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Kirn Hans (pronounced "Kern Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeern Kearn Krin Key-run") is, despite her protests, easily the most innocent member of the KGB. She is frequently surprised at how white and/or tall people are and likes to announce this thoughtfully.

Oh my God, Kirn, you can't just ask people why they're white.

[She refuses to respond to "kurn" and will simply ignore anyone who tries to talk to her using that pronunciation. This is actually something she cares about because every. single. person. does it and she considers her name to be an integral part of her identity that gets too easily erased in American assimilation.]