KGB Wiki - User contributions [en]

Farnam Jahanian

2025-08-01T16:49:49Z

Rtosh: Create page

Farnam Jahanian is the president of CMU.

The Spellbook

2025-08-01T16:48:46Z

Rtosh: Link to the correct nonexistent page

In 2024, High Wizard [[Ngaynor]] implemented a magic system within GBMs. Below is the official, up to date(ish) text of the KGB Spellbook:

==Preface==
Herein lies the ancient magical secrets that may be used for great effect during the gatherings of those known as “KGB.” This knowledge carries with it a grave deal of responsibility. The power one may possess from this text can cause great benefit or detriment to those nearby.

==Conditions==
In order to cast the spells detailed herein, one must achieve the state of being “magical.” One may do so by fulfilling one of the following conditions:

One is magical if they currently have bronchitis.

One is magical if they have uranium on their person.

One is magical for one minute after their motion is passed.

One is magical for one minute after receiving a high five from the [[magic hand]] from someone who is not yourself

A motion can also become magical. A magical committee, once passed, can report at any point in the meeting and remain in order. A motion can become magical by fulfilling one of the following conditions:

A motion is magical if it receives no votes for any category. This motion is then tabled for one week.

A motion is magical if it receives unanimous approval from the general body present at the meeting besides the chair

The magic committee, chaired by the archmage, is also magical. The magic committee is responsible for the upkeep of the spellbook.

One is anti-magical if they are in possession of the anti-magical hand.

==Spells==
Upon becoming magical, one may then cast one of the following spells. This must be done after being called upon by the chair. In order to cast a spell, one must say “I cast ____,” where the blank space must be filled with the name of the spell. If the spell is to affect another person, one must say “I cast ____ on ____” where the first blank must be filled with the name of the spell, and the second is to be filled with the name that the spell is to affect. If you are holding the magic hand, you may cast two back-to-back spells. For one minute after someone in possession of the anti-magical hand accuses you of witchcraft, you must drop to 0 hit points upon the casting of a spell.

===Short Term Friendship===
Once cast, every person at the gathering must be really nice to you, and you are no longer lonely.

===Friend Destroyer===
Once cast upon someone who has cast Short Term Friendship, their friendships are thereon broken.

===Animal Companion===
Once cast, the chair must share an animal fact.

===Summon Squid Companion===
Once cast, the chair must share a fact about Splatoon.

===Super Salute===
Once cast upon a person, the general body must salute the target, after which the target loses 5 hit points.

===Neptune's Curse===
Once cast, the general body must speak as if they are underwater for 30 seconds. This spell may be ended early if a person was to fake their death through drowning.

===Pronoun Swap===
Once cast upon a person, the spellcaster and the target must swap pronouns.

===Invoke Mob Justice===
Once cast, the general body shall move into a vote. If the vote is successful, [[Djyin|Daniel Yin]] is then reduced to 0 hit points.

===Restore Tyrant===
Once cast, Daniel Yin returns to 100 hit points and is no longer dead.

===Laptop Destroyer===
Once cast upon a person, they must close their laptop for at least 5 seconds - the target may refuse if the laptop is currently working a critical process. If the target does not currently have a laptop out, they must either take their laptop out, open it, then close it, or close someone else’s laptop with that person’s consent

===Mage Hand===
Once cast, whoever currently has the magic hand must give it to you.

===CULINARY SABOTAGE===
Once cast upon an item of bowl food, that food then becomes inedible

===TL;DR===
Once cast upon a person, they must not say a sentence longer than 10 words or else they must fake their death. Upon death, the effects of the spell end

===HANDHELD GAMING===
Once cast, the two people currently in possession of the magical and anti-magical hand must play one round of rock-paper-scissors. The loser must relinquish their magical or anti-magical hand to someone else who is not in possession of one of these hands. The magical and anti-magical hands must not be in the same person’s possession once cast.

