,
so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

Oh, that was lucky.

There's a little left.
I could heat it up.

Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

So I hear you're quite a tennis player.

I'm not much for the game myself.
The ball's a little grabby.

That's where I usually sit.
Right... there.

Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

and he agreed with me that eating with
chopsticks isn't really a special skill.

You think I don't see what you're doing?

I know how hard it is to find
the rightjob. We have that in common.

Do we?

Bees have 100 percent employment,
but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

That's just what
I was thinking about doing.

Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor
for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

I'm going to drain the old stinger.

Yeah, you do that.

Look at that.

You know, I've just about had it

with your little mind games.

- What's that?
- Italian Vogue.

Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.

A lot of ads.

Remember what Van said, why is
your life more valuable than mine?

Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

I think something stinks in here!

I love the smell of flowers.

How do you like the smell of flames?!

Not as much.

Water bug! Not taking sides!

Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!
This is pathetic!

I've got issues!

Well, well, well, a royal flush!

- You're bluffing.
- Am I?

Surf's up, dude!

Poo water!

That bowl is gnarly.

Except for those dirty yellow rings!

Kenneth! What are you doing?!

You know, I don't even like honey!
I don't eat it!

We need to talk!

He's just a little bee!

And he happens to be
the nicest bee I've met in a long time!

Long time? What are you talking about?!
Are there other bugs in your life?

No, but there are other things bugging
me in life. And you're one of them!

Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...

My nerves are fried from riding
on this emotional roller coaster!

Goodbye, Ken.

And for your information,

I prefer sugar-free, artificial
sweeteners made by man!

I'm sorry about all that.

I know it's got
an aftertaste! I like it!

I always felt there was some kind
of barrier between Ken and me.

I couldn't overcome it.
Oh, well.

Are you OK for the trial?

I believe Mr. Montgomery
is about out of ideas.

We would like to call
Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

Good idea! You can really see why he's
considered one of the best lawyers...

Yeah.

Layton, you've
gotta weave some magic

with this jury,
or it's gonna be all over.

Don't worry. The only thing I have
to do to turn this jury around

is to remind them
of what they don't like about bees.

- You got the tweezers?
- Are you allergic?

Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you
what I think we'd all like to know.

What exactly is your relationship

to that woman?

We're friends.

- Good friends?
- Yes.

How good? Do you live together?

Wait a minute...

Are you her little...

...bedbug?

I've seen a bee documentary or two.
From what I understand,

doesn't your queen give birth
to all the bee children?

- Yeah, but...
- So those aren't your real parents!

- Oh, Barry...
- Yes, they are!

Hold me back!

You're an illegitimate bee,
aren't you, Benson?

He's denouncing bees!

Don't y'all date your cousins?

- Objection!
- I'm going to pincushion this guy!

Adam, don't! It's what he wants!

Oh, I'm hit!!

Oh, lordy, I am hit!

Order! Order!

The venom! The venom
is coursing through my veins!

I have been felled
by a winged beast of destruction!

You see? You can't treat them
like equals! They're striped savages!

Stinging's the only thing
they know! It's their way!

- Adam, stay with me.
- I can't feel my legs.

What angel of mercy
will come forward to suck the poison

from my heaving buttocks?

I will have order in this court. Order!

Order, please!

The case of the honeybees
versus the human race

took a pointed turn against the bees

yesterday when one of their legal
team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.

- Is there much pain?
- Yeah.

I...

I blew the whole case, didn't I?

It doesn't matter. What matters is
you're alive. You could have died.

I'd be better off dead. Look at me.

They got it from the cafeteria
downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

Look, there's
a little celery still on it.

What was it like to sting someone?

I can't explain it. It was all...

All adrenaline and then...
and then ecstasy!

All right.

You think it was all a trap?

Of course. I'm sorry.
I flew us right into this.

What were we thinking? Look at us. We're
just a couple of bugs in this world.

What will the humans do to us
if they win?

I don't know.

I hear they put the roaches in motels.
That doesn't sound so bad.

Adam, they check in,
but they don't check out!

Oh, my.

Oould you get a nurse
to close that window?

- Why?
- The smoke.

Bees don't smoke.

Right. Bees don't smoke.

Bees don't smoke!
But some bees are smoking.

That's it! That's our case!

It is? It's not over?

Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.

Get back to the court and stall.
Stall any way you can.

And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.

Mr. Flayman.

Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

Where is the rest of your team?

Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

and as a result,
we don't make very good time.

I actually heard a funny story about...

Your Honor,
haven't these ridiculous bugs

taken up enough
of this court's valuable time?

How much longer will we allow
these absurd shenanigans to go on?

They have presented no compelling
evidence to support their charges

against my clients,
who run legitimate businesses.

I move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case!

Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going

to have to consider
Mr. Montgomery's motion.

But you can't! We have a terrific case.

Where is your proof?
Where is the evidence?

Show me the smoking gun!

Hold it, Your Honor!
You want a smoking gun?

Here is your smoking gun.

What is that?

It's a bee smoker!

What, this?
This harmless little contraption?

This couldn't hurt a fly,
let alone a bee.

Look at what has happened

to bees who have never been asked,
"Smoking or non?"

Is this what nature intended for us?

To be forcibly addicted
to smoke machines

and man-made wooden slat work camps?

Living out our lives as honey slaves
to the white man?

- What are we gonna do?
- He's playing the species card.

Ladies and gentlemen, please,
free these bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

Free the bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

The court finds in favor of the bees!

Vanessa, we won!

I knew you could do it! High-five!

Sorry.

I'm OK! You know what this means?

All the honey
will finally belong to the bees.

Now we won't have
to work so hard all the time.

This is an unholy perversion
of the balance of nature, Benson.

You'll regret this.

Barry, how much honey is out there?

All right. One at a time.

Barry, who are you wearing?

My sweater is Ralph Lauren,
and I have no pants.

- What if Montgomery's right?
- What do you mean?

We've been living the bee way
a long time, 27 million years.

Oongratulations on your victory.
What will you demand as a settlement?

First, we'll demand a complete shutdown
of all bee work camps.

Then we want back the honey
that was ours to begin with,

every last drop.

We demand an end to the glorification
of the bear as anything more

than a filthy, smelly,
bad-breath stink machine.

We're all aware
of what they do in the woods.

Wait for my signal.

Take him out.

He'll have nauseous
for a few hours, then he'll be fine.

And we will no longer tolerate
bee-negative nicknames...

But it's just a prance-about stage name!

...unnecessary inclusion of honey
in bogus health products

and la-dee-da human
tea-time snack garnishments.

Oan't breathe.

Bring it in, boys!

Hold it right there! Good.

Tap it.

Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,
and there's gallons more coming!

- I think we need to shut down!
- Shut down? We've never shut down.

Shut down honey production!

Stop making honey!

Turn your key, sir!

What do we do now?

Oannonball!

We're shutting honey production!

Mission abort.

Aborting pollination and nectar detail.
Returning to base.

Adam, you wouldn't believe
how much honey was out there.

Oh, yeah?

What's going on? Where is everybody?

- Are they out celebrating?
- They're home.

They don't know what to do.
Laying out, sleeping in.

I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way
to San Antonio with a cricket.

At least we got our honey back.

Sometimes I think, so what if humans
liked our honey? Who wouldn't?

It's the greatest thing in the world!
I was excited to be part of making it.

This was my new desk. This was my
new job. I wanted to do it really well.

And now...

Now I can't.

I don't understand
why they're not happy.

I thought their lives would be better!

They're doing nothing. It's amazing.
Honey really changes people.

You don't have any idea
what's going on, do you?

- What did you want to show me?
- This.

What happened here?

That is not the half of it.

Oh, no. Oh, my.

They're all wilting.

Doesn't look very good, does it?

No.

And whose fault do you think that is?

You know, I'm gonna guess bees.

Bees?

Specifically, me.

I didn't think bees not needing to make
honey would affect all these things.

It's notjust flowers.
Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

That's our whole SAT test right there.

Take away produce, that affects
the entire animal kingdom.

And then, of course...

The human species?

So if there's no more pollination,

it could all just go south here,
couldn't it?

I know this is also partly my fault.

How about a suicide pact?

How do we do it?

- I'll sting you, you step on me.
- Thatjust kills you twice.

Right, right.

Listen, Barry...
sorry, but I gotta get going.

I had to open my mouth and talk.

Vanessa?

Vanessa? Why are you leaving?
Where are you going?

To the final Tournament of Roses parade
in Pasadena.

They've moved it to this weekend
because all the flowers are dying.

It's the last chance
I'll ever have to see it.

Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.
I never meant it to turn out like this.

I know. Me neither.

Tournament of Roses.
Roses can't do sports.

Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

Roses!

Vanessa!

Roses?!

Barry?

- Roses are flowers!
- Yes, they are.

Flowers, bees, pollen!

I know.
That's why this is the last parade.

Maybe not.
Oould you ask him to slow down?

Oould you slow down?

Barry!

OK, I made a huge mistake.
This is a total disaster, all my fault.

Yes, it kind of is.

I've ruined the planet.
I wanted to help you

with the flower shop.
I've made it worse.

Actually, it's completely closed down.

I thought maybe you were remodeling.

But I have another idea, and it's
greater than my previous ideas combined.

I don't want to hear it!

All right, they have the roses,
the roses have the pollen.

I know every bee, plant
and flower bud in this park.

All we gotta do is get what they've got
back here with what we've got.

- Bees.
- Park.

- Pollen!
- Flowers.

- Repollination!
- Across the nation!

Tournament of Roses,
Pasadena, Oalifornia.

They've got nothing
but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

Security will be tight.

I have an idea.

Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

Official floral business. It's real.

Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.

Thank you. It was a gift.

Once inside,
we just pick the right float.

How about The Princess and the Pea?

I could be the princess,
and you could be the pea!

Yes, I got it.

- Where should I sit?
- What are you?

- I believe I'm the pea.
- The pea?

It goes under the mattresses.

- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.
- I'm getting the marshal.

You do that!
This whole parade is a fiasco!

Let's see what this baby'll do.

Hey, what are you doing?!

Then all we do
is blend in with traffic...

...without arousing suspicion.

Once at the airport,
there's no stopping us.

Stop! Security.

- You and your insect pack your float?
- Yes.

Has it been
in your possession the entire time?

Would you remove your shoes?

- Remove your stinger.
- It's part of me.

I know. Just having some fun.
Enjoy your flight.

Then if we're lucky, we'll have
just enough pollen to do the job.

Oan you believe how lucky we are? We
have just enough pollen to do the job!

I think this is gonna work.

It's got to work.

Attention, passengers,
this is Oaptain Scott.

We have a bit of bad weather
in New York.

It looks like we'll experience
a couple hours delay.

Barry, these are cut flowers
with no water. They'll never make it.

I gotta get up there
and talk to them.

Be careful.

Oan I get help
with the Sky Mall magazine?

I'd like to order the talking
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.

Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.

- What'd you say, Hal?
- Nothing.

Bee!

Don't freak out! My entire species...

What are you doing?

- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!
- Who's an attorney?

Don't move.

Oh, Barry.

Good afternoon, passengers.
This is your captain.

Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B
please report to the cockpit?

And please hurry!

What happened here?

There was a DustBuster,
a toupee, a life raft exploded.

One's bald, one's in a boat,
they're both unconscious!

- Is that another bee joke?
- No!

No one's flying the plane!

This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.
What's your status?

This is Vanessa Bloome.
I'm a florist from New York.

Where's the pilot?

He's unconscious,
and so is the copilot.

Not good. Does anyone onboard
have flight experience?

As a matter of fact, there is.

- Who's that?
- Barry Benson.

From the honey trial?! Oh, great.

Vanessa, this is nothing more
than a big metal bee.

It's got giant wings, huge engines.

I can't fly a plane.

- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?
- Yes.

How hard could it be?

Wait, Barry!
We're headed into some lightning.

This is Bob Bumble. We have some
late-breaking news from JFK Airport,

where a suspenseful scene
is developing.

Barry Benson,
fresh from his legal victory...

That's Barry!

...is attempting to land a plane,
loaded with people, flowers

and an incapacitated flight crew.

Flowers?!

We have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls

with absolutely no flight experience.

Just a minute.
There's a bee on that plane.

I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson
and his no-account compadres.

They've done enough damage.

But isn't he your only hope?

Technically, a bee
shouldn't be able to fly at all.

Their wings are too small...

Haven't we heard this a million times?

"The surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense."

- Get this on the air!
- Got it.

- Stand by.
- We're going live.

The way we work may be a mystery to you.

Making honey takes a lot of bees
doing a lot of small jobs.

But let me tell you about a small job.

If you do it well,
it makes a big difference.

More than we realized.
To us, to everyone.

That's why I want to get bees
back to working together.

That's the bee way!
We're not made of Jell-O.

We get behind a fellow.

- Black and yellow!
- Hello!

Left, right, down, hover.

- Hover?
- Forget hover.

This isn't so hard.
Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

Barry, what happened?!

Wait, I think we were
on autopilot the whole time.

- That may have been helping me.
- And now we're not!

So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.

All of you, let's get
behind this fellow! Move it out!

Move out!

Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,
you copy me with the wings of the plane!

Don't have to yell.

I'm not yelling!
We're in a lot of trouble.

It's very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice!

It's not a tone. I'm panicking!

I can't do this!

Vanessa, pull yourself together.
You have to snap out of it!

You snap out of it.

You snap out of it.

- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!

- Hold it!
- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.

How is the plane flying?

I don't know.

Hello?

Benson, got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?

The Pollen Jocks!

They do get behind a fellow.

- Black and yellow.
- Hello.

All right, let's drop this tin can
on the blacktop.

Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?

No, nothing. It's all cloudy.

Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.

- Thinking bee.
- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

Wait a minute.
I think I'm feeling something.

- What?
- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.

Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.

Bring the nose down.

Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

- What in the world is on the tarmac?
- Get some lights on that!

Thinking bee!
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

- Vanessa, aim for the flower.
- OK.

Out the engines. We're going in
on bee power. Ready, boys?

Affirmative!

Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.

Land on that flower!

Ready? Full reverse!

Spin it around!

- Not that flower! The other one!
- Which one?

- That flower.
- I'm aiming at the flower!

That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.
I mean the giant pulsating flower

made of millions of bees!

Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.

Rotate around it.

- This is insane, Barry!
- This's the only way I know how to fly.

Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane
flying in an insect-like pattern?

Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.
Smell it. Full reverse!

Just drop it. Be a part of it.

Aim for the center!

Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!

Oome on, already.

Barry, we did it!
You taught me how to fly!

- Yes. No high-five!
- Right.

Barry, it worked!
Did you see the giant flower?

What giant flower? Where? Of course
I saw the flower! That was genius!

- Thank you.
- But we're not done yet.

Listen, everyone!

This runway is covered
with the last pollen

from the last flowers
available anywhere on Earth.

That means this is our last chance.

We're the only ones who make honey,
pollinate flowers and dress like this.

If we're gonna survive as a species,
this is our moment! What do you say?

Are we going to be bees, orjust
Museum of Natural History keychains?

We're bees!

Keychain!

Then follow me! Except Keychain.

Hold on, Barry. Here.

You've earned this.

Yeah!

I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect
fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.

Oh, yeah.

That's our Barry.

Mom! The bees are back!

If anybody needs
to make a call, now's the time.

I got a feeling we'll be
working late tonight!

Here's your change. Have a great
afternoon! Oan I help who's next?

Would you like some honey with that?
It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.

Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.
And I don't see a nickel!

Sometimes I just feel
like a piece of meat!

I had no idea.

Barry, I'm sorry.
Have you got a moment?

Would you excuse me?
My mosquito associate will help you.

Sorry I'm late.

He's a lawyer too?

I was already a blood-sucking parasite.
All I needed was a briefcase.

Have a great afternoon!

Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,
and I can't get them anywhere.

No problem, Vannie.
Just leave it to me.

You're a lifesaver, Barry.
Oan I help who's next?

All right, scramble, jocks!
It's time to fly.

