From KGB Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search

Officer Dossiers:

Recording Secretary, 2007-2008:

Although Carolyn appears to be an elven princess of some sort, fellow combatants in the Killer Fighting League say that they can’t help but think that something is off about her. Perhaps it’s her teeth (which all happen to be filed into points), or the fact that her pen really is mightier than most swords (and drips venom), or her rather gruesome match against the previous reigning champion of the Macabre Gore League that left him scattered in four piles on the ground, a fine mist on the audience, two superluminal pieces of bone and a strange looking rock on one of the moons of Saturn. This match actually broke the MGL record for Most Dispersed Dismemberment, previously set by Gorm the Bloodless in 198X with Tolkenian Death Weasels. In any case, whatever’s off about her, nobody can quite put their finger on it.

SPECIAL MOVE: Summon Cute Rabid Woodland Animals (Pirouette + Pas de chat + En Pointe + Sledgehammer to the face)

Written by: jgg

Second Vice President, 2008-2009:

Carolyn is quiet. Too quiet. Thus, it is likely that you will never hear her talk of her dark Soviet past, but when she catches speeding bullets in the air without even glancing up from her knitting, performs strange graceful gymnastics to catch herself on the rare instances when she loses her footing in the stairways of Wean, or cooks up a big bubbling pot of blood-red borscht, you just sort of know.

Carolyn knows the secrets of nanoparticles, so you really don't want to get on her bad side. Something so tiny you'd never know it was there. Watching your every move. It is advisable to know precisely how she likes her tea.

You may thank her for crocheting the prototype of the Internet back in the golden days of the slide rule. She also walks uphill, both ways, without tiring.

Written by: ntr

Preceded by
Evan Danaher
Recording Secretary
Succeeded by
Drew Besse
Preceded by
Chris "chrisamaphone" Martens
Second Vice President
Succeeded by
Richard Halstead