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12.08.04: Abe- Styger officer of the week- excellent foodstuff, 50 comrade points, can Kevin be impeached from officer of the week?, handed in assignment 4, psych exam, graphics II, algorithms live in papers, immaculate conception, mass

Akiva- can buy booze now- can bake better cakes, Matt hasn't finished easy part of assignment 4, plane tickets, fire engine- Pittsburgh bureau of fire, firemen in Fahrenheit 451

Styger: Event- shantytown, cocoa, instant coffee, need somewhere to use chopsaw, everyone in the world does shopping at 1630, no cider, will try, PA otherwise creepy powder stuff, PA doesn't sell alcohol in grocery stores, geek eat, Em likes her pants on, PH A18C- LOTR, someone better buy ROTK, starting at noon, double feature tomorrow, we could have LOTR in all of Porter

mkehrt- full of stress, OS dying in horrible new ways, meeting, Ivan's hazardous

rlambert- nothing has happened in the last two days, mao, 50 comrade points to Lizza, stoners

Em: $[censored], some banks won't cash checks after 6 months, did anyone else try to cross Forbes 20 minutes ago with the Channukah parade, Akiva says pita with Frosted Flakes is the breakfast of champions, riboflavin

Lizza: shantytown, rolls of plastic, green tea with no carbohydrates, boxes- we don't have them left, Stu and Maya liked centralized heating systems as a booth theme, someone else liked dining- how things don't work

Committee for the Propagation of Random Art on Campus- tree between Doherty and Purnell- fake leaves, tied on, really cool, subtle

Blasphemy- in favor of alternative religions having parades in the street, Akiva's awesome, Jews are awesome, Akiva's blasphemous

Booth- pick plot, copywright man, shouldn't put end to Fight Club in minutes because Brewer hasn't seen it, specific theme, if any of us are booth chair in the future, don't pick a theme where you have to recursively choose a theme, museum of Victorian-era quack science- phrenology, scare away the quack scientists with pitchforks for getting your brother hooked on opium, DU selecting last for plot, wants to trade- offered up wood, $100, case of beer, Ed offered counteroffer of $10,000, Em authorizes him to take anything over KGB's current budget, Rasputin's beer

Ad hoc committee to talk about wankerous things and finish Emily's report because she remembered- carnival- constitution, lack of doomsday wankery- someone said yes it could happen, but everyone else said it wouldn't- holes- if advisor doesn't speak to chairperson, chairperson can't be impeached, can't proxy for more than one person, absentee ballots, (Abe's pants are wet, exit Abe)

Akiva will kill Matt and burn his house down if he doesn't get his part working- will probably be president, we have 2 vacancies to fill

entertain a motion to impeach Abe, put this in the minutes to show people they should come to exec to stop us from doing stupid things

Motion #define Akiva Gerald Ford, passes

resignations- Do you have to do anything, or just say "I resign"?, Rebecca just resigned

Greenhouse? Wes has a lighting design class, lab at 0600, maybe sniffing chemicals, Rebecca should be nice to Wes in the minutes

As the chair, Gerald Ford has no opinion on the subject of Wes being crazy

Lizza going to Aladdin's tonight, dlstern going to office hours

mlowry- babble about lighting lab

Lizza- sprayed with chemicals multiple times in lab today

Gerald Ford would entertain a motion to make a fact-finding committee- ordinary committee of exec, Styger makes said motion, randomly obtain information and only give it to people in bad reports that are collated and too late to be any relevance, Lizza stole 6 buttons when she was 4, Em's friend tied brother to chair, passes, exec is chair

Frosted flake throne- plastic bag king

toilets- wonderful places to grow flatworms

Enter Jim Puls- 50 comrade points if he schmucks- has final evaluations for StuCo, was gonna order food, fuck, Coco

person with hair and face and shiny shirt used to collect poisons

Styger used to have two jars of hepatitis B in her room

Matt had a friend with a goat brain

In Japanese, 4 words sound distressingly similar- pretty, dirty, scary, cute, stupid cat- baka neko, kumo- cloud or spider, tako- octopus or taco, something- persimmon or oyster

motion to censure the Japanese- no second

motion to close the meeting, Ivan's not allowed to talk, fails because it's stupid