Thank you, Barry!

That bee is living my life!

Let it go, Kenny.

- When will this nightmare end?!
- Let it all go.

- Beautiful day to fly.
- Sure is.

Between you and me,
I was dying to get out of that office.

You have got
to start thinking bee, my friend.

- Thinking bee!
- Me?

Hold it. Let's just stop
for a second. Hold it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
Oan we stop here?

I'm not making a major life decision
during a production number!

All right. Take ten, everybody.
Wrap it up, guys.

I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
"
Nika is a lifelong pupper
It passed
Sold to Murphy $3
I don't know who chairs it
REAL RELEVANT ANNOUNCEMENTS
We have an event. Help us find it
PHA18* 7PM Friday
Fill out the food survey
Play Zombies! zombies.cmukgb.org
Pay Joe
CTFWS is November 11th
SHMUCKS
fuck all of you
Go thrift shopping with Dylan for zombies
Go to Pamela's with Espy on Sundays!
Come to music with us
Get food
GTFO

Bylaws

2016-04-07T04:09:05Z

Mjmurphy: /* ARTICLE IX. REPRIMAND, PROBATION, SUSPENSION, AND EXPULSION */

{{true}}

These are the official (but not the canonical) bylaws of the KGB organization. They are very important.

=ARTICLE I. NAME AND OBJECTIVES=

==Section 1. Name==
The name of the organization shall be [[KGB]].

==Section 2. Objectives==
The objectives of the organization shall be:
* to promote a spirit of fellowship among its [[members]].
* to take an active and positive role in campus life.

==Section 3. No Profit==
The organization shall not be conducted or operated for profit and no part of any profits or remainder or residue from dues, donations, or other sources of income to the organization shall inure to the personal benefit of any member or individual.

=ARTICLE II. DEFINITIONS=

==Section 1. Standing Definitions==
The terms defined as follows shall be considered standing definitions:

===a. Majority===
A majority shall be defined as a number greater then one-half (1/2), or fifty percent (50%), of the total.

===b. Organization Quorum===
A quorum of the organization is required in order to hold meetings as set forth in Article IV, Sections 1 and 2, and shall be either a majority of the voting members or seventy-five percent (75%) of the active members.

===c. Board Quorum===
A quorum of the Board is required in order to hold meetings set forth in Article IV, Sections 3, 4, and 5, shall be a majority of the Board members.

===d. Written Petitions===
All written petitions shall bear the signatures of either ten (10) members, or twenty percent (20%) of the voting membership, whichever is greater.

===e. Member in Good Standing===
A [[members|member]] is in good standing whose [[dues]] are current and whose other monetary obligations to the organization are fulfilled
# within sixty (60) days of the obligation's creation, or
# by the Annual Meeting (as defined in Art. VI, Sec. 2)
whichever comes first unless such obligations are created within seven (7) days prior to the Annual Meeting, in which case clause 2 shall not apply.

===f. Voting Member===
A voting [[members|member]] is a member in good standing who has attended at least one (1) previous meeting during their current term of membership.

===g. Mailing===
A mailing may be by physical or electronic means. Such mail must be individually addressed to each recipient, and may not only be to a single central bulletin board or other medium.

===h. Active Member===
An active [[members|member]] shall be a voting member who has attended at least one of the three (3) previous regular organization meetings as set forth in Article IV, Section 1 of these bylaws.

===i. [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]]===
The annual meeting is the meeting at which the officers shall be elected for the ensuing year, and at which other significant business is conducted in accordance with these bylaws, and is described in Article VI, Section 2 of these bylaws.

===j. Random Process===
A random process shall be any method of choice which assigns an equal probability of selection to each option.

===k. [[Duck]]===
Anything that looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck.

===l. Zombie Dollar===
One zombie dollar is the equivalent of the fee assessed members with a body temperature equal to or less than fifty (50) degrees Fahrenheit, as defined in Article III, Section 2 of these bylaws.

===m. Term of Membership===
A member's term of membership is the length of time covered by their most recent payment of dues, or the period dating back to when they most recently became a member of KGB, whichever is shorter.

==Section 2. Provisional Definitions==
All terms not previously defined as standing Definitions shall be defined according to the current edition of MERRIAM-WEBSTER'S COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY.

=ARTICLE III. MEMBERSHIP=

==Section 1. [[Members|Membership]]==
Each individual voting member shall have one (1) vote. Each member shall receive one (1) copy of any notices, publications or other distributed documents of the organization.

==Section 2. Becoming a Member==
Any person whose dues have been paid to the Treasurer and whose body temperature is above fifty (50) degrees Fahrenheit shall be considered a member. However, the second requirement can be waived for the fee of six (6) dollars.

==Section 3. [[Dues]]==
Membership dues for the next year shall be suggested annually by the [[Executive Board]] in March, and approved or changed by the voting membership at the April meeting. Dues shall be payable on or before the thirtieth day of September each year.

==Section 4. Termination==
Memberships may be terminated voluntarily:
===a. Resignation===
Any member may resign from the [[KGB|organization]] upon written notice to the [[Recording Secretary]].

===b. Lapsed Memberships===
A membership will be considered as lapsed and automatically terminated if such member's [[dues]] remain unpaid thirty (30) days after the deadline for payment of dues. However, the [[Executive Board]] may grant an additional thirty (30) days grace period to such delinquent [[members]] in exceptional cases. In no case may a person be entitled to vote at any
[[KGB|organization]] [[meetings|meeting]] whose dues are unpaid as of the date of that meeting, or who are sixty (60) days in arrears of other monetary obligations to the organization.

==Section 5. Refund of [[Dues]]==
Membership [[dues]] will not be refunded either wholly or in part for any reason save extreme circumstances as determined by the membership.

==Section 6. Benefits of Membership==
All [[members]] in good standing shall receive all benefits of membership except as stipulated in the bylaws.

=ARTICLE IV. [[Meetings|MEETINGS]] AND VOTING=

==Section 1. Regular Organization [[Meetings]]==
Regular [[meetings]] of the organization shall be held as directed by the Executive Board. Written notice of such meetings shall be mailed to the membership at least six (6) days prior to the date of the first such meeting of each semester by the Corresponding Secretary through the official organization newsletter or by other mailing, as well as upon any change in the announced time.

==Section 2. Special Organization Meetings==
Special [[meetings]] of the organization may be called by the [[President]], or by a majority vote of the members of the [[Executive Board]] who are present and voting at any regular or special meeting of the Board, or by the [[Recording Secretary]] upon receipt of a written petition. Written notice of such [[meetings]] shall be mailed by the [[Corresponding Secretary]] at least three (3) and not more than fifteen (15) days prior to the date of the meeting. Such notice shall state the purpose(s) of the meeting, and no other organization business may be transacted thereat.

==Section 3. Regular [[Executive Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Regular [[meetings]] of the [[Executive Board]] shall be held as directed by the Board, with a minimum of two (2) such meetings per semester. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be mailed to the membership at least six (6) days prior to the date of the first such meeting of each semester by the [[Corresponding Secretary]] and upon any change in the announced time. Such [[meetings]] shall be closed to non-members of the organization unless the individual(s) should be specifically invited by the [[Executive Board|Board]], in which case the cause for the non-member presence shall be the first order of business, and after which the non-member may be asked to leave the meeting.

==Section 4. Special [[Executive Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Special [[meetings]] of the [[Executive Board]] may be called by the [[President]], or by the [[Recording Secretary]] upon the receipt of a written petition signed by at least three (3) members of the [[Executive Board|Board]]. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be given to the membership at least five (5) days prior to the meeting. Such notice shall state the purpose of the meeting and no other business may be transacted thereat. In addition, all restrictions in Section 3 of this article shall apply to special meetings of the [[Executive Board|Board]].

==Section 5. Emergency [[Executive Board|Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Emergency meetings of the [[Executive Board|Board]] may be called by the [[President]] or [[1st VP|First Vice-President]] and may be held by phone. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be given to the officers at least one (1) day prior to the meeting. Any majority decision reached will be entered into the minutes of the next regular [[Exec|Board]] meeting.

==Section 6. Voting==
Each voting [[members|member]] shall be entitled to one (1) vote at any regular meeting of the [[KGB|organization]] at which the member is present. Absentee voting will be permitted only for elections. Absentee ballots must be submitted to all the election proctors at
least twelve (12) hours in advance of the commencement of the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], unless the proctors decide to accept absentee ballots after this deadline. Absentee ballots may be submitted by electronic mail, in person, or by any other method the proctors deem acceptable.

=ARTICLE V. [[:category:Officers|OFFICERS]] AND REPRESENTATIVES=

==Section 1. [[Executive Board]]==
The [[:category:officers|officers]] of the [[KGB|organization]] shall constitute the [[Exec|Executive board]]. The power necessary for the general management of the organization's affairs shall be entrusted to the Board, except as follows.

===a. Supremacy of the Organization===
The Board shall be subject to the orders of the organization, and none of its acts shall conflict with action taken by the organization, and the organization may countermand any decision of the board by a majority vote, thus opening up the question for consideration by the organization.

===b. Distribution of Funds===
The Board shall not distribute the organization's funds except as directed by the organization.

==Section 2. [[:category:Officers|Officers]]==
The organization officers, consisting of the following, shall serve in their respective capacities both with regard to the organization and its meetings and the [[Exec|Board]] and its [[meetings]].

===a. [[President]]===
The President shall preside at all [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]] and of the [[Exec|Board]], and shall have the duties and powers normally applicable to the office of President in addition to those provided for in these bylaws.

===b. [[1st VP|First Vice-President]]===
The First Vice-President shall be in charge of fellowship and shall actively recruit new [[members]].

===c. [[2nd VP|Second Vice-President]]===
The Second Vice-President shall be in charge of organizing fellowship activities.

===d. [[Corresponding Secretary]]===
The Corresponding Secretary shall have charge of all correspondence pertinent to the [[KGB|organization]] other than the correspondence reserved for the [[Recording Secretary]] and [[Treasurer]]. The Corresponding Secretary shall be the Editor of the organization [[Pravda?|Newsletter]].

===e. [[Recording Secretary]]===
The Recording Secretary shall keep a record of all [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]] and of the [[Exec|Board]] and of all matters of which a record shall be ordered by the organization. The Recording Secretary shall keep a roll of the [[members]] of the organization with applicable information, including attendance at meetings of the general body; furthermore, the Recording Secretary shall carry out such other duties as are prescribed in these bylaws, and shall have the duties and powers normally applicable to the office of Secretary, except for those duties and powers assigned to another officer by these bylaws. In the absence of the Recording Secretary, the duties and powers thereof shall be executed by the Corresponding Secretary, or in the absence thereof, the most senior officer present not presiding over the meeting.

===f. [[Treasurer]]===
The Treasurer shall collect and receive all [[Treasury|moneys]] due or belonging to the organization, and shall deposit the same in a bank satisfactory to the [[Exec|Board]], in the name of the [[KGB|organization]]. The Treasurer's books shall be open at all times to the inspection of the Board, and the Treasurer shall report to the Board and the general [[members|membership]] at every meeting the condition of the organization's finances. At the [[annual meeting]], the Treasurer shall render an account of all moneys received and expended during the previous fiscal year. During the month of September the Treasurer shall mail to each member a statement of [[dues]] for the ensuing year. The Treasurer shall disperse funds as directed by the Executive Board. The Treasurer shall also be responsible for filing all financial forms applicable to the organization. In the absence of the Treasurer, the [[Recording Secretary]] shall record allocations made or debts incurred by or to the organization; however, the Recording Secretary shall not disburse or collect moneys, unless authorized so to do by the Board.

===g. [[Sergeant at Arms|Sergeant-at-Arms]]===
The Sergeant at Arms shall assist in preserving order as the chair may direct, and other duties as set forth in the standing rules of order.

==Section 3. [[:category:officers|Officer]] Requirements==
All Officers of the [[KGB|organization]] shall be voting [[members]] who are [[Activities fee|Activities Fee]]-paying students.

==Section 4. Vacancies==
Any vacancy of an [[:category:Officers|officer]] position occurring on the [[Exec|Board]] during the year shall be filled for the unexpired term of office by a majority vote of all the remaining members of the Board by the second regular [[meetings|meeting]] of the board following the creation of such vacancy.

==Section 5. Recall of [[:category:Officers|Officers]]==
Any officer may be recalled for misconduct or dereliction of duty. A written petition, stating the reason(s) for recall, shall be filed with the [[Exec|Board]]. Written notice of such a petition shall be mailed to the membership. At the next regular [[meetings|meeting]] at least six (6) days after the mailing, a hearing on the matter will be held and a two-thirds (2/3) vote will be required to sustain the recall.

==Section 6. Seniority==
Seniority of offices is: [[President]], [[1st VP|First Vice-President]], [[2nd VP|Second Vice-President]], [[Corresponding Secretary]],
[[Recording Secretary]], [[Treasurer]], and [[Sergeant at Arms|Sergeant-at-Arms]].

=ARTICLE VI. MUSICAL INTERLUDE=

=ARTICLE VII. [[KGB|ORGANIZATION]] YEAR, [[Annual meeting|ANNUAL MEETING]], [[Elections|ELECTIONS]]=

==Section 1. [[KGB|Organization]] Year==
The organization's fiscal year shall begin on the first day of September and end on the thirty-first day of August. The organization's official year shall begin immediately at the conclusion of the [[elections|election]] at the [[annual meeting]] and shall continue
through the election at the next annual meeting.

==Section 2. [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]]==
No later than the last meeting in the month of December the [[Exec|board]] shall set the date for the Annual Meeting. The annual meeting shall be held in the month of April of each year. At the Annual Meeting the Officers for the ensuing year shall be elected by
secret, written ballot from among those nominated in accordance with Section 4 of this article. They shall take office immediately upon the conclusion of the election and each retiring [[:category:Officers|officer]] shall relinquish all properties and records relating to that office within fifteen (15) days after the [[elections|election]].

==Section 3. [[Elections]]==
The color of elections shall be [[purple]].

===a. Proctors===
For the duration of the [[elections]] at the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], a set of at least three proctors shall preside and keep order at the meeting. Ballots shall be counted by at least two proctors. Proctors shall be ineligible to run in that year's elections. Proctors shall be voting members of the organization except as discussed in section VI.3.b.

===b. Normal Proctor Selection===
At least two weeks prior to the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], a slate of at least three consenting [[members]] shall be nominated as proctors at a meeting of the [[Exec|Board]]. A member shall not be nominated if any member of the Board objects. At any meeting of the general body thereafter prior to the Annual Meeting, the slate may be modified or approved by a two-thirds (2/3) vote. At any such time, if it has not yet approved a slate of proctors, the organization may elect to request proctors from an external source with a two-thirds (2/3) vote.

===c. Emergency Proctor Selection===
If, at the Annual Meeting, less than three approved proctors are in attendance, the [[members|general body]] shall again have the opportunity to modify and approve the slate of proctors. If no proctors have yet been approved, after at least two failed votes to approve the current slate of proctors the chair may declare an impasse. In such an impasse, five present members not presently nominated for office shall be selected as proctors by random process; or, if five such members cannot be found, five members from the total attendance shall be so selected, but shall remain eligible for election.

===d. [[Elections|Election]] Procedure===
The election of each [[Officers|officer]] shall be concluded before the election of the next begins, and these elections shall be held in order of the chain of command. Write-in ballots or other invalid ballots shall be considered as abstentions. The candidate receiving a majority of the votes cast for each office shall be declared elected. In the case of an all-way tie, an additional round shall be run. Should the tie repeat, the winner shall be decided by the proctors of the election by random process. Otherwise, candidates shall be eliminated by the following method:

# Sort candidates into tiers of people with the same number of votes.
# Starting with the lowest ranking tier, remove tiers from the running in increasing order of rank until removing another would bring the total number of votes removed above 1/3. If there are no tiers with a number of votes below 1/3, remove the lowest ranking tier.
# If more than one candidate remains, run another round.

