Minutes20130923
From KGB Wiki
OFFICER REPORTS
Broman
had a weekend
Running Jumping Climbing Trees, S'Mores, Mafia
there were adventures with fire
we almost burned some pizza boxes
well, we actually did burn some pizza boxes, don't worry about it
then a lot of work and not enough work happened at the same time
apparently there's a goldman sachs info session at 6:00
so they might be hovering outside ALL HOUR (there might be random people outside)
Caroline
had a weekend
involved "helping" her sisters talk to other people and getting progressively more fancy
Committee to Crossbreed Orgs reports success
new people!
Shashank, ECE (maybe CS?), from india (and new york), goes to CMU
JRAM
had a weekend
Went to KGB Argues About the Semantics of Vanilla And Then Eats Chocolate
did the puzzlehunt on Saturday
came in third!
10 hours of grading on Sunday, is about halfway done
EVENT
KGB Digs Its Own Grave
Friday, 7:00, MM A14
Karaoke!
Marlena
Had a weekend
did lots of [redacted] with [redacted] and it was most excellently [redacted]
Zora
had a weekend
started with Running Jumping Climbing Trees, then s'mores, then Doctor Who
then a day of hair dying and cookies and more Doctor Who
and then WORK FOREVER
Dillon
had a weekend
Went to Running Jumping Climbing Trees
argued about lots of things
Did the Puzzlehunt!
overall really fun
then just did work ALL OF SUNDAY
Mike
had a weekend
same as other execs on Friday
dyed margaret's hair on Saturday
didn't get enough work done on Sunday
COMMITEE REPORTS
Guild of Calamitous Intent: declared war on the Evil Seafood League (and vice versa)
point of information: does xander chair both?
yes
ad hoc Interp Essay Commitee: what I learned in boating school is
Alcoholist Committee: went to Stacked, can now officially endorse the Bahama Mama
ad hoc 1984 Committee: But the Guild of Calamitious Intent has always been at war.
Committee to Teach You All Sign Language: happy fall everyone!
the full host of committees about dkirby: this time next week, he will either have a job or be looking for a job
ad hoc Illustrious Journalist Collective: A unicorn has been spotted in Frick Park.
Local wildlife enthusiast and rare and used book collector Jeromy Heinz has reported sighting the magnificent beast when he was "Out in the park despos..discovering evi...den...ce of a unicorn!"
He went on to say that any recently dug earth and ritual markings are due to the unicorn should not be touched or moved ever.
Because unicorns are possessive. Of dirt. And ritual markings.
ad hoc Real Analysis is Hell Committee: there are 32 questions on the homework
they only had 6 last year
ad hoc Too Long Stories: the new How I Met Your Mother premieres tonight
ad hoc Shit I Saw In The Tartan Committee: some legitimately scary shit
ad hoc There's An Outside? Committee: it's fall?
Untap of Places that Don't Exist Committee: some of the doors on Doherty Hall B level are harder to open
they're sticky
ad hoc Reaver Prevention Committee: has some concern about the Tartan centerfold
50 Shades of Xander Committee: we had a fly problem at the Moon, xander was in charge of dealing with it
they may have a spider "opportunity" now
KGB Goes Outside Committee: giant duck on Friday!
ad hoc Speak Of The Devil And He Shall Come Committee: success
ad hoc Illustrious Journalist Collective: Police have put out a missing persons report for Halbjorn Versk, owner of Unearthed Tomes, a used and rare book shop.
A report was filed after the ship had been unexpectedly closed for three days,
after which messages started appearing in blood written on the windows of the store saying "He took me into the woods. I am there still. It is too late for me but not for the rest of you. Find me. You do not have much time".
In other news, people have been flocking to Frick Park to see the unicorn.
Those that have returned were "underwhelmed" by the unicorn, and those have not have not been heard from.
Hold Hands With The Devil And He Shall Come Committee: too soon
misappropriated KGB Goes Outside Committee: dkirby went on a picnic, it was muddy
OLD BUSINESS
The Thing!
The demise of Happyville is not Stuart's fault.
NEW BUSINESS
SCP Committee: a) document and contain things found by the Illustrious Journalist Collective, b) kill said journalists so the truth does not come out
append copy docs from computer
FAILS
Oren made a self-referencial joke
The Guild of Calamitous Intent and the Evil Seafood League both approve, then both disapprove to disagree with each other, and then flip flop a bit
and then there was a war
they're at a standstill now, but 6 people are dead
Everyone's a Linguist Committee: success
to quote Fox Mulder: Getting spooky?
to quote any other fox: CHA CH CHA CH CHA CHA CHA
to quote Fox News: water is bad
to quote Foxtrot: physics joke
PASSED
$3 to Marlena, she and anyone else who wants to be part of the governmental collective will chair
Illustrious Journalist Collective: put eyes and ears where eyes and ears have never been and never will be again
they make no mention of balls
ad hoc Stealing eforney's Joke Committee: the trombone is connected to the, mouth bone
Marlena has an extra toe (of course, it's not with her)
ad hoc Musical Horror Movie Mashup Committee: the hills have eyes to the sounds of music
the voices! they're now listening to you
don't look at eforney in that tone of voice
broman thought "tone of voice" was one word for YEARS when he was little
are these strictly human eyes and ears?
the Collective is an equal opportunity employer
ad hoc Shit I Read in the Tartan Committee: Spank: 50 Shades of Parody
change all instances of "eyes" to "eyes of corn"
dilatory
change "illustrious" to "illustrated"
FAILS
add "noses" to "eyes and ears" in purpose
FAILS
Overly Friendly Committee: massive failure
have you ever really looked at unfathomable horrors? like, really looked?