3 motions to adjourn, dlstern is out of the family

adjourn- resuscitate

OS final Monday at 1330, need one more officer for quorum, Gerald Ford isn't conniving


12.13.04: Body part of the week- head crabs (at first I mistyped that as craps)

Abe: glorious Pravda?'s, corsec's brain in gear- reverse, Submission 3 generated by Markov chains, invocation to a muse, dkaplan's slash, lives in Roselawn Terrace Number 7, dining room, horrible light fixture, 5 places for light bulbs, one unable to take a bulb, 2 of 4 main bulbs burned out, pulls one out, covered in horrible black filth, ceiling rained, but did not rain black filth, Ed covered in black filth, replaced one bulb, tested it, other light turned on, another bulb glowing blue, fizzles out

Akiva: we should all shut up, stat final, crushed it, easy, stupid, in box of copies- he's copies, encourages meeting to end early in case anyone has finals, quuxum groped him,

Styger: 2 events- Geek Eat, reading day, 1200 Friday- watching all of LOTR extended, all at once, pillows, snack things, things to pretend to be studying from, PHA18C

Matt: Pravda?- made them, free time now, in theory, will make lots of Pravda?'s, submit to Pravda?, prefers coherent English, no Markov chains, no German, no French, read them, yesterday sucked (between 7 this morning and 12 this afternoon), exam at 0830- went to bed, didn't fall asleep, Ed woke him up, fell asleep, Abe did something, woke up, fell asleep, woke up, fell asleep, woke up, lost power button on phone, went to lounge to get soda, didn't have keys, crushed exam, hopes, went to bed, woke up, awesome, Ed singing at noon

Rebecca: snow, people who have never seen it are amusing, gjetost- Norwegian cheese (mkehrt- something in Pravda? by manic freshman in cluster)

Emily: didn't get enough snow to cancel finals, some people think 1/8 inch is a lot of snow, environmental exam went well- figured out where it was 10 min before the exam, something they hadn't done in class, TA told her the wrong thing, finished early, cookies might be allergic to people, 5.36 kiteboarding in Jamaica for a week of lessons, Tartan ipod article almost as long as one about AIDS

Lizza: goth club dressed as hippy, are we happy with our belly buttons? plastic surgery, will take old belly buttons in jars


Pop Occultism: understanding will help a friend in need, traveler at heart, many journeys across the Mexican border, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul, love is a present that can be given every single day you live, not going any further on that one, to affect the quality of the day is no small achievement

Suggest trebuchet targets- snowball fight

Booth- booth for great justice, meeting to pick themes, can start drawing up mighty booth plans, email from booth people that said they think there will be lots of duplicate themes- does not anticipate a problem, needs new boots

Lizza's roommate ate lots of chicken and chocolate, care package with chocolate- didn't want it, laughed at her, chocolate committee reports success

Committee for the Propagation of Random Art on Campus: final projects, snow sculptures, look up

Committee to get KGB a whip- 12 feet long, not high quality, from Mexico

No pants committee- go to hell

Assassin committee- starts tonight at midnight, email gwillen or Xander

cat committee- meow

committee to destroy Ohio- asks Lizza to remove her pants, will be moving to Kentucky, something about a band and being shot and killed in Columbus, bad things happen in Ohio

Old business:

Cuban pfennig- johnson6

pfennig- Jeff, except finals

Cort Stratton- illustrious ex KGB something gave us $100 at event, gets emails every day from KremSparc

Board for assassins- assocs.kgb.assasin (spelled that way)

New business:

rlambert- Motion to pass a resolution declaring that KGB did not poison Viktor Yushchenko- Ukrainian pro-western presidential candidate, Xander wants to take responsibility, we do not endorse his actions, passes- KGB is not responsible

