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Pravda? submissions go to: ntr@andrew (you know the rest).


Officer Dossier:

Corresponding Secretary, 2008-2009:

Nicole spent too many hours in the dance mills of swampy Florida. She has a heightened tolerance of heat, relentlessly smacks down cockroaches (or “palmetto bugs"), can spin without getting too dizzy, and can probably kick you in the face. She has been known to walk on her hands and wear blinding fluorescent colors without warning.

Nicole didn't find the KGB -- the KGB found her! tied to the railroad tracks in a box of raccoons. It was hard to distinguish her from them, what with the pointy ears and all.

When the Revolution comes, she will be waiting in the trees, whispering battle strategies to the squirrels. Like tiny, fluffy kindergarteners, rabid or not, they listen better if you don’t shout at them.

Written by: ntr

Preceded by
Jared Goerner
Corresponding Secretary
Succeeded by
Emily Forney