KGB's Sing-along Blog

This was a collaborative effort on the bboard during the week before KGB Digs Its Own Grave 2009.

KGB's Sing-along Blog Planning

"My KGB" by jvirdo, to the tune of "My Eyes"

Mander:
Any comrade with a brain
Can see the KGB has gone insane
On the other hand, I'd say
That they have always been this way
You can squid if you don't care to abstain

Listen close to all of your exec
And get more tangerines
Even clusterfolk come make the trek
To MM A14

You'll find out this year's booth theme
Groan and laugh at the puns and memes
Anyone who yells
"I have a job!" is held
In high esteem

Eforney:
Let's be clear
Despite how geeky we appear
We're not all CS majors here
Well, some of us are engineers

Do you believe that roofs and steam tunnels exist?
Not at CMU
No way to get there, we insist
We haven't got a clue

In time, you'll see you forgot
The committees that you have bought
And it's plain to see, you'll love the KGB
Like it or not

[duet by jokeserver]
Mander:
I've got way too much to do
Interp, Calculus, and Concepts, too
My homework is everywhere
And I'm doing my best to care
But I would much rather hang around with you

Can't miss out on any one event
Don't want to miss the fun
But I'm worried about my grade percent
Dropping down to 1.

I cannot believe the time
Did I really just waste my night?
But it's plain to see
Why I'm in KGB; they're friends for life

Eforney:
Friday's here
Events are great to spend with peers
But I'm right at the point of tears
To think that I'll be gone next year
You should make sure

To come to all of our events
You'll have lots of fun
It won't cost you one more cent
To hang out until 1.

I cannot believe the time
Did I really just laugh all night?
Cause it's plain to see
People in KGB are friends for life

"Glisson's Chorus" by jokeserver, to the tune of "Bad Horse Chorus"

Jboning:
Glisson, Glisson,
Glisson, Glisson,
He listens to your motions, the president Glisson,
He heard the new idea that you just motioned,
It first needs some discussion, so let the fun begin,
A heinous pun, some shout 'til hoarse,
(A reference to this show, of course)

A vote, a vote,
a vote, a vote!
The question has been called and now it's time to vote,
And once you win the auction then we might let you gloat,
But first if you're in favor, then say you're on a boat,
If opposed keep on your clothes
Or porno squid!
(abstains, those).

"Caring Change" by jokeserver to the tune of "Caring Hands"

Labbott?:
Will you lend some caring change
And toss me sev'ral pennies
Nickels, dimes, or quarters, too
Just unwrap all your rolls, please

Clear the decks!

"A Man's Gotta Buy" by zsparks, to the tune of "A Man's Gotta Do"

zsparks: A man's gotta buy what a man's gotta buy
Don't make the bid if you can't pay a dime
Shouts and hollers
Zombie dollars
Into labbott's hands
Soon I'll control everything
Committees small and grand

Bswolf:
Stand back everyone, nothin' here to bid
Just my im'nent winning, right after porno squid
Yes, Dr. Quxuum's here, wallet overflowing, see?
And I'm gonna buy this committee!
A man's gotta buy what a man's gotta buy
I'm gonna bid this one up really high
The only doom that's looming is disbanding all that's left
So I'll give you a sec to cash my check.

jboning:
Thank you, money-man, I'm glad you think it's fun
To buy these committees away from everyone
We would be poor, we'd be all out of money
Thank you for giving to The KGB!

Bswolf: Don't worry about it-A man's gotta buy what a man's gotta buy
jboning: You bid far above
zsparks: Are you kidding?

Bswolf: I'm gonna bid this one up really high
jboning: I wonder what you're doctor of
zsparks: Whose hand were you watching? (stop ignoring my bids like that)

Bswolf: When you've got a job you can't stop - would I lie?
jboning: My Tartan's beating like a drum
zsparks: Did you notice that he's using plastic money?

Bswolf: If something needs buying, some new financial abuse
jboning: ...
zsparks: I bought the Van Committee! The winning bid is in my hand!

Bswolf: The only doom that's looming is if I don't clear the deck
jboning: ...Assuming you're gonna clear the deck
zsparks: Whatever.

Bswolf: So I'll give you a sec to cash this check.
jboning: Please give me a sec to cash this check.
Glisson: Real relevant announcements pertaining to the KGB as an organization CAROLYN!