Mym- motion that KGB is not responsible in general (isn't that why we have the pfennig?), What if there's something we want to be responsible for?, vote on this now, then propose things that cost people money, passes- KGB is not responsible

mkehrt- allocation <= 27 for Pravda?, passes

Styger- allocation <= $50 for LOTR to eat and drink, Ed voted 3 times, passes

Standing rule of order- can vote multiple times if have paid dues multiple times, but have to vote differently- can vote for and against, but not for twice, passes, pay lots of dues

committee for bad news- so drquuxum doesn't have to do it in schmucks, friendly amendment to good news for people who love bad news committee, unfriendly amendment to good idea bad idea committee, good idea, good idea, bad idea, good idea, passes, good idea- feeding kittens, bad idea- feeding kittens to polar bears, quack like a duck, quack like a duck being eaten by a polar bear, quack like a polar bear, passes, bidding is at $25, Carmen is on Ed's lap, $25 to drquuxum, he's chair

motion to build KGB the thickmost boot- Norse mythology- scraps of leather and armor to stomp out the biggest enemy, shawn says some Norse words I don't know, gwillen is eating a cookie, $6.50 to Styger, she's chair, and whoever[sic] else has leather

Committee to ensconce approved members in liquid latex, shawn disturbed by use of the word "members", ensconcing Carmen in liquid latex, dlstern has big, gangly friends, drquuxum is the new Kevin Shiue, $11.50 to Styger, she and Luke and Rachael are chair

Committee to encode approved members in LaTeX \{begin document}It's a good idea\{end document} still disturbed by use of the word member, Clippy, gwillen, $8.50 to Brian, he's chair (exit Ivan)

Lizza just got a present- jingles and makes music, from roommate's parents

Actual, Real Relevant Announcements pertaining to the business of CIA as an organization:

CIA has finals, 2 events, come to both, RSVP for first

Pravda?, take one, submit to Pravda?

Snowing, no rolls

Assassin- email one of the chairs by midnight if haven't already and interested


not fun when you have exam at 13 and get out of shower at 1230 and door locked- Oh shit, my notes are in there!, Oh shit, my coat is in there!, Oh shit, my pants are in there!

Minnesota- man bitten in genitals by a police dog

move to punchline, move to punch him

first exposure to SO's parents is them seeing you win Jeopardy


bottle backrubs- should be able to buy from vending machine and drink it

Motion to bring KGB into the drug industry- out of order

adjourn, but Akiva wanted to schmuck about his exec meeting

12.15.04: Abe- was going to buy cheese, chocolate, Styger got the best cheese ever, weird, tasty, we all like cheese, other things happened, no work, Abe and Styger officer of the week, chocolate labeled in chocolate

Akiva- sitting around awesome, stat, this part of the experimental space contains no cheese, interpret regression, psych final, B's in psych classes even though really easy, don't involve work, IBM wanted to interview him about something boring

Styger- thing Friday, stuff, $10 left on allocation, cheese expensive, lots of popcorn, (Abe is in Styger's face- things on hter thing- Illuminati pins), event tonight, Laurel, Chris, Lars, cute tall blond boy- Wes' friend

Matt- postcard in our mailbox from vet in Illinois for Rodney Aker, P.O. Box 54, dog needs checkup, Lars gave him a hat, wonderful, Lars is visiting, flavor of the universe changed last night

Rebecca- writing on paper, killed, was going to say Lars is here, but Matt already said it, (A Phi O stole room with fabric, we should knit a booth)

Em- Matt has no interesting mail for her of mail containing interest, ~$[censored], is Abe embezzling?, pfriedma still on account, cort was 1VP, only takes Em to add Abe to account, don't know if we can get pfriedma off, something happened, laughing for like 3 minutes, Waterfront- ran into Alisa, roommate three times, Squill, Fuddle, finished glove, pink is grandmother-colored

Lizza- building shelves in Kage next semester, should build a loft, Em's nose moves when she talks, cute, been wearing gloves a lot, pensive, no angst, uses LJ to stalk people- sister, should get one and put people she stalks on friends list, useless stuff, do better job picking date/name for auction, MLK day is Jan 17