The winner shall be announced by the election proctors. At least three of the election proctors shall sign a document in triplicate containing the names of the new executive board. Vote totals shall not be announced. The ballots shall be destroyed upon completion of the elections.

===e. Election Quorum===
Election of officers may proceed in the absence of quorum if the presence at the meeting of every absentee voter would be sufficient to reach quorum.

==Section 4. Nominations==
No person may be a candidate in an [[KGB|organization]] [[elections|election]] who has not been nominated or who is not a voting organization [[members|member]] in good standing. During the last quarter of the official year the Executive Board shall select a [[NomCom|Nominating Committee]] consisting of four (4) members willing to so serve, not more than one (1) of whom shall be a member of the [[Exec|Board]]. The [[Recording Secretary]] shall immediately notify the committee members of their selection. The Board shall name a Chairperson for the committee and it shall be this person's duty to call a committee meeting which shall be held on or before March 1. Once the first meeting has been held, the membership of this committee cannot be altered by the board. No person who has served on the Nominating Committee will be eligible to run in that year's elections.

===a. Duties of the Nominating Committee===
The committee shall encourage as many able members to nominate themselves for offices as possible. If any office has no nominations for candidates, or the nominations for an office are such that all candidates could be elected to a position earlier in the chain of command, one (1) week before nominations are closed, Nominating Committee shall nominate one (1) person to that position, such that at least one person who is nominated for the office cannot be elected to a position earlier in the chain of command, and after securing the consent of each person so nominated, shall on or before the fourth day before nominations are closed report their nominations to both the [[RecSec|Recording]] and [[CorSec|Corresponding]] Secretaries in writing. Nominating Committee is to do everything in its power to maintain the appearance of neutrality.

===b. Membership Notification of the Report of the Nominating Committee===
Upon receipt of the [[NomCom|Nominating Committee]]'s report, the [[Corresponding Secretary]] shall on or before the third day before nominations are closed notify each member in writing of the candidates so nominated.

===c. Ad hoc Nominations===
Additional nominations may be made at any meeting after the report of the nominating committee and before the [[annual meeting]] by any member in attendance provided that the person so nominated does not decline when his or her name is proposed, and provided further that if the proposed candidate is not in attendance at this meeting, the proposer shall present to the Recording Secretary a written statement of the candidate's willingness to be so nominated. A voting member may be nominated and run for more than one (1) office, but shall only be allowed to hold one (1) office.

===d. Membership Notification of the Final List of Nominees===
Upon finalization of the nominations and at least three days before the annual meeting, the [[Corresponding Secretary]] shall notify each member in writing of the list of candidates.

===e. Exclusion of Other Nominations===
Nominations cannot be made at the [[annual meeting]] or in any manner other than as provided for in this section.

=ARTICLE VIII - [[Committees|COMMITTEES]]=

==Section 1. Ordinary [[Committees]]==
The Board may each year appoint standing ordinary committees to advance the work of the organization. Special ordinary committees may also be appointed by the Board to aid it on particular projects. Such committees shall always be subject to the final authority of the Board.

==Section 2. Revision of Ordinary [[Committees]]==
Any ordinary committee appointment may be terminated by the Board upon written notice to the appointee, and the Board may appoint successors to those persons whose services have been terminated.

==Section 3. Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The organization may appoint extraordinary committees to advance the work of the organization. Each such committee has an owner, who must be a member in good standing of the organization. The owner appoints and replaces the chair of the committee as deemed
appropriate.

==Section 4. Ownership of Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The owner of an extraordinary committee is determined by auction, the proceeds of which are payable to the organization. In the event of a vacancy in ownership of an extraordinary committee, the organization may fill the vacancy by auction.

==Section 5. Voluntary Transfer of Ownership of Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The owner of an extraordinary committee may transfer the ownership of the committee to another member in good standing by notifying the Recording Secretary.

==Section 6. Records of [[Committees]]==
The [[Recording Secretary]] shall maintain a record of the membership of all ordinary committees and of the ownership of all
extraordinary committees.

=ARTICLE IX. REPRIMAND, PROBATION, SUSPENSION, AND EXPULSION=

==Section 1. Submitting a Complaint==
Any person affiliated with the organization
can be held accountable for any conduct deemed inappropriate or harmful to the
organization, its purposes, objectives, or affiliated people. Any person
affiliated with the organization may, at any time, issue a complaint against
any other person affiliated with the organization by contacting any member of
the Executive Board in any way, including but not limited to verbal or written
communication. The Executive Board may also issue a complaint about any person
affiliated with the organization.

a. Complaints may be about actions or events that occurred in any context.
This includes, but is not limited to, interactions online, in person, and
at organization events.

==Section 2. Involvement of Officers==
If a complaint is issued against an
officer, that officer must withdraw themself from all Executive Board activity
related to that complaint. Any officer may also choose to withdraw themself
from such activity at any moment and for any other reason.

a. If quorum of the Board cannot be obtained with the remaining officers
the complaint and the process fall under Section 7.

b. For the remainder of this article the Executive Board and officers refer
to those who have not withdrawn themselves, except in deciding quorum of
the Board.

==Section 3. Starting the Procedure==
Within one (1) week after a complaint has
been issued, the Executive Board must do the following:

a. The Board must offer to hold separate discussions with the accused party
and the accuser in order to determine the severity of the situation. Either
party may refuse this meeting.

1) All meetings with any involved parties must take place with at least
two (2) officers, one of whom must be the President or most senior
officer not withdrawn as defined in Section 2.b. Each party may request
to include a specific member of the Board at the meeting. Each person
may also have a third party present at the meeting, subject to advance
approval of the Board.

2) Any meeting held with an accused party may be held in the presence
of a representative of the Student Activities team within the Office of
Student Leadership, Involvement and Civic Engagement (hereafter,
“Student Activities”), at the discretion of the Executive Board.

b. If the Executive Board believes that the complaint may require
disciplinary action beyond a Reprimand (i.e., Probation, Suspension, or
Expulsion), they must inform a representative from Student Activities of
the situation. The Executive Board does not need to receive a response
before issuing the disciplinary action.

The Executive Board may then choose to take one of the disciplinary actions
defined in Section 4.

==Section 4. Disciplinary Actions==
In response to a complaint, the Executive
Board may issue any of the following disciplinary actions against the accused
party. The Executive Board must approve such an action by majority vote, unless
specified otherwise. If disciplinary action is approved, the Board must send
written notice of such action to the accused party within 24 hours of the vote.

===a. Reprimand===
The Board may issue a reprimand to the accused party for
minor offenses. The reprimand will take the form of a written notice and a
verbal warning including, but not limited to, a warning of future
consequences should the accused party continue their behavior. The verbal
warning will be given during a meeting between the accused party and at
least one member of the Executive Board.

===b. Probation===
For moderate offenses that have the potential to escalate,
the Board may place the accused party on probation. The accused party may
still participate in the activities of the organization, but must adhere to
the conditions of a written agreement. The agreement:

1) Will be written by the Executive Board in discussion with a
representative from Student Activities, with input from the accused
party.

2) Will include a set of conditions (e.g., restricted actions and
corresponding consequences) that the accused must adhere to.

3) May restrict the accused party from attending some, but not all,
organization activities.

4) Will include the following information:

A) If the Board determines that the conditions of the agreement are
broken in any way, the Executive Board may immediately escalate the
disciplinary action to Suspension or Expulsion.

B) The Executive Board may end a Probation at any time at their
discretion.

5) Will be signed by the President and the accused party.

===c. Suspension===
For offenses of a more serious nature, the Board may forbid
the accused party from attending all organization activities, and, if
applicable, suspend the accused party’s membership privileges.

1) Upon receiving a complaint, the Executive Board may issue a
Temporary Suspension, which is a full ban from all organization
activities, for up to one (1) week. The Executive Board does not have
to meet the requirements in Section 3 to enact a Temporary Suspension.
Temporary Suspensions may be enacted once per complaint and cannot be
extended.

2) Upon issuing a Suspension, the Board:

A) Must specify its duration. If the Suspension extends beyond the
next Annual Meeting, each new Executive Board must, during its
first meeting, decide by majority vote to uphold or end the
Suspension.

B) May set objectives for the suspended party during the term of
their Suspension. The Executive Board will define these objectives
in discussion with the accused party and a representative from
Student Activities. Completion of these objectives will end the
suspension as specified in Section 4.c.3.

C) Must provide written notice to the suspended party of the
duration of the suspension, any objectives set for the suspension,
and the procedures given in Sections 4.c.3, 4.c.4, and 4.c.5.

3) The Executive Board may end a Suspension at any time by majority
vote. If the Board determines that the suspended party has accomplished
the objectives set forward in Section 4.c.2.B, the Board must
immediately end the Suspension.

4) A party whose Suspension has ended will be placed on probation. The
Executive Board must meet to define the terms of the probation, as
defined in Section 4.b.

5) If a Suspension is violated, the Executive Board may modify the
Suspension or immediately move to expel the suspended party.

===d. Expulsion===
For heinous offenses, the Board may move to expel the accused
party from the organization. To issue an expulsion:

1) The Board must hold a meeting with a representative of Student
Activities to discuss the motion to expel. All non-withdrawn officers
must attend, and a written statement that the meeting was held must be
signed by all present, including the representative of Student
Activities.

2) After this meeting is held, any non-withdrawn officers may recuse
themselves from voting on the motion. If quorum of the Board cannot be
obtained with the remaining officers, the motion cannot proceed.

3) The Board will then vote on the motion to expel. No officer may
abstain. If there are two (2) or more “no” votes, the motion fails.
Otherwise, it passes and the expulsion goes into effect.

The Executive Board must immediately provide written notice of the
expulsion to the expelled party. Once the Board has informed the expelled
party, it must not discuss the expulsion with the general body until
twenty-four (24) hours have passed. Within one (1) week of the expulsion,
the Board must send a mailing to the body stating that an expulsion has
occurred. The Board must disclose the identity of the expelled party to any
member who asks, but may choose not to announce it to the general body. The
Board must present the written confirmation from Student Activities to any
member, or to the expelled party, upon request.

==Section 5. Appeals of Probation or Suspension==
Any party against whom the
Executive Board has issued a Probation or Suspension may appeal the decision of
the Board within thirty (30) days of the Board issuing the disciplinary action.
The affected party must present their appeal to the Executive Board in writing.
Between 7 and 10 days after receiving the appeal, the Board must begin the
appeals process, as defined in Section 5.b or Section 5.c.

a. With their appeal, the affected party must request either for the appeal
to be mediated by Student Activities or voted on by the general body. The
accuser, or any person who has been adversely affected by actions related
to the complaint, may also make such a request. If not all such requests
are in agreement, the appeal will be mediated by Student Activities.

b. If the appeal is to be mediated by Student Activities, the affected
party will meet, as defined in Section 3.a, with a representative from
Student Activities and two (2) officers, to resolve the appeal.

c. If the appeal is to be voted on by the general body, the Recording
Secretary will mail notice of the appeal to the membership. The Board will
then present the matter to the voting membership at the first Regular
Meeting at least six (6) days after the mailing. An affirmative two-thirds
(2/3) vote will be required to sustain the actions of the Board.

d. Any given decision of the Board can only be appealed once.

==Section 6. Reinstatement after Expulsion==
Any person who has been expelled may
apply to have their expulsion be repealed.

a. This application must be sent in writing to the Board. Within one week,
the Board. Within one week, the Board will vote to approve the application.
The application can only be approved by a unanimous vote. If the Board
approves the application, the Recording Secretary will mail notice of the
application to the membership within twenty-four (24) hours of the Board’s
decision. If the Board rejects the application, they will send written
notice of this decision to the applicant within twenty-four (24) hours.

b. The Board will then present the matter to the voting membership at the
first Regular Meeting at least six (6) days after the mailing.

c. If the expelled party so desires, they may submit a written defense
which a representative of the Executive Board will read to the general body
during the discussion prior to the vote. This defense is not required for
the vote to commence.

d. An affirmative two-thirds (2/3) vote will be required to repeal the
expulsion.

==Section 7. Extenuating Circumstances==
If the procedures in this Article are not
appropriate or have ceased to be sufficient for a given complaint, the
Executive Board will meet with a representative from Student Activities to
develop a process which is in line with the values and intentions of the
organization and these bylaws.

=ARTICLE X. PARLIAMENTARY AUTHORITY=

The rules contained in the current edition of [[Robert's Rules of Order|ROBERT'S RULES OF ORDER NEWLY REVISED]] shall govern the [[KGB|organization]] in all cases to which they are applicable and in which they are not inconsistent with these [[Bylaws]] and any special rules of order the [[KGB|organization]] may adopt.

=ARTICLE XI. AMENDMENTS=

==Section 1. Proposal of Amendments==
Amendments to these [[bylaws]] may be proposed by the [[Executive Board]] or by written petition addressed to the [[Recording Secretary]]. Amendments proposed by such petition shall be promptly considered by the [[Exec|Board]] and must be submitted to the [[members]] with the recommendations of the [[Exec|Board]] by the [[Recording Secretary]] for a [[voting|vote]] within thirty (30) days of the date when the petition was received by the [[Recording Secretary]].

==Section 2. Approval of Amendments==
These bylaws may be amended by a two-thirds (2/3) [[voting|vote]] at any regular or special [[meetings|meeting]] called for the purpose, provided the proposed amendments have been included in the notice of the meeting and mailed to each [[members|member]] at least six (6) days prior to the date of the meeting.

=ARTICLE XII. DONATIONS=

The [[KGB|organization]] may accept donations in the form of money, equipment or other property to be used for the exclusive benefit of the [[members|membership]], provided however, that all contributions and donations to the organization shall be subject to approval by the [[Exec|Board]].

=ARTICLE XIII. DISSOLUTION=

The organization may be dissolved at any time by the written consent of not less than two-thirds (2/3) of the [[voting]] [[members]] in good standing. In the event of the dissolution of the [[KGB|organization]], whether voluntary or involuntary or by operation of law, none of the property of the organization nor any proceeds thereof nor any assets of the [[KGB|organization]] shall be distributed to any [[members]] of the [[KGB|organization]]. After payment of the debts of the [[KGB|organization]], its property and assets shall be given to a similar organization or sold and the money donated to a charitable organization selected by the [[Executive Board]].

=ARTICLE XIV. SUGGESTED ORDER OF BUSINESS=

==Section 1. [[KGB|Organization]] [[meetings]]==
At [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]], the order of business, so far as the character and nature of the meeting may permit, shall be as follows:

# Reading and correction of the [[minutes]] of the last regular [[KGB|organization]] [[meetings|meeting]] and any special [[meetings]] or [[Exec|Board]] meetings held in the interim
# Reports of [[officers]]
# Reports of [[committees]]
# [[Old business]]
# New business
# [[Elections]] (at [[annual meeting]])
# Actual Real Relevant Announcements Pertaining to the Business of KGB as an Organization.
# [[Schmucks|Open floor]]

==Section 2. [[Exec|Board]] [[meetings]]==
At [[meetings]] of the [[Exec|Board]], the order of business, unless otherwise directed by majority [[voting|vote]] of those present, shall be as follows:

# Reading and correction of the [[minutes]] of the last regular [[Exec|Board]] [[meetings|meeting]] and any special [[meetings]] or [[KGB|organization]] [[meetings]] held in the interim
# Reports of [[officers]]
# Reports of [[committees]]
# [[Old business]]
# New business

Bylaws

2016-04-07T04:08:50Z

Mjmurphy: /* ARTICLE IX. REPRIMAND, PROBATION, SUSPENSION, AND EXPULSION */

{{true}}

These are the official (but not the canonical) bylaws of the KGB organization. They are very important.

=ARTICLE I. NAME AND OBJECTIVES=

==Section 1. Name==
The name of the organization shall be [[KGB]].

==Section 2. Objectives==
The objectives of the organization shall be:
* to promote a spirit of fellowship among its [[members]].
* to take an active and positive role in campus life.

