Zephyr

Zephyr is an ancient art of internet communication. Messages, called zephyrgrams, are authenticated via Kerberos and addressed to a tuple of a class, an instance, and a recipient; this enables both targetted and broadcast styles of communication. Zephyr is slightly more heavyweight in feel than (though similar in style to) most popular instant-message programs, but it remains far "lighter" than email or usenet.

!!!!! Spoiler alert !!!!!

Otherwise, a Zephyr is a type of air elemental, and while it does not have a corporeal body, it does have a manifestation on this plane, however it generally hijacks some air to do host its form. As they have no limit to the air they can control, they can cause great winds just by having their bodies move. There have been a few reports of Zephyrs accidentally killing others by accidentally immobilizing all air in an area so the unfortunate soul is stuck in place, suffocating to death. As they are virtually undetectable if they so wish, they can prove to be excellent spies and assassins, as was proven in the months leading up to the invasion of the Homelands by the Fabletown community.

The North Wind does not like them

!!!!! End spoiler alert and shit actually relevant to the page !!!!!

Completely unrealted: It is super windy outside right now at 0213 in the morning as I am writing this, many years after message by Zephyr has fallen by the wayside. I think that it is likely that it is actually a pissed off Zephyr trying to get me to stop using facebook chat and stick to my roots, to which I ask it:

• If it would kindly be a wanker somewhere else
• Why Aren't you Buying More Tangerines???

I suppose this is my go to page when I cannot sleep and it is an obscene hour in the morning. The reason for this night's insomnia is the whole lotus seed pod person/lamprey fingers thing. I mean, I have seen some pretty terrible things in my time, some of them even my fault. But nothing so horrifying as this. I still feel like I have things growing out of my skin hours after seeing those images... I think this is an officially recognized thing called trypophobia or something like that. Look it up if you do not believe me. Oh god. I can still see it there in my head. Even they are afraid of it... still... crawling...

Wow, it is a few days after I wrote that last one and wow, do I sound like a nutjob. Oh, wait. I am a nutjob. That explains a lot. FORGET THE BANANA! Anyway, albeit my nutjobbery, I did have a good point last entry whereby this is sort of becoming my journal of late night rants. I actually talked about this with eforney and she liked the idea so now I suppose there will be random journals hidden throughout the wiki. Or maybe it will be just me and I am doing the crazy thing again. Oh, funny story: As I was returning from mafia night, I actually followed the wrong group so instead of going to public transportation like I intended, I went to Jack's Van instead. Realizing my mistake, I ran back to station square after asking some shocked elderly people if they had seen a group of weird looking people pass them by in time to see the rest of you board the train and leave. I could not call because my phone was dead and the next train was due in 45 minutes. So I walked back to campus and told everyone I passed on the street in my most serious voice that I was the man in the well. 5 people responded "Awesome!" which was totally unexpected. The rest of them backed away slowly. This is the part where you have stopped paying attention, but seeing that I have finished talking you tell me "Cool story, bro".

I will take a small break from my tradition of midnight writings and instead write something at noon. It is strange, I know, but somewhat fun to keep things chaotic. I have recently gotten readdicted to Magic: The Gathering, and I am truly surprised at how vast and nuanced the mythos is. I mean, it was started in 1993, so it has had nearly 20 years to grow as a story, so I really should not be surprised, but I am. Before, I thought the flavor texts on the cards were just that, but now I can see that they are hinting at a story that would take thousands of cards to tell. (I was kind of retarded in 5th grade, ok?) Anyhow, It is really awesome, and if anyone is around over the summer and would like to play a game or five, I have a kickass black deck, a good green deck, a temperamental red deck, and an absolute shit white and artifact deck. But that could be because white sucks in general on its own. Huh. These are less fun and more sane when they are written in the day time. I think I will stick to nights.

I feel it is time for another late night ramble. Today is Towel day. If you do not know what that means, please purchase a copy of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and read it. Then resume your now-fulfilled life. Reminds me of a funny story. One time at a KGB party where there were a lot of defectors (who were acting really slutty for some reason, but just the guys...) and a lot of people were really drunk, especially this one guy, who kept going up to people and asking them "What is the answer!?!?!" over and over again. Naturally, the majority of the people answered 42. This guy had never heard of Douglas Adams or his holy books, and was confused as a freshman at their first meeting. After asking around 25 people and getting the same answer, he started panicking and freaking out because he was convinced that there was some massive conspiracy against him, or some great truth he had missed out on. Which, I suppose, there was. On an unrelated note a great name for a radio station would be Songs I Like and Other Terrible Things.