[Enter woman with puppy; Lizza goes to see it, Ivan too]


booth gone, Ed and dlstern coming to event, bug in ML

Abe- special issue of Better Homes- Christmas recipes- line at Geagle, horrible muffins, ice cream, stuff, Abe so domestic (rambling out of order)

Fact-finding committee- Akiva and Ed performing Psyfe's play someday

Committee for the Propagation of Random Art on Campus- final projects by actual art students, one with glass in the connector between Wean and Doherty

Committee for the Propagation of Random Art on Campus/Random Walks committee- took a random walk in CFA

Random Walks- randomly walked instead of normal routes to avoid getting killed, killed anyway

Chocolate committee- success

Judicious exhumation- pictures of mkehrt for Christmas cards

Luke- 3 gallon pot- KGB's- wants to buy it, hors d'oeuvres, cheese plate, beer bread, we have to be decadent and corrupt, rlambert shouldn't put that in minutes- people read it, accept beer, bread, cheese, money for pot- first exec meeting he attends after break, roll call vote: Akiva: for, Styger for, Matt against, Rebecca abstain, Em abstain, Lizza abstain

Motion to undo the previous motion because horrible- passes- bring up pot at general body meeting

Use THE FUND to buy Akiva cheese- no

Abe would entertain a motion to buy us candy with THE FUND

Akiva- motion to impeach Abe for corruption

Corruption not grounds for impeachment

Motion to corrupt Abe so we can impeach him

room- meetings next semester- not until room scheduling for classes is final, exec meetings- write name on green paper, A Phi O will tear it down again

13 minutes until people show up for Geek Eat

sock in sock in jacket

"The chair does not recognize yo' ass."

Styger's old roommate- poem of the week on the thing

isomorphize Wes and Laurel's ass

mkehrt not allowed to say Ivan killed him

Best part of an in-joke

rlambert- writing by hand, thick pencil, fingers hurt

mkehrt- impeach for deriliction of duty, leaving

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No Ideer

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no ideer

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Fsh

What do you call a man with no arms and legs on the floor? Mat.

What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a pool? Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves? Russell.

Motion to censor Luke, no second, none of Akiva's motions were seconded today, won't recognize him

What do you call an Irish man bouncing around the room? Rick O'Shay

Abe is a pigfucker

Abe is a swine congressor

Port Authority

We hate Akiva

booth- got the theme


19th century sclerosis

rlambert chases bohanlon with a sock; he runs away- should someone tell him rlambert's dead? assasssins- antisocial behavior

motion to adjourn because rlambert's tired of writing, no second, no, Abe says something really long so rlambert has to write it

motion to close the meeting, passes, adjourn, second, leave

12.20.04: Body part of the week: The fire that is burning Abe's house down

Abe: busy studying for logic final, gave Akiva instructions for a witless freshman to give his report, [enter Ricky] Ricky: OS sucks, consumes me, final sucked, going to whine about it on livejournal, end report

Akiva: not Abe, wearing Akiva's report, OS final awesome and easy and fun and interesting, candy, going home Wednesday, should buy him things- Hannukah and birthday over, Lizza gave him pure powdered citric acid, gave it back to her, snow, glass

Styger: Xander- no event- going home, you losers, started to die, didn't, dooom, allergies- bed in a closet, allergic to dust

Matt: OS over, econ final, worse on that than OS final, average grade will be 50- true/false, life pretty good, done with stress, going home

Rebecca: cs final- candy, instant Indian food, asks mrwright to report for her- no talking about bitterness or classes, ice in mrwright's shirt watched mrwright eat

Emily: told her to use foldr, couldn't remember how it worked, puppy, Kissie, grades, miscalculated, excited, 440 balls of really pretty yarn she finished her gloves out of, knitting not with her, Tartans have been coming out every 12-16 days, we should throw pennies again because Ivan's not here

Lizza: wonderful finals week, learned lots of stuff, motivated, productive, unproductive in learning school stuff, learned about active ingredient in poison ivy, oxygen, humidity, lacquer, citric acid- can you snort it?, nifty bracelet


get drquuxum to buy more committees- bad day

campus lectures and political speakers- emergency speech today on quantum information theory so he can pass physics colloquium, meet at 1830 in CS lounge, will go somewhere

