Table Fencing Rules

Table Fencing

A strategy/luck/goofy game by Rob Kowalski

Table Fencing is a game of luck and strategy developed mostly by Rob Kowalski but he had a little help from Elliott Evans, Ben Peal, and Paul Mazaitis.

These rules are set up for three players. Adaptations for more players are discussed in the addendum.

Object of the game

The idea is to win. Winning is accomplished by taking two out of three (or four) bumpers. This wins the game. A bumper is won either by a successful theme or a build of fifty points.

Equipment

Before the game proper is to commence, the following must be determined:

• What type of game is to be played:
  • Direction (clockwise or counter clockwise)
  • Region (state, multi-state, national, international)
  • Difficulty (interstate, state highway, backroads)
• Who shall play the 'Start'.
• Who shall keep score.

Also, the following equipment must be procured/distributed:

• Communal equipment for game play (but can be provided by players):
  • Table
  • Table cloth
  • Foil
  • Chocolate (at least 24 squares)
  • A red deck of cards.
  • Optional: Muenster Cheese (if needed)
  • Five chess pieces (Black King, White Rook, White Bishop, and one Black and one White Knight)
  • A 'Super Pinkie' toy ball.
  • A baseball glove.
  • Two golf balls; one purple and one yellow.
  • Three pens for the score keeper.
  • Fish (being existential, this is not needed)
  • Masking tape, or an equally effective way to draw the penalty box.
  • A starting gun.
  • An ink pad.
  • A stop watch.
• Equipment to be brought by each player:
  • A blue deck of cards.
  • Three six-sided dice (one green, others not)
  • A yo-yo (Yomega's are not allowed in Table Fencing)
  • A music/noise maker.
  • A rubber stamp.
  • A hat.
• Equipment to be brought by the champion of the region:
  • Road map of region to be played.
  • A good paperback.

Regions of Play

Play proceeds on the Road Map as provided by the champion for that game. Here is an example for the opening set up using the Region Ohio:

• Black King begins on Columbus
• White Rook begins on Cincinatti
• Black Knight begins on Toledo
• White Knight begins on Cleveland
• White Bishop begins on Akron

• Lake Erie is used as pollution; all hoses are performed there.

• Tricks are dealt to the Road Map playing surface.
• Dice are rolled on the Road Map playing surface.
• If space allows, all equipment except trick cards, dice and golf balls must be kept off the Road Map playing surface.

Please note: These conventions are only for Region Ohio. Other conventions may (and should) be adopted for other Regions played. Note, however, the following:

• It is good form to start the Black King at the Capital.
• It is good form to include the Capital in the starting locations.

The pieces remain the same; all other conventions (starting locations, pollution location, rules for map surface sterility can be changed for individual regions and games.

Start of Play

The pretext to the game is set when the players yell 'Game' as a prelude. Play then proceeds.

A penalty box is created with the tape or other material.

The Start is given the red deck of cards; all other players use a blue deck.

Official game play begins when the starting gun is fired and the stopwatch begins timing. The starting gun is never fired by the Start.

The Start begins play by leading the first trick of the first bumper.

The Heart of the Game - The Trick

The trick begins when the Start calls, 'Thrust'.

At the call of thrust, each player draws his top card and lays it on the playing surface to begin the trick. If there are no trumps, the person with the highest value (aces low) wins the trick and control. One non-green die is rolled for points built for winning the trick.

A trump occurs when two cards of same value are drawn in a thrust. With this, a trump war begins. Each player in the trump war draws again; the third player draws a parry card. The winner of the trump war is the player who draws a higher card in the war; that player wins control and trick. The parry succeeds if the parry card's value is greater than the combined values of both the trump war cards played or the parry card drawn is an ace; the parrier wins control and trick. If a second trump occurs during a trump war between any of the three cards, the trump is played; this is a double trump. If another trump appears in that war: a triple trump, and so on. A winner of a trump rolls both non-green dice for build. A double trump winner multiplies his roll by two, a triple trump by three, etc. A successful parry rolls all three dice for build.

If all three players draw the same value at any time, the silly hats must be donned. The last person to don their silly hat must take a penalty. The play is done over (that is, cards are redrawn to determine outcome of play) but the hats must remain donned until the end of the trick, longer if you feel like it. If a silly hat is worn when a triple is drawn, player immediately takes penalty.

Control

The person with control is allowed to move the tricked piece and call the attack on the next piece to be played.

The move is ruled as follows:

• Pieces are moved from population center to population center, the minimum size of which is determined by the rules of the region.

(For Ohio Region rules, population centers are defined as areas marked in yellow.)

• Pieces may only be moved a distance less than max distance, which is set for each region. Use the thread to officiate any problems with moving more than the max distance.

(For Ohio Region rules, max distance is considered to be the length of thread held from Columbus to Springfield.)

• Pieces may not be moved to a location occupied by another piece.

• Pieces must stay on roads determined by level of play. A beginner's game would confine players to main (red) highways as a method of moving between population centers.