===NOMINATE A SCHEMING EUNUCH===
Once cast upon a person, they must go to the corner of shame (by the shoulder of Daniel Yin). This person must remain there until a vote has been passed. In the event of a tie vote, this person may decide the final call of the vote, instead of the chair. If this happens, they then get “assassinated” and must fake their death.

==Cantrips==
Cantrips behave similar to spells, although one does not need to be magical in order to cast a cantrip. One can only cast one cantrip per meeting. One may lie on the ground for 10 minutes to regenerate their ability to cast a cantrip.

===RESET===
Once cast during an auction, the current bid returns to $0. Once cast, one must pay $1 to the KGB

===SHUT THE FUCK UP LUKE===
Once cast, the general body must say “Shut the fuck up Luke,” and [[lerbsen|Luke Erbsen]] then loses 10 hit points

===CACTUS IS REALLY TASTY===
Once cast, the caster loses 5 hit points

===NOOO DON’T KILL YOURSELF YOU’RE SO SEXY===
Once cast upon a person who is repeatedly doing damage to themselves, they are immune from taking damage for one minute

Isaacw

2025-04-20T20:36:24Z

Rtosh: Add $$$

'''Isaac Williamson''' is a person who hasn't updated their bio.

==Officer Dossiers:==
===Sergeant at Arms, 2024-2025===
Isaac managed to win the vote to become the Sergeant at Arms, an outcome he did not fully anticipate. He says he will rise to this task, and attempt to grow at least 2 more arms. We wish him luck in the endeavor and will continue to monitor his insectification.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[bennerr|Benner Rogers]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Sergeant at Arms]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[noahking|Noah King]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[rtosh|Ryan Tosh]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2025 Officers|2025-2026]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$$$$}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Cathedral of Learning

2025-04-12T19:21:30Z

Rtosh: Oops

That tall thing on Pitt's campus that you can usually see from here. Also known as Cathy.

"Is that the Cathedral of Learning or is Pittsburgh just happy to see us?"

See also: [[Cathedral of Compensation]]

==KGB Takes Kathy==

KGB Takes Kathy is an event which occurs sometimes, in which KGB members invade Cathy and go 'sploring. Sometimes they splore too hard and get in [[rtosh|trouble]].

[[Category:Phallic objects on campus]]

Cathedral of Learning

2025-04-12T19:21:16Z

Rtosh: Add section on KGB Takes Kathy event

That tall thing on Pitt's campus that you can usually see from here. Also known as Cathy.

"Is that the Cathedral of Learning or is Pittsburgh just happy to see us?"

See also: [[Cathedral of Compensation]]

==KGB Takes Kathy==

KGB Takes Kathy is an event which occurs sometimes, in which KGB members invade Cathy and go 'sploring. Sometimes they splore too hard and get in [[trouble|rtosh]].

[[Category:Phallic objects on campus]]

Senrique

2025-04-12T19:17:32Z

Rtosh:

Merlin was a booth chair in 2025.

Rtosh

2025-04-12T19:17:00Z

Rtosh: Fix vandalism

'''Ryan Tosh''' is a person. They often make regrettable decisions, which they rarely regret. Their interests include international relations and political science; political science, security, and technology; biology; chemistry; physics; mathematical science; pre-med; russian studies; computer science; electrical and computer engineering; technical writing; information security; social and political history; gender studies; and student-defined. This is definitely not just a list of every major which they have at one point considered declaring.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===Treasurer, 2024-2025 (September-April)===
Rtosh was not democratically elected, which will be important experience for their future plans. They can easily remember the words to get people to throw coins at them, but cannot as easily remember the words to make them stop.