==Section 3. No Profit==
The organization shall not be conducted or operated for profit and no part of any profits or remainder or residue from dues, donations, or other sources of income to the organization shall inure to the personal benefit of any member or individual.

=ARTICLE II. DEFINITIONS=

==Section 1. Standing Definitions==
The terms defined as follows shall be considered standing definitions:

===a. Majority===
A majority shall be defined as a number greater then one-half (1/2), or fifty percent (50%), of the total.

===b. Organization Quorum===
A quorum of the organization is required in order to hold meetings as set forth in Article IV, Sections 1 and 2, and shall be either a majority of the voting members or seventy-five percent (75%) of the active members.

===c. Board Quorum===
A quorum of the Board is required in order to hold meetings set forth in Article IV, Sections 3, 4, and 5, shall be a majority of the Board members.

===d. Written Petitions===
All written petitions shall bear the signatures of either ten (10) members, or twenty percent (20%) of the voting membership, whichever is greater.

===e. Member in Good Standing===
A [[members|member]] is in good standing whose [[dues]] are current and whose other monetary obligations to the organization are fulfilled
# within sixty (60) days of the obligation's creation, or
# by the Annual Meeting (as defined in Art. VI, Sec. 2)
whichever comes first unless such obligations are created within seven (7) days prior to the Annual Meeting, in which case clause 2 shall not apply.

===f. Voting Member===
A voting [[members|member]] is a member in good standing who has attended at least one (1) previous meeting during their current term of membership.

===g. Mailing===
A mailing may be by physical or electronic means. Such mail must be individually addressed to each recipient, and may not only be to a single central bulletin board or other medium.

===h. Active Member===
An active [[members|member]] shall be a voting member who has attended at least one of the three (3) previous regular organization meetings as set forth in Article IV, Section 1 of these bylaws.

===i. [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]]===
The annual meeting is the meeting at which the officers shall be elected for the ensuing year, and at which other significant business is conducted in accordance with these bylaws, and is described in Article VI, Section 2 of these bylaws.

===j. Random Process===
A random process shall be any method of choice which assigns an equal probability of selection to each option.

===k. [[Duck]]===
Anything that looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck.

===l. Zombie Dollar===
One zombie dollar is the equivalent of the fee assessed members with a body temperature equal to or less than fifty (50) degrees Fahrenheit, as defined in Article III, Section 2 of these bylaws.

===m. Term of Membership===
A member's term of membership is the length of time covered by their most recent payment of dues, or the period dating back to when they most recently became a member of KGB, whichever is shorter.

==Section 2. Provisional Definitions==
All terms not previously defined as standing Definitions shall be defined according to the current edition of MERRIAM-WEBSTER'S COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY.

=ARTICLE III. MEMBERSHIP=

==Section 1. [[Members|Membership]]==
Each individual voting member shall have one (1) vote. Each member shall receive one (1) copy of any notices, publications or other distributed documents of the organization.

==Section 2. Becoming a Member==
Any person whose dues have been paid to the Treasurer and whose body temperature is above fifty (50) degrees Fahrenheit shall be considered a member. However, the second requirement can be waived for the fee of six (6) dollars.

==Section 3. [[Dues]]==
Membership dues for the next year shall be suggested annually by the [[Executive Board]] in March, and approved or changed by the voting membership at the April meeting. Dues shall be payable on or before the thirtieth day of September each year.

==Section 4. Termination==
Memberships may be terminated voluntarily:
===a. Resignation===
Any member may resign from the [[KGB|organization]] upon written notice to the [[Recording Secretary]].

===b. Lapsed Memberships===
A membership will be considered as lapsed and automatically terminated if such member's [[dues]] remain unpaid thirty (30) days after the deadline for payment of dues. However, the [[Executive Board]] may grant an additional thirty (30) days grace period to such delinquent [[members]] in exceptional cases. In no case may a person be entitled to vote at any
[[KGB|organization]] [[meetings|meeting]] whose dues are unpaid as of the date of that meeting, or who are sixty (60) days in arrears of other monetary obligations to the organization.

==Section 5. Refund of [[Dues]]==
Membership [[dues]] will not be refunded either wholly or in part for any reason save extreme circumstances as determined by the membership.

==Section 6. Benefits of Membership==
All [[members]] in good standing shall receive all benefits of membership except as stipulated in the bylaws.

=ARTICLE IV. [[Meetings|MEETINGS]] AND VOTING=

==Section 1. Regular Organization [[Meetings]]==
Regular [[meetings]] of the organization shall be held as directed by the Executive Board. Written notice of such meetings shall be mailed to the membership at least six (6) days prior to the date of the first such meeting of each semester by the Corresponding Secretary through the official organization newsletter or by other mailing, as well as upon any change in the announced time.

==Section 2. Special Organization Meetings==
Special [[meetings]] of the organization may be called by the [[President]], or by a majority vote of the members of the [[Executive Board]] who are present and voting at any regular or special meeting of the Board, or by the [[Recording Secretary]] upon receipt of a written petition. Written notice of such [[meetings]] shall be mailed by the [[Corresponding Secretary]] at least three (3) and not more than fifteen (15) days prior to the date of the meeting. Such notice shall state the purpose(s) of the meeting, and no other organization business may be transacted thereat.

==Section 3. Regular [[Executive Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Regular [[meetings]] of the [[Executive Board]] shall be held as directed by the Board, with a minimum of two (2) such meetings per semester. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be mailed to the membership at least six (6) days prior to the date of the first such meeting of each semester by the [[Corresponding Secretary]] and upon any change in the announced time. Such [[meetings]] shall be closed to non-members of the organization unless the individual(s) should be specifically invited by the [[Executive Board|Board]], in which case the cause for the non-member presence shall be the first order of business, and after which the non-member may be asked to leave the meeting.

==Section 4. Special [[Executive Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Special [[meetings]] of the [[Executive Board]] may be called by the [[President]], or by the [[Recording Secretary]] upon the receipt of a written petition signed by at least three (3) members of the [[Executive Board|Board]]. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be given to the membership at least five (5) days prior to the meeting. Such notice shall state the purpose of the meeting and no other business may be transacted thereat. In addition, all restrictions in Section 3 of this article shall apply to special meetings of the [[Executive Board|Board]].

==Section 5. Emergency [[Executive Board|Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Emergency meetings of the [[Executive Board|Board]] may be called by the [[President]] or [[1st VP|First Vice-President]] and may be held by phone. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be given to the officers at least one (1) day prior to the meeting. Any majority decision reached will be entered into the minutes of the next regular [[Exec|Board]] meeting.

==Section 6. Voting==
Each voting [[members|member]] shall be entitled to one (1) vote at any regular meeting of the [[KGB|organization]] at which the member is present. Absentee voting will be permitted only for elections. Absentee ballots must be submitted to all the election proctors at
least twelve (12) hours in advance of the commencement of the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], unless the proctors decide to accept absentee ballots after this deadline. Absentee ballots may be submitted by electronic mail, in person, or by any other method the proctors deem acceptable.

=ARTICLE V. [[:category:Officers|OFFICERS]] AND REPRESENTATIVES=

==Section 1. [[Executive Board]]==
The [[:category:officers|officers]] of the [[KGB|organization]] shall constitute the [[Exec|Executive board]]. The power necessary for the general management of the organization's affairs shall be entrusted to the Board, except as follows.

===a. Supremacy of the Organization===
The Board shall be subject to the orders of the organization, and none of its acts shall conflict with action taken by the organization, and the organization may countermand any decision of the board by a majority vote, thus opening up the question for consideration by the organization.

===b. Distribution of Funds===
The Board shall not distribute the organization's funds except as directed by the organization.

==Section 2. [[:category:Officers|Officers]]==
The organization officers, consisting of the following, shall serve in their respective capacities both with regard to the organization and its meetings and the [[Exec|Board]] and its [[meetings]].

===a. [[President]]===
The President shall preside at all [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]] and of the [[Exec|Board]], and shall have the duties and powers normally applicable to the office of President in addition to those provided for in these bylaws.

===b. [[1st VP|First Vice-President]]===
The First Vice-President shall be in charge of fellowship and shall actively recruit new [[members]].

===c. [[2nd VP|Second Vice-President]]===
The Second Vice-President shall be in charge of organizing fellowship activities.

===d. [[Corresponding Secretary]]===
The Corresponding Secretary shall have charge of all correspondence pertinent to the [[KGB|organization]] other than the correspondence reserved for the [[Recording Secretary]] and [[Treasurer]]. The Corresponding Secretary shall be the Editor of the organization [[Pravda?|Newsletter]].

===e. [[Recording Secretary]]===
The Recording Secretary shall keep a record of all [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]] and of the [[Exec|Board]] and of all matters of which a record shall be ordered by the organization. The Recording Secretary shall keep a roll of the [[members]] of the organization with applicable information, including attendance at meetings of the general body; furthermore, the Recording Secretary shall carry out such other duties as are prescribed in these bylaws, and shall have the duties and powers normally applicable to the office of Secretary, except for those duties and powers assigned to another officer by these bylaws. In the absence of the Recording Secretary, the duties and powers thereof shall be executed by the Corresponding Secretary, or in the absence thereof, the most senior officer present not presiding over the meeting.

===f. [[Treasurer]]===
The Treasurer shall collect and receive all [[Treasury|moneys]] due or belonging to the organization, and shall deposit the same in a bank satisfactory to the [[Exec|Board]], in the name of the [[KGB|organization]]. The Treasurer's books shall be open at all times to the inspection of the Board, and the Treasurer shall report to the Board and the general [[members|membership]] at every meeting the condition of the organization's finances. At the [[annual meeting]], the Treasurer shall render an account of all moneys received and expended during the previous fiscal year. During the month of September the Treasurer shall mail to each member a statement of [[dues]] for the ensuing year. The Treasurer shall disperse funds as directed by the Executive Board. The Treasurer shall also be responsible for filing all financial forms applicable to the organization. In the absence of the Treasurer, the [[Recording Secretary]] shall record allocations made or debts incurred by or to the organization; however, the Recording Secretary shall not disburse or collect moneys, unless authorized so to do by the Board.

===g. [[Sergeant at Arms|Sergeant-at-Arms]]===
The Sergeant at Arms shall assist in preserving order as the chair may direct, and other duties as set forth in the standing rules of order.

==Section 3. [[:category:officers|Officer]] Requirements==
All Officers of the [[KGB|organization]] shall be voting [[members]] who are [[Activities fee|Activities Fee]]-paying students.

==Section 4. Vacancies==
Any vacancy of an [[:category:Officers|officer]] position occurring on the [[Exec|Board]] during the year shall be filled for the unexpired term of office by a majority vote of all the remaining members of the Board by the second regular [[meetings|meeting]] of the board following the creation of such vacancy.

==Section 5. Recall of [[:category:Officers|Officers]]==
Any officer may be recalled for misconduct or dereliction of duty. A written petition, stating the reason(s) for recall, shall be filed with the [[Exec|Board]]. Written notice of such a petition shall be mailed to the membership. At the next regular [[meetings|meeting]] at least six (6) days after the mailing, a hearing on the matter will be held and a two-thirds (2/3) vote will be required to sustain the recall.

==Section 6. Seniority==
Seniority of offices is: [[President]], [[1st VP|First Vice-President]], [[2nd VP|Second Vice-President]], [[Corresponding Secretary]],
[[Recording Secretary]], [[Treasurer]], and [[Sergeant at Arms|Sergeant-at-Arms]].

=ARTICLE VI. MUSICAL INTERLUDE=

=ARTICLE VII. [[KGB|ORGANIZATION]] YEAR, [[Annual meeting|ANNUAL MEETING]], [[Elections|ELECTIONS]]=

==Section 1. [[KGB|Organization]] Year==
The organization's fiscal year shall begin on the first day of September and end on the thirty-first day of August. The organization's official year shall begin immediately at the conclusion of the [[elections|election]] at the [[annual meeting]] and shall continue
through the election at the next annual meeting.

==Section 2. [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]]==
No later than the last meeting in the month of December the [[Exec|board]] shall set the date for the Annual Meeting. The annual meeting shall be held in the month of April of each year. At the Annual Meeting the Officers for the ensuing year shall be elected by
secret, written ballot from among those nominated in accordance with Section 4 of this article. They shall take office immediately upon the conclusion of the election and each retiring [[:category:Officers|officer]] shall relinquish all properties and records relating to that office within fifteen (15) days after the [[elections|election]].

==Section 3. [[Elections]]==
The color of elections shall be [[purple]].

===a. Proctors===
For the duration of the [[elections]] at the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], a set of at least three proctors shall preside and keep order at the meeting. Ballots shall be counted by at least two proctors. Proctors shall be ineligible to run in that year's elections. Proctors shall be voting members of the organization except as discussed in section VI.3.b.

===b. Normal Proctor Selection===
At least two weeks prior to the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], a slate of at least three consenting [[members]] shall be nominated as proctors at a meeting of the [[Exec|Board]]. A member shall not be nominated if any member of the Board objects. At any meeting of the general body thereafter prior to the Annual Meeting, the slate may be modified or approved by a two-thirds (2/3) vote. At any such time, if it has not yet approved a slate of proctors, the organization may elect to request proctors from an external source with a two-thirds (2/3) vote.

===c. Emergency Proctor Selection===
If, at the Annual Meeting, less than three approved proctors are in attendance, the [[members|general body]] shall again have the opportunity to modify and approve the slate of proctors. If no proctors have yet been approved, after at least two failed votes to approve the current slate of proctors the chair may declare an impasse. In such an impasse, five present members not presently nominated for office shall be selected as proctors by random process; or, if five such members cannot be found, five members from the total attendance shall be so selected, but shall remain eligible for election.

===d. [[Elections|Election]] Procedure===
The election of each [[Officers|officer]] shall be concluded before the election of the next begins, and these elections shall be held in order of the chain of command. Write-in ballots or other invalid ballots shall be considered as abstentions. The candidate receiving a majority of the votes cast for each office shall be declared elected. In the case of an all-way tie, an additional round shall be run. Should the tie repeat, the winner shall be decided by the proctors of the election by random process. Otherwise, candidates shall be eliminated by the following method:

# Sort candidates into tiers of people with the same number of votes.
# Starting with the lowest ranking tier, remove tiers from the running in increasing order of rank until removing another would bring the total number of votes removed above 1/3. If there are no tiers with a number of votes below 1/3, remove the lowest ranking tier.
# If more than one candidate remains, run another round.

The winner shall be announced by the election proctors. At least three of the election proctors shall sign a document in triplicate containing the names of the new executive board. Vote totals shall not be announced. The ballots shall be destroyed upon completion of the elections.

===e. Election Quorum===
Election of officers may proceed in the absence of quorum if the presence at the meeting of every absentee voter would be sufficient to reach quorum.

==Section 4. Nominations==
No person may be a candidate in an [[KGB|organization]] [[elections|election]] who has not been nominated or who is not a voting organization [[members|member]] in good standing. During the last quarter of the official year the Executive Board shall select a [[NomCom|Nominating Committee]] consisting of four (4) members willing to so serve, not more than one (1) of whom shall be a member of the [[Exec|Board]]. The [[Recording Secretary]] shall immediately notify the committee members of their selection. The Board shall name a Chairperson for the committee and it shall be this person's duty to call a committee meeting which shall be held on or before March 1. Once the first meeting has been held, the membership of this committee cannot be altered by the board. No person who has served on the Nominating Committee will be eligible to run in that year's elections.

===a. Duties of the Nominating Committee===
The committee shall encourage as many able members to nominate themselves for offices as possible. If any office has no nominations for candidates, or the nominations for an office are such that all candidates could be elected to a position earlier in the chain of command, one (1) week before nominations are closed, Nominating Committee shall nominate one (1) person to that position, such that at least one person who is nominated for the office cannot be elected to a position earlier in the chain of command, and after securing the consent of each person so nominated, shall on or before the fourth day before nominations are closed report their nominations to both the [[RecSec|Recording]] and [[CorSec|Corresponding]] Secretaries in writing. Nominating Committee is to do everything in its power to maintain the appearance of neutrality.

