Revision as of 15:13, 26 March 2020

EXEC REPORTS

Dez - had a weekend, had to move everything out of R7. Discovered many new species of mold

Kaylie - Had a weekend, drove Dez's things to Kremlin. Now being an Uber service for the people in her house, and she'll do it for you for the low low price of $10

Mitchell - Playtested jackbox over zoooooom, so now we have an event! It's remote video game, so basically just video game night over remote services

Kate - Poi, where will we meet? Here, or somewhere else?

Dez - We'll make channels for the games

Mckenna - Had a weekend. It was mostly family stuff, and I experienced the horror of group facetime. It's dreadful. I did homework, I have so much homework. Please submit to pravda

Woody - had a weekend, spent most of it fighting the dark lord malloc. He is winning.

James - Had a weekend, realized he didn't have food so he went outside. Why are there so many people? Isn't there a quarantine? Guys? Clears decks, Dez throws coins at him

Kushal - Had a weekend. CMU Dining services gave him a crustless PB&J for lunch today.

COMMITTEE REPORTS

Henry - I'm a physcist and I hate my life - New flash physics - It's a lot harder to turn light into energy than you thought. Especially if it's EVIL ENERGY

Sonia - Sonia memorial committee - With amazon offline, we're moving to using dragons to deliver mail. It will be called scale mail

Liam - Actual biblical apocalypse - Salt lake city had an earthquake last week, and we're still feeling aftershocks

Tim - NomCom - We're still taking nominations, so use the link and nominate people! Please reference the nominations so we don't do someone twice

New nominations:

   Olive Garden for treasurer
   Sawyer for treasurer
   Woody for RecSec
   Woody for Corsec
   James for President
   Liam for President
   Woody for 2VP
   James for 1VP

Woody - Hivemind Committee - We end no report eternal although we social distancing is bad but necessary sad end report report report

Kate - MA CMU KGB War Criminals - Animal crossing - Sorry for spoilers, but there's an NPC that you have to help every once in a while. He's a pirate bird who keeps getting shipwrecked on your island. If you help him he'll give you gifts, and he sent me a moab head. I assume that this is plunder, and therefore a war crime

Kaylie - Cats are stupid - My cat keeps getting on my lap during zoom calls, unless I make a better spot for her with a very, very soft blanket

Liam - Po Shen Lo's extreme combinatorics - He makes two streams, one for us and one for middle schoolers, and we keep getting frequent crossovers of horribly confused middle schoolers. "Po shen lo is a sexy, sexy man"

Kate - AH Real and relevant announcements - For pittsburghees, there's a rumor that we're going on a stay at home order starting at 8PM today, so if you need to go do something critical that won't be allowed you should definitely do that today

Jonathan - I was just clicking the thing

Kaylie - Carnegie Scenic Committee - David seems to be a little upset at our memes about him. When he tried to show us how to make knots, he made some suggestive motions, and he freaked out. "Y'all can screen record me now, so this will probably go on your fucking meme page"

McKenna - AH war driving committee - If you see an elderly woman driving into a cmu dorm and typing on her laptop, don't worry, it's my professor

Jonathan - Has no real business this time, either

Special business note

We'll be holding a special meeting on what we'll be doing about debts, at some point in the next week or two

Keep your eyes out for a when-to-meet for that

OLD BUSINESS

Who has the thing? Dez, supposedly

Who has the spirit of the thing? We're not sure

Who wants the thing? Joy

What's not her fault? The fact that graded work isn't accessible from Canvas anymore

Orders of the day? Nah, those are for nerds

NEW BUSINESS (Oh my god, what is this part of the meeting?)

Liam - Motion to create the country bumpkin committee

   Oops, he's gone
   
   Dilatory till he's back

Sawyer - Motion to #define crashed as "Experienced a significant emotional event"

   Kate - Amended
   Passed by banana

Henry - Motion to create a subcommittee of the stupid history commitee : the committee of poorly founded historical optimism

   Purpose - To remind of things, such as the fact that ghengis Khan set back carbon emissions by a full year through the mere act of killing a lot people
   Liam - Motion to rename this as the "Eco fascism committee" - Not seconded
   Passed by :deciduous_tree: , sold to Henry for $:two:, chaired by himself and any other historical bringer of Good News, like Ghengis Khan

