Difference between revisions of "Body part of the week"

Latest revision as of 13:24, 19 November 2011

Current Body Part of the Week

Week of November 13, 2011:

The Ulna

The Ulna is a rather boring body part. I honestly do not know much about it other than it being an arm bone and am too lazy to look it up on Wikipedia. So I will draw a nyan cat instead. ~=[,,_,,]:3

(Thanks to K2 for showing me that a while back)

BPotW Archive

Week of April 24, 2011:

THE ROBOT ARM!!!!!!

The robot arm was invented in 1654 by Jesus. It was part of his blue period. It was pained red. Usually used to reach the queso when it is just too damn far away. It works even better when attached to puppies.

Week of May 8, 2011:

The Tusk

The tusk is a the most important body part to ivory collectors, who insist it is grown on very special trees in their back yards. No you can't see them. Because I said so. Also they are out of season. Now bugger off before I call the police. No, that is not a mound of elephant carcasses behind that fence. You know, what? Forget the police, I am getting my gun! Now scram!

Week of May 15, 2011:

The Soul

A part whose existence is the topic of some controversy, if you think you do not have one, I would be willing to buy it from you for $10. Seriously, if you are interested, just mention the words "borghal rantipole" during shmucks who like to mouth off and I will come by later to discuss business. Unless I am not there, in which case, just do it the week after.

Week of May 22, 2011:

The Plasmid

While, strictly speaking, not part of the body, its affects on it can be extreme, as shown in the scientific documentary Bioshock. A plasmid is a circular piece of DNA generally encoding a few genes. They tend to give superpowers, but not all of them are awesome. For example: shooting lightning, fire, ice, or bees out of your hands = awesome. Throwing gobs of glowing shit, no matter what the effects = not awesome. Telekinesis is always awesome.

An update on last week's body part:

Yesterday (May 21, 2011) was supposed to be the Rapture where all the "worthy" souls would go to heaven and all others would be left behind for the next five months (to take care of the pets, I presume) until they would inevitably die in the destruction of all things. It did not happen. I did read something interesting however. It was a dialogue between a fallen angel and an archangel who were discussing the actions of the fallen one who had just killed a man. "A necessary evil?" asks the archangel, "I see no evil in it," replied the fallen one, "It is the human soul that is sacred, not life." Kind of makes you wonder, does it not?

Week of May 29, 2011:

The Baby

Again, not really part of the body, except for a short time when some women feel like doing a nine month long whale impression. They are loud, demanding, and smelly, but not to be confused with CS students because babies can be really cute. Feel free to share any recipes you may have here.

Week of June 5, 2011:

The Trunk

This is a body part, which while mostly on pachyderms, many rappers seem to think is included in human physiology. This is true in only the rarest of cases, but even still it is not a garbage receptacle.

Week of June 12, 2011:

The Opposable Thumb

Probably the main reason dolphins have never gained supremacy over humankind, these bad boys let us do all kind of things like utilize tools, grasp objects firmly, play video games, give someone a thumbs up, hitchhike, twiddle said thumbs, open locks, open jars of pickles, make finger puppets, sew wounds shut, sew mouths shut, sow a field, sow discord in a political scene, use the space key while typing, "bite my thumb at them, which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it" in order to start a fight with the Montagues, snap your fingers, bur probably most importantly, make tea.

Week of June 19, 2011

The Beard

This glorious appendage was invented by Velociraptor Ninja Moses, because he was tired of having nothing to stroke* while he pondered how to be more of a badass. (Hint: he could not, it was just a mental exercise to keep his mind sharp) Worn by many today as a sign of awesomeness, the Beard has many uses including additional skills on the dance floor. That is right, if you have a beard, you get a +4 to dancing, concentration, and combat casting, as well as a +3 for all actions taken against Balrogs (or Balors) provided you yell "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" dramatically enough.

.*Get your mind out of the gutter.

Week of June 26, 2011:

The Eye:

While generally a laser generation point, the eye is also useful for shooting X-rays, Gamma rays, and sting rays. I bet the Crocodile hunter wishes he had one of these now. Oh, wait, he did. He just sucked at using them. In any case, the eye, in addition to being the body's (arguably) most versatile weapon, also helps you see and stuff like that. Most people have two, but most badasses have fewer than that (e.g. Odin, Col. Saul Tigh). Some people profess to have four, but recent advances in Ocular Science have proven that glasses are not, in fact, eyes. As a side note, Ocular Science has recently determined that turkey sandwiches are generally the best source of turkey sandwich, reversing years of precedent in turkey sandwich research.

Week of July 3, 2011:

The Fingernail

The fingernail is what some mistake for the canvas of the body, some humes (mostly female) spend hours painting said appendage, only to have it chip and crack and then bitch about it for a while while the rest of the world goes about its business being useful. More than this, it is a handy tool for opening things like boxes or the chests of your enemies, and can be reshaped and grown to the length and sharpness desired, provided there is a sufficient intake of calcium. Unfortunately, the fingernail is not as strong as a claw, but our friendly neighborhood splicers are working on that problem as we speak to help YOU prepare for battle. Remember, we cannot defeat the crab people alone. We need YOUR help. Meatshields welcome.