===First Vice President, 2025-2026===
Rtosh is now 1VP.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[noahking|Noah King]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025 (Sep-Apr)]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[bennerr|Benner Rogers]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2025 Officers|2025-2026]]}}
{{s-aft|after=1VP}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Current officers

2025-04-12T19:16:34Z

Rtosh: Time

#REDIRECT [[2025 Officers]]

Rtosh

2025-04-08T02:13:09Z

Rtosh: /* First Vice President, 2025-2026 */

'''Ryan Tosh''' is a person. They often make regrettable decisions, which they rarely regret. Their interests include international relations and political science; political science, security, and technology; biology; chemistry; physics; mathematical science; pre-med; russian studies; computer science; electrical and computer engineering; technical writing; information security; social and political history; gender studies; and student-defined. This is definitely not just a list of every major which they have at one point considered declaring.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===Treasurer, 2024-2025 (September-April)===
Rtosh was not democratically elected, which will be important experience for their future plans. They can easily remember the words to get people to throw coins at them, but cannot as easily remember the words to make them stop.

===First Vice President, 2025-2026===
Rtosh is now 1VP. I love twink. Hit my line 512 720 1088

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[noahking|Noah King]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025 (Sep-Apr)]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[bennerr|Benner Rogers]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2025 Officers|2025-2026]]}}
{{s-aft|after=1VP}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Rtosh

2025-04-08T02:12:38Z

Rtosh: /* First Vice President, 2025-2026 */

'''Ryan Tosh''' is a person. They often make regrettable decisions, which they rarely regret. Their interests include international relations and political science; political science, security, and technology; biology; chemistry; physics; mathematical science; pre-med; russian studies; computer science; electrical and computer engineering; technical writing; information security; social and political history; gender studies; and student-defined. This is definitely not just a list of every major which they have at one point considered declaring.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===Treasurer, 2024-2025 (September-April)===
Rtosh was not democratically elected, which will be important experience for their future plans. They can easily remember the words to get people to throw coins at them, but cannot as easily remember the words to make them stop.

===First Vice President, 2025-2026===
Rtosh is now 1VP. I love twinks

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[noahking|Noah King]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025 (Sep-Apr)]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[bennerr|Benner Rogers]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[First Vice President]]
|years=[[2025 Officers|2025-2026]]}}
{{s-aft|after=1VP}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Senrique

2025-04-08T02:12:06Z

Rtosh: It's true

Merlin sucks.

Rtosh

2025-04-08T00:14:39Z

Rtosh: Fix it again

Rtosh

2025-04-08T00:14:14Z

Rtosh: Fix succession box

'''Ryan Tosh''' is a person. They often make regrettable decisions, which they rarely regret. Their interests include international relations and political science; political science, security, and technology; biology; chemistry; physics; mathematical science; pre-med; russian studies; computer science; electrical and computer engineering; technical writing; information security; social and political history; gender studies; and student-defined. This is definitely not just a list of every major which they have at one point considered declaring.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===Treasurer, 2024-2025 (September-April)===
Rtosh was not democratically elected, which will be important experience for their future plans. They can easily remember the words to get people to throw coins at them, but cannot as easily remember the words to make them stop.

===First Vice President, 2025-2026===
Rtosh is now 1VP.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[noahking|Noah King]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025 (Sep-Apr)]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{s-bef|before=[[bennerr|Benner Rogers]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[1VP]]
|years=[[2025 Officers|2025-2026]]}}
{{s-aft|after=1VP}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Rtosh

2025-04-08T00:13:38Z

Rtosh: /* Officer Dossiers: */ Add 1VP :D

'''Ryan Tosh''' is a person. They often make regrettable decisions, which they rarely regret. Their interests include international relations and political science; political science, security, and technology; biology; chemistry; physics; mathematical science; pre-med; russian studies; computer science; electrical and computer engineering; technical writing; information security; social and political history; gender studies; and student-defined. This is definitely not just a list of every major which they have at one point considered declaring.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===Treasurer, 2024-2025 (September-April)===
Rtosh was not democratically elected, which will be important experience for their future plans. They can easily remember the words to get people to throw coins at them, but cannot as easily remember the words to make them stop.

