KGB Wiki - User contributions [en]

List of awesome things for KGB to do

2008-10-02T03:28:27Z

Mkehrt:

KGB and people in KGB tend to occasionally take on interesting projects in the name of making [[CMU]] a more interesting place. These have included covering the fence in astroturf, wandering around with lab coats and Geiger Counters, and offering the denizens of CMU free [[Cup o' Beef|cups of beef broth]].

* KGB Telefund to Harass Defectors

* Build a treehouse
* place little statues around like different lemmings
* Labyrinth
* Pole dance (very formal dance at the [[Pole]], waltzing, suits, snowboots)
* Put on a play
* Masquerade Ball (no/maybe strippers)
* KGB: The Movie N
* <strike>Giant (Fucking) Theremin</strike> <b>Theremin in the booth was done!</b>
* Hacks!
# Hanging Police flag from top of Walking To The Sky
* Fence Hacks!
# Dance party
# Actualllly extend the fence
# Texture the fence (bumps, shapes with latex)
* Hot-air balloon
* Shit tall enough to violate airspace regulations
* Hire a Clown for an event
* Ball pit
* Performance Art
# Put on a fight
* Date Auction (Auction of fruit in front of Doherty)
* Laser Graphic Projector (feasible?)
* Bigger, weirder posters
# Join the Chalking Club (chalk sidewalk - all of it)
* Build and stock snow forts
* To-scale printouts of Wean and putting it over Hunt
* Scale models of campus
* Flyers/pamphlets
* Give public speeches
* Invite people for talks
* Fake posters/conferences - i.e. meeting of minds (which especially make no sense)
* Icon Garden (moof!)
* Celebrate silly important holidays
* Field Trips - Berry pickings
* Giant statues/mannequin garden
* Stage a revolution!
* Divide KGB into two sides and have some sort of anarchy contest
* Make a barricade out of sandbags and wire (maybe that goes with the revolution)
* Theme dress-up days
* Human chess
* Christmas-light the fence
* The Bat Signal (The Brie Symbol)
* Elaborate mythology built around Teki (HAIL TEKI!)
* Train people in...something (martial art)
* Don't Readme/Pravda-to-the-Campus
* Everyone in KGB Gets A $20 [[Hat]]
* Membership Cards
* Throw Mardi Gras beads off building
* Insurance Scams
* Huge-monster costumes
* Mural!
* Flash-mob stuff (see Improv Everywhere)
* Micro-nation of Wean

Go South East

2007-05-24T07:40:06Z

Mkehrt:

You walk into a giant [[cmartens|squid]]. You die.

[[Main Page|Return to Start]]

Students

2007-05-24T07:34:55Z

Mkehrt:

'''Students''' are a variety of symbiotic lifeforms that feed off the education, social structure, and general scholastic wankery provided by a [[CMU|university]] or other insitution in exchange for their money. The phylum students is further divided into classes by majors and age. Evolution (by means of accumulation of credits and subsequent graduation, or use of a Moon Stone) results in reclassification into other groups. For the KGB, such an evolution often results (though not always) in [[defectors]].

Students are medium sized grass.

Committee to Hijack Protests and Campus Tours

2007-05-22T20:57:32Z

Mkehrt: /* Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church */

==The Formation==

This [[committees|committee]] was formed in the Spring of 2003. In this semester there were many protests and rallies in opposition to America's actions in the middle east. Very active in the peace rallies was none other than [[KGB]]'s [[Agent M]], hero of the [[Members|People]] and then [[1st VP]]. [[Agent M]] was leading a massive march through Oakland when he came across an enthusiastic, junior member of the [[KGB|organization]], who was then the Corresponding Secretary. This brash fellow thought the idea of a protest delightful, and joined in whole-heartedly. Though he protested very loudly, he did not seem to be protesting quite the same things as the others present. In time, the march devolved into a spaghetti party at some guy's house.

The committee was formed at the [[Meetings|General Body meeting]] the next day. Fearing that all of his efforts toward peace would be subverted, [[Agent M]] challenged the committee's chairman to prove that he was as apolitical as he claimed, and to do so by exerting his efforts toward the next pro-war rally to occur.

Conveniently, there was one scheduled mere days later.