Ok, time for one of the more psychotic midnight rants: You know that feeling you get when someone is sewing your eyes shut? not the emotion, just the pain in your eyelids? Well it kind of feels like that now, but without the awesome scarring afterwords. I really need to sleep more. Good night, wiki.

So I really should be working right now, but there is only so much parsing I can do before my head explodes out of sheer boredom. So hi, wiki! It is good to see you! This page has around 625 views or so at this point, I have no idea how many people actually read this thing. If you want to talk back, leave a comment in the discussion section. It will validate my existence or something so that would be awesome. Anyway, bleh. Back to work.

Ok. New goal. I was just on the page of pages with the most revisions. The most revised page was something about some party back in 2008, and the second most revised page was, of course, Eforney's. My eventual goal will be to get this page as the most revised page within the next two years. Yes, that is giving myself quite an easy timeframe, but never underestimate the power of putting shit off. Like work to edit this wiki. But in my defense, my code is taking FOREVER to run. I should probably optimize it, but that will mean significantly less dicking around time.

True to the tradition of blogs, I will dedicate this post to music that I like:
Thick as a Brick - Jethro Tull. This 45 minute epic is truly the best song ever written. This is not sarcasm. This is fact. It combines so many different elements of music that you will not believe that you have been listening to the same song this whole time. Out of the 40 minutes that are actually part of the song (there is a 5 minute interlude where the record side would be switched and it was before the days of decent music editing technology), there is not a dull second. It is God in a song.
The Pogues - This Irish punk band is what defined my childhood. Their drunken stage antics, which you can clearly imagine after hearing the slurred lyrics of Shane McGowan, include attacking the audience, vomiting on stage, and setting shit on fire. While totally hardcore, they still managed to produce some amazing sound. Their seamless blend of traditional Irish with modern rock is a rare thing, definitely something that most modern bands struggle to emulate well.
The White Stripes - It is a shame that they broke up (the band, they had been divorced before they formed the White Stripes) since their music was simply awesome. They always had something different, whether it was their classic Seven Nation Army or Conquest or The Denial Twist, this incredible duo managed to surprise me with their new sounds and strong lyrics each time.
Carbon Leaf - These guys have had to ask audiences to stop throwing their bras and panties on stage multiple times because it was getting hard to move. Need I say more? Ok. Their songs are moving, both emotionally and musically. I may or may not have exploded from the sheer awesomeness of it all when I saw a Battlestar Galactica movie to one of their songs. Don't mess with these guys, they will fuck you up.
Oysterband - You have not heard about these guys, most likely, but I will talk about them because I am a fucking hipster that way. These guys do the whole Celtic thing really well, and their use of electronics is not overdone, but a nice addition to what would have been a merely decent Celtic song into a true experience .
Enter the Haggis - First, their name is awesome. Second, I have met them at a show and they are some of the chillest people ever. Third, their music has the power to melt an impure soul.
Mumford and Sons - Yeah, everyone has heard their songs Little Lion Man and The Cave. But there is a reason for this. THOSE SONGS ARE AWESOME. They are so good they should be illegal.
The Levellers - Another Celtic band I found on Pandora, these guys always have some interesting musical surprises in their songs that never fail to please.
Ozzy Osbourne - So I am a bit of a metalhead (and who would not be after playing Brutal Legend?). He bit the head off a fucking bat. And his music is fun. What more needs to be said?
Flogging Molly - Again with the Irish, these guys do something few good Irish bands have done since the Pogues. Wrote original songs. Good original songs. If I Ever Leave This World Alive, Drunken Lullabies, (No More) Paddy's Lament, Tomorrow Comes A Day Too Soon, What's Left of the Flag... I could go on, but I actually have to get back to work. My program finished running.

