Useless People Auction

The Event as it Stands Today

Formerly known as the slave auction, the useless people auction is an annual event at which KGB auctions off its members. Traditionally, members volunteer to auction six hours of their time to the buyer and can designate someone to outbid anyone they don't want to be bought by. KGB does not want to know what you do with your useless people.

Frequently, in addition to listing things they can do, useless people encourage people to increase bids by doing tricks, such as push-ups and headstands. In one memorable auction, two groups kept outbidding one another to purchase gwillen. One group would increase its bid in exchange for gwillen removing his shirt, and the other would increase its bid when he put it back on.

The History

The auction was originally instantiated as a KGB event in the days of yore. It was not repeated until the 2001/2002 academic year, where it proved to be a ludicrously successful means for separating KGB members from their money. For two years, the auction (under the name Slave Auction) garnered substantial funds for the organization's Booth.

In the 2003/2004 academic year, the event generated considerable controversy. A group of "concerned students" complained, composing an email to the KGB. They found the name to be racist, and much furor was generated. Part of the response stemmed from the accidental scheduling of the event for the same week as Martin Luther King Jr. Day, creating far more offense than was intended.

In recognition of the legitimate claim of offense due to the unfortunate timing, the organization decided to change the name of the event, over a vigorous and vociferous dissent (many members were unwilling to acquiesce to what they saw as an unreasonable demand). The name for the event that year was the [THIS SPACE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK] Auction.

During the event, the organization was treated to a silent protest during lmarsh's provocative and lucrative auction. Subsequently, the Tartan published a Letter to the Editor complaining about the objectification and implicit discrimination inherent in such an event. The article contained numerous errors, and elicited a response from ykhodor in the following week's letters to the editor. The follow-up was accompanied by a retraction from the Tartan.

Verily, all were pleased by this result. Except for those who were offended in the first place and except for the Tartan, the editors of which were subsequently crucified on a cross of their own inattention.