==The College Republicans==

The chairman called the committee together and brainstormed. Together they created a list of slogans to use on signs at the protest. The chairman made a quick trip to the art store, a quick trip to the [[Kage]], and they were good to go. The signs read as follows:

* Free Kevin Mitnick (Kevin Mitnick had, in fact, been released some weeks prior, and was speaking at [[CMU]] that very evening.)
* Colon Cancer: The Hidden Killer
* Wait! Eye of a Mayo Sandwich
* I Like My Wars Like I Like My Coffee... COVERED IN BEES!
* ICH MAG DIE SCHÖNEN GELBEN BLUMEN (Everything sounds scarier in German. This translates to "I like the pretty, yellow flowers.")
* You Have a Secret Admirer (This was meant to evoke fortune cookies. Under the main text, in a smaller font, read the words "In Bed.")

The [[KGB]] arrived at the flagpole in the [[Cut]] the next day. There were about a dozen of them. There were a dozen College Republicans. The media was there in force. They milled around for a while and were heavily interviewed. ([http://www.post-gazette.com/localnews/20030319prowarreg3p3.asp News coverage.]) Finally, they marched in a circle around the flagpole, singing "The Ants Go Marching," and marched off into the (proverbial) sunset.

==Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church==

The next major action of the committee came some months later. After the death of Mr. Rogers, may he rest peacefully in the Land of Makebelieve, Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church set out to show the world how terrible of a person Mr. Rogers (may his cardigans remain pristine and serve as a reminder to us for all eternity) was. For you see, Mr. Rogers (may his neighborhood prosper and suffer little crime for all perpetuity) was a minister in a church that was openly supportive of homosexuals, and never took the opportunity to use his statuts as a national celebrity to openly denounce them.

The [[KGB]] was within walking distance of one of the protest sites, and so they marched once again into the fray. This time they had the following signs:

* Shave the Whales
* God Hates Bags
* I support drilling
* Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
* Post further ideas to the bboard.
* Ambiguity: For a sooner tomorrow
* No test material on this sign.
* Deine Mutti hat mein Schild GEGESSEN (German again. This time is says, "Yo mama ate my sign.")

Upon their arrival, some counter protesters on the scene were heard to exclaim, "The surrealists are here!" Loyal [[Members|Comrades]] marched with their signs while the chairman hopped around screaming pertinent slogans such as, "Don't tread on me!" and "Free government for the colonies!"

Even the previously doubtful [[Agent M]] was in attendance, all tarted up. He was flirting pretty heavily with one of Fred Phelps's granddaughters.

==Campus Tours==

The committee never actually hijacked any campus tours. Chalk it up to apathy.

[[category:Committees]]
[[category:Stories]]

Booth

2007-05-17T02:38:39Z

Mkehrt: /* History */

[[Booth]] is the process of constructing a wooden scaffolding for holding [[spackle]] and [[caulk]]. Organizations can Win Booth by having the most uniformly-spackled wooden structures on [[Midway]].

It is very important to ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING when spackling a booth. If you simply give a bucket of spackle to [[Creidieki]], and tell him "figure out what to do with this", you will not Win Booth. Particularly if he then enlists all of the freshmen.

Anyway, after you [[spackle]] something, you wait for it to dry, and then you sand over it, and then you paint it. Casual afterthought is then used to construct a [[roofs|roof]] and cover it in tar paper. Roof construction is oft-considered the best time of year to identify which KGB members are [[load bearing]].

All of this might be fun, if it didn't cost more than [[KGB]] has spent on anything else, ever. That small detail <i>guarantees</i> fun.