===b. Membership Notification of the Report of the Nominating Committee===
Upon receipt of the [[NomCom|Nominating Committee]]'s report, the [[Corresponding Secretary]] shall on or before the third day before nominations are closed notify each member in writing of the candidates so nominated.

===c. Ad hoc Nominations===
Additional nominations may be made at any meeting after the report of the nominating committee and before the [[annual meeting]] by any member in attendance provided that the person so nominated does not decline when his or her name is proposed, and provided further that if the proposed candidate is not in attendance at this meeting, the proposer shall present to the Recording Secretary a written statement of the candidate's willingness to be so nominated. A voting member may be nominated and run for more than one (1) office, but shall only be allowed to hold one (1) office.

===d. Membership Notification of the Final List of Nominees===
Upon finalization of the nominations and at least three days before the annual meeting, the [[Corresponding Secretary]] shall notify each member in writing of the list of candidates.

===e. Exclusion of Other Nominations===
Nominations cannot be made at the [[annual meeting]] or in any manner other than as provided for in this section.

=ARTICLE VIII - [[Committees|COMMITTEES]]=

==Section 1. Ordinary [[Committees]]==
The Board may each year appoint standing ordinary committees to advance the work of the organization. Special ordinary committees may also be appointed by the Board to aid it on particular projects. Such committees shall always be subject to the final authority of the Board.

==Section 2. Revision of Ordinary [[Committees]]==
Any ordinary committee appointment may be terminated by the Board upon written notice to the appointee, and the Board may appoint successors to those persons whose services have been terminated.

==Section 3. Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The organization may appoint extraordinary committees to advance the work of the organization. Each such committee has an owner, who must be a member in good standing of the organization. The owner appoints and replaces the chair of the committee as deemed
appropriate.

==Section 4. Ownership of Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The owner of an extraordinary committee is determined by auction, the proceeds of which are payable to the organization. In the event of a vacancy in ownership of an extraordinary committee, the organization may fill the vacancy by auction.

==Section 5. Voluntary Transfer of Ownership of Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The owner of an extraordinary committee may transfer the ownership of the committee to another member in good standing by notifying the Recording Secretary.

==Section 6. Records of [[Committees]]==
The [[Recording Secretary]] shall maintain a record of the membership of all ordinary committees and of the ownership of all
extraordinary committees.

=ARTICLE IX. [[REPRIMAND, PROBATION, SUSPENSION, AND EXPULSION]]=

==Section 1. Submitting a Complaint==
Any person affiliated with the organization
can be held accountable for any conduct deemed inappropriate or harmful to the
organization, its purposes, objectives, or affiliated people. Any person
affiliated with the organization may, at any time, issue a complaint against
any other person affiliated with the organization by contacting any member of
the Executive Board in any way, including but not limited to verbal or written
communication. The Executive Board may also issue a complaint about any person
affiliated with the organization.

a. Complaints may be about actions or events that occurred in any context.
This includes, but is not limited to, interactions online, in person, and
at organization events.

==Section 2. Involvement of Officers==
If a complaint is issued against an
officer, that officer must withdraw themself from all Executive Board activity
related to that complaint. Any officer may also choose to withdraw themself
from such activity at any moment and for any other reason.

a. If quorum of the Board cannot be obtained with the remaining officers
the complaint and the process fall under Section 7.

b. For the remainder of this article the Executive Board and officers refer
to those who have not withdrawn themselves, except in deciding quorum of
the Board.

==Section 3. Starting the Procedure==
Within one (1) week after a complaint has
been issued, the Executive Board must do the following:

a. The Board must offer to hold separate discussions with the accused party
and the accuser in order to determine the severity of the situation. Either
party may refuse this meeting.

1) All meetings with any involved parties must take place with at least
two (2) officers, one of whom must be the President or most senior
officer not withdrawn as defined in Section 2.b. Each party may request
to include a specific member of the Board at the meeting. Each person
may also have a third party present at the meeting, subject to advance
approval of the Board.

2) Any meeting held with an accused party may be held in the presence
of a representative of the Student Activities team within the Office of
Student Leadership, Involvement and Civic Engagement (hereafter,
“Student Activities”), at the discretion of the Executive Board.

b. If the Executive Board believes that the complaint may require
disciplinary action beyond a Reprimand (i.e., Probation, Suspension, or
Expulsion), they must inform a representative from Student Activities of
the situation. The Executive Board does not need to receive a response
before issuing the disciplinary action.

The Executive Board may then choose to take one of the disciplinary actions
defined in Section 4.

==Section 4. Disciplinary Actions==
In response to a complaint, the Executive
Board may issue any of the following disciplinary actions against the accused
party. The Executive Board must approve such an action by majority vote, unless
specified otherwise. If disciplinary action is approved, the Board must send
written notice of such action to the accused party within 24 hours of the vote.

===a. Reprimand===
The Board may issue a reprimand to the accused party for
minor offenses. The reprimand will take the form of a written notice and a
verbal warning including, but not limited to, a warning of future
consequences should the accused party continue their behavior. The verbal
warning will be given during a meeting between the accused party and at
least one member of the Executive Board.

===b. Probation===
For moderate offenses that have the potential to escalate,
the Board may place the accused party on probation. The accused party may
still participate in the activities of the organization, but must adhere to
the conditions of a written agreement. The agreement:

1) Will be written by the Executive Board in discussion with a
representative from Student Activities, with input from the accused
party.

2) Will include a set of conditions (e.g., restricted actions and
corresponding consequences) that the accused must adhere to.

3) May restrict the accused party from attending some, but not all,
organization activities.

4) Will include the following information:

A) If the Board determines that the conditions of the agreement are
broken in any way, the Executive Board may immediately escalate the
disciplinary action to Suspension or Expulsion.

B) The Executive Board may end a Probation at any time at their
discretion.

5) Will be signed by the President and the accused party.

===c. Suspension===
For offenses of a more serious nature, the Board may forbid
the accused party from attending all organization activities, and, if
applicable, suspend the accused party’s membership privileges.

1) Upon receiving a complaint, the Executive Board may issue a
Temporary Suspension, which is a full ban from all organization
activities, for up to one (1) week. The Executive Board does not have
to meet the requirements in Section 3 to enact a Temporary Suspension.
Temporary Suspensions may be enacted once per complaint and cannot be
extended.

2) Upon issuing a Suspension, the Board:

A) Must specify its duration. If the Suspension extends beyond the
next Annual Meeting, each new Executive Board must, during its
first meeting, decide by majority vote to uphold or end the
Suspension.

B) May set objectives for the suspended party during the term of
their Suspension. The Executive Board will define these objectives
in discussion with the accused party and a representative from
Student Activities. Completion of these objectives will end the
suspension as specified in Section 4.c.3.

C) Must provide written notice to the suspended party of the
duration of the suspension, any objectives set for the suspension,
and the procedures given in Sections 4.c.3, 4.c.4, and 4.c.5.

3) The Executive Board may end a Suspension at any time by majority
vote. If the Board determines that the suspended party has accomplished
the objectives set forward in Section 4.c.2.B, the Board must
immediately end the Suspension.

4) A party whose Suspension has ended will be placed on probation. The
Executive Board must meet to define the terms of the probation, as
defined in Section 4.b.

5) If a Suspension is violated, the Executive Board may modify the
Suspension or immediately move to expel the suspended party.

===d. Expulsion===
For heinous offenses, the Board may move to expel the accused
party from the organization. To issue an expulsion:

1) The Board must hold a meeting with a representative of Student
Activities to discuss the motion to expel. All non-withdrawn officers
must attend, and a written statement that the meeting was held must be
signed by all present, including the representative of Student
Activities.

2) After this meeting is held, any non-withdrawn officers may recuse
themselves from voting on the motion. If quorum of the Board cannot be
obtained with the remaining officers, the motion cannot proceed.

3) The Board will then vote on the motion to expel. No officer may
abstain. If there are two (2) or more “no” votes, the motion fails.
Otherwise, it passes and the expulsion goes into effect.

The Executive Board must immediately provide written notice of the
expulsion to the expelled party. Once the Board has informed the expelled
party, it must not discuss the expulsion with the general body until
twenty-four (24) hours have passed. Within one (1) week of the expulsion,
the Board must send a mailing to the body stating that an expulsion has
occurred. The Board must disclose the identity of the expelled party to any
member who asks, but may choose not to announce it to the general body. The
Board must present the written confirmation from Student Activities to any
member, or to the expelled party, upon request.

==Section 5. Appeals of Probation or Suspension==
Any party against whom the
Executive Board has issued a Probation or Suspension may appeal the decision of
the Board within thirty (30) days of the Board issuing the disciplinary action.
The affected party must present their appeal to the Executive Board in writing.
Between 7 and 10 days after receiving the appeal, the Board must begin the
appeals process, as defined in Section 5.b or Section 5.c.

a. With their appeal, the affected party must request either for the appeal
to be mediated by Student Activities or voted on by the general body. The
accuser, or any person who has been adversely affected by actions related
to the complaint, may also make such a request. If not all such requests
are in agreement, the appeal will be mediated by Student Activities.

b. If the appeal is to be mediated by Student Activities, the affected
party will meet, as defined in Section 3.a, with a representative from
Student Activities and two (2) officers, to resolve the appeal.

c. If the appeal is to be voted on by the general body, the Recording
Secretary will mail notice of the appeal to the membership. The Board will
then present the matter to the voting membership at the first Regular
Meeting at least six (6) days after the mailing. An affirmative two-thirds
(2/3) vote will be required to sustain the actions of the Board.

d. Any given decision of the Board can only be appealed once.

==Section 6. Reinstatement after Expulsion==
Any person who has been expelled may
apply to have their expulsion be repealed.

a. This application must be sent in writing to the Board. Within one week,
the Board. Within one week, the Board will vote to approve the application.
The application can only be approved by a unanimous vote. If the Board
approves the application, the Recording Secretary will mail notice of the
application to the membership within twenty-four (24) hours of the Board’s
decision. If the Board rejects the application, they will send written
notice of this decision to the applicant within twenty-four (24) hours.

b. The Board will then present the matter to the voting membership at the
first Regular Meeting at least six (6) days after the mailing.

c. If the expelled party so desires, they may submit a written defense
which a representative of the Executive Board will read to the general body
during the discussion prior to the vote. This defense is not required for
the vote to commence.

d. An affirmative two-thirds (2/3) vote will be required to repeal the
expulsion.

==Section 7. Extenuating Circumstances==
If the procedures in this Article are not
appropriate or have ceased to be sufficient for a given complaint, the
Executive Board will meet with a representative from Student Activities to
develop a process which is in line with the values and intentions of the
organization and these bylaws.

=ARTICLE X. PARLIAMENTARY AUTHORITY=

The rules contained in the current edition of [[Robert's Rules of Order|ROBERT'S RULES OF ORDER NEWLY REVISED]] shall govern the [[KGB|organization]] in all cases to which they are applicable and in which they are not inconsistent with these [[Bylaws]] and any special rules of order the [[KGB|organization]] may adopt.

=ARTICLE XI. AMENDMENTS=

==Section 1. Proposal of Amendments==
Amendments to these [[bylaws]] may be proposed by the [[Executive Board]] or by written petition addressed to the [[Recording Secretary]]. Amendments proposed by such petition shall be promptly considered by the [[Exec|Board]] and must be submitted to the [[members]] with the recommendations of the [[Exec|Board]] by the [[Recording Secretary]] for a [[voting|vote]] within thirty (30) days of the date when the petition was received by the [[Recording Secretary]].

==Section 2. Approval of Amendments==
These bylaws may be amended by a two-thirds (2/3) [[voting|vote]] at any regular or special [[meetings|meeting]] called for the purpose, provided the proposed amendments have been included in the notice of the meeting and mailed to each [[members|member]] at least six (6) days prior to the date of the meeting.

=ARTICLE XII. DONATIONS=

The [[KGB|organization]] may accept donations in the form of money, equipment or other property to be used for the exclusive benefit of the [[members|membership]], provided however, that all contributions and donations to the organization shall be subject to approval by the [[Exec|Board]].

=ARTICLE XIII. DISSOLUTION=

The organization may be dissolved at any time by the written consent of not less than two-thirds (2/3) of the [[voting]] [[members]] in good standing. In the event of the dissolution of the [[KGB|organization]], whether voluntary or involuntary or by operation of law, none of the property of the organization nor any proceeds thereof nor any assets of the [[KGB|organization]] shall be distributed to any [[members]] of the [[KGB|organization]]. After payment of the debts of the [[KGB|organization]], its property and assets shall be given to a similar organization or sold and the money donated to a charitable organization selected by the [[Executive Board]].

=ARTICLE XIV. SUGGESTED ORDER OF BUSINESS=

==Section 1. [[KGB|Organization]] [[meetings]]==
At [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]], the order of business, so far as the character and nature of the meeting may permit, shall be as follows:

# Reading and correction of the [[minutes]] of the last regular [[KGB|organization]] [[meetings|meeting]] and any special [[meetings]] or [[Exec|Board]] meetings held in the interim
# Reports of [[officers]]
# Reports of [[committees]]
# [[Old business]]
# New business
# [[Elections]] (at [[annual meeting]])
# Actual Real Relevant Announcements Pertaining to the Business of KGB as an Organization.
# [[Schmucks|Open floor]]

==Section 2. [[Exec|Board]] [[meetings]]==
At [[meetings]] of the [[Exec|Board]], the order of business, unless otherwise directed by majority [[voting|vote]] of those present, shall be as follows:

# Reading and correction of the [[minutes]] of the last regular [[Exec|Board]] [[meetings|meeting]] and any special [[meetings]] or [[KGB|organization]] [[meetings]] held in the interim
# Reports of [[officers]]
# Reports of [[committees]]
# [[Old business]]
# New business

Bylaws

2016-04-07T04:08:06Z

Mjmurphy: Add the amendment to article 9

{{true}}

These are the official (but not the canonical) bylaws of the KGB organization. They are very important.

=ARTICLE I. NAME AND OBJECTIVES=

==Section 1. Name==
The name of the organization shall be [[KGB]].

==Section 2. Objectives==
The objectives of the organization shall be:
* to promote a spirit of fellowship among its [[members]].
* to take an active and positive role in campus life.

==Section 3. No Profit==
The organization shall not be conducted or operated for profit and no part of any profits or remainder or residue from dues, donations, or other sources of income to the organization shall inure to the personal benefit of any member or individual.

=ARTICLE II. DEFINITIONS=

==Section 1. Standing Definitions==
The terms defined as follows shall be considered standing definitions:

===a. Majority===
A majority shall be defined as a number greater then one-half (1/2), or fifty percent (50%), of the total.

===b. Organization Quorum===
A quorum of the organization is required in order to hold meetings as set forth in Article IV, Sections 1 and 2, and shall be either a majority of the voting members or seventy-five percent (75%) of the active members.

===c. Board Quorum===
A quorum of the Board is required in order to hold meetings set forth in Article IV, Sections 3, 4, and 5, shall be a majority of the Board members.

===d. Written Petitions===
All written petitions shall bear the signatures of either ten (10) members, or twenty percent (20%) of the voting membership, whichever is greater.

===e. Member in Good Standing===
A [[members|member]] is in good standing whose [[dues]] are current and whose other monetary obligations to the organization are fulfilled
# within sixty (60) days of the obligation's creation, or
# by the Annual Meeting (as defined in Art. VI, Sec. 2)
whichever comes first unless such obligations are created within seven (7) days prior to the Annual Meeting, in which case clause 2 shall not apply.

===f. Voting Member===
A voting [[members|member]] is a member in good standing who has attended at least one (1) previous meeting during their current term of membership.

===g. Mailing===
A mailing may be by physical or electronic means. Such mail must be individually addressed to each recipient, and may not only be to a single central bulletin board or other medium.

===h. Active Member===
An active [[members|member]] shall be a voting member who has attended at least one of the three (3) previous regular organization meetings as set forth in Article IV, Section 1 of these bylaws.

