Difference between revisions of "Body part of the week"
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==Current Body Part of the Week== | ==Current Body Part of the Week== | ||
| + | Week of July 3, 2011: | ||
| − | + | The Fingernail | |
| − | The | + | The fingernail is what some mistake for the canvas of the body, some humes (mostly female) spend hours painting said appendage, only to have it chip and crack and then bitch about it for a while while the rest of the world goes about its business being useful. More than this, it is a handy tool for opening things like boxes or the chests of your enemies, and can be reshaped and grown to the length and sharpness desired, provided there is a sufficient intake of calcium. Unfortunately, the fingernail is not as strong as a claw, but our [[Category:Mad Scientists|friendly neighborhood splicers]] are working on that problem as we speak to help YOU prepare for battle. Remember, we cannot defeat the crab people alone. We need YOUR help. Meatshields welcome. |
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| Line 72: | Line 72: | ||
.*Get your mind out of the gutter. | .*Get your mind out of the gutter. | ||
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| + | Week of June 26, 2011: | ||
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| + | The Eye: | ||
| + | |||
| + | While generally a laser generation point, the eye is also useful for shooting X-rays, Gamma rays, and sting rays. I bet the Crocodile hunter wishes he had one of these now. Oh, wait, he did. He just sucked at using them. In any case, the eye, in addition to being the body's (arguably) most versatile weapon, also helps you see and stuff like that. Most people have two, but most badasses have fewer than that (e.g. Odin, Col. Saul Tigh). Some people profess to have four, but recent advances in Ocular Science have proven that glasses are not, in fact, eyes. As a side note, Ocular Science has recently determined that turkey sandwiches are generally the best source of turkey sandwich, reversing years of precedent in turkey sandwich research. | ||
Revision as of 08:34, 5 July 2011
Current Body Part of the Week
Week of July 3, 2011:
The Fingernail
The fingernail is what some mistake for the canvas of the body, some humes (mostly female) spend hours painting said appendage, only to have it chip and crack and then bitch about it for a while while the rest of the world goes about its business being useful. More than this, it is a handy tool for opening things like boxes or the chests of your enemies, and can be reshaped and grown to the length and sharpness desired, provided there is a sufficient intake of calcium. Unfortunately, the fingernail is not as strong as a claw, but our are working on that problem as we speak to help YOU prepare for battle. Remember, we cannot defeat the crab people alone. We need YOUR help. Meatshields welcome.
BPotW Archive
Week of April 24, 2011:
THE ROBOT ARM!!!!!!
The robot arm was invented in 1654 by Jesus. It was part of his blue period. It was pained red. Usually used to reach the queso when it is just too damn far away. It works even better when attached to puppies.
Week of May 8, 2011:
The Tusk
The tusk is a the most important body part to ivory collectors, who insist it is grown on very special trees in their back yards. No you can't see them. Because I said so. Also they are out of season. Now bugger off before I call the police. No, that is not a mound of elephant carcasses behind that fence. You know, what? Forget the police, I am getting my gun! Now scram!
Week of May 15, 2011:
The Soul
A part whose existence is the topic of some controversy, if you think you do not have one, I would be willing to buy it from you for $10. Seriously, if you are interested, just mention the words "borghal rantipole" during shmucks who like to mouth off and I will come by later to discuss business. Unless I am not there, in which case, just do it the week after.
Week of May 22, 2011:
The Plasmid
While, strictly speaking, not part of the body, its affects on it can be extreme, as shown in the scientific documentary Bioshock. A plasmid is a circular piece of DNA generally encoding a few genes. They tend to give superpowers, but not all of them are awesome. For example: shooting lightning, fire, ice, or bees out of your hands = awesome. Throwing gobs of glowing shit, no matter what the effects = not awesome. Telekinesis is always awesome.
An update on last week's body part:
Yesterday (May 21, 2011) was supposed to be the Rapture where all the "worthy" souls would go to heaven and all others would be left behind for the next five months (to take care of the pets, I presume) until they would inevitably die in the destruction of all things. It did not happen. I did read something interesting however. It was a dialogue between a fallen angel and an archangel who were discussing the actions of the fallen one who had just killed a man. "A necessary evil?" asks the archangel, "I see no evil in it," replied the fallen one, "It is the human soul that is sacred, not life." Kind of makes you wonder, does it not?
Week of May 29, 2011:
The Baby
Again, not really part of the body, except for a short time when some women feel like doing a nine month long whale impression. They are loud, demanding, and smelly, but not to be confused with CS students because babies can be really cute. Feel free to share any recipes you may have here.
Week of June 5, 2011:
The Trunk
This is a body part, which while mostly on pachyderms, many rappers seem to think is included in human physiology. This is true in only the rarest of cases, but even still it is not a garbage receptacle.
Week of June 12, 2011:
The Opposable Thumb
Probably the main reason dolphins have never gained supremacy over humankind, these bad boys let us do all kind of things like utilize tools, grasp objects firmly, play video games, give someone a thumbs up, hitchhike, twiddle said thumbs, open locks, open jars of pickles, make finger puppets, sew wounds shut, sew mouths shut, sow a field, sow discord in a political scene, use the space key while typing, "bite my thumb at them, which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it" in order to start a fight with the Montagues, snap your fingers, bur probably most importantly, make tea.
Week of June 19, 2011
The Beard
This glorious appendage was invented by Velociraptor Ninja Moses, because he was tired of having nothing to stroke* while he pondered how to be more of a badass. (Hint: he could not, it was just a mental exercise to keep his mind sharp) Worn by many today as a sign of awesomeness, the Beard has many uses including additional skills on the dance floor. That is right, if you have a beard, you get a +4 to dancing, concentration, and combat casting, as well as a +3 for all actions taken against Balrogs (or Balors) provided you yell "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" dramatically enough.
.*Get your mind out of the gutter.
Week of June 26, 2011:
The Eye:
While generally a laser generation point, the eye is also useful for shooting X-rays, Gamma rays, and sting rays. I bet the Crocodile hunter wishes he had one of these now. Oh, wait, he did. He just sucked at using them. In any case, the eye, in addition to being the body's (arguably) most versatile weapon, also helps you see and stuff like that. Most people have two, but most badasses have fewer than that (e.g. Odin, Col. Saul Tigh). Some people profess to have four, but recent advances in Ocular Science have proven that glasses are not, in fact, eyes. As a side note, Ocular Science has recently determined that turkey sandwiches are generally the best source of turkey sandwich, reversing years of precedent in turkey sandwich research.
