Minutes20130909
From KGB Wiki
OFFICER REPORTS
Broman
had a weekend
it began with the Underground Tour
went around campus and told things that were true, no, really
on Saturday there was some stuff, and then some work, and then some more stuff that night
10 hrs after that had training for community standards boards
serving on academic review boards
could potentially be called on to judge cases about people tresspassing where they don't belong
Caroline
had a weekend
Underground Tour!
then shifting in and out of existance
then taking it slow because she came down with a cold
then some work today
new people
(name, major, origin, uninteresting fact)
Rasaundra, math, Baltimore, is quiet
Chris, ECE, San Fransisco, wears clothes
Kelsey, Kingston PA, writing, also wears clothes
Shoshana, BXA Music and Psych, Cleaveland, plays the oboe
Evans, ECE, California, brown hair
David, Mech E, Chicago, has spent majority of his life breathing
Miranda, Art, Roosevelt Island NY, has all fingers and toes
JRAM
had a weekend
went on the Underground Tour and that was fun
did other things that were also fun
then got caught in the maelstrom of homework and disease
EVENT!
Get Board Get Carded
7 pm, Friday, Porter A18*
go, to avoid getting eaten by a Drew
Marlena
had a weekend
the floor is suspiciously wet
went on the Underground Tour and wore a top hat
ran into things, because she forgot that top hats give you +1 feet
got caught in maelstrom of work, though not disease
realized half of work maybe was not necessary
PRAVDA?!
Bait and Switch edition
each one is gonna have a theme so you'll submit stuff 'cause you have more ideas
next week is Hocus Pocus edition
Zora
had a weekend
went on the Underground Tour, where they sprinted back and forth and yelled and sprinted and then lay down in the grass
did work (but not enough work) on Saturday and Sunday
this will be a theme
Dillon
had a weekend
Didn't go on the Underground Tour because he went to Penn Apps
didn't place top 3 but won lots of secondary awards
wrote real time lecture service thing for professors
has lots of work and is sick
Mike
had a weekend
got sick
moped on the comfy couch a lot
didn't do work on Saturday
is still sick
COMMITTEE REPORTS
ad hoc Committee to Stalk Past Presidents: Jared got a job offer from google! Sooooo maybe he'll be back?
The Daniel John Kirby is So Full Of Himself Committee: also Underground Tour'd and was told to speak up...which has NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE
ad hoc Committee for Continuing Traditions I've Never Heard Of: Skye is getting baggers and is open to confuse a bagger
Confuse a Bagger is a story we didn't tell on the Underground Tour this year, but it's worth telling
(because it's hilarious)
ad hoc Rats on Venetian Trade Ships Committee: success
The Committee to Not Burn Down Roselawn 7 and a bunch of other shit and the Spoken Song Lyrics Committee: sexy dj, etc.
Party at R7 on Saturday at 9:00 PM!
ad hoc Oh No Booth! Committee: CMU might build a Tepper building in the Morewood parking lot?
Apparently they might move booth to the Cut
Assassins Committee: fuck you
The Protracted Exploration of Pittsburgh Committee: 2 counts of success and one count of inferred success
possibly ad hoc, possibly misappropriated CMU Hates Grass Committee: Booth on Cut? Interesting...
Alcoholist Committee: endorses the chocotaco milkshake
Derpy Crane Committee: derpy crane
misappropriated Cullinary R&D Committee: failure and tears
the mead?
no, that worked great
Time Travel Committee: would like to nominate Glisson for President
Storytelling Committee: CMU is hard.
Y'all are smart. Everyone is smart. It's challenging!
It's okay to ask for help--everyone here does, and no one will think less of you.
There are lots of resources! Including us!
Talk to us, we're friendly.
CMU is hard, feel free to ask for help if you need it.
ad hoc This Will Make Sense Later Committee: soon
Airship Piracy Committee: reports
Marionnette Committee: the floor is lava
Floor is Lava Committee: success
ad hoc Derpy Origami Heart Committee: reports
OLD BUSINESS
the Thing
getting a cold not Caroline's fault
NEW BUSINESS
Sliding Innuendos Committee: trombones and sackbuts
sackbuts are Renaissance trombones
Charlie Brown Committee: Wo wahwowah wo wahwowah
sackbut
now we know what a sackbut is
change all instances of sack to snack
FAILS
change all instances of sackbut to bugmars
FAILS
change all instances of but to butmars
PASSES
change all instances of but to fanny
FAILS
lookit dat ass
hats n kitties, hats hats n kitties
PASSES
$2 to Drew, tromboners will chair!
Title and purpose now: Sliding Innuendos Committee: Trombones and Sackbutmars
684th Beating of a Dead Horse: change the names and purposes of committees
change all instances of 684 to 685
PASSES
change all words and numbers with bugmars
passes, but that doesn't make sense, so no
change "dead horse" to "mostly dead horse"
that's torture, are you sure (yes)
PASSES
change "685" to "686"
PASSES
change "horse" to "donkey"
FAILS
change "dead" to "dan"
PASSES
append a "w" before "horse"
nope, that would actually be prepending
prepend a "w" before "horse"
dilatory
PASSES
$2 to Drew, anyone able to increment will chair
Name and purpose now: "686th Beating of a Mostly Dan Horse Committee: To change the names and purposes of committeees"
Motion to Cremate the Grandmother Committee: everyone messes up with their speech sometimes
change purpose to freudian slips
PASSES
Monty Python Committee: I'm not dead yet
ad hoc Committee with the Guy Pushing the Cart: well you will be, and he's not coming around again 'til next tuesday.