$5 to Xander, he will chair
KGB Corrects Exec Committee:
NOPE
Barbarian Committee: to be immune to anything that committee [points to Xander] reports
is this committee happy?
it's still alive, so it doesn't really know
motion to entomb Xander in his very own committee when he dies
motion for committee to take a level in rogue
WHAT IS THIS COMMITTEE YOU SPEAK OF? WHO IS THIS PRESIDENT OF WHOM YOU SPEAK?
motion to more clearly define that
restated purpose with illust committee
purpose changed to "immune to anything this committee reports"
PASSES
append "exept for vampires" to the purpose
PASSES
redact "this committee" from purpose
PASSES
so whenever "this committee" comes up on your monitor, take a black highlighter and cross it out
a sharpie will also do just fine
$5 to afrieder, anyone who doesn't want to listen to [REDACTED] will also chair
The new purpose is: "to be immune to anything [REDACTED] reports except for vampires"
Innovative Technologies Committee: to bring new and interesting technology to reasonable communist consumers like you
will this support synergy and the use of the cloud?
only if the cloud's on fire
replace "the cloud" in minutes with "my butt"
out of order
Fistbump R&D Committee: approves
Barbarian Committee: huh?
this week, the committee intends to introduce jet fueled glasses: so we can all be Superman
will this committee be able to produce black highlighters?
you cannot get them on Amazon
replace all reason with glory (in general)
out of order
our superficial design flaws outweigh the fundamental ones
how many of the products rely on tech that gains energy from severed dog heads?
[REDACTED]
white highlighters?
info available in redacted folder
motion for the committee to give free samples to all the people who vote in favor
yes
our product puts the "car" in carcinogen
SCP Committee: if it starts blowing or talking, give us a call
$8 to Mike, Dillon will chair
Committee for Free Samples: make sure that the above committee will fulfill the specifications
will serve Uranium brewed coffee in the next room in a few hours
free skittles? for everyone
That's What You Meant To Say Committee: success
that committee doesn't exist
Time Mafia: supports to get samples a free trial from our justice system
ad hoc New Committe: oh wait no
you are free to have these samples... for a small price
change name to "Open Source Samples Committee"
PASSES
change name to "Open Source As A Bird Committee"
FAILS
supersonic limbo: pew pew pew pew pew
$3 to afrieder, anyone who likes open source stuff will chair
allocation to not exceed $50 for the event!
PASSES
Committee to Table the Chair: to bed the sofa and other furniture jokes
does anyone want a wardrobe?
does anyone want a witch?
does anyone want to give dan a couch?
caroline would like a lion
to go with her wardrobe and witch
change the name to "craigslist/furniture committee"
FAILS
how do you feel about futons?
fubulous
the Perks of Being a Twerkflower Committee: success
(that's not a committeee)
$2 to Drew, people who have excess furniture will chair
Committee Against Humanity: add commentary to anything in the form of Cards Against Humanity cards
Glen Beck being harried by buzzards
the school trip was ruined once again by crystal meth
Marlena would say that this is the beginning of a slipery slope, but by making this committee we've already hit rock bottom
old people smell
I drink to forget drinking alone
Alcoholist Committee: you should join us!
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Kittens!
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Harry Potter Erotica
Innovative Technologies Committee: working on a card that fills in the fist thing that comes to your head
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Bitches
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Police Brutality
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secretions
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Oh God Oh God A Mind Reading Card Oh No
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Dead Horses
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Bronies
$6 to eforney, she will chair and so will anyone else
Alexander Orenstein Memorial Committee: it's never too early to get a start on this
change purpose to "soon"
PASSES
is Xander a) working on dangerous stuff and b) planning to release it soon?
isn't that vacuously true?
change "Alexander" to "Xander"
FAILS
replace "Xander Orenstein" with "Xorer Anderstein"
FAILS
replace "Alexander" with "Ail Xander"
FAILS
motion to quantify committee over all Alexanders
nope
change all "Alexander" to "Xander"
PASSES
motion to change name to xander s orenstein
PASSES
misappropriated Precedent Committee: success
$4 to Drew, everyone except Xander will chair
Sitcommittee: provide laughtracks for the KGB
change the name to "Romcommittee"
dilatory
point of info: it's no longer the 1980s, guys
motion to make this meeting a very special episode
PASSES
Motion to make this meeting the Christmas special
FAILS
applause
we all learned a valuable lesson today about friendship, caring, and not selling meth to school children
motion to have a heartwarming moment
PASSES
motion to finally introduce the mother
...eh
$4 to Stuart, he will chair
ANNOUNCEMENTS
EVENT
KGB Digs Its Own Grave
karaoke!
MM A14, 7:00, Friday
pay dues!
pay Dillon, then talk to Zora
BOOTH!
we'll vote next week
theme announcement for all of carnival next week
before monday's meeting you can submit ideas for our own theme
we'll get something up on Friday
real serious business!
you have to have paid your dues to vote
you can discuss without voting though
it's a rollcall vote
if you haven't paid for committees, PAY
SCHMUCKS
ITR
10:00 Saturday night at the Wean 4 couches
2 members have started buggy not at Ethan's org
go to Apex meetings!
12-2 free food in Wiegand
chili cookoff
does anyone want a wardrobe?
do you enjoy Star Trek?
did the recent movies not feel late 80s early 90s enough?
borg night on Saturday
The Illustrious Journalist Collective has an electronic version coming to a Facebook group near you
follow Christian after the meeting for a lot of spaghetti
puzzlehunt signup
teams of up to four
mazeoftwistypassages.com
purple and gtfo