===i. [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]]===
The annual meeting is the meeting at which the officers shall be elected for the ensuing year, and at which other significant business is conducted in accordance with these bylaws, and is described in Article VI, Section 2 of these bylaws.

===j. Random Process===
A random process shall be any method of choice which assigns an equal probability of selection to each option.

===k. [[Duck]]===
Anything that looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck.

===l. Zombie Dollar===
One zombie dollar is the equivalent of the fee assessed members with a body temperature equal to or less than fifty (50) degrees Fahrenheit, as defined in Article III, Section 2 of these bylaws.

===m. Term of Membership===
A member's term of membership is the length of time covered by their most recent payment of dues, or the period dating back to when they most recently became a member of KGB, whichever is shorter.

==Section 2. Provisional Definitions==
All terms not previously defined as standing Definitions shall be defined according to the current edition of MERRIAM-WEBSTER'S COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY.

=ARTICLE III. MEMBERSHIP=

==Section 1. [[Members|Membership]]==
Each individual voting member shall have one (1) vote. Each member shall receive one (1) copy of any notices, publications or other distributed documents of the organization.

==Section 2. Becoming a Member==
Any person whose dues have been paid to the Treasurer and whose body temperature is above fifty (50) degrees Fahrenheit shall be considered a member. However, the second requirement can be waived for the fee of six (6) dollars.

==Section 3. [[Dues]]==
Membership dues for the next year shall be suggested annually by the [[Executive Board]] in March, and approved or changed by the voting membership at the April meeting. Dues shall be payable on or before the thirtieth day of September each year.

==Section 4. Termination==
Memberships may be terminated voluntarily:
===a. Resignation===
Any member may resign from the [[KGB|organization]] upon written notice to the [[Recording Secretary]].

===b. Lapsed Memberships===
A membership will be considered as lapsed and automatically terminated if such member's [[dues]] remain unpaid thirty (30) days after the deadline for payment of dues. However, the [[Executive Board]] may grant an additional thirty (30) days grace period to such delinquent [[members]] in exceptional cases. In no case may a person be entitled to vote at any
[[KGB|organization]] [[meetings|meeting]] whose dues are unpaid as of the date of that meeting, or who are sixty (60) days in arrears of other monetary obligations to the organization.

==Section 5. Refund of [[Dues]]==
Membership [[dues]] will not be refunded either wholly or in part for any reason save extreme circumstances as determined by the membership.

==Section 6. Benefits of Membership==
All [[members]] in good standing shall receive all benefits of membership except as stipulated in the bylaws.

=ARTICLE IV. [[Meetings|MEETINGS]] AND VOTING=

==Section 1. Regular Organization [[Meetings]]==
Regular [[meetings]] of the organization shall be held as directed by the Executive Board. Written notice of such meetings shall be mailed to the membership at least six (6) days prior to the date of the first such meeting of each semester by the Corresponding Secretary through the official organization newsletter or by other mailing, as well as upon any change in the announced time.

==Section 2. Special Organization Meetings==
Special [[meetings]] of the organization may be called by the [[President]], or by a majority vote of the members of the [[Executive Board]] who are present and voting at any regular or special meeting of the Board, or by the [[Recording Secretary]] upon receipt of a written petition. Written notice of such [[meetings]] shall be mailed by the [[Corresponding Secretary]] at least three (3) and not more than fifteen (15) days prior to the date of the meeting. Such notice shall state the purpose(s) of the meeting, and no other organization business may be transacted thereat.

==Section 3. Regular [[Executive Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Regular [[meetings]] of the [[Executive Board]] shall be held as directed by the Board, with a minimum of two (2) such meetings per semester. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be mailed to the membership at least six (6) days prior to the date of the first such meeting of each semester by the [[Corresponding Secretary]] and upon any change in the announced time. Such [[meetings]] shall be closed to non-members of the organization unless the individual(s) should be specifically invited by the [[Executive Board|Board]], in which case the cause for the non-member presence shall be the first order of business, and after which the non-member may be asked to leave the meeting.

==Section 4. Special [[Executive Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Special [[meetings]] of the [[Executive Board]] may be called by the [[President]], or by the [[Recording Secretary]] upon the receipt of a written petition signed by at least three (3) members of the [[Executive Board|Board]]. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be given to the membership at least five (5) days prior to the meeting. Such notice shall state the purpose of the meeting and no other business may be transacted thereat. In addition, all restrictions in Section 3 of this article shall apply to special meetings of the [[Executive Board|Board]].

==Section 5. Emergency [[Executive Board|Board]] [[Meetings]]==
Emergency meetings of the [[Executive Board|Board]] may be called by the [[President]] or [[1st VP|First Vice-President]] and may be held by phone. Notice of such [[meetings]] shall be given to the officers at least one (1) day prior to the meeting. Any majority decision reached will be entered into the minutes of the next regular [[Exec|Board]] meeting.

==Section 6. Voting==
Each voting [[members|member]] shall be entitled to one (1) vote at any regular meeting of the [[KGB|organization]] at which the member is present. Absentee voting will be permitted only for elections. Absentee ballots must be submitted to all the election proctors at
least twelve (12) hours in advance of the commencement of the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], unless the proctors decide to accept absentee ballots after this deadline. Absentee ballots may be submitted by electronic mail, in person, or by any other method the proctors deem acceptable.

=ARTICLE V. [[:category:Officers|OFFICERS]] AND REPRESENTATIVES=

==Section 1. [[Executive Board]]==
The [[:category:officers|officers]] of the [[KGB|organization]] shall constitute the [[Exec|Executive board]]. The power necessary for the general management of the organization's affairs shall be entrusted to the Board, except as follows.

===a. Supremacy of the Organization===
The Board shall be subject to the orders of the organization, and none of its acts shall conflict with action taken by the organization, and the organization may countermand any decision of the board by a majority vote, thus opening up the question for consideration by the organization.

===b. Distribution of Funds===
The Board shall not distribute the organization's funds except as directed by the organization.

==Section 2. [[:category:Officers|Officers]]==
The organization officers, consisting of the following, shall serve in their respective capacities both with regard to the organization and its meetings and the [[Exec|Board]] and its [[meetings]].

===a. [[President]]===
The President shall preside at all [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]] and of the [[Exec|Board]], and shall have the duties and powers normally applicable to the office of President in addition to those provided for in these bylaws.

===b. [[1st VP|First Vice-President]]===
The First Vice-President shall be in charge of fellowship and shall actively recruit new [[members]].

===c. [[2nd VP|Second Vice-President]]===
The Second Vice-President shall be in charge of organizing fellowship activities.

===d. [[Corresponding Secretary]]===
The Corresponding Secretary shall have charge of all correspondence pertinent to the [[KGB|organization]] other than the correspondence reserved for the [[Recording Secretary]] and [[Treasurer]]. The Corresponding Secretary shall be the Editor of the organization [[Pravda?|Newsletter]].

===e. [[Recording Secretary]]===
The Recording Secretary shall keep a record of all [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]] and of the [[Exec|Board]] and of all matters of which a record shall be ordered by the organization. The Recording Secretary shall keep a roll of the [[members]] of the organization with applicable information, including attendance at meetings of the general body; furthermore, the Recording Secretary shall carry out such other duties as are prescribed in these bylaws, and shall have the duties and powers normally applicable to the office of Secretary, except for those duties and powers assigned to another officer by these bylaws. In the absence of the Recording Secretary, the duties and powers thereof shall be executed by the Corresponding Secretary, or in the absence thereof, the most senior officer present not presiding over the meeting.

===f. [[Treasurer]]===
The Treasurer shall collect and receive all [[Treasury|moneys]] due or belonging to the organization, and shall deposit the same in a bank satisfactory to the [[Exec|Board]], in the name of the [[KGB|organization]]. The Treasurer's books shall be open at all times to the inspection of the Board, and the Treasurer shall report to the Board and the general [[members|membership]] at every meeting the condition of the organization's finances. At the [[annual meeting]], the Treasurer shall render an account of all moneys received and expended during the previous fiscal year. During the month of September the Treasurer shall mail to each member a statement of [[dues]] for the ensuing year. The Treasurer shall disperse funds as directed by the Executive Board. The Treasurer shall also be responsible for filing all financial forms applicable to the organization. In the absence of the Treasurer, the [[Recording Secretary]] shall record allocations made or debts incurred by or to the organization; however, the Recording Secretary shall not disburse or collect moneys, unless authorized so to do by the Board.

===g. [[Sergeant at Arms|Sergeant-at-Arms]]===
The Sergeant at Arms shall assist in preserving order as the chair may direct, and other duties as set forth in the standing rules of order.

==Section 3. [[:category:officers|Officer]] Requirements==
All Officers of the [[KGB|organization]] shall be voting [[members]] who are [[Activities fee|Activities Fee]]-paying students.

==Section 4. Vacancies==
Any vacancy of an [[:category:Officers|officer]] position occurring on the [[Exec|Board]] during the year shall be filled for the unexpired term of office by a majority vote of all the remaining members of the Board by the second regular [[meetings|meeting]] of the board following the creation of such vacancy.

==Section 5. Recall of [[:category:Officers|Officers]]==
Any officer may be recalled for misconduct or dereliction of duty. A written petition, stating the reason(s) for recall, shall be filed with the [[Exec|Board]]. Written notice of such a petition shall be mailed to the membership. At the next regular [[meetings|meeting]] at least six (6) days after the mailing, a hearing on the matter will be held and a two-thirds (2/3) vote will be required to sustain the recall.

==Section 6. Seniority==
Seniority of offices is: [[President]], [[1st VP|First Vice-President]], [[2nd VP|Second Vice-President]], [[Corresponding Secretary]],
[[Recording Secretary]], [[Treasurer]], and [[Sergeant at Arms|Sergeant-at-Arms]].

=ARTICLE VI. MUSICAL INTERLUDE=

=ARTICLE VII. [[KGB|ORGANIZATION]] YEAR, [[Annual meeting|ANNUAL MEETING]], [[Elections|ELECTIONS]]=

==Section 1. [[KGB|Organization]] Year==
The organization's fiscal year shall begin on the first day of September and end on the thirty-first day of August. The organization's official year shall begin immediately at the conclusion of the [[elections|election]] at the [[annual meeting]] and shall continue
through the election at the next annual meeting.

==Section 2. [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]]==
No later than the last meeting in the month of December the [[Exec|board]] shall set the date for the Annual Meeting. The annual meeting shall be held in the month of April of each year. At the Annual Meeting the Officers for the ensuing year shall be elected by
secret, written ballot from among those nominated in accordance with Section 4 of this article. They shall take office immediately upon the conclusion of the election and each retiring [[:category:Officers|officer]] shall relinquish all properties and records relating to that office within fifteen (15) days after the [[elections|election]].

==Section 3. [[Elections]]==
The color of elections shall be [[purple]].

===a. Proctors===
For the duration of the [[elections]] at the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], a set of at least three proctors shall preside and keep order at the meeting. Ballots shall be counted by at least two proctors. Proctors shall be ineligible to run in that year's elections. Proctors shall be voting members of the organization except as discussed in section VI.3.b.

===b. Normal Proctor Selection===
At least two weeks prior to the [[Annual meeting|Annual Meeting]], a slate of at least three consenting [[members]] shall be nominated as proctors at a meeting of the [[Exec|Board]]. A member shall not be nominated if any member of the Board objects. At any meeting of the general body thereafter prior to the Annual Meeting, the slate may be modified or approved by a two-thirds (2/3) vote. At any such time, if it has not yet approved a slate of proctors, the organization may elect to request proctors from an external source with a two-thirds (2/3) vote.

===c. Emergency Proctor Selection===
If, at the Annual Meeting, less than three approved proctors are in attendance, the [[members|general body]] shall again have the opportunity to modify and approve the slate of proctors. If no proctors have yet been approved, after at least two failed votes to approve the current slate of proctors the chair may declare an impasse. In such an impasse, five present members not presently nominated for office shall be selected as proctors by random process; or, if five such members cannot be found, five members from the total attendance shall be so selected, but shall remain eligible for election.

===d. [[Elections|Election]] Procedure===
The election of each [[Officers|officer]] shall be concluded before the election of the next begins, and these elections shall be held in order of the chain of command. Write-in ballots or other invalid ballots shall be considered as abstentions. The candidate receiving a majority of the votes cast for each office shall be declared elected. In the case of an all-way tie, an additional round shall be run. Should the tie repeat, the winner shall be decided by the proctors of the election by random process. Otherwise, candidates shall be eliminated by the following method:

# Sort candidates into tiers of people with the same number of votes.
# Starting with the lowest ranking tier, remove tiers from the running in increasing order of rank until removing another would bring the total number of votes removed above 1/3. If there are no tiers with a number of votes below 1/3, remove the lowest ranking tier.
# If more than one candidate remains, run another round.

The winner shall be announced by the election proctors. At least three of the election proctors shall sign a document in triplicate containing the names of the new executive board. Vote totals shall not be announced. The ballots shall be destroyed upon completion of the elections.

===e. Election Quorum===
Election of officers may proceed in the absence of quorum if the presence at the meeting of every absentee voter would be sufficient to reach quorum.

==Section 4. Nominations==
No person may be a candidate in an [[KGB|organization]] [[elections|election]] who has not been nominated or who is not a voting organization [[members|member]] in good standing. During the last quarter of the official year the Executive Board shall select a [[NomCom|Nominating Committee]] consisting of four (4) members willing to so serve, not more than one (1) of whom shall be a member of the [[Exec|Board]]. The [[Recording Secretary]] shall immediately notify the committee members of their selection. The Board shall name a Chairperson for the committee and it shall be this person's duty to call a committee meeting which shall be held on or before March 1. Once the first meeting has been held, the membership of this committee cannot be altered by the board. No person who has served on the Nominating Committee will be eligible to run in that year's elections.

===a. Duties of the Nominating Committee===
The committee shall encourage as many able members to nominate themselves for offices as possible. If any office has no nominations for candidates, or the nominations for an office are such that all candidates could be elected to a position earlier in the chain of command, one (1) week before nominations are closed, Nominating Committee shall nominate one (1) person to that position, such that at least one person who is nominated for the office cannot be elected to a position earlier in the chain of command, and after securing the consent of each person so nominated, shall on or before the fourth day before nominations are closed report their nominations to both the [[RecSec|Recording]] and [[CorSec|Corresponding]] Secretaries in writing. Nominating Committee is to do everything in its power to maintain the appearance of neutrality.

===b. Membership Notification of the Report of the Nominating Committee===
Upon receipt of the [[NomCom|Nominating Committee]]'s report, the [[Corresponding Secretary]] shall on or before the third day before nominations are closed notify each member in writing of the candidates so nominated.

===c. Ad hoc Nominations===
Additional nominations may be made at any meeting after the report of the nominating committee and before the [[annual meeting]] by any member in attendance provided that the person so nominated does not decline when his or her name is proposed, and provided further that if the proposed candidate is not in attendance at this meeting, the proposer shall present to the Recording Secretary a written statement of the candidate's willingness to be so nominated. A voting member may be nominated and run for more than one (1) office, but shall only be allowed to hold one (1) office.

===d. Membership Notification of the Final List of Nominees===
Upon finalization of the nominations and at least three days before the annual meeting, the [[Corresponding Secretary]] shall notify each member in writing of the list of candidates.

===e. Exclusion of Other Nominations===
Nominations cannot be made at the [[annual meeting]] or in any manner other than as provided for in this section.

=ARTICLE VIII - [[Committees|COMMITTEES]]=

==Section 1. Ordinary [[Committees]]==
The Board may each year appoint standing ordinary committees to advance the work of the organization. Special ordinary committees may also be appointed by the Board to aid it on particular projects. Such committees shall always be subject to the final authority of the Board.

==Section 2. Revision of Ordinary [[Committees]]==
Any ordinary committee appointment may be terminated by the Board upon written notice to the appointee, and the Board may appoint successors to those persons whose services have been terminated.

