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Officer Dossiers:

Corresponding Secretary: 2007-2008

A cyborg from 2½ dimensions over, Jared still wonders why there aren’t any killer robots bent on destruction in this dimension yet. Although hell bent on creating a few of them, he has become somewhat sidetracked with his entrance into the Killer Fighting League. Ostentatiously this was to learn more about different fighting techniques, but inside sources say that he really did it to get closer to the girl with that cute CPU and killer leg enhancements. His armaments include a laser scope eye, electric pile driver arm, enhanced metabolism, short-range nanobombs, optional wing attachments, and dashing good looks. Too bad he can never catch them.

SPECIAL MOVE: Kill Ninja (gelatinous laser + blend goats + recalibrate kinetiscope + paint pigeons)

Written By: jgg

President: 2008-2009

Cyborg director of a mad science lab firebombed by opponents of Singularity who believed he had put far too many body parts into the work, Jared looks fondly upon his golden days in the sacred lumberjack dojo, learning the ancient martial arts of the forest... with chainsaws. In fact, one of his cybernetic arms has a chainsaw attachment (as well as a less masculine, but still reasonably awesome, electric mixer attachment useful for making mashed potatoes, pound cake, and seafoam green paint (funny they no longer stock it in stores).

Jared has special ties with the Robot Overlords, so his soup in restaurants is never too cold and always without flies, living, dead, or undead, and he has never in his life been 404'd.

Any room Jared enters doubles as a fallout shelter.

Written By: ntr

Preceded by
Dominic Dagradi
Corresponding Secretary
Succeeded by
Nicole Reilly
Preceded by
Chris Jackson
Succeeded by
Matthew Glisson
Preceded by
2009-2010, 2010-2011
Succeeded by
No one can replace Jared