Difference between revisions of "The Spellbook"

Latest revision as of 20:14, 17 March 2025

In 2024, High Wizard Ngaynor implemented a magic system within GBMs. Below is the official, up to date(ish) text of the KGB Spellbook:

Preface

Herein lies the ancient magical secrets that may be used for great effect during the gatherings of those known as “KGB.” This knowledge carries with it a grave deal of responsibility. The power one may possess from this text can cause great benefit or detriment to those nearby.

Conditions

In order to cast the spells detailed herein, one must achieve the state of being “magical.” One may do so by fulfilling one of the following conditions:

One is magical if they currently have bronchitis.

One is magical if they have uranium on their person.

One is magical for one minute after their motion is passed.

One is magical for one minute after receiving a high five from the magic hand from someone who is not yourself

A motion can also become magical. A magical committee, once passed, can report at any point in the meeting and remain in order. A motion can become magical by fulfilling one of the following conditions:

A motion is magical if it receives no votes for any category. This motion is then tabled for one week.

A motion is magical if it receives unanimous approval from the general body present at the meeting besides the chair

The magic committee, chaired by the archmage, is also magical. The magic committee is responsible for the upkeep of the spellbook.

One is anti-magical if they are in possession of the anti-magical hand.

Spells

Upon becoming magical, one may then cast one of the following spells. This must be done after being called upon by the chair. In order to cast a spell, one must say “I cast ____,” where the blank space must be filled with the name of the spell. If the spell is to affect another person, one must say “I cast ____ on ____” where the first blank must be filled with the name of the spell, and the second is to be filled with the name that the spell is to affect. If you are holding the magic hand, you may cast two back-to-back spells. For one minute after someone in possession of the anti-magical hand accuses you of witchcraft, you must drop to 0 hit points upon the casting of a spell.

Short Term Friendship

Once cast, every person at the gathering must be really nice to you, and you are no longer lonely.

Friend Destroyer

Once cast upon someone who has cast Short Term Friendship, their friendships are thereon broken.

Animal Companion

Once cast, the chair must share an animal fact.

Summon Squid Companion

Once cast, the chair must share a fact about Splatoon.

Super Salute

Once cast upon a person, the general body must salute the target, after which the target loses 5 hit points.

Neptune's Curse

Once cast, the general body must speak as if they are underwater for 30 seconds. This spell may be ended early if a person was to fake their death through drowning.

Pronoun Swap

Once cast upon a person, the spellcaster and the target must swap pronouns.

Invoke Mob Justice

Once cast, the general body shall move into a vote. If the vote is successful, Daniel Yin is then reduced to 0 hit points.

Restore Tyrant

Once cast, Daniel Yin returns to 100 hit points and is no longer dead.

Laptop Destroyer

Once cast upon a person, they must close their laptop for at least 5 seconds - the target may refuse if the laptop is currently working a critical process. If the target does not currently have a laptop out, they must either take their laptop out, open it, then close it, or close someone else’s laptop with that person’s consent

Mage Hand

Once cast, whoever currently has the magic hand must give it to you.

CULINARY SABOTAGE

Once cast upon an item of bowl food, that food then becomes inedible

TL;DR

Once cast upon a person, they must not say a sentence longer than 10 words or else they must fake their death. Upon death, the effects of the spell end

HANDHELD GAMING

Once cast, the two people currently in possession of the magical and anti-magical hand must play one round of rock-paper-scissors. The loser must relinquish their magical or anti-magical hand to someone else who is not in possession of one of these hands. The magical and anti-magical hands must not be in the same person’s possession once cast.

NOMINATE A SCHEMING EUNUCH

Once cast upon a person, they must go to the corner of shame (by the shoulder of Daniel Yin). This person must remain there until a vote has been passed. In the event of a tie vote, this person may decide the final call of the vote, instead of the chair. If this happens, they then get “assassinated” and must fake their death.

Cantrips

Cantrips behave similar to spells, although one does not need to be magical in order to cast a cantrip. One can only cast one cantrip per meeting. One may lie on the ground for 10 minutes to regenerate their ability to cast a cantrip.

RESET

Once cast during an auction, the current bid returns to $0. Once cast, one must pay $1 to the KGB

SHUT THE FUCK UP LUKE

Once cast, the general body must say “Shut the fuck up Luke,” and Luke Erbsen then loses 10 hit points

CACTUS IS REALLY TASTY

Once cast, the caster loses 5 hit points

NOOO DON’T KILL YOURSELF YOU’RE SO SEXY

Once cast upon a person who is repeatedly doing damage to themselves, they are immune from taking damage for one minute