== History ==

Partial history of booth (taken from http://www.cmukgb.org/activities/booth.php ):

* 1989: Land the Plane in Red Square
* 1990: Topple The Czar
* 1991: The Hunt for Red October
* 1992: ''(no booth)''
* 1993: ''(still no booth)''
* 1994: The Mir Space Station
* 1995: Peter and the Wolf
* 1996: Kremlin
* 1997: ''(boothless)''
* 1998: [[Baba Yaga's Hut]]
* 1999: The Rats of NIMH
* 2000: Sputnik
* 2001: ''(booth de nada)''
* 2002: [[Snegurochka's Castle]]
* 2003: The Winter Palace
* 2004: Tetris
* 2005: KGB presents SCIENCE!
* 2006: Roanoke Island
* 2007: Big Things Made Small

[[Category:Events]]
[[category:Nifty]]

User:Csjackso

2007-05-17T01:51:43Z

Mkehrt:

E-mail: csjackso@andrew.cmu.edu

Officer Dossiers:

2nd VP, Poophead, 2006-2007:

Criminally Sane Jackson is, in fact, not at all criminally sane. Sometimes a name just sticks, y'know? An interesting fact of note is that this picture is actually of his evil twin who plots his demise at every turn. The most obvious way to spot the fake Chris Jackson is, of course, the goatee. More subtle differences include the evil twin's constant need to nefariously cackle as his evil machinations are set in motion, and an insatiable craving for the letter 5. Great care should be taken when approaching any Chris Jackson.

Goggles and gloves recommended. Geiger counter optional, but also strongly advised.

Written By: [[User:Ddagradi]]

CorSec, 2005-2006:

Born in 3006, Chris Jackson belongs to KGB's top-secret time squad, sent back into the early days of the USSR to assassinate Trotsky with a giant duffle bag of <s>useless trinkets</s> LASERS!. Alas, Trotsky slipped from his grasp initially, but, using the alias Frank Jackson, Chris was able to finally defeat his nemesis with an icepick. A delayed action icepick. To the brain. Other nemeses not-so-promptly-but-eventually dispatched: Rasputin, Julius Caesar, Woodrow Wilson.

Current Temporal Coordinates: November 5th, 1605. Target: Parliament

Written By: [[User:Csjackso]]

Mkehrt

2007-05-17T00:19:09Z

Mkehrt:

{{User:Improv/Title|mkehrt}}

mkehrt is awesome. He believes in the power of {{magic}}.

mkehrt is the first half of the multi-bodied organism [[mkiva]].

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Rebecca Nathan]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Corresponding Secretary]]
|years=[[2004 Officers|2004-2005]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Christopher Jackson]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[aleffert | Akiva]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2005 Officers|2005-2006]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[lea]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Forms of Sugar]]
[[Category:Freaking Awesome]]
[[Category:Officers]]
[[Category:Defectors]]

Mkehrt

2007-05-17T00:18:31Z

Mkehrt:

{{User:Improv/Title|mkehrt}}

mkehrt is awesome. He believes in the power of {{magic}}.

mkehrt is the first half of the multi-bodied organism [[mkiva]].

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[Rebecca Nathan]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Corresponding Secretary]]
|years=[[2004 Officers|2004-2005]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[Christopher Jackson]]}}
|-
{{s-bef|before=[[Akiva]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2005 Officers|2005-2006]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[lea]]}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Forms of Sugar]]
[[Category:Freaking Awesome]]
[[Category:Officers]]
[[Category:Defectors]]

Do not lick

2007-05-16T11:22:07Z

Mkehrt:

#Lead paint
#Rabid animals, especially racoons
#Electric fences
#North Dakota
#Whyoming
#Baseball players
#Ninja
#Spinning blades
#Running engines
#Vampires
#Nettles
#Poison
#The letters K to S and W
#Bees
#Strangers
#Federal judges
#Other people's girlfriends (normally)
#Killer robots
#Hunter-seekers
#Lightsabers (Seriously, don't.)
#Flagpoles in temperatures below 0 C.
#Wombats over the age of three months.

Do not lick

2007-05-16T11:16:38Z

Mkehrt:

#Lead paint.
#Rabid animals, especially racoons.

Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki

2007-05-16T11:14:12Z

Mkehrt:

[[Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki/Suzuki|Suzuki]]

[[Category:Turkmenistan]]

Frisbee season

2007-05-16T11:11:41Z

Mkehrt:

From St. John's Eve until the first full moon after the autumnal equinox, State and Federal law allow the killing of up to 87 pounds "Frisbees and similar flying disci (discera?)" for "personal use, or to repay public dept."

I wanna edit this "I wanna edit this wiki"

2007-05-16T11:07:15Z

Mkehrt:

You probably shouldn't. The [[I wanna edit this wiki]] page hates and fears change, as do all pages of all wikis. Why are you so cruel to the wiki? It just wants to be left in peace!