• Optional Off-Road Penalty: Player can move off road at the expense of one penalty. Once a player is off-road, however, the player can remain off-road as long as he or she chooses. Only after the player returns to a main road (or the road type set by level of play) must the player again pay an off-road penalty to leave the road. Moving into a population center on a main road is considered to be moving onto a main road.

The person in control takes possession of the pinkie ball.

The person who relinquished control takes possession of the baseball mitt.

If the pinkie ball is to be passed to the player with the mitt, the player with the ball yells 'catch', and the player with the mitt must catch the pinkie ball or take a penalty.

Golf Ball Rules

Golf ball rules are as follows and are in effect for all playing time between the thrust and the point tally.

• Distribution. Green die is rolled by each player. Yellow golf ball goes to highest roll. Purple golf ball goes to next highest roll. Lowest roll takes nothing. Ties are broken by yo-yo duel.
• If both balls are in play and in possession of one player, he or she must immediately distribute the golf balls, one to each of the other players. The giver chooses who gets what ball.
• Yellow ball is retained by player with control when it is taken from the penalty box.
• The holder of the purple ball has the power to call a quick-switch as follows:
  • Purple ball holder yells 'Quick-switch!'
  • Purple ball is thrown to yellow ball holder.
  • Yellow ball holder must throw yellow ball to ex-purple ball holder.
  • Both players involved must catch incoming golf balls.
  • If the yellow ball is dropped, yellow ball goes to the penalty box and remains out of play for two tricks.
  • If the purple ball is dropped, the would-be catcher retains the ball and must pay a penalty.
  • If the throw is judged wild by the third player, then the catcher is considered to have caught and the thrower must pay a penalty.
  • Only one quick-switch can be performed during each trick.
  • Both balls must be in play to perform a quick-switch. Obviously.
• The holder of the purple ball may perform a hose, as follows:
  • Purple ball is placed in pollution and 'Hose' is yelled, following the name of the player to be hosed.
  • The hoser and the hosee each roll the green die.
  • If the hoser rolls higher, the hosee takes possession of the the purple ball.
  • If the hosee rolls higher, the hoser retains possession of the purple ball and must pay a penalty.
  • Only one hose may be performed per trick.
  • Yellow ball need not be in play.
  • Ties go to yo-yo duel.

• Scoring. Golf balls only score on a trick that a trump is played:
  • Person holding yellow ball builds two points.
  • Person holding purple ball slides two points.

Yo-Yo Duel

The yo-yo duel is used to resolve conflicts in dice ties. The dule is played as follows. Each player in the duel is given due opportunity to insult the other; quality insults are to be applauded politely by the audience. Then the duel commences.

Each player in the duel pulls a sleeper on the count of three as provided by the third player. The person who can hold the sleep longer and still snap the yo-yo back to the hand wins the duel.

Ties will be resolved by dice.

Penalty and Distribution of Chocolate

A penalty is defined as follows:

• The player must slide one point, or
• The player must eat a piece of chocolate.

If the player has no chocolate, he or she must slide one point.

The chocolate is distributed as follows. At the beginning of each bumper, the player receives two pieces of chocolate. At the end of each bumper, each player can only carry over only one piece of surplus chocolate to be used in addition to the allotment of two pieces for the bumper. Any extra chocolate is out of the game. It is suggested to eat it. Surplus chocolate may be given to members of the audience unless the carpet is blue.

Miscue

A miscue occurs when a rule is not followed or quoted wrong. The miscuer must pay a penalty. If a miscue is miscued, the player in question gets kicked in the butt. He also must pay a penalty.

Winning the Bumper

The bumper is won by one of two ways: a build of fifty points or a successful theme.

• By build: The first player building fifty or more wins the bumper.
• By theme:

A successful theme is as follows. A player must move two pieces of alternating color through one location without interference from any other player.

Any player who can accomplish this has made a successful theme and wins the bumper, regardless of point standings.

Ending the Bumper

The bumper is ended as follows:

• Noise makers are retrieved for the anthem.
• Silly hats are optional.
• Anthem is performed:
  • Non-champions use noisemakers to make noise.
  • Champion reads lyrics from the good paperback.
  • Anthem ends by yelling in unison:Hail to the fish!
• Bumper ends.
• Board and equipment are reset for next bumper as necessary.
• If the came is clockwise, the position of Start moves one seat clockwise for the next bumper.
• If the games is counter-clockwise, the position of Start moves one seat counter-clockwise for the next bumper.

Scoresheet rules

The scoresheets must be authorized in the following manner for it to be valid at the end of the game:

• All players must stamp bumper score sheets before bumper at any location on score sheet.
• All players must stamp bumper score sheets in their own score column at conclusion of bumper.

Ending the Game

The game ends when one player has won two bumpers. This player is the winner of the game and the new champion for the region. At the end of game:

• Champions are decried and declared.
• Map (folded) is delivered to new champion with great force.
• Equipment is stowed away for next game.