Akiva's committee- Pittsburgh- bureau of fire, not fire dept

Assassins- game ended 12 minutes ago, tie- 4 people alive, 2 have 2 kills each- guyg and lcoyne, will duel, gprice, dkb, gprice on campus once this week

Akiva- We don't accept Chuck E Cheese currency, unless we can exchange a bunch of them for a giant ball pit

Booth- will start happening next semester- bring tools

Pop occultism- refreshing change- snort citric acid, formally helping others, 15-666, talk with friend

Random art: CFA- exhibit about Margaret Morrison basement construction and main steam tunnel, journal about taking pictures

Old business: Peso- Xander, pfennig- jgrafton- Christmas music? visiting TJ is not his pfault (away message)

New business:

mrwright- Committee to excavate more steam tunnels- how secure would they be? Budget for toothbrushes?, Will they exist? no, committee to destroy Ohio might be interested, will they make more steam and make Em's room actually warm, free coffee in Morewood, can have Xander's steam, passes, Xander for $4, he's chair

kbare- Quango of esoteric curiosities- Akiva would change motion to rename to something he can pronounce, fuck Xander, might have to kick drquuxum out of meeting for violating protocol, pick fight with lexicographer, passes, does he feel like auctioning this shit?, $10.50 to Keith, he's chair

Committee to encourage everyone to take OS- in conflict with AbomCom, Your mom in conflict with AbomCom, especially dead people, Andrew Carnegie's deceased corpse and zombie corpse will be partners, Creidieki doesn't want to touch a computer, if you pay your dues twice, you can vote twice, can chair vote once and do normal activities if paid dues twice?, HUB full of dead people, Akiva, mkehrt, mrwright, $9, de0u is chair

Committee for Emperor Norton II- widow Norton is a drag queen, passes, $5 to Shawn, Akiva's freshman suitemate had problems with articles, drquuxum is chair

Incomplete commit- It's a, mr, transactions suck, committee for gags that work one time and then fall flat- succ, change to incompleteness commit, agree with, call to, fuck Godel's corpse, $5 to drquuxum, he and Creidieki chair

Motion to a different country, temperature in Canada higher in Celcius than Fahrenheit


Let Lizza know if you need her number

Creidieki- lecture in CS lounge

Gwillen lives in a giant bucket

Akiva's the queen of France

Styger hates us and wants us to go home; should wear funny hats more often, makes her look like mushroom


Ladder that says KGB has been in WW or Resnik for weeks, not ours

Quorum call, die, bitch

Alan Parsons- 56, Yuri Gellar- advanced spoon bending 58

People who like stories and Music- go to Jess' house tomorrow night

Dan woke up and checked email- father went to airport to pick him up, and he wasn't there- flight left at 0900, not 2100, pays $200 extra, leaves tomorrow

Lizza- prof drunk, expert in materials science, ate pretty chemicals in lab

Keith- has to wake up before a lot of people go to sleep

Shawn- cumulative QPA went up, graduating, graduating fall 2006, pipes in house really close to outside wall, freeze when heating coils off, plugs into outlet on porch, mother plugged in Christmas lights, no water

de0u not here- fraud, abuse is always here

Who wants to be a beautiful martyr?

Akiva making reasonable case for himself as next president- someone in this room can read abuse@andrew

Akiva- Abe is like a Catholic or something, some special mass, knocked up, left exec early, ran meeting, went back to new business 3 times, meeting started over 3 times,


committee to take down KGB from the inside- success

Officer reports:

Styger- no event, can go home, wherever, body part of the week was going to be frostbite, but Abe's house burning down, not mkehrt's

misappropriation- alternate chronologies

timecube- cube proves you're stupid

Take OS- take OS

Assassinate president

Akiva has two hats

Why has Styger's hat become a cheap whore

Vague threats will kill us all

Committee to keep people from adjourning too early- motion to adjourn