Oliver - Motion to create the stupid noose committee

   Purpose - To spread stupid news with an R0 of approximately 3
   Kushal - Motion to rename to the stupid noose committee - Been changed
   Henry - I would like to file a copyright strike and sue Oliver for fraud
   Oliver - Jokes on you, my committee is outside US jurisdiction
   Henry - Point of rebutal, I'm a war criminal so I don't care about US Jurisdiction
   Liam - Did you know that Rand paul is the only senator to vote against coronavirus funding, and the only senator to get coronavirus
   Sam - POI, wasn't it a thing about getting tested?
   Henry - Point of there are no rules:
   Passed via abstention, sold to Oliver for Corn (4, via emergency report), chaired by the last person in the world to get infected with the Coronavirus

Mckenna - requesting report from the corn subsidies - Should we invest?

   Liam - Yes, of course

Liam - Motion to create the country bumpkin committee

   Purpose: To represent the interest of all KGB members who are separated from the glorious metropolis of culture that is Pittsburgh
   Kaylie - What culture
   Liam - You mean the culture that's all around you?
   Kate - There was tons of culture in the stuff that came out of the fridge yesterday
   Mckenna - Does this only apply to people who are not in pittsburgh, in the country, or a bumpkin?
   Henry - Maine nationalism - There is no culture. ONLY MOOSE.
   Kaylie - Shield is just comfortable like this
   Henry - Pittsburgh primary food imports: Produce, Beer, and grains used in the production of beer
   Liam - Point of brewery, basically any grain can be used in the production of beer
   Passed, sold to James for $2, chaired by any member of the KGB who is not currently in Pittsburgh

Sam - Motion to make the corn teen committee

   Purpose: to make sure that all of those between the ages 13-19 are well fed
   Mckenna - As a teen, yesterday I was fed corn, cornbread, and another form of corn I can't remember. It was great
   Passed by :corn:, sold to Liam for :corn:, chaired by Liam, the corn subsidies board, and any teens who eat corn (Like all cool teens do)

Kaylie - Read your fucking emails committee

   Purpose - Making Kaylie read all of everyone else's emails
   Henry - Telling me to read my emails is a violation of my personal liberty, which trumps everything else. Also, I am the Senate
   Mckenna - Who is reading your emails? Kaylie, the owners of the committee, or Gmail???
   Tim - Henry, you don't have to read your emails, but please be responsible for what's in them. I know it's a lot
   Kate - As a person who has email anxiety, I gotta tell ya, there are some advantages to online classes, but the fact that I only read my emails once a week and miss things from my professor is not one of them
   Tim - You should make someone read your emails, and just tell you what's in them
   Kaylie - I'll just read all of Farnams emails to all of us
   Mckenna - Will you read my spam email, which says that all of Coronavirus is a scam made by the government?
   Keerthana - I definitely don't want kaylie of anyone else to read my emails
   Henry - I currently have about 3600 unread emails, which I would like Kaylie to read for me
   Liam - My emoji is just comfortable like this
   Oliver - All emails are a scam made by the government
   Tim - Having Kaylie read your emails for you seems like a great fundraising opportunity for the CMU KGB
   Keerthana - I heard a story about a professor who had his screen open on a lecture, and there was an email about firing someone who was in the room
   Henry - It's now 3601
   Passsed, sold to Kaylie for $1, chaired by "I should have thought to make a chair"

REAL AND RELEVANT ANNOUNCEMENTS

Dez - We're exec! We exist and do things. Also, there will be a meeting that we'll be putting out a when to meet for to figure out what we'll be doing about debts

Mitchell - We have an event, pinned above (in the meeting chat), it's video game night

SCHMUCKS

Tim - Because the state of emergency we're in, it's looking like Pennsylvania will postpone it's primary till June 2nd, so it's very import to prepare your mail in ballots

Kaylie - Are you stranded in pittsburgh, and want to live in my house?

Liam - Puzzle hunt is the 25th of april, and it's all online!

Henry - CMU War criminals association - I'm trying to get a big Civ game together, so if we can get enough people together we'll be doing that some point!

Woody - The just quiet, or did he disconnect committee would like to report:

Sam - We have a minecraft! Come join us

Tim - Motion to purple, purple, SG, fish fish fish, and something

MEETING AJOURNED