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Not unlike most members of the KGB, Josiah Boning exists. Also not unlike most members of the KGB, he is referred to by various names. Anything that matches /jb(\w*)/ is a likely fit. Some values of $1 to which he might actually respond:

  • oning
  • lanket
  • aron
  • oing
  • aaawwwning
  • onnet
  • ear
  • ooth
  • uggy
  • oingboing

Some values of $1 to which he will CERTAINLY NOT respond:

  • oning when pronounced "owning". (Note that this is actually a lie--he will respond, but he rather prefers it to be pronounced properly, as in "aaawwwning".)
  • enedetto

Officer Dossiers:

Recording Secretary, 2009-2010:

Josiah comes to us from Thomas Jefferson High School in Virginia... and you know what that means. Indeed, Josiah is not human, but rather a robot, sent in the place of the real student for reasons unknown. Despite this fact he is well accepted within the KGB since he's so friendly. That and he's likely to zap us with any of his 72 lasers if we don't.

A musician in his free time, Josiah's count of instruments is fairly impressive. More impressive though, is his ability to swallow each and every one of them whole. He usually does not perform such a feat, however, since he finds it much more enjoyable to strum a guitar than to digest one.

If you're happy and you know it, Josiah's left arm doubles as a weed whacker and his right, a vernier caliper.

Australian Totem Animal: the kangaroo

Written by: eforney

President, 2010-2011:

Originally from Virginia. Has been known to push hill 5 in Buggy, is a fencer. Athletic abilities are average. Reports indicate that being from TJ, however moral and ethics programming seems to have been done quite well, in fact he is a member of the intervarsity christian fellowship. . Has been occasionally seen in a cape. This is a slight cause for concern. It is something that may be caught when passing by in a tight corner or revolving doors. In the future his andrew ID will be pronounced exactly as it seems.

Test 1: Ridiculously Human Robot

Test 2: Action Survivor

Test 3: Would be able to lead a strong alliance into mid-end game, unless he meets a "player" too early...

Film Version: The Hero

Written by: Arsenij

Preceded by
Drew Besse
Recording Secretary
Succeeded by
Thomas Wright
Preceded by
Matthew Glisson
Succeeded by
Emily Forney
Preceded by
Succeeded by