===First Vice President, 2025-2026===
Rtosh is now 1VP.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[noahking|Noah King]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025 (Sep-Apr)]]}}
{{s-aft|after=[[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]}}
{{end}}
{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[bennerr|Benner Rogers]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[1VP]]
|years=[[2025 Officers|2025-2026]]}}
{{s-aft|after=1VP}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

2025 Officers

2025-04-08T00:10:18Z

Rtosh: Created page with "President - Benner Rogers First Vice President - Ryan Tosh Second Vice President - Daniel Yin Corresponding Secretary - ngaynor|Nathan Gay..."

President - [[bennerr|Benner Rogers]]

First Vice President - [[rtosh|Ryan Tosh]]

Second Vice President - [[djyin|Daniel Yin]]

Corresponding Secretary - [[ngaynor|Nathan Gaynor]]

Recording Secretary - [[savithrb|Savithri Bhat]]

Treasurer - [[isaacw|Isaac Williamson]]

Sergeant at Arms - [[noahking|Noah King]]

{{start box}}
{{succession box|title=[[2025 Officers]]|before=[[2024 Officers]]|after=[[2026 Officers]]}}
{{end box}}

[[category:Officers]]

Bowl Food

2025-03-21T18:50:28Z

Rtosh:

'''Bowl Food''' is a field of active research on what foods qualify as '''Bowl Food'''.

Bowl Food should never be mentioned, thought about, or eaten, lest ye be taken by the depths.

Several theories of bowl-food-ness have been proposed, several of which do not include bowls. Discussions of bowl food inevitably spawn further highly productive conversations, including "is açaí poke" and "what is the difference between noodles and soup and soup noodles and noodle soup" (which is important as soup cannot be bowl food{{Citation needed}} ).

[[Djyin]] is not allowed to provide comment to the [[Bowl Food Research Committee]] despite extensive knowledge of what constitutes bowl food. This is because his opinions on what is bowl food are bizarre, insane, and borderline criminal.

It is important to note that elements of the definition of bowl food often include socioeconomics, the intentions of the cook preparing the food, and other matters which are not a state function of the food itself.

==Bottle Drinks==

Bottle Drinks are a similar phenomenon to bowl food, proposed by [[dkogan2]]. Bottle drinks include old-timey sodas, microbrew IPAs, and artisanal kombucha, but not a bottle of Coca Cola or other mass-produced beverages.

Rtosh

2025-02-04T18:07:14Z

Rtosh: Forgot some

'''Ryan Tosh''' is a person. They often make regrettable decisions, which they rarely regret. Their interests include international relations and political science; political science, security, and technology; biology; chemistry; physics; mathematical science; pre-med; russian studies; computer science; electrical and computer engineering; technical writing; information security; social and political history; gender studies; and student-defined. This is definitely not just a list of every major which they have at one point considered declaring.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===Treasurer, 2024-2025 (September-April)===
Rtosh was not democratically elected, which will be important experience for their future plans. They can easily remember the words to get people to throw coins at them, but cannot as easily remember the words to make them stop.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[noahking|Noah King]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025 (Sep-Apr)]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$$$$}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]

Rtosh

2025-02-04T18:05:14Z

Rtosh: Bio

'''Ryan Tosh''' is a person. They often make regrettable decisions, which they rarely regret. Their interests include international relations and political science, biology, chemistry, physics, mathematical science, pre-med, russian studies, computer science, electrical and computer engineering, technical writing, information security, gender studies, and student-defined. This is definitely not just a list of every major which they have at one point considered declaring.

==Officer Dossiers:==

===Treasurer, 2024-2025 (September-April)===
Rtosh was not democratically elected, which will be important experience for their future plans. They can easily remember the words to get people to throw coins at them, but cannot as easily remember the words to make them stop.

{{s-start}}
{{s-bef|before=[[noahking|Noah King]]}}
{{s-ttl|title=[[Treasurer]]
|years=[[2024 Officers|2024-2025 (Sep-Apr)]]}}
{{s-aft|after=$$$$}}
{{end}}

[[Category:Members]][[Category:Current Members]][[Category:Officers]]