Cmartens

2007-05-16T10:57:37Z

Mkehrt:

cmartens, more often known as chrisamaphone, mostly lives on [http://www.livejournal.com Livejournal]. She is occasionally seen consorting with [[birds]] or writing code.

=== Contact Info ===
* Email: cmartens ''at'' andrew ''dot'' cmu ''dot'' edu

=== Officer Dossier ===
<blockquote>The proper prepartation of a Chrisamaphone:

* Two small kittens, preferably with ears
* Two bits of different lemon flavored cookies
* Three cups dehydrated water, rehydrated

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and give the kitten a saucer of milk. Mix the lemon cookie and water until fully absorbed by the sponge and serve over pasta salad. If no lemon cookies are available, substitute orange-flavored chocolate to form substitute officer [[User:Gwillen|gwillen]].</blockquote>

(written by [[User:Ddagradi]])

[[Category:Mindblowingly Amazing]]

Officer officer of the week

2007-05-16T10:49:32Z

Mkehrt:

The position of '''officer officer of the week''' is awarded by the [[chair]] to those right honorable individuals who go above and beyond [[the call of duty]], bringing [[food]] to [[meetings|exec meetings]] and is already a KGB officer.

Sock puppets on fire

2007-05-16T10:46:59Z

Mkehrt:

AAAAHH AAAAAAHHHH AAAAHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH AAAAHHHHHHHH AAAAAAHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH AAHHHHHH AAAAAAAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH AAAAAAAHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAHHH [http://www.contrib.andrew.cmu.edu/user/cmartens/pic/misc/spof.avi AAAAHHH]!

Voting

2007-04-29T03:19:57Z

Mkehrt: /* Voting in elections */

[[KGB]]'s [[Voting]] rules represent a subtle and sublime [[science]]. The method of voting varies depending on context.

===Voting on motions===

Voting on [[motions]] is conducted by whomever is the [[Chair]] of the meeting. The generally approved method of voting is to request that [[members]] vote by undertaking some action or vocalization related to the subject matter of the motion.

There are certain problems with this method of voting. In particular, it can often be difficult to determine which side won when everyone in the room is flailing around. In that case, a request for a hand vote would be appropriate.

If the [[Chair]] is in a hurry, it is also possible to undertake a vote by acclamation, whereby the motion passes unless someone objects.

Finally, it is technically possible to do a roll call vote, though it is the [[Chair]]'s prerogative to declare a request for such a vote [[dilatory]].

Voting on a motion is guaranteed to [[terminate]] as the Chair isn't going to put up with it for long.

===Voting in elections===

The voting methodology used in [[elections]] is significantly more complex than that used for [[motions]].

First, the color of elections is [[purple]].

Second, voting is conducted by secret ballot.

Third, the voting is administered by electron proctors.

Each [[:category:officers|officer]] position is elected separately. In each round of voting, the votes are tallied and then divided into "tiers" of candidates with the same number of votes. The tiers of candidates with the least number of votes are removed from the running until at least one third of the votes have been removed. At least one tier must always be removed. If there remains more than one candidate another round of the election is run. Vote, count, repeat.

An example is in order. Consider an election for [[President]] where the candidates are Abe, Barry, Chuck, Dave, and Ed. In the first round of voting, the breakdown is as follows:

{| cellpadding="5" border="1"
|-
| A
| 8
|-
| B
| 7
|-
| C
| 7
|-
| D
| 6
|-
| E
| 5
|-
|}

In the first round of voting, Ed is removed from the running first, being in the tier with the lowest number of votes. This is five of the total thirty-three, and is less than a third. Dave's tier is removed then, bringing the total removed votes to 11, which reaches the one third threshold. This leaves Abe, Barry, and Chuck for the next round.

{| cellpadding="5" border="1"
|-
| A
| 13
|-
| B
| 10
|-
| C
| 10
|-
|}

Here we have both Barry and Chuck in a single tier. Their total number of votes is greater than one third, but because at least one tier must always be removed, they are both removed from running, and Abe wins.

Finally, in the case of an n-way tie, where n is the number of candidates remaining, an additional round will be run. If the next round results in a tie, the winner will be determined by random process.