"Keep on Coming" by Sarah to the tune of "Penny's Song"

Sarah:
Here’s a story of a club
Whose name stands for nothing
Having lots of fun events
Where people will be going crazy

Even in the meetings craziness can be found
And every word that’s said brings
More debating
To new committees being formed

Doors replaced with windows
For entering a meeting
Committees are easy to buy
If someone does not outbid you

Everybody’s coming
What is that up on the board
And I got hit in the head by people
Throwing coins around, I don’t know why

So should I come to another meeting?

"Let's Go Underground" by eforney to the tune of "Brand New Day"

Mander:
First you went on a CMU Tour
Well you thought it was cool and to campus were lured
By the stories they told cause they all seemed so charming
But my dear, listen here, the truth can be alarming because they
Don't tell the whole tale

Eforney:
We go Underground
And we set you straight
Because the lies they tell
Are something that we hate
We take you through buildings
Even brand new Gates
Let's go Underground

Mander:
The UC, as you see, could be modelled after Quake
Gesling Stadium, often it's more like Gesling Lake
Compass Rose points us Northish, a little bit askew
Donner Ditch, the basis for Crayola's Donner Blue
And all this has flooded

Eforney:
Go through Maggie Mo,
Scream in Posner Hall
Head toward CFA
Yeah, we can take you all
Through the corridors
But not the steam tunnels
We don't know 'bout them...

Mander:
The Fence, you see, has many histories
Don't look up, no one's on Doherty's roof
Baker/Porter slopes, but for factories, nope
It is totally for chairing, we swear it is the truth

Eforney:
Scaife, Wean, NSH
And to Gates we're bound
From fascist balconies
The stories will abound
Now up to The Cut
Please take that pole down
And don't let the grass drown
That's the Underground

"Get Board Get Carded" by mmeyerho to the tune of "Bad Horse Reprise"

Margaret:
Surrounded by the cards and game pieces galore,
There're so many things that you won't know what they're for
With ever so much to do it's sure you won't get bored
So confusing, just dive in
And know the object
Is to win

"Keep on Coming" by Sarah to the tune of "Penny's Song"

Sarah:
Here’s a story of a club
Whose name stands for nothing
Having lots of fun events
Where people will be going crazy

Even in the meetings craziness can be found
And every word that’s said brings
More debating
To new committees being formed

Doors replaced with windows
For entering a meeting
Committees are easy to buy
If you have a zombie dollar or two

Anytime you come
There’s one new event on the board
And every one you see will keep on throwing
Coins down, be wary and duck down

So keep on coming to the meetings

"My Stun Wand" by jokeserver to the tune of "My Freeze Ray"

Paul:
CtFwS Day
See you there
In your base
Wandering

Want to say
"Toast" but I
have no wands
Anyway

Sarah:
With my stun wand I will
Stop
The world
With my stun wand I will
Find the time to
Find your flag and

Margaret:
Get some points
Win the game
Not get caught
That's the way

Sneaking in
Sneaking out
With your flag
Anyways

Sarah:
With my stun wand I will
Stop
The chase
It's not a vengeance or a goomba
That's for larger groups
I just sneak in the hidden loops

And I'm the one to get that flag
Avoiding those who try to tag
I'll score some points for our team
And if I see Alarm, I'll scre-eam!

That's the plan
Stun the world
Get the flag
Then repeat

Love your flag

Margaret and Paul:
[spoken]
"What? ...Hey, an enemy!"
Sarah:
"..." [runs away]

"Slacking" by Mander to the tune of "Slipping"

Sarah:
Look at these people
amazing how sleep'll
get lost to the gaming.
No one to scold you,
but KGB told you,
of sites for time maiming.

Jboning:
Why can't they earn their own grades,
why can't they stay on task?
Is some refurnished source code,
really too much to ask?
But you bask in slacking,
I think you're slacking.

Paul:
Soon this behavior,
will surely engrave your
own repute for being,
a product-less worker,
a coffee break lurker,
from jobs you'll be fleeing.

Margaret:
Grace the event on Friday,
very soon you will find.
Being full bent on hangout,
staying with your own kind,
will hone your mind to slacking
KGB's slacking all day, so...

Go ahead, play once more!
Blame it on KGB.
One more hour, one more day,
who really cares?

Paul:
Make reports, ITR,
Do it with KGB.
Join a club, eat at trucks,
tiny time snares!
Then you'll see, all of these,
add up and overwhelm.
That's the straw, you're the back,
your life is ours.