There is nothing quite like a good book. Except for perhaps another good book. Now, because I have another 30 minutes before my code finishes running, I will talk about books I like and you should, too.
American Gods/anything by Neil Gaiman - People, Neil Gaiman is this generations Shakespeare. He is British, does not give a fuck, and everything he writes turns to gold. Sandman, Good Omens, Neverwhere. These are but a few of his other great works, and like everything he writes, it touches something within your sleeping mind. Something fading dream of a memory of that magical place you know is still out there, calling from us. American Gods addresses this in a brilliant work of the story of Gods, mortals, and the things that make us human. A man Shadow is let out of prison a few days early to find that his wife had died in a car accident a few days before he was to be released. He enters the employment of a strange man called Mr. Wednesday and is suddenly thrown in a struggle between the old beliefs and new for power in America, a land where Gods go to die. Full of intrigue, humor, mythology, power, and faith in a land so robbed, American Gods is a true gift to modern fiction.
The Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb - This trilogy tells the story of a royal bastard trained as an assassin for the king. While it sounds kind of generic, I can safely say I have never read a more engaging story. The world comes alive with her writing, the politics and power struggles between lords and lands seems all too real, and for a while after finishing the series, if anyone had called me by the name of the main character, I would have answered. The first person narrative is immersive, the characters very human and believable, and the story intense with many twists and turns that will leave you breathless.
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: A trilogy in five parts by Douglas Adams - If you are on this wiki, I am assuming you have read at least the first book. If not, go read it and come back a better person. It is ok. I will wait.... Done? Good. Adams's insane humor, impossible to find anywhere else, make these books the greatest science fiction ever written. Having read it, you have no choice but to agree. On another note, this is the second time I told you to read that book. Do I just have a face that no one listens to?
A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin - More commonly known as the Game of Thrones series, this epic pulls no punches. If you are able to get through the (comparatively dull) second third of the first book, the series takes huge unexpected turns and does not stop there. Told from many perspectives, it is the story of a realm at war, where each of the many players has their own agenda, and in a way, all characters are the main ones. You see, Martin does what many authors struggle and strive to do, which is make all the characters relatable, memorable, and effective. Good and evil are painted in shades of gray and there is no guarantee that someone you were pulling for will turn out unscathed in the end. This series is not for the innocent at heart.
The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher - This is the epitome of urban fantasy. It is currently 13 or so books long with the 14th coming out shortly, and I must say that while many series suffer with the addition of books beyond the second or third, this series grows stronger with each addition. It is funny, exciting, scary, and all around totally badass, it is the story of Chicago's only wizard you can find in the phone book listed as such, and his misadventures. This is not a series for young kids, it is definitely on the darker side of fantasy. In addition, it has the best basis in fiction I have seen so far for magical theory. Give it a try. It is not for everyone, but it is one hell of a ride.
The Kingkiller Chronicle by Patrick Rothfus - This series takes a different storytelling approach, which while dark and ominous, is an effective one. The story is told from the beginning from the character right before the end, much like the beginning of Final Fantasy X. You know what will come in the end, yet the story is so engrossing, exciting, and damned entertaining that you never want it to end. Rothfus is much like Tolkien in that he has created a world in which this story is but a blip on the register of the world, and you can feel its life coursing beneath the pages of the book itself, and you know that there is so much more to it than originally meets the eye. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke - Most people, when asked what their favorite book is (mostly among people who read a lot) will tell you that they cannot answer that, because each is different and special in its own way, etc. etc. It is like choosing your favorite child. Fuck that, and fuck them, this is the best book ever written. I cannot fully explain why I love it so much, it is written in the slowly paced, polite, and exacting style of the British books of the early 19th century (even though it was published in 2004), and the characters behave in a similar fashion, yet not a word of the epic is lost or wasted. Each chapter, sentence, letter, and footnote come together to build the truly magical world that is this alternate universe Great Britian. It is the story of two magicians and how they were able to restore magic to the land. It is a beautiful story, masterfully told. Even the great Neil Gaiman professes that it is the best British novel ever written, or something to that effect. I cannot do it justice in this short space, and even if I wrote pages upon pages singing its praises, I could not do it justice. Just read it. It is that beautiful. I will end with a short part of a poem from the book that always gives me chills when I read it:
The world is all too shallow
It is painted on the sky
And trembles like the wind-shook rain
When the Raven King goes by
That was part of a poem about people stealing babies. It is not so horrific in context because they are granted near immortality after they are stolen, so it is not that bad.