Voting in an election is guaranteed to terminate as at least one candidate is removed every round, except in the case that all candidates tie, where voting is decided by [[divine providence]]. This [[Byzantine]] voting procedure was devised by committee after the previous Byzantine voting procedure was determined through experiment to be interminable.

Wasn't that fun!

Template:Magic

2007-04-13T02:53:19Z

Mkehrt:

ROBOTS!

Jcreed

2006-11-07T06:18:06Z

Mkehrt:

[[jcreed]] is a hero of the people.

The future

2006-11-07T06:17:47Z

Mkehrt:

In the future there are {{robots}}.

In the future, everyone will have their own [[jcreed]].

The future

2006-11-07T06:17:38Z

Mkehrt:

In the future there are {{robots}}.

In the future, everyone will have their own {{jcreed}}.

Talk:Pants of the Revolution

2006-11-07T02:30:50Z

Mkehrt:

I was under the impression those were two different pairs of pants...? --[[User:Mkehrt|Mkehrt]] 21:29, 6 November 2006 (EST)

Never mind...misread the article [[User:Mkehrt|Mkehrt]] 21:30, 6 November 2006 (EST)

Talk:Pants of the Revolution

2006-11-07T02:29:08Z

Mkehrt:

I was under the impression those were two different pairs of pants...? --[[User:Mkehrt|Mkehrt]] 21:29, 6 November 2006 (EST)

User:Mkehrt

2006-10-22T02:01:18Z

Mkehrt:

I can fly.

See [[Mkehrt]].

Aleffert

2006-10-22T01:58:21Z

Mkehrt:

'''akiva''' and [[mkehrt]] are different people.

Aleffert

2006-10-22T01:58:13Z

Mkehrt:

''akiva'' and [[mkehrt]] are different people.

Aleffert

2006-10-22T01:58:00Z

Mkehrt:

[[akiva]] and [[mkehrt]] are different people.

Template:Succ

2006-10-20T21:59:50Z

Mkehrt:

{{{{{2}}}|{{{{{1|{{{2}}}{{{3}}}}}}}}}}

Template:Succ

2006-10-20T21:59:42Z

Mkehrt:

{{ {{{2}}}|{{{{{1|{{{2}}}{{{3}}}}}}}}}}

Sandbox

2006-10-20T21:50:22Z

Mkehrt:

Sandbox

2006-10-20T21:50:13Z

Mkehrt:

Sandbox

2006-10-20T21:50:06Z

Mkehrt:

Sandbox

2006-10-20T21:49:46Z

Mkehrt:

Sandbox

2006-10-20T21:49:33Z

Mkehrt:

Template:Z

2006-10-20T21:49:05Z

Mkehrt:

{{{2}}}

Template:Testarg

2006-10-20T21:48:18Z

Mkehrt:

Arg foo: {{{1}}}

Sandbox

2006-10-20T21:47:45Z

Mkehrt:

Sandbox

2006-10-20T21:46:44Z

Mkehrt:

Template:Testarg

2006-10-20T21:46:12Z

Mkehrt:

Arg foo: {{{foo}}}

Template:Magic

2006-10-20T21:36:27Z

Mkehrt:

MAGIC!

Sandbox

2006-10-20T21:36:20Z

Mkehrt:

Sandbox

2006-10-20T21:36:06Z

Mkehrt:

foo bar baz

User:Mkehrt

2006-10-20T21:35:16Z

Mkehrt:

I cna fly.

See [[Mkehrt]].

User:Mkehrt

2006-10-20T21:35:04Z

Mkehrt:

I cna fly.

See {{Mkehrt}}.

User:Mkehrt

2006-10-20T21:34:53Z

Mkehrt:

I cna fly.

See {Mkehrt}.

Mkehrt

2006-10-20T03:38:25Z

Mkehrt:

The correct title of this article is mkehrt. It appears incorrectly here because of technical restrictions.

mkehrt is awesome.

User:Cmartens

2006-10-20T03:36:46Z

Mkehrt:

cmartens is also awesome.

Also, goddamn amazing.

Mkehrt

2006-10-20T03:35:02Z

Mkehrt:

mkehrt is awesome.