Week of July 10, 2011:

The Bruise

Oh god, is it time for another BPOTW update? Fuck. I am too fucking sore to even think straight, let alone be clever. Um, ... Bruises occur when you get the shit beat out of you by some old guy with a big stick. Also from that fucking gorget-paldrons piece of armor which never sits straight, half chokes you, and then slips when someone delivers a strike to the shoulder. I am honestly shocked I was able to make it into work today. Still, I did kill two knights in a row yesterday, which should count for something. These guys do not hold back, as they adhere strictly to the policy: the harder you kill them early, the faster they will learn not to do dumb shit. I suppose it might work... Ow.

Week of July 17, 2011

The Ear

"Just as many fools are ruined by their ears as by their tongues". So said the great Mr. Miller. This is not only because you can overhear something that will get you into trouble, but because these often get caught in giant fans and then the rest of your body gets sucked in as well and then we will have delicious you smoothies for the rest of the week. On an unrelated note, we have a 20% discount this week at the All Natural Smoothie store on our signature BioSmoothies! We are also looking for giant fan technicians.

Week of July 24, 2011

The Funny Bone

LOL OBLIGATORY PENIS JOKE LOL. Now that our minds have broken for air from their plunge into the gutter, we can move on with our day. The funny bone is awesome, because it is the only famous body part known by the terrible pun from which it gets its name (the humerus). It does not house, as some believe the sense of humor, rather it houses that sense of pain when someone kicks you in the tailbone. It has the ability to hurt like a bitch and the only saving grace to this irritating as all hell body part is the somewhat funny name associated with it.

Week of July 31, 2011:

The Head

Dipped in tar, the head is a great decorative piece for any castle gate to let your subjects know that you are not fucking around when it comes to dealing with traitors. The ancient Celts used these as tradable collectibles, later to be replaced by pogs. When boiled of all flesh and the top removed, it could be made into a decent cup for drinking wine, as long as it was from an enemy. Drinking out of the skull of a comrade is considered poor taste.

Week of September 4, 2011:

The Fuck

This is the part of the body rarestly given, especially at CMU. Yeah, that's right. I just made that joke.

Week of September 11, 2011:

The Memory.

This fickle part of the body will come and go at all times. It, like the nose and ears will continue to fluctuate in size even after the rest of your body stops growing. The most branded part of the body in this day and age, there are some things you never forget.

Week of September 25, 2011:

The Relic

This is a strange part of the body as it only appears on certain people posthumously if and only if they have an awesome name or power associated with them. These are either powerful items or complete mcguffins required for completing certain quests. Famous relics include: The false mustache of Pugachev, the Beard Trimmer of Albus Dumbledore, the Eyes of Helen Keller, and the Tiny Obstinate Splinter that She Could Never Get Out in the End of Joan of Ark.

Week of October 16, 2011:

Um, not the robot arm?

Look, I've been really busy. And still am. And probably will be for the next few weeks. Give me a break. Not that anyone but the people in my head have been giving me a hard time about this. Well. Two out of three anyways...

I mean two out of four. God I am tired.

Week of October 23, 2011:

The Look

This body part is in a very special group of parts which can actually be given, but not retained by the recipients. The Look, when properly delivered, can have many different effects, depending on the method of delivery. It is therefore important to properly deliver The Look otherwise, you might have someone feel kind of awkward when you wanted them trembling in fear. If you have ever been in this sad situation, shame on you and you know how important this is for continued survival when you are facing the Ravenous Bugblatterbeast of Traal. Hint: do not give the Ravenous Bugblatterbeast of Traal a Look of any kind. It assumes that if you cannot see it, it cannot see you, and therefore you will remain uneaten.

Week of October 30, 2011:

Your FACE.

Generally used as a receptacle for unspecified objects, right after your foe serves you an again unspecified object. Many have posited that the objects happen to be the same, and said object is merely served directly to your face. This is still a topic of some controversy.

Week of November 6, 2011:

The Cry (Beginning with "B")

There are two acceptable times for a man to cry. Both of these start with the letter "B", one of which does not apply to men, as a Banshee is not a man, so there is really only one cry that is acceptable and it starts with a "B". I am speaking of course of the Battle Cry. An immortal moment captures this perfectly: "There they toil away, like their fathers and grandfathers before them. Forced to break rock with nothing but their thick skulls. I would help them, but what do you do with a bunch of kids who don't know how to do anything but bang their heads all day long?" (voice nearly trembling with emotion) "You start a revolution, Lars. (pause) Right now! IT IS TIME TO SOUND THE BATTLE CRY!"