Jboning:
You have guilt, but it's fun!
It is the KGB's turn,
Quit thinking that you will learn,
Your time for homework will burn! Burn!
(Yeah, doesn't stand for anything. Just K-G-Byeah, right) Burn!

Sarah:
Don't see my advisor,
good it would be wiser,
to keep him from knowing.
By my own admission,
now this org's tradition,
in my life is growing.

Here's to it growing....

Thaat's not a *good* grade....

"Everyone Is Useless" by jokeserver to the tune of "Everyone's a Hero"

Bswolf:
Someday you'll ask us, honey
How to spend your youth
And we'll say help us make money
And sell yourself for booth
Give six hours of your free time
To the person who bid high
But even though they own you
You will still control your life

Everyone is useless in their own way
Everyone's got talents they can sell
Juggle, cook, or drive
Or teach someone to jive dance really well
Everyone is useless in their own way
As a slave but-mostly-legal way

Zsparks:
You could buy a chaffeur, I guess
(Yeah, we totally have those.)
Or one whom you can impress
With how well you can compose
If you have an awesome talent
Or can just put screws in holes
It's not enough to donate cash
You've got to sell your soul

Everyone is useless in their own way
Everyone's got money they won't miss
Bid up, pay up, and buy
And hope to hell that guy will not outbid
Everyone is useless in their own way
You and you and all exec and you

Mander:
I'm KGB's auctioneer
And I'm selling you young'uns
The highest bidder wins
And after that all yinz can pay for what you've won

Everybody!

Everyone is useless in their own way (we're useless too)
Everyone could use a brand new 'do (we'll bid on you!)
Be sure to pay a lot
We will need all we've got to build our booth
Everyone is useless in their own way (we're useless too)
Now let's start the bidding at 10!

"Caring Change" by jokeserver to the tune of "Caring Hands"

Labbott?:
Will you lend some caring change
And toss me sev'ral pennies
Nickels, dimes, or quarters, too
Just unwrap all your rolls, please

Clear the decks!

"A Man's Gotta Buy" by zsparks, to the tune of "A Man's Gotta Do"

zsparks:
A man's gotta buy, what a man's gotta buy
Don't make the bid if you can't pay a dime
Shouts and hollers
Zombie dollars
Into labbott's hands
Soon I'll control everything
Committees small and grand

Bswolf:
Stand back everyone, nothin' here to bid
Just my im'nent winning, right after porno squid
Yes, Dr. Quxuum's here, wallet overflowing, see?
And I'm gonna buy this committee!
A man's gotta buy what a man's gotta buy
I'm gonna bid this one up really high
The only doom that's looming is disbanding all that's left
So I'll give you a sec to cash my check.

"Elections" by eforney to the tunes of "So They Say"

Paul:
So they say that he may run for President
I think that he would do a good job of it

Jboning:
Me too

Maragert:
So they say she wants RecSec

Margaret/Sarah:
How appropriate!

Sarah:
She types fast

Bswolf:
So they say she'll try Sergeant At Arms
If she doesn't get 2Veep, back up plan

zsparks:
Contingency!

Currect Exec:
It's time for elections

Jboning:
So they say

Glisson:
Because it's almost May

Eforney:
Post your platforms to the bboard very soon

Glisson:
This week...

Jboning:
Today!

Paul:
So they say he wants CorSec

Margaret:
They say he won't publish often
And doesn't write well
We have a—

Paul/Margaret:
--problem with him

Paul:
So we won't vote

zsparks:
This is so nice
A voting system we only count twice
Unless it's really a close call
Then we might count a third time

Zsparks/exec:
Or still a fourth time!

Bswolf:
Exec's perfect for me
So they say
But it's too late anyway
As a senior, leaving means
I cannot run, I'm sad to say

Exec:
There's no exec spot left
So they say

Glisson:
For some of you anyway

Jboning:
Please do not be bitter

Eforney/Glisson:
We still want you to stay!

zsparks:
This is your new exec board

Zsparks/Exec:
See you next year!

"KGB Forever" by jokeserver to the tune of "Everything You Ever"

Bswolf:
Here meets KGB
An org to which I pay my dues
So that I get to choose
Who exec will be
(KGB Forever)
It won't be me...

So you want this role
So you think you should be the pres
And clean up all this mess
They hope you will be bold
(KGB Forever)
And now we vote

Now the tally's done!
Now our new president is here!
To lead us all next year
Salute 'em cause it's fun
(KGB Forever)
And I won't run...
Again