$1 to Mcginnis, anyone who's ever sold a grandma will chair
Committe to Snipe Your High Five: hey rglenn high five
the Fistbump R&D Committee approves
change action in purpose to hair smoothing
FAILS
motion to touch eforney's hand
and that's how we all get disease
ad hoc Drew's Driving Committee: guyssss I'm trying to drive
sorry
PASSES
$3 to Marlena, whoever sniped the last high five will chair
Committee to Determine What Woodland Creatures Utter: to discover ~what the fuck's sake~
what kind of elephant says toot?
((I don't know what happened here, google the video or something))
tortellini
ad hoc My Family Does Things That I Do and It's Kind Of Weird Committee: Marlena's aunt sent this to her entire family, including her grandmother, which is not her grandmother's cup of tea, apparently
the fox obviously communicates in or, or, or, or, ors
ad hoc Committee to Dedisnify the Fox and the Hound approves
PASSES
$2 to drew (twoingliss), eforney will chair
Plague Hats Committee: [give a hat] and also warn people about the horrors of head lice
lookin' at you JRAM
change to name to "brain slug committee":
FAILS
change all instances of "head lice" to "dread lice"
PASSES
change instances of "dread lice" to "dreads lice"
FAILS
change instances of "dread" to "judge dread"
FAILS
change all instances of "hat" to "headwear" in purpose:
PASSES
you get a hat if you buy the committee
PASSES
$5 to Maija, people who are wearing a hat or have had headlice due to to the KGB's actions in the past will chair
Thoughtful KGB Committee: only pass committees we think are worth buying and not just listen to our facist dictator and do the first thing he says
change purpose to "do what our dictator says"
FAILS
change all words in the name and purpose to "Tim Broman"
PASSES
motion to instate Xander as dictator
dilatory
broman has the armies
Sliding Innuendos Committee: hee hee dictator
change all instances of "Tim" to "Timmy"
dilatory
change all instances of "Bro" to "Brobro"
dilatory
change all instances of "Broman" to "Bromance"
dilatory
change all instances of "Broman" to "Turner"
FAILS
change all instances of "Broman" to "Brotherman"
PASSES
change all instances of "Brotherman" to "nananananananana nananananananana FRATMAN"
PASSES
change all instances of "man" to "manman"
no
change all instances of "man" to "man or woman"
PASSES
change all tim to the tim
PASSES
include middle name (robert)
PASSES
change all robert to bobert
PASSES
FAILS
We Did It! Committee: proclaim "We did it!" when we do any reletively mundane and easy tasks
change all instances of "We did it!" to "BOW BEFORE ME, PEASANTS."
PASSES
change all instances of "me" to "us"
PASSES
change name and purpose to "Make a Cheese Pizza Committee: make a cheeze pizza"
dilatory
change all instances of "peasant" to "pheasant":
PASSES
change all instances of "bow" (/baʊ/) to "bow" (/boʊ/):
PASSES
change all instances of "pheasant" to "presence"
FAILS
change all instances of "BOW BEFORE ME, PHEASANTS." to "KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!"
PASSES
change name and purpose to the "Youthful Amnesia Committee: I have no idea what I'm doing or what I've done"
PASSES
append Kelly's memory to purpose so she can remember what's going on
PASSES
motion to change the purpose because dan thinks everything's friendly
PASSES
Overly Friendly Committee: success
PASSES
$2 to dkirby, everyone friendly will chair
Name and purpose now: "Youthful Amnesia Committee: Y'all gave me permission to change the purpose soooooooo sackbut"
This Will Make Sense Later Committee: to have been reported the day it will be created later
you took too long, now youre committee's gone
Time Police Committee: you've been charged a fine of 3 years
$3 to afrieder, everyone will chair
ANNOUNCEMENTS
EVENT!
Get Board Get Carded
Friday at 7:00 PM in Porter A18*
bring board games, bring card games, bring drew
pay your dues!
$15 for semester, $20 for year
you get voting rights on important stuff and discounts on tshirts
SCHMUCKS
sackbut
tortellini
we are now in purple
R7 party!
Saturday at 9:00 PM at Roselawn 7
over there by the Hill
frisbee on Friday before event??
Dan is thinking of doing a thing with the Borg episodes of Star Trek
Like the Klingon thing he did last year
where they watched a bunch of episodes and then the movie
Come to the hole in the vacant lot behind the Ralph's
etc
((I think the translation is that Xander wants you to listen to Nightvale))
((Or he's found a Ralph's somewhere in Pittsburgh that he likes to hang out at and he's lonely))
((Either way it's probably in your best interest to avoid the potentially imaginary Ralph's))
pick up your paper!
purple and get food