==Section 3. Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The organization may appoint extraordinary committees to advance the work of the organization. Each such committee has an owner, who must be a member in good standing of the organization. The owner appoints and replaces the chair of the committee as deemed
appropriate.

==Section 4. Ownership of Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The owner of an extraordinary committee is determined by auction, the proceeds of which are payable to the organization. In the event of a vacancy in ownership of an extraordinary committee, the organization may fill the vacancy by auction.

==Section 5. Voluntary Transfer of Ownership of Extraordinary [[Committees]]==
The owner of an extraordinary committee may transfer the ownership of the committee to another member in good standing by notifying the Recording Secretary.

==Section 6. Records of [[Committees]]==
The [[Recording Secretary]] shall maintain a record of the membership of all ordinary committees and of the ownership of all
extraordinary committees.

=ARTICLE IX. [[Disciplinary action|REPRIMAND, PROBATION, SUSPENSION, AND EXPULSION]]=

==Section 1. Submitting a Complaint==
Any person affiliated with the organization
can be held accountable for any conduct deemed inappropriate or harmful to the
organization, its purposes, objectives, or affiliated people. Any person
affiliated with the organization may, at any time, issue a complaint against
any other person affiliated with the organization by contacting any member of
the Executive Board in any way, including but not limited to verbal or written
communication. The Executive Board may also issue a complaint about any person
affiliated with the organization.

a. Complaints may be about actions or events that occurred in any context.
This includes, but is not limited to, interactions online, in person, and
at organization events.

==Section 2. Involvement of Officers==
If a complaint is issued against an
officer, that officer must withdraw themself from all Executive Board activity
related to that complaint. Any officer may also choose to withdraw themself
from such activity at any moment and for any other reason.

a. If quorum of the Board cannot be obtained with the remaining officers
the complaint and the process fall under Section 7.

b. For the remainder of this article the Executive Board and officers refer
to those who have not withdrawn themselves, except in deciding quorum of
the Board.

==Section 3. Starting the Procedure==
Within one (1) week after a complaint has
been issued, the Executive Board must do the following:

a. The Board must offer to hold separate discussions with the accused party
and the accuser in order to determine the severity of the situation. Either
party may refuse this meeting.

1) All meetings with any involved parties must take place with at least
two (2) officers, one of whom must be the President or most senior
officer not withdrawn as defined in Section 2.b. Each party may request
to include a specific member of the Board at the meeting. Each person
may also have a third party present at the meeting, subject to advance
approval of the Board.

2) Any meeting held with an accused party may be held in the presence
of a representative of the Student Activities team within the Office of
Student Leadership, Involvement and Civic Engagement (hereafter,
“Student Activities”), at the discretion of the Executive Board.

b. If the Executive Board believes that the complaint may require
disciplinary action beyond a Reprimand (i.e., Probation, Suspension, or
Expulsion), they must inform a representative from Student Activities of
the situation. The Executive Board does not need to receive a response
before issuing the disciplinary action.

The Executive Board may then choose to take one of the disciplinary actions
defined in Section 4.

==Section 4. Disciplinary Actions==
In response to a complaint, the Executive
Board may issue any of the following disciplinary actions against the accused
party. The Executive Board must approve such an action by majority vote, unless
specified otherwise. If disciplinary action is approved, the Board must send
written notice of such action to the accused party within 24 hours of the vote.

===a. Reprimand===
The Board may issue a reprimand to the accused party for
minor offenses. The reprimand will take the form of a written notice and a
verbal warning including, but not limited to, a warning of future
consequences should the accused party continue their behavior. The verbal
warning will be given during a meeting between the accused party and at
least one member of the Executive Board.

===b. Probation===
For moderate offenses that have the potential to escalate,
the Board may place the accused party on probation. The accused party may
still participate in the activities of the organization, but must adhere to
the conditions of a written agreement. The agreement:

1) Will be written by the Executive Board in discussion with a
representative from Student Activities, with input from the accused
party.

2) Will include a set of conditions (e.g., restricted actions and
corresponding consequences) that the accused must adhere to.

3) May restrict the accused party from attending some, but not all,
organization activities.

4) Will include the following information:

A) If the Board determines that the conditions of the agreement are
broken in any way, the Executive Board may immediately escalate the
disciplinary action to Suspension or Expulsion.

B) The Executive Board may end a Probation at any time at their
discretion.

5) Will be signed by the President and the accused party.

===c. Suspension===
For offenses of a more serious nature, the Board may forbid
the accused party from attending all organization activities, and, if
applicable, suspend the accused party’s membership privileges.

1) Upon receiving a complaint, the Executive Board may issue a
Temporary Suspension, which is a full ban from all organization
activities, for up to one (1) week. The Executive Board does not have
to meet the requirements in Section 3 to enact a Temporary Suspension.
Temporary Suspensions may be enacted once per complaint and cannot be
extended.

2) Upon issuing a Suspension, the Board:

A) Must specify its duration. If the Suspension extends beyond the
next Annual Meeting, each new Executive Board must, during its
first meeting, decide by majority vote to uphold or end the
Suspension.

B) May set objectives for the suspended party during the term of
their Suspension. The Executive Board will define these objectives
in discussion with the accused party and a representative from
Student Activities. Completion of these objectives will end the
suspension as specified in Section 4.c.3.

C) Must provide written notice to the suspended party of the
duration of the suspension, any objectives set for the suspension,
and the procedures given in Sections 4.c.3, 4.c.4, and 4.c.5.

3) The Executive Board may end a Suspension at any time by majority
vote. If the Board determines that the suspended party has accomplished
the objectives set forward in Section 4.c.2.B, the Board must
immediately end the Suspension.

4) A party whose Suspension has ended will be placed on probation. The
Executive Board must meet to define the terms of the probation, as
defined in Section 4.b.

5) If a Suspension is violated, the Executive Board may modify the
Suspension or immediately move to expel the suspended party.

===d. Expulsion===
For heinous offenses, the Board may move to expel the accused
party from the organization. To issue an expulsion:

1) The Board must hold a meeting with a representative of Student
Activities to discuss the motion to expel. All non-withdrawn officers
must attend, and a written statement that the meeting was held must be
signed by all present, including the representative of Student
Activities.

2) After this meeting is held, any non-withdrawn officers may recuse
themselves from voting on the motion. If quorum of the Board cannot be
obtained with the remaining officers, the motion cannot proceed.

3) The Board will then vote on the motion to expel. No officer may
abstain. If there are two (2) or more “no” votes, the motion fails.
Otherwise, it passes and the expulsion goes into effect.

The Executive Board must immediately provide written notice of the
expulsion to the expelled party. Once the Board has informed the expelled
party, it must not discuss the expulsion with the general body until
twenty-four (24) hours have passed. Within one (1) week of the expulsion,
the Board must send a mailing to the body stating that an expulsion has
occurred. The Board must disclose the identity of the expelled party to any
member who asks, but may choose not to announce it to the general body. The
Board must present the written confirmation from Student Activities to any
member, or to the expelled party, upon request.

==Section 5. Appeals of Probation or Suspension==
Any party against whom the
Executive Board has issued a Probation or Suspension may appeal the decision of
the Board within thirty (30) days of the Board issuing the disciplinary action.
The affected party must present their appeal to the Executive Board in writing.
Between 7 and 10 days after receiving the appeal, the Board must begin the
appeals process, as defined in Section 5.b or Section 5.c.

a. With their appeal, the affected party must request either for the appeal
to be mediated by Student Activities or voted on by the general body. The
accuser, or any person who has been adversely affected by actions related
to the complaint, may also make such a request. If not all such requests
are in agreement, the appeal will be mediated by Student Activities.

b. If the appeal is to be mediated by Student Activities, the affected
party will meet, as defined in Section 3.a, with a representative from
Student Activities and two (2) officers, to resolve the appeal.

c. If the appeal is to be voted on by the general body, the Recording
Secretary will mail notice of the appeal to the membership. The Board will
then present the matter to the voting membership at the first Regular
Meeting at least six (6) days after the mailing. An affirmative two-thirds
(2/3) vote will be required to sustain the actions of the Board.

d. Any given decision of the Board can only be appealed once.

==Section 6. Reinstatement after Expulsion==
Any person who has been expelled may
apply to have their expulsion be repealed.

a. This application must be sent in writing to the Board. Within one week,
the Board. Within one week, the Board will vote to approve the application.
The application can only be approved by a unanimous vote. If the Board
approves the application, the Recording Secretary will mail notice of the
application to the membership within twenty-four (24) hours of the Board’s
decision. If the Board rejects the application, they will send written
notice of this decision to the applicant within twenty-four (24) hours.

b. The Board will then present the matter to the voting membership at the
first Regular Meeting at least six (6) days after the mailing.

c. If the expelled party so desires, they may submit a written defense
which a representative of the Executive Board will read to the general body
during the discussion prior to the vote. This defense is not required for
the vote to commence.

d. An affirmative two-thirds (2/3) vote will be required to repeal the
expulsion.

==Section 7. Extenuating Circumstances==
If the procedures in this Article are not
appropriate or have ceased to be sufficient for a given complaint, the
Executive Board will meet with a representative from Student Activities to
develop a process which is in line with the values and intentions of the
organization and these bylaws.

=ARTICLE X. PARLIAMENTARY AUTHORITY=

The rules contained in the current edition of [[Robert's Rules of Order|ROBERT'S RULES OF ORDER NEWLY REVISED]] shall govern the [[KGB|organization]] in all cases to which they are applicable and in which they are not inconsistent with these [[Bylaws]] and any special rules of order the [[KGB|organization]] may adopt.

=ARTICLE XI. AMENDMENTS=

==Section 1. Proposal of Amendments==
Amendments to these [[bylaws]] may be proposed by the [[Executive Board]] or by written petition addressed to the [[Recording Secretary]]. Amendments proposed by such petition shall be promptly considered by the [[Exec|Board]] and must be submitted to the [[members]] with the recommendations of the [[Exec|Board]] by the [[Recording Secretary]] for a [[voting|vote]] within thirty (30) days of the date when the petition was received by the [[Recording Secretary]].

==Section 2. Approval of Amendments==
These bylaws may be amended by a two-thirds (2/3) [[voting|vote]] at any regular or special [[meetings|meeting]] called for the purpose, provided the proposed amendments have been included in the notice of the meeting and mailed to each [[members|member]] at least six (6) days prior to the date of the meeting.

=ARTICLE XII. DONATIONS=

The [[KGB|organization]] may accept donations in the form of money, equipment or other property to be used for the exclusive benefit of the [[members|membership]], provided however, that all contributions and donations to the organization shall be subject to approval by the [[Exec|Board]].

=ARTICLE XIII. DISSOLUTION=

The organization may be dissolved at any time by the written consent of not less than two-thirds (2/3) of the [[voting]] [[members]] in good standing. In the event of the dissolution of the [[KGB|organization]], whether voluntary or involuntary or by operation of law, none of the property of the organization nor any proceeds thereof nor any assets of the [[KGB|organization]] shall be distributed to any [[members]] of the [[KGB|organization]]. After payment of the debts of the [[KGB|organization]], its property and assets shall be given to a similar organization or sold and the money donated to a charitable organization selected by the [[Executive Board]].

=ARTICLE XIV. SUGGESTED ORDER OF BUSINESS=

==Section 1. [[KGB|Organization]] [[meetings]]==
At [[meetings]] of the [[KGB|organization]], the order of business, so far as the character and nature of the meeting may permit, shall be as follows:

# Reading and correction of the [[minutes]] of the last regular [[KGB|organization]] [[meetings|meeting]] and any special [[meetings]] or [[Exec|Board]] meetings held in the interim
# Reports of [[officers]]
# Reports of [[committees]]
# [[Old business]]
# New business
# [[Elections]] (at [[annual meeting]])
# Actual Real Relevant Announcements Pertaining to the Business of KGB as an Organization.
# [[Schmucks|Open floor]]

==Section 2. [[Exec|Board]] [[meetings]]==
At [[meetings]] of the [[Exec|Board]], the order of business, unless otherwise directed by majority [[voting|vote]] of those present, shall be as follows:

# Reading and correction of the [[minutes]] of the last regular [[Exec|Board]] [[meetings|meeting]] and any special [[meetings]] or [[KGB|organization]] [[meetings]] held in the interim
# Reports of [[officers]]
# Reports of [[committees]]
# [[Old business]]
# New business

Murphy

2016-04-07T03:56:58Z

Mjmurphy:

AHHHH ILL GET TO THIS LATER I PROMISE

[[eeb|Erin]] thought she would get to this later. Little did she know she was wrong.

[[Murphy]] is an adventurous, mostly self-contained human with long flowing locks of probably rainbow coloured hair. His love for the KGB is only surpassed by his love for most things, such as live music and hiking. He occasionally makes Shit Jokes, which despite their name, have rarely actually involved shit. The response to such jokes is the same as is was to his [[Committee To Groan At Ben Wolf's Jokes|predecessors']].

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[afrieder|Alex Frieder]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2015 Officers|2015-2016]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$S@A}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]]
[[Category:Current Members]]
[[Category:Officers]]

Murphy

2016-04-07T03:45:40Z

Mjmurphy:

Jpdoyle

2016-04-07T03:44:36Z

Mjmurphy:

AHHHH ILL GET TO THIS LATER I PROMISE

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[jlareau|Dillon Lareau]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2015 Officers|2015-2016]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$TRESURER}}
{{end}}

Eeb

2016-04-07T03:43:47Z

Mjmurphy:

everything is happening all at once i'll finish this before summer is over

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Zora|Zora Gilbert]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Corresponding Secretary]]
|years=[[2015 Officers|2015-2016]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$CORSEC}}
{{end}}

Zora

2016-04-07T03:42:45Z

Mjmurphy:

Zora Gilbert

From Legend of Zelda as opposed to Zorro. A sea dweller and oft giver of quests.

Recording Secretary, 2013-2014:

Zora Gilbert, Master of Words and Creator of Prose, was a fictional character in a cartoon television pilot on Channel A. The pilot was an epic tale; gunslingers and poets battled for supremacy in a heart wrenching, action packed, nail biting coming of age story. Tragically, due to budget cuts the TV station was closed and the show was cancelled. The show was soon forgotten by all but a single person. An eccentric tumblr denizen, anguished by the sudden cancellation, began to write a self-insert fanfic about the show in a sorry attempt to fill the void left by the show’s departure. By an extraordinary stroke of luck, one of Jram’s puns backfired violently at the moment of the fanfics publication, creating a portal between reality and imagination. Through this one remaining link to our universe Zora was transported through space and imagination from the world of fanfic to ours by the Power of Puns. While Zora retained the powers and fantastic hair color bestowed by the show’s creators, the ability to control them was lost. After the initial shock, the KGB realized that the only way to keep Zora from becoming president and spreading the battle-ready mindset of the Poetslingers was to keep their mind busy on typing our ridiculous puns and references. It is our solemn duty to keep them busy. Should we not, their beautifully formed persuasive prose could bring the nations of the world to their knees.

Written by: [[mnabraha|mnabraha]] and [[mwoolfor|mwoolfor]]

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Xander|Xander Orenstein]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Recording Secretary]]
|years=[[2013 Officers|2013-2014]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Skye|Skye Toor]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[Marlena|Marlena Abraham]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Corresponding Secretary]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[eeb|Erin Balke]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[sctoor|Skye Toor]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Recording Secretary]]
|years=[[2015 Officers|2015-2016]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$RECSEC}}
{{end}}

[[Category: Members]][[Category: Current Members]] [[Category:Officers]] [[Category:Booth Chairs]]

Jlareau

2016-04-07T03:41:12Z

Mjmurphy:

Dillon Lareau

Actually a cyborg from Connecticut. Meditates on the meaning of wires when he removes himself from base earthly pursuits.

Treasurer, 2013-2014:

Some say he was raised among the Dwarves of Middle Earth; others say he learned to ply his trade with the help of the goblins of The Undermine. While the past is muddled by conflicting accounts and unconfirmed hearsay, when they see him at his work no one can deny his magical ability. Dillon can make electrical wiring out of straw and spin the resulting material into electrical engineering marvels of every shape, size, and function. Some say that it comes from his infamous kidney trade; his two kidneys of flesh and blood for two of pure carbon. Others claim he made a deal with Funklestilskin: his soul in exchange for an upgrade in his engineering skill. Regardless of what is fact and what is legend, it is known that Dillon the Tinkerer will continue to build fantastic things out of scrap until the world is free from disorder and chaos. Naturally, the KGB is opposed to such a development. We have therefore confined Dillon to accounting for the KGB’s monies and incomes. We are confident that this is a task that even he may not be able to accomplish. On an unrelated note, he has not yet supplied the KGB with its Doomsday machine; we have been told that he is “working on it now will you please stop bothering me”.

Written by: [[mnabraha|mnabraha]] and [[mwoolfor|mwoolfor]]

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[kharring|Kelly Harrington]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2013 Officers|2013-2014]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[jlareau|himself]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[jlareau|himself]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[jpdoyle|Joe Doyle]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[mwoolfor|Mike Woolford]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Second Vice President]]
|years=[[2015 Officers|2015-2016]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$2VP}}
{{end}}

[[Category: Members]][[Category: Current Members]] [[Category:Officers]] [[Category:Booth Chairs]]

Sctoor

2016-04-07T03:40:07Z

Mjmurphy:

Skye is also known as "SkyeSpeed" or "Skyejinx".

Skye is ironically an earthbender.

Skye is the chief engineer of the KGBuggy and is the head of the Skyentology Committee, and the Skyechosis Research Organization.

Skye is begrudgingly known as "Sctoor" pronounced "Scooter".

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Zora|Zora Gilbert]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Recording Secretary]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Zora|Zora Gilbert]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[sguertin|Stuart Guertin]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2015 Officers|2015-2016]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$1VP}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Mwoolfor

2016-04-07T03:38:47Z

Mjmurphy:

Currently known as "Mike", "WoofLord", or "The Lord of Woofs" they have been known to spin paper into people, with terrifying results.

Sergeant at Arms, 2013-2014:

Mike was an adventurous time travel without a backup plan: one ticket there, no ticket back. After wandering the darkest caves and deepest trenches the world could offer, Mike began the long quest of befriending the creatures that lived there. Years passed before Mike emerged followed by a legion of deep dwellers; the army began its march with a fierce determination to take over the world. It should be noted that this was not because of some grand villainous quest, rather because hey, what the hell else are you supposed to do with a legion? Dubbed The Wooflord, Mike, riding on the back of a gargantuan wolf turtle, led the minion horde to a long-lost portal. For some time after that, they traveled the time stream, failing to conquer much of anything. That’s when Mike discovered the field of physics and the immense power it could bestow upon they who could reveal its secrets. Now bent on universal domination, Mike launched into the new quest of becoming a PhD and discovering Faster Than Light travel. In the meantime, Mike uses their nanosized minions to keep order in the KGB. No, of course the minions aren’t watching you. Move along citizen.

Second Vice President, 2014-2015:

Class: Sorcerer

Race: Half-orc

Patron Deity: Moradin

Origin: Boston

Residence: Watchtower

Level: 5

Alignment: Chaotic Good

STR: 14

DEX: 7

CON: 8

INT: 17

WIS: 16

CHA: 14

Fortitude: 1

Reflex: 2

Will: 8

Initiative: 9

Speed: 15

Skills:
Build / 2 pillars

Profession(Biophysics) / 12 bugs in space

Knowledge(X-Men) / 1970s
First aid / 5 ace bandages

Special:
Spell: Teleport

Spell: False life

Spell: Pyrotechnics

Inventory:

Tablet

Tollerblades

Bracelets

7 Broken Chargers

[strike]Phone[/strike]

Written by: [[mnabraha|mnabraha]] and [[mwoolfor|mwoolfor]]

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[mnabraha|Marlena Abraham]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2013 Officers|2013-2014]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[afrieder|Alex Frieder]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[jrettere|John "JRAM" Retterer-Moore]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Second Vice President]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[jlareau|Dillon Lareau]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[mnabraha|Marlena Abraham]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[President]]
|years=[[2015 Officers|2015-2016]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$PRESIDENT}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]]
[[Category:Current Members]]
[[Category:Officers]]
[[Category:Mad Scientists]]

Afrieder

2016-04-07T03:36:43Z

Mjmurphy:

Alex, Frieder, Phillip, afrieder, MAP, ~Alex, who is this mysterious fellow?

Not very good at wearing coats, but who is really?

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[mwoolfor|Mike Woolford]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Murphy|Michael Murphy]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]]
[[Category:Current Members]]
[[Category:Officers]]

Jlareau

2016-04-07T03:36:14Z

Mjmurphy:

Dillon Lareau

Actually a cyborg from Connecticut. Meditates on the meaning of wires when he removes himself from base earthly pursuits.

Treasurer, 2013-2014:

Some say he was raised among the Dwarves of Middle Earth; others say he learned to ply his trade with the help of the goblins of The Undermine. While the past is muddled by conflicting accounts and unconfirmed hearsay, when they see him at his work no one can deny his magical ability. Dillon can make electrical wiring out of straw and spin the resulting material into electrical engineering marvels of every shape, size, and function. Some say that it comes from his infamous kidney trade; his two kidneys of flesh and blood for two of pure carbon. Others claim he made a deal with Funklestilskin: his soul in exchange for an upgrade in his engineering skill. Regardless of what is fact and what is legend, it is known that Dillon the Tinkerer will continue to build fantastic things out of scrap until the world is free from disorder and chaos. Naturally, the KGB is opposed to such a development. We have therefore confined Dillon to accounting for the KGB’s monies and incomes. We are confident that this is a task that even he may not be able to accomplish. On an unrelated note, he has not yet supplied the KGB with its Doomsday machine; we have been told that he is “working on it now will you please stop bothering me”.

Written by: [[mnabraha|mnabraha]] and [[mwoolfor|mwoolfor]]

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[kharring|Kelly Harrington]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2013 Officers|2013-2014]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[jlareau|himself]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[jlareau|himself]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[jpdoyle|Joe Doyle]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category: Members]][[Category: Current Members]] [[Category:Officers]] [[Category:Booth Chairs]]

Sctoor

2016-04-07T03:35:20Z

Mjmurphy:

Skye is also known as "SkyeSpeed" or "Skyejinx".

Skye is ironically an earthbender.

Skye is the chief engineer of the KGBuggy and is the head of the Skyentology Committee, and the Skyechosis Research Organization.

Skye is begrudgingly known as "Sctoor" pronounced "Scooter".

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Zora|Zora Gilbert]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Recording Secretary]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Zora|Zora Gilbert]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Zora

2016-04-07T03:34:50Z

Mjmurphy:

Zora Gilbert

From Legend of Zelda as opposed to Zorro. A sea dweller and oft giver of quests.

Recording Secretary, 2013-2014:

Zora Gilbert, Master of Words and Creator of Prose, was a fictional character in a cartoon television pilot on Channel A. The pilot was an epic tale; gunslingers and poets battled for supremacy in a heart wrenching, action packed, nail biting coming of age story. Tragically, due to budget cuts the TV station was closed and the show was cancelled. The show was soon forgotten by all but a single person. An eccentric tumblr denizen, anguished by the sudden cancellation, began to write a self-insert fanfic about the show in a sorry attempt to fill the void left by the show’s departure. By an extraordinary stroke of luck, one of Jram’s puns backfired violently at the moment of the fanfics publication, creating a portal between reality and imagination. Through this one remaining link to our universe Zora was transported through space and imagination from the world of fanfic to ours by the Power of Puns. While Zora retained the powers and fantastic hair color bestowed by the show’s creators, the ability to control them was lost. After the initial shock, the KGB realized that the only way to keep Zora from becoming president and spreading the battle-ready mindset of the Poetslingers was to keep their mind busy on typing our ridiculous puns and references. It is our solemn duty to keep them busy. Should we not, their beautifully formed persuasive prose could bring the nations of the world to their knees.

Written by: [[mnabraha|mnabraha]] and [[mwoolfor|mwoolfor]]

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Xander|Xander Orenstein]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Recording Secretary]]
|years=[[2013 Officers|2013-2014]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Skye|Skye Toor]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[Marlena|Marlena Abraham]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Corresponding Secretary]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[eeb|Erin Balke]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category: Members]][[Category: Current Members]] [[Category:Officers]] [[Category:Booth Chairs]]

Mwoolfor

2016-04-07T03:34:22Z

Mjmurphy:

Currently known as "Mike", "WoofLord", or "The Lord of Woofs" they have been known to spin paper into people, with terrifying results.

Sergeant at Arms, 2013-2014:

Mike was an adventurous time travel without a backup plan: one ticket there, no ticket back. After wandering the darkest caves and deepest trenches the world could offer, Mike began the long quest of befriending the creatures that lived there. Years passed before Mike emerged followed by a legion of deep dwellers; the army began its march with a fierce determination to take over the world. It should be noted that this was not because of some grand villainous quest, rather because hey, what the hell else are you supposed to do with a legion? Dubbed The Wooflord, Mike, riding on the back of a gargantuan wolf turtle, led the minion horde to a long-lost portal. For some time after that, they traveled the time stream, failing to conquer much of anything. That’s when Mike discovered the field of physics and the immense power it could bestow upon they who could reveal its secrets. Now bent on universal domination, Mike launched into the new quest of becoming a PhD and discovering Faster Than Light travel. In the meantime, Mike uses their nanosized minions to keep order in the KGB. No, of course the minions aren’t watching you. Move along citizen.

Second Vice President, 2014-2015:

Class: Sorcerer

Race: Half-orc

Patron Deity: Moradin

Origin: Boston

Residence: Watchtower

Level: 5

Alignment: Chaotic Good

STR: 14

DEX: 7

CON: 8

INT: 17

WIS: 16

CHA: 14

Fortitude: 1

Reflex: 2

Will: 8

Initiative: 9

Speed: 15

Skills:
Build / 2 pillars

Profession(Biophysics) / 12 bugs in space

Knowledge(X-Men) / 1970s
First aid / 5 ace bandages

Special:
Spell: Teleport

Spell: False life

Spell: Pyrotechnics

Inventory:

Tablet

Tollerblades

Bracelets

7 Broken Chargers

[strike]Phone[/strike]

Written by: [[mnabraha|mnabraha]] and [[mwoolfor|mwoolfor]]

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[mnabraha|Marlena Abraham]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2013 Officers|2013-2014]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[afrieder|Alex Frieder]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[jrettere|John "JRAM" Retterer-Moore]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Second Vice President]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[jlareau|Dillon Lareau]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]]
[[Category:Current Members]]
[[Category:Officers]]
[[Category:Mad Scientists]]

Sguertin

2016-04-07T03:33:17Z

Mjmurphy:

Stuart Guertin

No relation to Thor.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[jcolmar|James Colmar]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[sctoor|Skye Toor]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category: Members]][[Category: Current Members]][[Category: Officers]][[Category: Booth Chairs]]

Marlena

2016-04-07T03:32:35Z

Mjmurphy:

Marlena Abraham

'''Officer Dossiers:'''

Sergent at Arms, 2012-2013:

The Abraham family is one of quite talented tinkers. Several decades ago they found an abandoned zepplin and retrofited it. Back in the air, it is now their travelling home. Marlena was born in the air, with her first impressions of land being short visits her familly took so they could repair interesting old items in the vicinity. As a young girl, Marlena took an interest in pocketwatches. She adjusted the speed of several watches slightly so that hung around her room they produced a calming rhythm, and confused her family by reporting widly varying times. However, as marlena got older she developed an interest in hats. This was frowned upon by her family, for hats have no moving parts and thus are not proper objects of study for young tinkers. Eventually tired of the conflict, Marlena left the ship to join the thriving hat-sharing culture on Carnegie Mellon's campus.

Written by: [[Mmeyerho|mmeyerho]]

Corresponding Secretary, 2013-2014

Marlena Abraham’s origins are unknown; it’s whispered that she was stranded as a child somewhere out in the ruined asteroid belt colonies ringing Alpha Trianguli. The rumors all seem to agree that she was young when she began her lifelong trade of bricolage. All we know for sure is that her post-apocalyptic upbringing makes her scavenge after shiny things like a ferret after socks; folks used to tell one another that if you value your knick-knacks and bric a brac, keep it close. If you don’t keep an eye on it, Marlena will get it and it’ll turn up in an art piece in a couple months. However, since discovering the enormous wealth of knowledge that modern civilization enjoys through the Internet, she has been steadily transferring her trade from physical to digital, leaving your knick knacks safe. She seems to hope that through information intake and careful observance of trends that she will be able to gather more shiny things for her art pieces than ever before. Marlena will lend her skills to those who ask nicely or for a fair barter of baked goods. She will probably settle for chocolate if baked goods are unavailable.

President 2014-2015

Class: Wizard, President

Race: Elf

Patron Deity: Corelion Larethian

Origin: Chicago, TX

Residence: Valhalla

Level: 7

Alignment: Lawful Good

STR: 13

DEX: 10

CON: 10

INT: 15

WIS: 17

CHA: 13

Fortitude: 6

Reflex: 3

Will: 7

Initiative: 6

Speed: 20

Skils/Ranks:

Profession: BCSA / 7 tablet pens

Game Desing / 1 occulus rift

Bikes / fewer than Ethan

Leadership / Won election

Special:

Spell: Heroism

Spell: Prismatic Spray

Spell: Rainbow Pattern

Inventory

Computer

Bike

Grappling Hook

Viking Greatsword

Written by: [[mnabraha|mnabraha]] and [[mwoolfor|mwoolfor]]

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[cshaffer|Clyde Shaffer]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2012 Officers|2012-2013]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[mwoolfor|Mike Woolford]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[mmeyerho|Margaret Meyerhofer]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Corresponding Secretary]]
|years=[[2013 Officers|2013-2014]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Zora|Zora Gilbert]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[tbroman|Tim Broman]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[President]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[mwoolfor|Mike Woolford]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]]
[[Category:Current Members]]
[[Category:Officers]]

Talk:Murphy

2016-04-07T03:31:17Z

Mjmurphy:

[[Murphy]] has conversations... occasionally.

Murphy

2016-04-07T03:30:26Z

Mjmurphy: Actually making Murphy's page

AHHHH ILL GET TO THIS LATER I PROMISE

[[eeb|Erin]] thought she would get to this later. Little did she know she was wrong.

[[Murphy]] is an adventurous, mostly self-contained human with long flowing locks of probably rainbow coloured hair. His love for the KGB is only surpassed by his love for most things, such as live music and hiking. He occasionally makes Shit Jokes, which despite their name, have rarely actually involved shit. The response to such jokes is the same as is was to his [[Committee To Groan At Ben Wolf's Jokes|predecessors']].

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[mwoolfor|Mike Woolford]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Murphy]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]]
[[Category:Current Members]]
[[Category:Officers]]

Afrieder

2016-04-07T03:20:12Z

Mjmurphy: Add S@A successor

Alex, Frieder, Phillip, afrieder, MAP, ~Alex, who is this mysterious fellow?

Not very good at wearing coats, but who is really?

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[mwoolfor|Mike Woolford]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2014 Officers|2014-2015]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Murphy]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]]
[[Category:Current Members]]
[[Category:Officers]]

User talk:Mjmurphy

2016-04-07T03:12:37Z

Mjmurphy: Redirected page to Talk:Murphy

#REDIRECT [[Talk:Murphy]]

Talk:Murphy

2016-04-07T03:11:59Z

Mjmurphy: Created page with "I have conversations... occasionally."

I have conversations... occasionally.

User:Mjmurphy

2016-04-07T03:10:22Z

Mjmurphy: Redirected page to Murphy

#REDIRECT [[Murphy]]